Great Thinkers: How to Take a Stand

Introduction

We all face moments when we’re called to choose between comfort and conviction. At work, for example, you might find yourself in a meeting where everyone supports a new policy or direction—except you. With friends, you might hear someone make a joke that crosses a line and have to decide whether to let it slide. In your community, you might be asked to support a cause that doesn’t sit right with your values.

In these situations, speaking up means risking disapproval, awkwardness, or even retaliation. But living with integrity might require you to speak up anyway. Ahead, we’ll discuss five Great Thinkers’ advice for finding the courage to take a stand.

Kishimi and Koga: Accept Disapproval

Why is it so hard to go against the crowd, anyway? Experts suggest it’s because conformity is a powerful psychological drive. According to Michael Gervais and Kevin Lake (The First Rule of Mastery), we’re neurologically wired to seek others’ approval and acceptance. This is because our ancestors’ survival depended on group membership—we couldn’t afford to be cast out from the tribe, where isolation often meant death. So, today, our instincts tell us that when we disagree, we should stay silent and go along with the group.

Sometimes, though, it’s in our best interest not to go along with the group. You’ve probably heard the old saying, “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump, too?” The right answer is no—you wouldn’t endanger your life just because everyone else did. Instead, you’d resist the lure of groupthink—the tendency to agree with people around you—and do what you knew was right.

But even when we know what the right thing to do is, it’s difficult to overcome our innate tendency to conform. It’s so hard, in fact, that it may help explain the rise of fascist governments like Nazi Germany, according to the behavioral scientists who wrote Nudge.

However, you can overcome your instinct to conform. To do so, you must accept disapproval. In The Courage to Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga explain that you might hold a common misconception—that in order to be happy, you need others to recognize you as “good.” But chasing approval, they argue, is a trap. When you base your worth on other people’s reactions, you give them control over your choices. True happiness comes not from being liked, but from living by your beliefs and values—even if that means facing criticism or rejection.

So, how do you learn to accept disapproval? Kishimi and Koga offer two tips:

1. Focus on helping others: Instead of worrying about whether you’re appreciated, worry about whether you’re useful. Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is convince someone of your perspective—it might stop your friend from jumping off a bridge.
2. Affirm your innate value: Everyone is inherently valuable; they improve others’ lives just by existing. This applies to you, too. You don’t have to act in a certain way to prove your worth—you’re valuable just as you are, even if you differ from everybody else.

Jones: Be Honest

Kishimi and Koga suggest that being true to yourself is risky but worthwhile. In Professional Troublemaker, Luvvie Ajayi Jones makes a similar argument. She says that while speaking your truth might hurt, disappoint, or anger others, it’s necessary. By telling the truth, you set a higher standard for others. If people know you’re likely to call out lies and bad behavior, they’re less likely to lie or behave badly around you. In this way, your willingness to rock the boat can improve your relationships, your community, and the world.

For example, say a teammate at work takes credit for an idea you contributed to a group project. It might feel easier to let it slide to avoid tension. But if you calmly speak up and clarify your role, you not only stand up for yourself—you also set a precedent for honesty and fairness. Your teammate isn’t likely to take credit for your work again, and others may feel more empowered to speak up in the future, knowing that you’ll support their integrity.

Still, Jones recognizes that being honest can be difficult. To make it easier, she provides a few guidelines you can follow the next time you need to take a stand:

First, learn to cope with your fear. It’s normal to feel nervous when considering speaking up, but you shouldn’t let that hold you back. Instead, quell your anxieties by imagining the worst-case scenario. It sounds counterintuitive, but this can actually reduce your fear. When you picture the worst-case scenario—maybe someone gets upset, or you feel awkward—you often realize it’s not as catastrophic (or as likely) as it seems. Additionally, consider the best-case scenario—the positive change that could come from your courage. Jones suggests that keeping both outcomes in mind can help you move forward with more confidence.

Second, decide when to speak up. Jones says it’s worth telling the truth when it’ll correct a wrong, point out a blind spot, or improve a situation. You don’t want to speak up just for the sake of being a contrarian. You should also avoid speaking up when you’re very emotional and likely to say something you’ll regret.

Finally, speak thoughtfully. Jones recommends finding an effective way to voice your concerns and notes that asking questions can be more effective than making accusations. For example, asking someone to explain why a sexist joke is funny can prompt them to reflect on their words without immediately putting them on the defensive. But while you should speak thoughtfully, don’t let perfectionism stop you from speaking up: It’s better to say something imperfectly than to not say it at all.

These tips aside, Jones admits that it’s not always safe for everyone to speak up. If you’re the lone voice or if you lack power and privilege, you might suffer serious consequences. We’ll explore these considerations in the next two sections.

