PDF Summary:10 to 25, by David Yeager

Many parents, teachers, and coaches struggle to connect with and motivate young people, often relying on approaches that assume teenagers and young adults are impulsive, incompetent, and unable to make good decisions. But psychology professor David Yeager argues that methods like these often fail because they misunderstand what actually drives young people.

In 10 to 25 Yeager reveals that young people aren’t incompetent—they’re just wired to prioritize social connection, identity formation, and peer respect over abstract goals like academic achievement. Rather than fighting these natural drives, effective mentors harness them by adopting what he calls the “mentor mindset”: combining high expectations with genuine care and respect. His approach has shown measurable benefits in academic performance, particularly for marginalized students.

In this guide, we’ll discuss Yeager’s research-backed strategies for anyone working with young people. In our commentary, we’ll explore related perspectives on mentorship and education from authors such as Angela Duckworth (Grit) and Robert Green (Mastery). We’ll also connect Yeager’s ideas to other experts’ research and to history.

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Mindsets in Teaching and Learning

Yeager’s “mentor mindset” finds support in the Pygmalion effect, a phenomenon where students’ success tends to follow from the expectations placed on them and the attentiveness of their teachers. In a 1968 study, researchers had elementary school students take an IQ test at the beginning of the year. Then they randomly selected several students and told teachers that they would be “intellectual bloomers.” The teachers held high expectations for those students and, at year’s end, everyone took another IQ test. The bloomers’ scores showed higher gains in IQ than the scores of the other students. The researchers concluded that the teachers’ high expectations for these students created a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing them to actually become smarter—even though they’d been randomly selected.

Yeager’s work also parallels that of his colleague, Carol S. Dweck, who identified the role that a student’s mindset plays in the learning process. In Mindset, Dweck observes that people who believe their intellectual abilities are innate and unchangeable—in other words, those with a fixed mindset—are averse to challenging themselves and lose their drive to learn. Conversely, people with a growth mindset treat their innate abilities as a starting point that they can build upon throughout their lives. In a way, Yeager’s mentor mindset is a tool to instill a growth mindset in young people—by showing you believe in their ability to grow, you encourage them to adopt that belief themselves.

According to Yeager, operating with the mindset of a mentor means channeling young people’s natural desires for respect and status into productive ends. You do this by treating them with genuine care—listening to them, acknowledging their struggles, and making them feel heard—while simultaneously expecting excellence from them. This combination tends to earn you their trust and respect, which opens the door to genuinely productive mentor-mentee relationships.

For instance, a math teacher using this approach would set the expectation that a struggling student would still meet the class requirements. But they’d support that expectation by encouraging the student, giving them personalized guidance, and relating to them as a capable person who can rise to the challenge—not as a problem to be managed.

(Shortform note: Yeager’s mindset approach may only work if your care is genuine. Research shows that children as young as 4-5 years old can distinguish authentic from fake emotional expressions, and they expect people with genuine smiles to be more helpful. Kids are naturally wired to spot performative care that’s about appearances rather than real concern. If you’re just going through the motions of “caring” while internally viewing young people as problems to manage, they’ll sense that disconnect and won’t trust you. The mentor mindset requires you to actually believe in their competence; you can’t fake authentic investment.)

Mentor Mindset Benefits in School

Much of Yeager’s research on mentoring took place in academic settings, and he says that when mentors adopt a mentoring mindset, it has a number of important benefits for their students. Among these are:

• Improved academic effort: In a study Yeager and his colleagues conducted, they found that a single feedback note sharing a teacher’s high expectations and genuine care got students to try harder and make use of constructive criticism on an essay-writing task.
• Lasting drive to succeed: In further research conducted by Yeager and others, mentoring methods that combined discipline with care helped students persevere and achieve more academically, even years down the road.
• Reduced inequity: Yeager notes that when mentors provide high expectations and genuine care, students from marginalized backgrounds benefit. For instance, his feedback notes supported students of color to work extra hard and earn better grades.

(Shortform note: These three benefits reflect what education researchers call the power of “relational trust,”—the product of healthy, effective social relationships. Studies show that schools with high relational trust see notable gains in student learning. These effects are strong in urban schools with many students of color, where trusting relationships with teachers act as “social capital”—networks, friendships, and trusted mentors—that underserved students often lack. Students from disadvantaged backgrounds are more likely to improve academically thanks to trustworthy teachers who believe in their potential.)

Putting the Mentor Mindset to Work

Up to this point, we’ve seen what kinds of mentoring approaches fail and what Yeager suggests doing instead. In this section, we’ll dive into his practical recommendations. These include being transparent, using effective questions, and helping young people understand stress, purpose, and belonging.

