PDF Summary:Transcend, by Scott Barry Kaufman

You may have heard of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs, usually presented as a pyramid, in which he lays out the basic needs people must meet in order to reach their full potential. In Transcend, psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman argues that Maslow’s ideas about this “pyramid” of needs are largely misunderstood, and he provides an updated view that’s more in line with modern science and Maslow’s full body of work.

In this guide, we’ll go over the basics of Maslow’s work, and we’ll examine Kaufman’s updated hierarchy of needs, which he splits into two categories: security and growth. We’ll explore how you can meet your needs and realize your full potential. Then, we’ll explore how you can transcend your personal needs, simultaneously fulfilling them while reaching beyond them. Throughout the guide, we’ll provide a deeper understanding of Kaufman’s ideas by examining the works of other psychologists and critiques of Maslow’s ideas and presenting research from the fields of psychology, sociology, and neuroscience.

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(Shortform note: Many psychological studies support Kaufman’s argument on the importance of intimate relationships, providing overwhelming evidence that high-quality relationships are associated with a decreased risk of mortality. Because of this, some psychologists recommend increasing social connection as a public health priority since a lack of social connection has been shown to be as prevalent and dangerous as other health risks such as smoking, alcohol consumption, and obesity.)

The Need for Self-Esteem

The third major security need of Kaufman’s hierarchy is the need for self-esteem, which he defines as a sense of self-worth and confidence in your abilities. Your self-esteem largely depends on the other security needs of safety and connection—it’s difficult to feel valuable and confident if you don’t feel safe or accepted by others.

But the feelings of safety and acceptance from others don’t necessarily lead to self-esteem—it’s possible to feel safe and connected while still feeling inadequate. It’s also possible to mistake the vital need for self-esteem for unhealthy desires of superiority, power, and social status that accompany acceptance from others. However, if you feel safe and connected to others while maintaining a high opinion of yourself, you’ll have a strong foundation on which to build and grow as a person.

(Shortform note: The term self-esteem was first used in the field of psychology by William James, considered to be one of the founders of psychology as a scientific discipline. James provided a simple formula for self-esteem: self-esteem = success/pretensions. In other words, your self-esteem is dictated by your perceived level of success divided by your perceived potential. Thus, self-esteem, according to James, isn’t just about your successes, but how you view them. If you aren’t very successful but don’t have any pretensions about how much more successful you could be, you’ll have high self-esteem. If you’re successful but feel like you could be doing much better, you’ll have low self-esteem.)

Kaufman identifies two key components of self-esteem: self-worth and proficiency.

Self-Worth

According to Kaufman, self-worth is about feeling that you’re a good person who contributes value to the world. Although self-worth is how you feel about yourself, Kaufman points to research that shows that how you feel about yourself is strongly correlated with how others see you: Because we’re a social species, our perception of self-value is largely determined by the perception of our value within a community. Despite this, Kaufman claims that you should try to base your self-worth on your own judgments as much as possible. The more you internalize your sense of self-worth, the less you’ll be affected by the opinion of others.

(Shortform note: In The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden agrees with Kaufman’s notion that self-esteem is heavily influenced by others. Branden argues that your culture in particular can have a massive impact on your feeling of self-worth. For example, in patriarchal societies, women have lower self-worth because society constantly reminds them of their inferiority and subservience to men. Patriarchal societies can also affect men’s self-esteem, however, as men are largely judged by their ability to provide rather than their intrinsic worth.)

Proficiency

While your perception of self-worth is how you view your intrinsic value as a person, your perception of your proficiency is how you view your abilities. In other words, do you feel like a capable person who can achieve your goals? A person’s sense of proficiency is influenced by their past experiences. If you have largely been successful in progressing toward your goals, you’ll be confident in your ability to do that in the future. If you feel you’ve often failed in the past, you’ll be insecure and doubt your abilities.

While perceptions of self-worth and proficiency tend to correlate with one another, it’s possible to have one without the other. You may feel like you're capable of achieving your goals but not have a high opinion of yourself. Alternatively, you may be pretty fond of yourself while not feeling confident in your abilities. However, both are important if you wish to have healthy self-esteem.

(Shortform note: Because feeling capable is such an important element of self-esteem, people often focus intensely on their abilities and are often overly critical of themselves as a result. Self-criticism can be a helpful tool that leads to a more accurate assessment of yourself and your abilities. But many people see self-criticism as a way to push themselves to be more successful. This can lead to a mindset in which you’re preoccupied with your failures and shortcomings, damaging your self-esteem. To avoid this mindset, make sure you balance your critical side with an appreciation of your successes.)