Lakhiani: Rally Others

Jones notes that it’s harder to take a stand when you’re alone, but that there’s power in numbers. Entrepreneur and activist Vishen Lakhiani agrees. That’s why he argues in The Buddha and the Badass that changemakers should share their vision and rally others behind it. He explains that when people are working toward a clear, shared purpose, they’re more motivated and effective. Lakhiani means for readers to use this advice to improve their workplaces, but it’s also helpful in other contexts when you need to take a stand. For example, in Servant Leadership, Robert K. Greenleaf says you can use a similar strategy to improve your church, school, personal relationships, community, or country.

To rally others, Lakhiani recommends following these three steps:

1. Define and share your values. You can do this by creating a manifesto that outlines what you stand for (or, more simply, by making a statement). Lakhiani suggests this will naturally attract others who share your beliefs and want to join you in advocating them.
2. Set bold goals. Ambitious, inspiring goals give your group a clear direction and purpose. They motivate everyone to push beyond comfort zones and work together toward meaningful change.
3. Foster in-sync thinking. Encourage open communication and quick decision-making. When people feel heard and connected, they collaborate better.

To illustrate how this process works, say you want to take a stand against noise pollution in your neighborhood. You might start by making a simple statement like, “I believe everyone deserves a peaceful living environment.” Next, set a bold goal, such as organizing a community meeting to discuss noise ordinances. Finally, bring together your neighbors, encourage open dialogue, and coordinate collective action to create a calmer, more respectful neighborhood.

Hersey: Honor Your Limits

As we’ve discussed, taking a stand can be uncomfortable—and sometimes, Jones points out, it’s also unsafe. Speaking up could lead you to lose your job or, in extreme cases, get hurt. In these cases, how do you decide whether to act or stay silent? Theologian Tricia Hersey offers some perspective on this in Rest Is Resistance.

Hersey argues that sometimes the best way to stand up against toxicity is through rest. She explains that society dehumanizes us by insisting that we push forward all the time, especially as it pertains to work. But rest, she says, is a human right with two major benefits. First, it promotes healing—your body and spirit gather strength when you rest. Second, it promotes dreaming by giving you time to imagine a better future. Both of these are necessary ingredients for social progress—toxic systems thrive when we’re too exhausted to resist them or envision alternatives.

So, Hersey might recommend listening to your body and choosing your battles wisely. If you’re feeling depleted, it may mean that now is the time to rest—not to speak up. That doesn’t make you any less committed to justice. Echoing Black poet-activist Audre Lorde, Hersey would argue that honoring your limits is a radical act in a society that treats people like machines. Choosing when not to fight can be a powerful form of resistance—one that ensures you’re still here, and still whole, when the next fight comes.

At the same time, some beliefs may be worth burning out for. History is full of figures we admire for their tireless pursuit of justice. For example:

• Corrie ten Boom (The Hiding Place) is remembered for risking death to stand up for her Jewish neighbors during the Nazi occupation of Holland.
• Ronan Farrow (Catch and Kill) explains that he withstood great stress—surveillance, intimidation, blackmail, and sabotage—to expose Harvey Weinstein’s sexual crimes.
• Malcolm X (The Autobiography of Malcolm X) expected to be—and ultimately was—killed for his work in the civil rights movement, yet persevered anyway.

Only you can decide where your line is—what causes are worth discomfort, burnout, or great risk, and when rest is the more powerful choice. Figures like ten Boom, Farrow, and Malcolm X made extraordinary sacrifices because they believed the stakes were too high to stay silent. But their courage doesn’t invalidate Hersey’s call to rest—it complements it. Together, their stories remind us that resistance takes many forms. The key is to fight when it matters most, and to rest when you must, so that your resistance remains sustainable.

Great Thinkers’ Advice for Taking a Stand

• Ichiro Kimishi and Fumitake Koga (The Courage to Be Disliked): Standing up for your beliefs means tolerating disapproval. You don’t need to be liked by everyone to live well. Let go of the need for external validation and gain the courage to act with integrity.
• Luvvie Ajayi Jones (Professional Troublemaker): Telling the truth can improve the world, so it’s worth the discomfort it causes. So, be honest—and learn to cope with your fears, know when to speak up, and speak thoughtfully.
• Vishen Lakhiani (The Buddha and the Badass): If you’re going to take a stand, it helps to have others on your side. To accomplish this, clarify and share your values, set bold goals, and foster in-sync thinking.
• Tricia Hersey (Rest Is Resistance): Choose your battles—sometimes it’s better to rest, so you can heal and dream enough to make a meaningful stand in the next fight. Only you can know your own limits, so listen to your body and your intuition.

What Do You Think?

Which of your values feel worth standing up for, even if it risks conflict or discomfort? Which ones might you defend more quietly, through consistent action or rest? Think of a time you did speak up. What gave you the courage in that moment, and how did it feel afterward? How can you carry that strength forward?