Shortcut: 4 Ways to Talk Someone Into Something

How do you convince a person of something? How do you sell them an idea or get them to agree with you when they hold the opposite view? Essentially—how do you get a person to see things your way? Often, it’s less about the facts of your argument and more about your approach. In this article, we’ll explore tips from four authors on how to influence others’ thinking.

1: Figure Out Their Personality

In Surrounded by Idiots, Thomas Erikson writes that communication happens on the listener’s terms, so if you want to get your message across, adapt your approach to the other person’s personality type.

Erikson says there are four personality types, giving tips on connecting with each:

• With someone extroverted, confident, and hard-working who likes to dominate others, present a strong opinion and stand your ground. Focus on the future and don’t dwell on nitty-gritty details; this personality type likes to think about the big picture.
• With someone driven to inspire or influence others, play up your human connection—have personal conversations, be cheerful, and use flattery.
• Easy-going, cooperative people who crave stability often resist new ideas, so break your proposed changes into small chunks. If you’re trying to sell them a new policy or product, talk about just one or two pieces. Allow them plenty of time to think about it.
• Introverted, private, cautious people often don’t want to get personal with you; they’d rather remain on-task and professional. This personality type is often detail-oriented, so before approaching them, know your proposal inside and out and prepare to answer lots of questions.

2. Figure Out Their Persuasion Preferences

In Words That Change Minds, Shelle Rose Charvet agrees you must identify the unique traits of the person you’re speaking to, and notes that there are four persuasion styles that people tend to prefer: visual, auditory, written, experiential. You can discern which style a person has by asking them how they came to a certain conclusion. For example, you could ask how they determined their current job was right for them. The evidence they used to reach their answer will reveal their persuasion preferences.

Once you’ve determined their persuasion style, align your argument with it. For example, if you want to persuade someone that your restaurant is successful so they give you a loan for expansion, you could show them charts of your profits as visual evidence, practice a compelling business pitch as auditory evidence, show them customer reviews as written evidence, or let them taste your food as experiential evidence.

3: Don’t Disagree Outright

In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie cautions you not to tell the other person they’re wrong. When accused of being wrong, people will defend their opinion to death—they’ll lose sight of the main point and look for small exceptions that prove their assertion true. Instead, approach with an open mind: “I may be wrong, and if I am, I want to be corrected.”

Be clear that you welcome their disagreement: Thank them for their interest—and be sincere. Anyone who takes time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who want to help you.

By lowering their defenses, you’ll change the rules of the game from “who’s right” to “who can be the most gracious.” This will open the door for them to consider how they might be wrong.

4. Use Flattery

In The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene writes you can make people more open to your ideas by confirming their high opinion of themselves. This will not only make them like you, but it will also allow them to stop worrying about themselves or what you think of them. People are naturally insecure and will instinctively devote mental energy to this, so if you take this off the table, their minds will be free to listen to your message.

To effectively flatter someone, start by listening to them deeply. Figure out their interests and insecurities. Then:

• Give positive comments based on the qualities they’re insecure about—for example, their intelligence or how their contributions are valued.
• Be subtle, natural, and sincere. Flatter people for things you actually like about them, and don’t go over the top.
• Flatter people for things they’ve worked for, not for their natural talents. Flattering someone for something they haven’t earned can feel belittling.
• Occasionally give mild criticism along with your praise, which will make the praise feel more genuine. For example, tell someone you like their painting but one minor aspect could use improvement.
• Don’t flatter for things they’re objectively bad at, or it will be clear you’re lying.

The Bottom Line

Experts largely agree that to influence someone’s thinking, you should frame your conversation around their needs rather than your message. Figure out who they are and how they best absorb information, and consider their emotions and insecurities as you present your case. By using these strategies, you can more effectively guide them to your point of view.

Read the Full Guides

Shortform note: Read the full Shortform book guides mentioned in this article (image: Jopwell):

• Surrounded by Idiots
• Words That Change Minds
• How to Win Friends and Influence People
• The Laws of Human Nature

Join the Conversation

Have you ever successfully changed someone’s mind about something? How did you do it? Share your comments!