PDF Summary:You Deserve This Sh!t, by Jordan Tarver

Are you ready to unleash your full potential? In You Deserve This Sh!t, Jordan Tarver helps you conquer self-doubt and embrace growth. By increasing self-awareness and observation skills, you'll uncover blind spots, overcome complacency, and develop the mindset needed to tackle new challenges.

Tarver provides practical techniques for building self-confidence, fostering meaningful connections, and creating empowering routines. Through purposeful decisions that align with your true values, you can design a fulfilling life where you feel deserving of success.

(continued)...

• Create a visual roadmap of your new endeavor to keep your start point clear and focused. Draw a simple flowchart that begins with your initial step and branches out to include subsequent steps. For example, if you're learning to cook, your first box might be "Choose a basic recipe," followed by "Gather ingredients," and so on. This visual aid will remind you of the importance of starting at the beginning and help you track your progress.

Cultivate Wonder

Here, Tarver calls upon readers to develop a deep sense of curiosity and view new experiences as valuable learning opportunities. He reminds readers that they possess one life and encourages them to use their finite time to explore their interests and do the things they have always wanted to do.

Recognize the Learning Potential in Every New Experience

Tarver believes that curiosity is a vital tool for self-discovery. It's through curiosity, he argues, that we venture outside our comfort areas, expose ourselves to new perspectives, and uncover hidden passions or talents within ourselves. The author strongly encourages readers to stay curious about experiences, whether they're known or new. He advocates devoting meaningful time to each experience, similar to investing wisely. He believes that by devoting time to that experience, you can learn the most valuable lessons. He uses the analogy of meeting a stranger: "Imagine deciding in the first few minutes that connecting with them was pointless." It would be rash to decide that quickly, and new experiences are no different.

Practical Tips

• Create a "Curiosity Swap" with a friend where you exchange topics of interest weekly and explore them independently. By delving into subjects you might not have chosen yourself, you're exposed to new ideas and perspectives, which can help you discover unknown passions or viewpoints.
• Use a random hobby generator online once a week to pick up a new, small-scale hobby or activity. This could range from origami to coding simple programs. By engaging in a variety of random activities, you're more likely to stumble upon a hidden passion or talent that you wouldn't have considered otherwise.
• Set up a 'lesson learned' meeting with friends or colleagues after completing a shared experience. Use this as an opportunity to discuss what everyone took away from the experience. This could be after a group trip, a collaborative project, or any shared event. Each person can bring a unique perspective that might reveal insights you hadn't considered.
• Set up a "Yes Day" once a month where you agree to say yes to new opportunities that come your way, provided they're safe and feasible. This could mean accepting an invitation to an event you'd typically avoid or volunteering for a new project at work. The goal is to open yourself up to experiences you'd typically dismiss and observe how they unfold.

Avoid Complacency and Continually Pursue Opportunities for Growth

Tarver warns against the dangers of becoming complacent. He views complacency as a "curse" that can hinder personal progress. Complacency can result from various circumstances, including working a job that lacks fulfillment, settling for a comfortable but stagnant routine, and avoiding tasks that seem like work to us. Tarver uses the example of a couch potato or receiving an award just for showing up to explain complacency. If you're feeling unmotivated, have lost interest in seeking new opportunities, choose comfort over courage, are avoiding building new relationships, or fleeing from tasks that seem like work, then you're falling ill with this plague, according to the author. He also details his own experience with complacency, when he was employed in mortgages: "I recall feeling that this was my calling. Looking back, I laugh hysterically." He slowly realized that the things he valued at his core—imagination, exploration, and motivating people—weren't being offered through his profession then.

Context

• It may contribute to a decline in mental and emotional well-being, as stagnation can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction or unfulfillment.
• Settling into a stagnant routine can impact social relationships, as individuals may become less inclined to engage in new social activities or meet new people, leading to isolation.
• Receiving awards for minimal effort, such as participation trophies, can create a sense of entitlement and reduce the motivation to strive for excellence. This practice is often criticized for not encouraging individuals to push beyond their comfort zones.
• Complacency is a state of self-satisfaction, especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. It often leads to stagnation because individuals stop striving for improvement or growth.
• Core values are fundamental beliefs that guide a person's actions and decisions. When a job or environment doesn't align with these values, it can lead to dissatisfaction and a sense of misalignment with one's true self.

