PDF Summary:Better Than Before, by Gretchen Rubin

Have you tried and failed to follow the advice of self-help “gurus” about the habits you should adopt to become happier, richer, and more successful? In Better Than Before, Gretchen Rubin claims there’s a reason why the habits that work for self-improvement experts are unlikely to work for you: because the key to developing good habits and quitting bad ones is understanding yourself, not mimicking others.

In this guide, we’ll examine Rubin’s argument that understanding how you respond to expectations helps you adopt and maintain lasting good habits. We’ll discuss over a dozen strategies for changing your habits, so you can choose those that work best for your unique personality. Along the way, we’ll review the science behind habit formation and compare Rubin’s strategies with those recommended in other popular books about habits.

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(Shortform note: Accountability can be useful in establishing processes, but it may not always achieve the desired results. For example, some data indicates that when people work in teams, the accountability they feel toward one another motivates them to try harder and be more willing to cooperate, but it doesn’t necessarily improve their performance or their work product.)

Part 3: Strategies for Developing Good Habits and Breaking Bad Ones

Rubin presents over a dozen strategies for changing your habits, allowing you to choose those that work best for you. These habit strategies fall into three categories: strategies that depend on newness, strategies that depend on balance, and strategies that depend on self-knowledge.

Habit Strategies That Depend on Newness

Rubin introduces three habit strategies that depend on newness: Start now; pair a new habit with a new beginning; and take advantage of an “Aha!” moment.

Start Now

It’s easy enough to say “start now” when it comes to new habits, but it can be hard to do. Rubin says this is because we often imagine that in the future, we’ll be more capable of sticking to good habits (and have more time, energy, and money). In addition, sometimes the longer we put off a task, the more reluctant we are to start it at all. Depending on what works best for you, you can overcome these mental blocks by taking baby steps or going all-out.

(Shortform note: What causes these mental blocks? Our tendency to believe we’ll improve over time may be due to what scientists call the optimism bias, which makes the human brain overestimate the odds of success in the future and downplay the likelihood of misfortune or failure. And our tendency to procrastinate may be caused by overthinking and excessive preparation to compensate for our fear of failure. One remedy for this is the “five-second rule”: Count down from five and take action before you reach one.)

1) Take Baby Steps

One way to take a baby step is to accomplish just a small portion of your ultimate goal every day—for example, reading for 15 minutes daily can get you started on your goal of reading for an hour. This way, you get in the habit of reading, and you can increase the amount once your habit is established.

Another way to use baby steps is to do something easy that isn’t part of the habit itself. For example, say your goal is to exercise three times a week, but you don’t even know what type of exercise you want to do. You could start by searching online for exercises that fit your personality, such as “exercises for introverts who hate running.” Or you could ask a friend what they do. Taking this first, tiny step makes it easier to take the next step.

(Shortform note: In Tiny Habits, BJ Fogg suggests a related method for using baby steps to develop habits: Perform a scaled-back version of the habit. For example, if your goal is to cook yourself a full, nutritious breakfast every morning, start by frying an egg and toasting a slice of bread each day. Repeat this simple habit until you feel motivated to expand it by making something more elaborate, like a veggie omelette or a fresh fruit smoothie.)

2) Go All-Out

If taking baby steps isn’t your style, Rubin advises challenging yourself to go all-out for a limited period of time. For example, if you want to get in the habit of meditating every day, you could start by attending a weeklong Buddhist meditation retreat. If you take this approach, however, you’ll need to make a plan for transitioning from your jump-start to your daily habit; otherwise, you might give up after the intensity of your initial challenge.

(Shortform note: As Rubin suggests, going all-out isn’t sustainable. Many authors advise against it as a strategy for forming new habits because it can lead to burnout and disappointment. It also relies heavily on willpower and motivation, which can fluctuate. On the other hand, if you make a new habit small enough, you won’t even need motivation to do it.)

Once you’ve started a new habit, there are many obstacles to maintaining it. Rubin notes that if you stop a habit, restarting it is usually harder than starting it for the first time. You may not trust yourself to maintain it since you’ve failed once already. Therefore, Rubin advises doing what you can to avoid stopping a habit. One way to do this is to take a “one day at a time” approach, rather than worrying about whether you’ll be able to maintain a lifelong habit.