Self-Esteem and Unhealthy Behavior

Kaufman claims that because self-esteem is so important to our psyches, many people take extreme steps to protect it. Often, these extreme steps are forms of unhealthy behavior that seemingly help us maintain our high opinion of ourselves but that actually prevents us from growing. These unhealthy behaviors come from feelings of insecurity. To make up for their insecurities and protect their self-image, people usually behave in one of two ways: They’ll try to suppress or hide their insecurities, or they’ll overcompensate for their insecurities by inflating their ego.

People who try to hide their insecurities to protect their self-image do so because they’re uncertain about their own self-worth. To protect themselves, they’ll hide their feelings from others and actively avoid social situations that may damage their self-image. They’ll also be so desperate for validation from others that they get upset when they feel they aren’t getting the attention or respect they deserve.

This kind of behavior prevents growth because if someone avoids any person or situation that might be damaging, they may also inadvertently avoid people and situations that bring them joy and connectedness. Also, if someone is too focused on validation from others, their identity will be dependent on pleasing others.

The Dangers of Inauthenticity

Another term for healthy self-esteem is authentic self-esteem, and it may be helpful to frame it this way if you want to avoid potentially damaging behaviors. Some psychologists note that when we change our behavior for the approval of others, we damage our authentic self, which can hinder our ability to self-actualize and lead to inauthentic relationships.

To be authentic, you need to be transparent about your innermost thoughts and feelings. But most people are too worried about what others think of them and hide their true feelings and intentions. When we do this too often, it becomes hard to grow as a person because we’re constantly shifting our words and actions in accordance with other people’s values instead of our own.

Additionally, this inauthenticity can be extremely damaging to your relationships, as it can prevent you from having the difficult conversations that you sometimes need to have. If one party is inauthentic, they’ll become too subservient to the other’s needs and grow resentful and avoidant. If both parties in a relationship are inauthentic, the relationship will become stagnant, as no meaningful conversations will occur.

Alternatively, some people protect their self-image by exaggerating their positive traits, which, when done to an extreme degree, is known as narcissism. According to Kaufman, narcissists are aggressive, selfish, and impolite, and they may overreact when they feel slighted. Because they have such a high opinion of themselves combined with deep-seated insecurities, they feel the need to be liked and respected by everyone while chasing things that signify a high social status like power, money, or fame. Narcissists’ behaviors push people away, so they struggle to deeply connect with others. Also, because they spend so much time and energy projecting a false image, they lose touch with reality and with themselves.

How to Spot Narcissists in Your Life

Narcissists can be hard to spot for many reasons. They’re so focused on maintaining their self-image that they hide their narcissistic tendencies even from themselves. They’re also master manipulators and often seem very confident and charming.

Furthermore, they tend to target empathetic people who more easily fall prey to their manipulative behavior. Because of this, it can be beneficial to identify a narcissist through their behavior. Here are some traits to look out for that may indicate narcissism:

• Lack of empathy: They won’t seem to be bothered when other people are in pain or trouble.

• Self-importance: They believe they’re superior and entitled to special treatment. They’ll ignore or act rudely toward people they think are inferior or can’t get anything out of, and they might overreact when they don’t get their way.

• Over-jealous: They’ll be overly concerned with people who are successful and try to knock them down as much as possible. They might also think others are jealous of them.

• Obsessed with power or material wealth: They’ll constantly fantasize about being in positions of power or talk about their desire for objects that indicate wealth and status.

Growth Needs

In Kaufman’s new hierarchy of needs, the three security needs set a foundation for self-actualization, or what he calls fulfilling your growth needs. Kaufman equates self-actualization with growth because self-actualization isn’t about meeting all your needs and then stopping; it’s about making constant progress. To live a fulfilling life, you need to always feel as though you’re developing as a person and reaching toward your fullest potential.

(Shortform note: The authors of Minimalism argue that what constitutes a meaningful life is different for everyone, but in general, a meaningful life is one in which you feel successful. However, they add that success is tied to constant improvement. Whether in your relationships, your personal health, your career, or any other area of growth you deem important, if you feel you’re improving on a daily basis, you’re likely to find happiness and meaning in your life. According to the authors, the key to living a more meaningful life is to find ways to enjoy positive experiences you dislike. In other words, find ways to enjoy the things that are good for your personal growth that you normally don’t enjoy.)