Leverage Your Failures as a Springboard for Improvement

Tarver reiterates the importance of reframing setbacks as learning opportunities. Instead of allowing failures to discourage you, see them as building blocks for success. He encourages individuals to analyze the reasons behind the failures and identify areas for improvement. He also recommends not internalizing failures. By learning from your mistakes and making adjustments, you can turn failures into valuable lessons that move you ahead on your journey. The author breaks down the system of "growth hacking failure" by following three principles: 1) approach failure from a new perspective and search for the positives amongst the disappointment, 2) don't let it affect you on a personal level, and 3) use it as a learning tool to improve and not repeat similar mistakes in the future.

Practical Tips

• Create a "Learning Opportunity" jar where you write down setbacks on slips of paper and place them inside. Once a week, pull out a slip and dedicate time to researching or practicing a skill related to that setback. This turns the abstract idea of learning from setbacks into a tangible, regular practice, making it more likely you'll engage with the process.
• Implement a 'pre-mortem' approach for future projects. Before starting something new, take time to imagine it has failed and work backward to determine what could lead to that failure. This strategy helps you anticipate problems and create mitigation strategies before they occur, potentially reducing the likelihood of failure.
• Create a feedback loop with friends or family by asking them to point out one area they think you could improve in, and offer the same in return. This mutual exchange can reveal blind spots and foster a supportive environment for personal growth. For example, if a friend notices you often interrupt others, you could work on active listening skills.
• Use a "change one thing" approach after a mistake. Instead of overhauling your entire process or behavior, focus on changing just one aspect that contributed to the mistake. This makes the adjustment more manageable and less daunting. For instance, if you made an error in a report due to rushing, your one change could be to start your next report earlier to allow more time for review.
• You can reframe failure as a "hypothesis testing" by keeping a personal experiment journal. Whenever you embark on a new project or goal, write down your predictions and treat the outcome as data to inform your next steps. If the result is not what you expected, instead of viewing it as a failure, analyze it as you would an interesting result in an experiment, noting what you can learn and how you can adjust your hypothesis for the next attempt.
• Implement a "Positive Spin" buddy system with a friend or family member where you share your disappointments and help each other find the positives. This can be done through regular catch-ups or a shared digital document. The act of verbalizing your challenges and receiving an outside perspective can often reveal positives you hadn't considered, like recognizing your resilience or the support network you have.
• Create a "Failure Resume" to document and analyze your setbacks. Instead of a traditional resume highlighting successes, this document will focus on your failures, what you learned from each, and how you plan to apply those lessons in the future. For example, if you failed to meet a project deadline, you might note the reasons why, such as poor time management or unforeseen obstacles, and then outline steps you're taking to improve time management skills or contingency planning.

Purposeful Decisions

Design an Empowering Morning Routine

In this section, Tarver emphasizes the power of an empowering morning routine in creating a positive mood for the day. He shares his own experience of transforming from a reluctant early riser to someone who welcomes the mornings. He credits this shift with creating a structured daily plan that includes exercise, meditation, journaling, and creative activities.

Incorporate Rituals, Productivity, and Self-Care Into Your Mornings

The author suggests that the ideal morning routine is a blend of activities that energize you, enhance your focus, and promote self-care. This includes things like exercise, mindfulness practices, a healthy breakfast, and taking time for personal projects or hobbies. Tarver encourages readers to incorporate rituals into their mornings, even small ones like making coffee. These rituals can provide purpose and intention, making the way you start your day a more meaningful experience. He details his personal routine, which involves six steps: 1) work out, 2) tidy up his sleeping area, 3) meditate, 4) journal, 5) brew coffee, and 6) write without restriction.