(Shortform note: Rubin focuses on not stopping a new habit; other experts focus instead on the best way to restart a habit once you’ve stopped. Noting that breaks in your routine are inevitable, they argue that if you get sick, go on vacation, or stop your habit for any other reason, the best way to start over is to aim for repetition, not intensity. For example, if you pause your habit of running five miles a day, you may be tempted to overcompensate when you resume by trying to run even farther. Instead, experts advise running significantly less than before—say, one mile a day—to ease yourself back into your habit. That way, you don’t become discouraged or exhausted before you have a chance to re-establish consistency.)

Pair a New Habit With a New Beginning

Rubin writes that a good time to start a new habit or change an old one is when you’re also making a change in your life circumstances. A life change like a new job, a move, a long vacation, or other big transitions can shake up your existing habits and give you the momentum you need to change them. For example, if you’d like to eat less meat, the change in surroundings afforded by a move (and a different kitchen and grocery store) could motivate you to start cooking vegetarian meals once or twice a week.

Even minor new beginnings can help you jump-start a habit. For example, cleaning and organizing your closet could make it easier to get in the habit of folding and putting away your laundry as soon as you take it out of the dryer. (Shortform note: Science supports Rubin’s advice to change a habit simultaneously with a change in your life. This harkens back to the “cue, routine, reward” habit loop: By interrupting the cue (the triggers linked to your previous home, job, or daily life), you increase your chances of changing the behavior it prompts.)

Take Advantage of an “Aha!” Moment

Sometimes you get lucky and suddenly see things in a different light that allows you to start a positive habit with ease. Rubin advises milking these “Aha!” moments for all they’re worth, because they don’t happen often. Examples of things that might trigger such a moment and an ensuing habit change are a loved one’s observation about your behavior, a book or movie that gives you a new insight, or a sudden realization that your old way of doing things isn’t working for you anymore.

(Shortform note: While we can’t control when we have “Aha!” moments, studies show we can increase our chances of having them. You can inspire such moments by spending time alone with your thoughts, free from any distractions, and allowing your mind to wander. Similarly, you’re more likely to have an “Aha!” moment if you schedule some downtime into your day, and do things that make you feel more happiness and joy.)

Habit Strategies That Depend on Balance

Changing your habits requires a difficult balance between temptation and virtue. Rubin says you can navigate this balance if you make it as easy on yourself as possible by anticipating temptation and encouraging your own good decisions. In this section, we discuss seven habit strategies that can help: Decide whether to quit bad habits or indulge in moderation; take the path of least resistance; prepare for failure; recognize unconscious excuses; use a healthy distraction; use treats effectively; and combine habits.

Why Is It So Hard to Quit Bad Habits?

While Rubin acknowledges how challenging it is to quit bad habits, she doesn’t delve into why. Psychologists and mindfulness experts point out that the root cause of many bad habits is anxiety or other negative emotions, which we attempt to alleviate by engaging in the habit. However, while the habit may provide temporary relief, it doesn’t eliminate the underlying negative emotion, which experts say we need to treat directly. In Unwinding Anxiety, neuroscientist Judson Brewer argues that we can use mindfulness to interrupt anxious thought patterns and the bad habits they cause by being aware of our habits, staying curious about why we do them, and noting how unrewarding the results of our bad habits are.

For example, you might notice that you eat chips every time you get anxious about an upcoming work obligation, but you don’t actually derive any enjoyment out of eating because you’re so overwhelmed by anxiety. You’re eating mindlessly; following Brewer’s approach, simply eating mindfully can help you change the habit because you realize that it isn’t even satisfying. Brewer also suggests replacing the unhealthy habit with a meditation practice such as observing your breath, which calms anxiety.

Decide Whether to Quit Bad Habits or Indulge in Moderation

“Everything in moderation” is popular advice, but it doesn’t work for everyone. When it comes to tackling a bad habit, says Rubin, some people do better with moderation and others find it more effective to quit the habit entirely.