Be Transparent

First, Yeager explains that you need to be transparent about your intent to mentor a young person. Because mentors are older than mentees, there’s a power disparity in the relationship, and too many adults condescend to young people. To prevent such miscommunication and build trust, say upfront to the young person you’re working with that you believe in them and are only there to help them improve. This sends the message that you’re an ally, not someone who sees them as a problem. You should repeat these intentions when things get tough, reminding your mentee that you’re there to support them through any hardships they face.

For example, a teacher might tell his students on the first day of class that he expects a lot of them, but that they can always come to his office for extra help. He’d say that he knows they can succeed, even if it’ll take hard work, and that he’s there to catch them if they fall.

(Shortform note: Explicitly acknowledging power imbalances, rather than pretending they don’t exist, can actually make them less threatening. Further, this works not just for young people, but with adults, too. Research on mentoring relationships in psychology education shows that when mentors demonstrate “professional humility”—admitting when they’re wrong or acknowledging their limitations—mentees feel safer in the relationship. Studies also find that in the workplace, mentors who communicate transparently help their mentees feel psychologically safe, which helps those mentees adapt to new situations.)

Ask Constructive Questions

Next, Yeager says that you should use a collaborative questioning process to help your mentees troubleshoot any issues they run into. By asking constructive questions, you get them to think for themselves about what they’re learning, what they’re struggling with, and how they might overcome their challenges. For instance, a teacher might ask a struggling student who comes for help what their biggest challenge is, what they’ve already tried to solve that problem, and what they’re thinking of trying next.

According to Yeager, this approach works because people don’t just need information—they need to go through the process of acquiring knowledge by working things out for themselves. By contrast, when you simply tell someone what to do, it doesn’t help them build genuine understanding or teach them how to solve similar problems in the future.

(Shortform note: Yeager’s questioning approach builds what researchers call “metacognitive skills”—the ability to think about your own thinking process. When you ask someone, “How did you figure that out?” or “What would you try differently next time?”, you’re training them to monitor and regulate their own learning strategies. Research shows that students who develop strong metacognitive skills through reflective questioning gain an additional eight months of academic progress throughout a year. These skills transfer across different subjects and contexts, and they help in life beyond academics, too.)

Teach That Stress Is Positive

Yeager also recommends that you teach your mentees to view stress as positive, rather than negative. Most people think stress is debilitating and try to avoid it. But in reality, stress is part of growth, because you can’t learn without some struggle. By helping young people see that stress can be good for them, you encourage them to face up to challenges and develop their fortitude, rather than folding when things get tough.

To help a mentee see stress in a new light, Yeager says it’s important to listen first and validate their feelings about stress. This helps them feel seen and understood. Then ask questions to dig deeper, trying to understand what they’re struggling with and why. Finally, give them your support—whether that means helping them with a high school term paper or a graduate-level research project—and along the way, point out that stress can lead to growth and achievement.

For instance, if a young athlete is stressed about a big game, her coach would first listen, saying something like “Everyone gets anxious under pressure. It’s OK.” Then he’d question: “Is there anything specific you’re stressed about?” Last, he’d support—pointing out that the athlete’s stress about playing at her best is a chance to see what she’s really made of, and that he’s there to support her through it.

How We View Stress Is Everything

Yeager’s approach to reframing stress finds support in research on “stress mindsets” by psychologist Kelly McGonigal, author of The Upside of Stress. Her studies show that people who believe stress is enhancing rather than debilitating have better health, performance, and stress resilience. That is, it’s not the stress itself that harms us, but our belief that stress is harmful.

McGonigal identifies three protective beliefs: viewing your stress response as helpful energy, seeing yourself as capable of handling stress, and recognizing that everyone deals with stress. Yeager’s advice hits these marks:

• Validation creates the psychological safety needed for mindset shifts—research shows that feeling understood and not alone with stress helps people process it more effectively.

• Questioning guides people to see stress as a problem-solving challenge rather than a threat, which activates what researchers call a “challenge response” instead of a “threat response.” Challenge responses lead to better performance under pressure.

• Support reinforces that someone can handle stress while giving them tools to do so, completing the mindset transformation from “stress will overwhelm me” to “stress will help me grow.”

Connect Effort to Purpose

Next comes purpose. Young people need a reason to care about growth and effort, Yeager says, because it’s hard and stressful to strive to become more. They need to know why they should bother, and typical motivation strategies fail at clarifying this “why.” On one hand, we try to coax them with short-term rewards that are superficially aligned with their interests (like soccer-themed math problems). On the other hand, we present them with long-term rewards that are too abstract (like telling a seventh grader that studying for a test will help them get a good job later on). Neither of these works because they don’t have real, concrete relevance to young people’s social motivations and interests.