Practical Tips

• You can start your day with a five-minute dance to a favorite high-energy song to boost your mood and energy levels. Dancing is an easy and fun way to get your blood flowing and doesn't require any special skills or equipment. Plus, it can be a joyful way to wake up your mind and body, setting a positive tone for the day.
• Design a breakfast menu for the week that pairs quick, nutritious recipes with each day's planned activities. This helps ensure you're not skipping a healthy breakfast due to a lack of time or ideas. For instance, if you have a personal project that requires creativity, plan a breakfast with brain-boosting foods like eggs and avocados for that day.
• Turn your morning coffee-making process into a mini mindfulness practice by focusing intently on each step, from measuring the beans to pouring the water. Observe the aromas, the sounds, and the tactile sensations. This not only enriches the ritual itself but also trains your mind to be present, which can improve focus and reduce stress throughout the day.
• Create a personalized morning mantra that encapsulates your goals for the day to set a purposeful tone each morning. Write down a short, powerful statement that reflects what you want to achieve or how you want to feel throughout the day. Repeat this mantra while you perform your morning routine, allowing it to guide your actions and decisions from the start.
• You can enhance your morning workout by creating a playlist of energizing music that aligns with your exercise duration to keep you motivated and on track. Start by selecting songs that match the intensity of your workout phases, such as warm-up, peak activity, and cool-down. For example, if your workout is 30 minutes, create a playlist with 10 minutes of upbeat but mellow tunes for warming up, followed by 15 minutes of high-tempo tracks for the core workout, and finish with 5 minutes of calming music to cool down.

Establish Boundaries and Eliminate Distractions for Maximum Focus

Tarver advises readers to create clear boundaries around how they start their day. Inform those in your household about your need for uninterrupted time and minimize distractions like phone notifications.

Context

• Creating boundaries helps in the psychological transition from personal to professional life, allowing you to mentally prepare and shift focus as needed.
• Constant notifications can increase stress and anxiety levels, as they create a sense of urgency and pressure to respond immediately.

Consistency Creates a Sustainable Routine

Finally, Tarver underscores how crucial being consistent is. He acknowledges that maintaining a morning regimen might require effort and discipline, especially at first. However, he emphasizes the cumulative impact of small, consistent actions across time. By staying committed to your routine, you'll notice beneficial effects on your productivity, vitality, and well-being overall.

Context

• Regular routines can reduce decision fatigue, as they minimize the number of choices you need to make daily, freeing up mental energy for other tasks.
• Our bodies have natural circadian rhythms that influence sleep-wake cycles. Adjusting these rhythms to accommodate a new morning routine can take time and effort.
• Routines can provide a sense of control and stability, which can improve emotional resilience and overall mental health.

Harness the Power of Optimism

This section focuses on the importance of thinking positively to shape your reality. Tarver highlights the power of thoughts as energy and believes that by cultivating a positive mindset, you can attract positive experiences and create a more fulfilling life.

How Thoughts Shape Reality: Attraction and Its Effects

Tarver delves into the concept of attraction, explaining how your mindset can lead to similar occurrences in your life. He believes that by changing your mentality, you can influence your reality. However, instead of merely preaching the benefits of having a positive mindset, he provides practical steps to foster a more optimistic outlook.

Context

• This idea is rooted in the notion that thoughts are powerful and can manifest into reality, influencing one's environment and experiences.
• Emotions can be contagious, meaning a positive mindset can influence those around you, creating a more supportive and positive environment that can lead to better outcomes.
• The practice of imagining desired outcomes can help reinforce positive thinking and motivation, potentially leading to real-world changes in behavior and circumstances.
• Positive thinking can boost motivation and productivity, as individuals are more likely to engage in tasks with enthusiasm and persistence.
• Regular exercise is known to release endorphins, which can improve mood and contribute to a more optimistic outlook.

Practice Affirmations, Gratitude, and Reframing Failures as Lessons

The author suggests beginning your mornings with affirmations, simple but powerful statements that reinforce a good self-image. Incorporate keeping a gratitude journal, where the focus is on things you appreciate, even the seemingly small ones. He also reiterates the earlier mentioned idea of reframing failures as valuable lessons, acknowledging mistakes as chances for personal development instead of dwelling on them negatively.

Context

• Affirmations are positive statements that can help challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When repeated regularly, they can encourage positive changes in your life.
• Consistently writing in a gratitude journal can help establish a habit of mindfulness, encouraging a more present and engaged approach to daily life.
• Reframing failures helps build resilience, which is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. This mental toughness is crucial for overcoming future challenges.

Immerse in Uplifting Influences, Limit Self-Criticism

Tarver encourages you to be around positive people who uplift and motivate you, limiting exposure to those who drain you. He also emphasizes the importance of minimizing negative self-talk by recognizing your critical inner voice and replacing self-criticism with compassion and encouragement. Finally, release the need for perfection. Tarver believes that striving for perfect performance in any aspect of life will lead to disappointment and feed your negative thoughts.