Some people find that indulging in a bad habit occasionally helps keep the habit under control. For these people, quitting feels too severe and could even cause them to overindulge. Knowing that they can have a “cheat day” on the weekend, for example, helps them stick to a healthy diet during the week.

For other people, quitting a bad habit can actually be easier than attempting to indulge in moderation. For example, if you tell yourself, “I’m just going to have one small bowl of snacks,” that could prove too tempting: Before you know it, you’re eating snacks out of the bag. Quitting entirely can feel like depriving yourself of pleasure, but it can also free you from anxiety, guilt, and constant bargaining with yourself about how much is too much of an unhealthy habit.

Just as different types of people have different approaches to dealing with bad habits, each individual habit lends itself to a unique approach. For example, you may decide to quit watching certain TV shows because you have difficulty controlling how much you watch, but you keep eating desserts once in a while because it helps you feel less deprived and more motivated to stick to your goal of avoiding sugary foods.

Is Lack of Willpower the Only Thing Keeping You From Quitting or Cutting Back?

Whether you choose to quit or cut back, weaning yourself off a bad habit is difficult. This isn’t just because you lack willpower: Many products are engineered to keep you hooked. Some may be downright addictive. (If you’re dealing with an addiction, get professional help.)

In Ultra-Processed People, Chris van Tulleken argues that manufacturers of snack food, fast food, and other ultra-processed foods intentionally design their products to hijack our natural hunger-control system and trick us into eating more. Likewise, in How to Break Up With Your Phone, Catherine Price lays out how the makers of smartphone applications deliberately design their products to take advantage of our brains’ neural reward circuits, using techniques like intermittent rewards to stimulate dopamine and make us dependent on our phones.

Many of the strategies Rubin outlines for changing your habits are effective when dealing with dependence on ultra-processed foods or cell phones. Price, Fogg, and Michael Pollan (In Defense of Food) also advise substituting rewarding, healthy activities or foods in place of bad habits. For example, you can spend more time on your hobbies or relationships instead of on your phone, and you can eat whole foods like fruits and vegetables in place of packaged food.

Take the Path of Least Resistance

You don’t need to be a superhero when it comes to habits, advises Rubin: You can take the path of least resistance. You’re much more likely to stick to good habits if you make them as easy and convenient as possible. For example, you’re more likely to leave the house for work half an hour earlier every day if you take a shower and lay out your outfit the night before. Similarly, you’re more likely to avoid bad habits if you make them as inconvenient as possible. Some classic examples of this include keeping your alarm clock far from your bed or leaving your cell phone in another room while you work.

(Shortform note: Modern technology complicates Rubin’s prescription, as it’s made us more accustomed to convenience and less tolerant of inconvenience. With the touch of a button on our phone, we can order everything from dinner to a dog-walker. We can do “research” online without ever setting foot in a library, and we can use AI to draft emails or do homework. Scientists say our brains love convenience, but we need inconvenience to learn and grow. The solution, say authors like Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism), is to build your tolerance for inconvenience by taking temporary breaks from all nonessential technology.)

Prepare for Failure

Nobody’s perfect, so it’s unrealistic to think you’ll never fail in your quest to maintain good habits or break bad ones. Rubin suggests that a better approach is to prepare for inevitable failures by taking these four steps:

1. Avoid triggers. Stay away from anything that can lead you into temptation, such as certain places and people. (This overlaps with Rubin’s strategy of making bad habits inconvenient.)

(Shortform note: You can’t avoid triggers if you’re not conscious of them. Experts advise noticing the time and place you indulge in your bad habits, as well as being aware of your emotional state and the people you’re with when the desire to indulge strikes. Simply identifying common triggers for your bad habits is a step in the right direction.)

2. Plan for obstacles. Plan ahead for what you’ll do if you encounter temptation or any other obstacles on the road to good habit formation. Anticipate scenarios that might derail your good habits, and make a specific plan of action for each one. For example, if you want to cut back on drinking, make a plan for what you’ll say when people pressure you to drink at social events.

