Quick Help: 10 Red Flags When Dating Someone New

The Challenge

You’ve just started dating someone new, and the excitement is real—the chemistry’s there, and you’re hopeful this could turn into something real. But subtle behaviors are starting to nag at you: one day they’re all attention, the next they go silent; they’ve been condescending to waitstaff. Early dating patterns reveal a lot, and ignoring them can get you entangled with someone who’s not a good fit.

The good news? Spotting these behaviors early can help you make smarter decisions about who to invest energy in and when to walk away. Here are 10 patterns to watch for:

1. Negativity. If you see dating profiles filled with complaints, relationship dealbreakers, or statements about what someone doesn’t want (“No drama!” or “Tired of games!”) move on. This negativity can signal unresolved baggage, and people who are ready for healthy relationships typically focus on what they want—not what they don’t want.
2. How they treat others. Notice how your date speaks about and interacts with other people—friends, family, service workers. If they’re consistently respectful and kind, it shows they’re capable of forming healthy relationships; if they belittle, dismiss, or speak derisively about the people around them, that’s how they’ll eventually treat you.
3. How they talk about exes. If your date describes every former partner as “crazy” or “a nightmare,” they’re demonstrating an inability to take responsibility for their own behavior—a warning sign for how they’ll likely treat and talk about you if things go wrong. Notice whether they can acknowledge any role they played in past relationship problems; their level of self-awareness (or lack of it) tells you whether they’re capable of healthy partnership.
4. Their level of curiosity about you. Real connection requires mutual interest. If the person you’re seeing rarely asks follow-up questions, forgets important details you’ve shared, or steers every conversation back to themselves, they’re showing they’re not genuinely interested in you. Recognize this as a sign of incompatibility and keep looking.
5. “Love bombing.” If someone you’ve started dating floods you with over-the-top compliments, texts, and talk of a shared future, they’re “love bombing”—a manipulation tactic where someone showers you with affection, then withdraws it to keep you chasing their approval. The rush of attention can feel intoxicating, but if the pace feels overwhelming or creates pressure, trust your gut, say you want to slow things down, and walk away if they don’t respect that boundary.
6. “Breadcrumbing.” If someone offers just enough attention to keep you hooked without committing (texting sporadically, ditching plans at the last minute) they’re breadcrumbing. Whether driven by commitment issues, ego, or the desire to keep options open, breadcrumbing reflects controlling behavior and an inability to connect genuinely, and is a sign to move on.
7. How they handle conflict. Notice whether they can receive feedback, apologize when needed, and stay calm during disagreements—patterns that reveal whether they can navigate conflict. If they react with verbal or physical aggression, or punish you with silent treatment for days or weeks, recognize this is a safety issue and end the relationship before things escalate.
8. “Negging.” If someone makes negative comments about your appearance, intelligence, or choices, then dismisses your hurt with “Can’t you take a joke?” or “You’re too sensitive!” they’re “negging” you—disguising put-downs as jokes to chip away at your self-esteem. This isn’t playful teasing; it’s an emotional manipulation tactic designed to make you feel insecure so you won’t leave. Speak up about how it makes you feel, be clear that the behavior isn’t acceptable, and if it continues, end the relationship.
9. Lying. If you notice inconsistencies in someone’s stories or behavior, or catch them in multiple lies—even small ones—trust your gut that something’s wrong. Patterns of dishonesty erode trust and can escalate into more serious manipulation. Address the issue directly: Explain how the lying makes you feel and what you won’t tolerate; if it continues, end the relationship.
10. Willingness to discuss finances. Pay attention to whether the person you’re dating can talk openly about money—like how they handle splitting costs on dates, their attitude toward debt and saving, or their spending priorities. If they dodge money conversations, become defensive, or seem uncomfortable discussing financial values as things get more serious, that signals potential long-term financial incompatibility—an issue experts say matters as much as emotional connection.

Where to Begin

Think about which of these tips feel most relevant based on your current and past dating experiences. Pick one or two behaviors to focus on—maybe ones you’ve already noticed or want to watch for moving forward, like how they talk about their exes, or whether they show genuine curiosity about you. Commit to observing how consistently these behaviors show up, taking them seriously when they do, and using them to guide your actions—whether that’s asking clarifying questions or deciding to pursue or end the relationship.

Spotting warning signs early is a skill you can develop, and each time you trust what you’re seeing and act on it, you build confidence in your judgment and get closer to finding someone who deserves your time.

Resources

• Image: Eugenio Marongiu
• CNN: What is toxic ‘breadcrumbing’? Experts share signs and how to address it
• Fairfax County, Virginia, Department of Family Services: What Is Love Bombing and Why Is It Bad?
• Nomina Integrated Health: The Ultimate Guide to Red Flags in Dating
• Our Wave: 5 Steps to Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship
• Psychology Today: The Danger of Manipulative Love-Bombing in a Relationship
• Self: 8 Relationship Green Flags You Should Definitely Pay Attention To
• Vice: 5 Big Relationship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore
• The New York Times: Dating ‘Yellow Flags’
• The Washington Post: Breadcrumbing and 3 other dating red flags you should watch out for
• Very Well Mind: How to Recognize Negging and Overcome It
• WBUR: On a first date? Watch out for these financial red flags
• WomensLaw.org: When Ending the Abusive Relationship

For deeper insight into healthy relationships and recognizing compatibility, check out Shortform’s guides to: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty, and Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.