Context

• Being in a positive circle can open up new opportunities for personal and professional development, as these individuals often share resources and connections.
• Common signs include feeling exhausted after interactions, experiencing increased self-doubt, or noticing a decline in your mood and motivation after spending time with them.
• Societal pressures and cultural norms can exacerbate the critical inner voice, especially in environments that prioritize achievement and perfectionism.
• Engaging in positive self-talk can rewire the brain over time, creating new neural pathways that enhance emotional well-being and reduce stress.
• Embracing imperfection allows for a growth mindset, where mistakes are seen as opportunities for learning and development rather than failures.

Create a Supportive Community of Valuable Relationships

Here, Tarver delves into the significance of sincere and supportive relationships. He firmly believes in the power of connection, emphasizing that the people you surround yourself with can have a profound impact on your journey.

Foster Authentic Connections by Being Generous Without Expectation

Tarver advises readers to concentrate on forming connections with those who share similar values, interests, or goals. He highlights the significance of building genuine connections based on mutual respect and encouragement. Tarver stresses the wisdom of giving without the anticipation of receiving anything back. This can involve being an attentive listener, sharing valuable advice, celebrating other people's achievements, or offering help without expecting immediate rewards.

Context

• Relationships with shared values and interests may experience fewer conflicts, as there is often a mutual understanding and agreement on fundamental issues.
• Engaging in active listening, showing empathy, and being present in interactions are practical ways to build and maintain genuine connections.
• Practicing generosity without expectation can lead to personal growth by cultivating empathy, patience, and a broader perspective on life’s interconnectedness.
• Asking open-ended questions encourages the speaker to elaborate, showing that you are interested in a deeper understanding of their message.
• Effective advice should be clear and straightforward, avoiding jargon or overly complex explanations that might confuse the recipient.
• Celebrating other people's achievements can strengthen relationships by showing genuine interest and support, which can foster a sense of community and belonging.
• Consistently offering help without strings attached can build a reputation for being trustworthy and reliable, which can be beneficial in both personal and professional contexts.

Help Members of Your Community

Show genuine interest in the well-being and success of those you engage with, cultivating trust and demonstrating your care. Consider chances not just for your benefit, but also for other people. If you hear about something that could benefit an individual in your support network, don't hesitate to share that information and help them progress on their personal path.

Context

• Demonstrating empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others, which can foster a sense of connection and trust.
• Respecting personal boundaries and privacy is crucial in building trust. It shows that you honor their autonomy and are considerate of their comfort levels.
• This approach can develop leadership skills, as it involves guiding and supporting others, which are key components of effective leadership.
• Providing others with valuable information empowers them to make informed decisions, potentially leading to personal and professional advancements.
• Seeing others succeed with your help can boost your own motivation and inspire you to pursue your goals with renewed energy.

Integrate Work-Life Integration to Foster Holistic Growth

Tarver introduces the concept of "work-life integration," advocating for a synergy between your career and home life. He believes that drawing motivation and learning from both spheres can enrich your overall experience. For example, skills learned in a professional setting can be applied to personal challenges, and insights from your personal experiences can positively influence your work. Tarver also shares his father's advice: "Life is a huge reference." That means the connections you make have great value.

Context

• Technology plays a crucial role in enabling work-life integration by providing tools that facilitate communication and collaboration across different settings.
• Finding meaning and satisfaction in both work and personal life can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and purpose, contributing to overall well-being.
• Developing emotional intelligence in a professional setting can improve personal interactions by enhancing empathy and self-awareness, leading to healthier relationships.
• Balancing personal commitments can improve time management skills, leading to more efficient work practices.
• This advice aligns with the concept of lifelong learning, where every interaction and experience can contribute to one's knowledge and development.

Build a Purposeful Life Through Conscious Choices

This section focuses on the importance of making intentional choices in all aspects of life. Tarver stresses the power of conscious decision-making in creating your world. He believes that you're the creator of your existence, and the decisions you make daily determine the direction of your journey.

Evaluate the Impact of Your Decisions Before Acting

The author advises readers to carefully evaluate the potential consequences of their choices, both positive and negative, before taking action. He also encourages individuals to check in with their "why" frequently—referring back to their values, goals, and dreams as a compass for making decisions. For example, if you're thinking about taking a new position, you should ask yourself why this role aligns with your long-term goals. Does taking this new job help you get closer to achieving those goals, which are what you desire most in life?