(Shortform note: Besides planning for external obstacles, you may also want to anticipate possible internal obstacles, such as false beliefs about yourself. In Habits of a Happy Brain, Loretta Breuning explains that rewiring your neural pathways to establish healthy habits requires overcoming your false beliefs. For example, you might be so afraid of failure that you give up on a new habit before you’ve had a chance to see it bear fruit. Breuning notes that this fear is a false mindset, as failure teaches us what’s necessary to succeed. Indeed, research consistently shows that it’s difficult to learn, grow, and ultimately succeed without failure. Knowing this in advance and planning to face it can help you persist when your fear of failure crops up.)

3. Don’t shame yourself for failure. We often view guilt and shame as productive ways of keeping ourselves on track. Yet Rubin says that people who have more self-compassion when they “fall off the wagon” are more likely to get back on. This is because shame makes us feel bad about ourselves, so we seek ways to feel better, which often leads us to return to the bad habit. Forgiving ourselves for our mistakes, on the other hand, allows us to move on.

(Shortform note: Research backs up Rubin’s claim. Studies show that people with more self-compassion are more resilient, more proactive, and try harder to remedy their mistakes than people who are self-critical. One study showed that students who failed an important test were more likely to better prepare for the next exam if they practiced self-compassion. One way to practice self-compassion is to talk to yourself the way you would a friend. We’re often kinder and more forgiving toward others than we are toward ourselves.)

4. Catch yourself before you fail. We often treat habits as all-or-nothing: Either we never let a grain of sugar touch our lips, or we eat one cookie, then binge on the whole batch. Rubin warns that this is a form of self-sabotage: We use a minor failure as an excuse to abandon a habit completely. She advises a middle ground instead. For example, even if you’ve broken your “no sugar” habit by eating a cookie or two, you should stop yourself before you go further.

(Shortform note: Another way to combat all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to habits is by creating back-up plans for days when you’re low on energy. You can do this by designing three versions of your habit: your ideal version (for days when you have lots of time and energy), your medium version (for normal days), and your minimum version (for days when you’re exhausted, sick, or overwhelmed). This helps you maintain consistency, which allows you to accomplish far more than you would with occasional bursts of peak performance.)

Recognize Unconscious Excuses

Keeping up good habits day after day can be challenging, so we look for excuses to justify skipping a day or two. Often, we’re barely conscious that we’re doing this. For example, if you’re used to going on a walk with your friend every day, but your friend is on vacation, you may stop walking without even thinking about it. You’ve unconsciously decided that your resolution to exercise daily only applies when you have someone to exercise with.

To avoid derailing your good habits, Rubin recommends that you remain vigilant and intercept unconscious excuses before they take over. She describes some excuses to look out for, including:

• “I can’t do it because I have this other important thing I have to do” (even though you could do both, or the other thing isn’t really that important).
• “Circumstances outside of my control (the weather, travel, work) prevent me from doing it” (even though you have more control than you acknowledge).
• “I intended to do something else; I don’t know how I ended up indulging in this bad habit!” (even though you unconsciously engineered this outcome).
• “I’m just skipping it this one time” (even though keeping up with a habit is almost as important as the habit itself).
• “Live a little!” (even though good habits make us happier in the long run than one-time indulgences).

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Another way to think of unconscious excuses is to see them as self-sabotaging thoughts that lead to self-sabotaging behaviors. In Stop Self-Sabotage, Judy Ho explains that we self-sabotage because our desire to avoid perceived danger is stronger than our desire to get what we want. This is rooted in ancient survival mechanisms: To stay alive, our ancestors had to be more afraid of deadly predators than they were motivated to seek out necessities like food and shelter. While modern “dangers” aren’t usually life-threatening, we’re hardwired to respond to even minor threats (such as potential embarrassment, failure, or discomfort) as if they might be deadly. This fear sabotages good habits and drives us to engage in bad ones.