Kaufman identifies three growth needs: the need to be curious, the need to love, and the need for purpose.

The Need to Explore

According to Kaufman, the need to be curious, which he defines as the urge to seek out new and challenging experiences, is a fundamental human need. If you feel safe, connected, and sure of yourself (satisfying the security needs outlined above), you’ll likely then want to learn more about the world and the people around you.

The need to be curious is about facing the inherent uncertainty of life, and though this can be stressful, it allows you to learn more about yourself and your surroundings and make new connections. Each of these will lead to growth.

Learning through curiosity is essential to growth. When you’re curious, you try to understand yourself and the world around you. This puts you in touch with your wants, needs, and capabilities, which helps you know what you want from life and which areas of growth to focus on. If you seek to understand your environment and surroundings, you’ll develop useful skills and abilities as you learn more about the world. Also, you’ll be more flexible when you face a challenging situation because you’ll think about the different ways of solving the problem instead of shutting down or giving up.

Making new connections is conducive to growth in several ways. First, when you get to know others and their stories, you learn from them. You not only learn from their mistakes, but you also gain insight into potential opportunities that may benefit you. For example, you may meet someone who teaches you how to paint, which becomes a source of lifelong joy and meaning for you. Another way making new connections benefits you is by increasing your ability to evaluate others. Research shows that people who explore socially can more accurately assess others. Since we’re such social creatures, accurately evaluating others helps us adapt to social situations and develop stronger relationships.

How to Foster an Experimentation Mindset

In Ultralearning, Scott Young argues that experimentation is necessary if you wish to learn and grow, which echoes Kaufman’s argument that curiosity is necessary if you wish to self-actualize. Young contends that experimentation helps you grow in three ways: you develop a more personal and effective learning style, you become more efficient, and you become more creative and original.

Young also provides five different avenues of experimentation you can try:

• Replicate others: This can be a good starting point, as you can copy someone else who you admire and learn how to approach whatever task you’re experimenting with. This aligns with the idea that learning from others can benefit you, even in an indirect way, like if you take up a hobby they’re already doing.

• Compare separate but similar approaches: Try two different methods with slight variations so you can narrow down what works best for you. This approach is a way to better understand yourself in order to grow.

• Set restrictions: By setting restrictions, you limit what you can do and force yourself to be more creative.

• Experiment with a variety of skills: Sometimes seemingly unconnected skills can reinforce each other in unforeseen ways.

• Get out of your comfort zone: Fight the urge to get complacent when you master a skill. If you get out of your comfort zone, you’ll learn a lot about yourself and what you’re capable of. Getting out of your comfort zone is another way of learning through exploration, and you could do so mentally, physically, or socially.

The Need to Love

Kaufman identifies the ability to love as an important aspect of growth. Though this may seem like it should fall under our need for connectedness, Kaufman makes an important distinction: the need to feel loved is vital to our security, but the ability to give love is vital to our growth. The need to feel loved is a somewhat selfish desire that depends on others to give you what you lack. The ability to love others entails having a selfless, loving attitude toward the world that helps you grow and live a more fulfilling life.

Kaufman claims that the ability to love is conducive to growth for several reasons. First, people who have a more loving attitude toward others are less likely to need love from others while simultaneously being more likely to maintain healthy, strong connections. In other words, the more loving you are, the more love you’ll receive.

Another reason the ability to give love is so beneficial to growth is that it helps you maintain your connections to others (answering that basic need) without losing your sense of agency or identity (maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem). If you’re too caught up in your need for others to love you, you may lose your sense of self—you may be so focused on being a good partner or friend or maintaining love that you lose sight of your own needs and wants. But if you’re more focused on giving love, you can maintain healthy, mutually beneficial relationships in which both sides grow as individuals while also strengthening their connection.

Love as Dependency

In The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck provides further insight into what makes a healthy, loving relationship and how the need to be loved can hinder individual growth. First, Peck dispels the myth that love is about dependency. Genuine love, according to Peck, involves choice—it’s not about needing someone; it’s about not needing them but choosing to love them.

The belief that without love you can’t feel whole can be extremely harmful. Peck refers to this overwhelming need for love as a passive dependent personality disorder, which he says leaves you unable to give love to yourself or others.

Common characteristics of passive dependent personality include the insatiable need for love, the inability to be alone, a lack of genuine intimacy, and a lack of identity. These traits, as Kaufman would likely point out, are all symptomatic of a feeling of deficiency. Like Kaufman, Peck argues that such dependency can hinder growth. He says that dependency hinders spiritual growth because the dependent person is only worried about their own needs rather than building a genuine, lasting relationship.