Other Perspectives

• Some decisions require swift action, and there may not be sufficient time to thoroughly evaluate all potential consequences.
• Focusing too much on potential negative outcomes might result in excessive risk aversion, causing individuals to miss out on opportunities that could have been beneficial.
• There may be situations where ethical dilemmas arise, and strictly adhering to personal values and goals could conflict with the greater good or with the needs and values of others.
• Some individuals may not have clearly defined long-term goals, making it challenging to use them as a benchmark for decision-making.

Align Systems and Habits With Your Objectives

Tarver reiterates the importance of aligning your systems and habits with your goals. This involves consciously designing routines, practices, and behavioral patterns that support your ideal lifestyle. For instance, if you aim to be an author, establishing a daily writing habit and creating a dedicated space for writing are essential.

Other Perspectives

• Some goals are achieved through serendipity or unstructured exploration rather than through the implementation of rigid systems.
• Habits may sometimes need to be flexible to accommodate unexpected changes in one's life or objectives, which can make strict alignment with goals impractical.
• The concept of an "ideal lifestyle" is subjective and can change over time, making it difficult to establish routines that are always perfectly aligned.
• Overemphasis on routine might stifle creativity for some individuals who thrive on spontaneity and less structured approaches to writing.
• Some writers may find that they are more inspired and productive in varied environments, and the notion of a dedicated space could be unnecessarily restrictive for them.

Evolve Your Aspirations to Reach New Growth Levels

Finally, Tarver emphasizes that your goals should develop and change as you grow. Achieving a goal shouldn't conclude your path. Once you hit a milestone, set new, more challenging goals that drive you toward your ultimate potential. The author encourages readers to continually ask themselves what comes after. after achieving an objective. This will ensure continued advancement in your progress.

This guide distills the key points from "You Deserve This Sh!t" and provides tools and techniques to help you unlock your potential, achieve your full potential, and create a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Remember to embrace challenges, cultivate awareness, have confidence in yourself, and live intentionally.

Remember, you deserve this shit!

Practical Tips

• Use a 'goal morphing' mind map to visually represent how your goals change over time. Start with your current goals at the center and create branches for each major change or development in your aspirations. This could be a digital mind map or a physical one on a large poster. As an example, if your goal was to become proficient in a foreign language, and you've achieved conversational fluency, a branch might lead to a new goal of mastering business communication in that language.
• Start a "Challenge Swap" with a friend or colleague where you both commit to setting a new, tougher goal after achieving your current one. This mutual commitment can provide accountability and a sense of competition. If you've both just completed a project at work, the next swap could involve taking on a project with a tighter deadline or a larger scope.
• Use a goal-mapping app that prompts you to set a follow-up goal as soon as you check off a completed one. This keeps your momentum going and helps you to continuously progress. Imagine you've just run a 5k; the app could suggest training for a 10k or improving your 5k time.
• Implement a "30-Day Challenge" where you commit to tackling a new, specific challenge each month. It could range from physical activities like daily yoga or running, to mental challenges like solving puzzles or writing. The key is to choose something that is slightly out of your comfort zone to foster resilience and adaptability.
• Try setting random alarms throughout the day as a prompt to pause and assess your current level of awareness. When the alarm goes off, take a brief moment to observe your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. This practice can help you become more attuned to your habitual level of awareness and gradually increase it.
• Practice assertive communication in low-stakes situations to build your confidence in expressing yourself. Start with situations where you feel relatively comfortable, like ordering food exactly how you like it or asking a colleague for a small favor. As you grow more comfortable, gradually move on to more challenging scenarios.
• Implement a "Mindful Money Moment" before each purchase to practice intentional spending. Take a brief pause to ask yourself how this purchase aligns with your values and long-term goals. This could mean choosing to walk past the coffee shop because you value saving for a vacation over daily lattes, or it might lead you to support a local business rather than opting for a cheaper online alternative.
• Set up a "deserve jar" where you place notes of things you've done that make you feel proud or instances where you've overcome a challenge. Whenever you're feeling doubtful about your accomplishments, pull out a note to remind yourself of your capabilities. This could be as simple as solving a problem at work or as personal as sticking to a commitment to exercise.