Rubin recommends dealing with excuses simply by making them conscious. Ho goes a step further, suggesting that once you’ve identified your unconscious self-sabotaging thought, you distance yourself from it by recognizing that thoughts aren’t facts. You can do this by examining your thought logically to determine if there’s evidence to support or refute it. Another technique is to label the thought as a temporary, subjective mental state, rather than an ironclad reality. (This is similar to Brewer’s mindfulness approach in Unwinding Anxiety)

For example, say you want to get up earlier every morning. You’ve kept up the habit, but one night you stay up late, so you set your alarm for later the next morning to “make up” the lost time. You’re afraid that if you don’t get enough sleep, you might not be as mentally sharp as usual and embarrass yourself at work. Your fear of potential embarrassment overrides your desire to maintain a consistent sleep schedule.

Employing Rubin’s technique of identifying your unconscious self-sabotaging thought and Ho’s technique of analyzing it logically, you can interrupt your thought before it causes you to act. Examine the evidence: It’s true that if you get up early, you might be sluggish the next day. On the other hand, you can still make valuable contributions at work even if you’re not at your best. The “danger” might not be so dangerous after all. Recognizing this, you can stop yourself before you set your alarm to be later and keep your early-riser habit on track.

Use a Healthy Distraction

If you’re tempted to break a good habit or indulge in a bad one, Rubin recommends engaging in a healthy distraction long enough to let the temptation pass (she suggests 15 minutes). She notes that this works best if the distraction is a physical activity, but mental distraction works too. Obviously, the distraction can’t be too closely related to a bad habit you’re trying to avoid: If you’re trying not to spend too much time on social media, distracting yourself by reading a celebrity gossip website won’t help, but putting down your phone and taking a brief walk might. Even redirecting your attention for 15 minutes might give your brain time to get wrapped up in something more enriching, like a book or a podcast.

(Shortform note: Another method of using distraction to support healthy habits is scheduling time in advance for distracting activities. That way, rather than having to resist a craving when it arises and feeling guilty if you give in, you set aside time to actually enjoy the pleasurable activity, while simultaneously maintaining your healthy habits. For example, say you plan to get a couple of hours of work done every morning, but you keep feeling the urge to text with a friend. Instead of constantly interrupting your work as you text back and forth, you could plan to take a break from your work halfway through and text with a friend for 10 minutes.)

Use Treats Effectively

The phrase “treat yourself” can be used to justify all kinds of questionable behavior. But when used appropriately, treats can encourage good habits or discourage bad ones. When it comes to using treats to affect habits, Rubin recommends a twofold approach: Don’t rely on extrinsic rewards, and use healthy treats to strengthen your self-control.

1) Don’t Rely on Extrinsic Rewards

Contrary to popular belief, says Rubin, rewards don’t help people stick to good habits. They may motivate people to reach a short-term goal, but they’re ineffective when it comes to long-term habits—and relying on them can even undermine good habits. Rewards take away intrinsic motivation (the desire to do something for its own sake) and imply that you’ve reached a stopping point once the reward is given. Rubin points to a study of children who were rewarded for drawing with colored pens. Soon, they didn’t want to draw unless they received a reward, even though many children naturally enjoy the creative outlet of drawing.

(Shortform note: This doesn’t mean that extrinsic rewards are never helpful. The researchers who performed the study cited by Rubin also concluded that rewards can help children adopt good habits in situations where they don’t have an intrinsic motivation to begin with, such as taking out the garbage or learning to read. Because some children find learning to read difficult, rewards can motivate them until they read well enough to enjoy reading for its own sake.)

Instead of relying on extrinsic rewards as motivators, Rubin advises focusing on how habits themselves are rewarding. For example, the reward for exercising every day may be that you feel great, gain muscle, and sleep better. If you want something more akin to an extrinsic reward, choose something that naturally flows from the habit. For example, if you stick to the habit of arriving early for all your client meetings, not only will you guarantee that you’re on time, you’ll also have enough extra time to buy a coffee or chat with a friend.

(Shortform note: Unlike Rubin, some authors believe extrinsic rewards can be effective in helping you change your habits. Clear recommends rewarding yourself as soon as you finish a task, because humans are wired for instant gratification. Fogg suggests that whenever you successfully perform a habit, you celebrate in a way that makes you feel accomplished and happy, even if it’s something as small as playing your favorite song. He explains that this isn’t just pleasant, it also helps your brain encode the behavior sequence, thus reinforcing the habit.)