(Shortform note: Yeager’s critique of modern motivation strategies points to how abstractions often aren’t as compelling as tangible work. In Mastery, Robert Greene writes that in the past, we traditionally learned through hands-on apprenticeships, where we imitated skillful mentors in the trade of our choice. Because the process of learning was concrete and visible, it was motivating, and we could follow along. The purpose was clear: to make an object, fix something, or create art. With the modern shift to formal schooling, we lost obvious purposes—but some researchers argue that we can bring back elements of apprenticeship to make thinking and problem-solving skills visible so schools can teach them.)

To better engage young people and encourage them to care, connect what they need to learn to their immediate social motivators. According to Yeager, young people aren’t as narrow-minded as we think and often thrive when engaged in projects that integrate learning with social interaction. For instance, a social studies teacher might combine history lessons with discussions of real-world social issues that matter to the students. When students chime in, she might treat them as peers with real, valid thoughts to share.

Yeager also recommends involving students in prosocial projects that give them opportunities to socialize, engage with each other about the issue, and do things that matter in their communities. In one example, he writes of students from a Chicago community struggling with gun violence who, among other things, held a “day of peace,” asking gang members and other gun users to put their weapons down and volunteer for a day. In the process, they learned about their civil rights and responsibilities, developed greater confidence, and gained a sense of status from doing work that mattered.

(Shortform note: Yeager isn’t the only one to say that students and society could mutually benefit from more involvement. In Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam argues that rebuilding America’s social capital must start in schools, where students need opportunities to actively make a difference in their communities rather than just learning about civic responsibility in the abstract. When students work on real community issues, they learn what Putnam calls “communal responsibility,” which he says previous generations lost. At the time he wrote the book (in the 1990s), Putnam noted that young people seemed to be volunteering more for public causes, so this process is likely already in motion.)

Help Young People Feel They Belong

Finally, Yeager turns to belonging. He writes that to perform well in any learning environment, young people need to feel they belong there. This happens when they see themselves as being at least as competent as other group members. But they struggle with belonging when they see themselves as less competent than average. For instance, the top student in a tough premedical program might feel they belong, but a student barely passing their classes probably wouldn’t.

(Shortform note: Belonging is more than just a learning need—it’s a basic human need. Various psychological models, from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to Self-Determination Theory (SDT), identify “love and belonging” or “relatedness” as crucial to human flourishing. SDT also holds that these needs are innate and universal across cultures, and that when they’re not met, people experience diminished motivation and poor functioning across all areas of life. So belonging is important, and not just in academics. We need it at work, at home, and everywhere else.)

Yeager says that when a young person feels they don’t belong, it’s often because they’re telling themselves a story that they aren’t good enough and won’t get any better. This is a fixed mindset—a belief that change isn’t possible. But according to Yeager, change is possible. To help someone realize this, tell a different story with these four elements:

1. Communicate that having a hard time belonging is normal and valid. Everyone sometimes struggles to feel they’re in the right place, and everyone sometimes has a hard time learning new things.
2. Explain that change is always possible, and that it just takes time. Tell students that if they’re struggling with something, that won’t change overnight. But if they work hard and stick to it, they will improve.
3. Point out what they can do now to start changing. Suggest ways to study better, engage more with their peers, get extra help, or find mental health support if they’re really struggling.
4. Tell them that learning will snowball. Hard, patient work compounds incrementally until it eventually gives way to big improvements. Help your mentees see that if they stay the course, they may achieve things they never dreamed were possible—and that they belong wherever that effort lands them.

This approach works because it’s realistic: It addresses young people’s valid concerns that they’re struggling, and it gives them a path forward without sugar-coating how hard that path may be to follow. As Yeager says, studies have found that this kind of intervention has positive effects on people’s sense of belonging and social outcomes years down the line.

(Shortform note: Not only are Yeager’s steps realistic, but they also reflect evidence-backed methods from cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) called cognitive restructuring. CBT is an approach to psychology that sees our thinking patterns as modifiable structures. It uses a variety of reframing techniques to challenge and replace unconstructive thinking, like the fixed mindset Yeager mentions. These cognitive restructuring techniques include visualization, reappraisal, and learning to notice and analyze your thoughts to see if they’re grounded in reality (or just fueled by emotion). These strategies tend to increase positive emotions while decreasing negative ones. Like Yeager says, these effects compound—in the brain, the amygdala (its alarm center) becomes less activated.)