2) Use Healthy Treats to Strengthen Your Self-Control

Unlike rewards, healthy treats don’t need to be earned—they’re something you give yourself for no reason. Healthy treats are activities or small indulgences that bring you pleasure without any negative effects. Examples include going to an art exhibit, drinking hot tea, or playing with a pet. Healthy treats can strengthen self-control by making you feel happier and less deprived, which then makes it easier to stick to good habits. You’re more likely to have the willpower to maintain good habits if you also make time for joy and pleasure.

(Shortform note: Rubin conceives of “treats” as a strategy for changing your habits, but engaging in healthy, enjoyable activities can have much broader implications. Research shows that pleasurable activities such as movement, play, or connecting with others release neurochemicals that combat stress. The effects are lasting: The more we engage in these activities, the happier and more emotionally resilient we become. In addition, authors such as Jenny Odell (How to Do Nothing) argue that doing things that aren’t considered “productive” and can’t be assigned a monetary value—like sitting in nature or making art for art’s sake—can be a powerful form of healing and social activism.)

Combine Habits

Rubin writes that another strategy for sticking to a good habit is combining it with another good habit—or a not-so-good habit that motivates you to do the good one. Examples of this include listening to a news analysis podcast while washing the dishes—or watching reality TV while exercising. The former kills two birds with one stone; the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment it provides can be a strong motivator. The latter motivates you differently: You do the hard thing because it allows you to do the fun thing. (This strategy can be extra effective if you only allow yourself to do the fun thing while engaging in the good habit.)

(Shortform note: In Atomic Habits, Clear explains why pairing habits works. Many healthy new habits, like exercising or eating more vegetables, don’t trigger strong cravings. By bundling the new habit with an existing activity that you do find very tempting, you can essentially transfer your craving for the pleasurable activity onto the less exciting activity.)

Habit Strategies That Depend on Self-Knowledge

Rubin advises that beyond the initial groundwork of understanding yourself to better understand which habit strategies will work for you, there are some strategies that themselves depend on truly knowing yourself, including your values, your identity, and your closest relationships.

Understand the Values That Underpin Your Habits

Rubin explains that you’re more likely to maintain a habit if you understand the connection between the habit and your values. You need to understand why a certain habit is important to you and which habits are more important than others. For example, you’re more likely to exercise daily, despite competing demands on your time, if you value your mental health and know that exercising makes you calmer, happier, and better able to handle challenges.

(Shortform note: In Stick With It, Sean Young explains the psychology behind this strategy. He says that when something genuinely matters to us, the emotional and rational decision-making systems in our brain activate, which helps us overcome short-term temptations in favor of taking the actions that will have long-term benefits.)

Understand How Your Habits Form Your Identity

Similarly, Rubin says that you’re more likely to stick to a habit if you believe—or trick yourself into believing—that the habit is part of your identity. For example, reminding yourself that you’re a compassionate person (even if you don’t always feel that way) might make you less likely to get angry at other drivers in traffic, as you never know what they’re going through that causes them to drive distractedly.

(Shortform note: Clear (Atomic Habits) contends that not only is this approach effective, it’s also the best strategy for changing your habits. He advises starting any habit changes by envisioning your desired identity. He reasons that by behaving like the person you want to be, you gather evidence that you are that person—and eventually, you believe it. Once you believe that you are that person, it’s easy to perform the habit because it’s part of your identity.)

Understand How Your Relationships Affect Your Habits

Rubin writes that habits are contagious: You’re more likely to adopt good habits if people close to you have done so, and they’re more likely to adopt good habits if you’ve done so. (Of course, the same is true for bad habits.) You can use this fact to encourage yourself to adopt the good habits of your family and friends. If you have kids, you’re more likely to influence their habits by setting a good example than by admonishing them to do the right thing.

(Shortform note: Research backs up Rubin’s claim. Studies show that spending time with healthier people is more likely to cause you to exercise more and eat well. This is a result not only of the support offered by a social group, but also of social norms that encourage healthiness. Clear explains why this may be the case: We adopt the habits of our social circle as an evolutionary adaptation because fitting in helped our ancestors survive.)