The Need for Purpose

The final need of Kaufman’s new hierarchy of needs is the need for purpose, which he defines as the need for an all-encompassing goal or series of goals that gives meaning to your life. When all other needs of security and growth are met, a person needs to feel they’re striving toward a goal they feel is important in order to reach self-actualization. Kaufman notes that finding and maintaining a purpose is hard, however, and offers advice on how to strive for meaning in a realistic and healthy way.

(Shortform note: The study of purpose in the field of psychology was popularized by Viktor E. Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl, a holocaust survivor, saw that the people most likely to survive concentration camps had goals for their future and could find some sort of meaning in their suffering. He thus theorized that meaning, or purpose, is the driving force of a person’s life.)

Kaufman cautions that if your purpose or goals conflict with your values, they can actually impede your growth. For instance, if you don’t feel like your purpose or goals are particularly important or valuable, you’ll have a less fulfilling life than someone who feels they’re contributing to society, and you’ll eventually lose motivation and growth will stagnate.

(Shortform note: The idea that your purpose should be about contributing value to society is a common theme regarding theories of human motivation. In Grit, for example, Angela Duckworth defines purpose as the desire to increase the well-being of others. She states that the desire to help others is crucial because it helps you remain passionate in pursuit of your goals. If your purpose revolves around helping others, you’re likely to work harder and stick with it longer.)

Other research shows, however, that there’s often a disconnect between your purported values and your actual values, so it’s important to find a purpose that aligns with your values and your deeper interests and motives. For example, you may believe that education is extremely important and that teachers are a vital part of society. But when you start your teaching career, you find that you just don’t get a lot out of it and that deep down you aren’t that interested in teaching. When this kind of disconnect happens, it’s important to accept it without guilt or shame. Kaufman recommends evaluating your strengths and weaknesses, determining which of your strengths you long to use more, and choosing a purpose based on those strengths.

Develop Purpose by Following Your Passion

Duckworth also gives some advice on how to develop a purpose. Like Kaufman, Duckworth argues that purpose can’t just be about helping others, it has to align with your interests as well. She claims that successful people with a strong sense of purpose usually follow a predictable pattern:

First, they become interested in something for selfish reasons. Then, through practice, they become more and more skilled at the thing they’re interested in. Eventually, they’ll see how these skills can benefit others, and they’ll seek to help others as much as possible. So while Kaufman argues that you should base your purpose around your strengths and interests, Duckworth maintains that all that really matters is what you’re interested in because with practice that interest will eventually turn into a strength anyway.

Transcendence

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization sits at the top, representing the pinnacle of human potential. Yet Kaufman notes that toward the end of his career, Maslow noticed that some people can reach for something greater—they can transcend self-actualization. In other words, they can fulfill their deficiency and growth needs while simultaneously being motivated by values that go beyond the self, like beauty, truth, or justice. Kaufman suggests that some people are able to consistently live by such transcendent values and that this is the level of being to which we should all strive.

(Shortform note: Kaufman argues that transcending self-actualization means living by values that extend beyond the self. In Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins also emphasizes the importance of values, saying that living by your values brings you fulfillment and joy. Although he doesn’t explicitly say you should live by selfless values, he maintains that you should work to understand which values are most important to you so you can actively pursue them. With this in mind, perhaps an important step in transcending self-actualization is to determine which transcendent values are most important to you.)

To better understand transcendence, Kaufman examines transcendent experiences. Transcendent experiences occur when you experience a heightened sense of joy, awe, or wonder—when you’re completely absorbed in the present moment, detached from your usual fears, anxieties, and needs. According to Kaufman, transcendent experiences give a glimpse into a higher form of human potential that goes beyond the needs of self-actualization.

Transcendent experiences are often seen as spiritual experiences, but they don’t necessarily have a religious or spiritual association. Kaufman points to the feeling of awe as the most common transcendent experience that most people have felt. The most common trigger of awe experiences, according to Kaufman, is natural beauty, but awe is also triggered by things like athletic skill, music, art, or an epiphany. When people feel a sense of awe, they often feel a minimized sense of self, a connectedness to the people or world around them, and a sense that time is slowing down. After the experience, people often report a renewed sense of self and a more optimistic view of life.

(Shortform note: Awe and its ability to transform the way people think and behave is a long-studied psychological phenomenon, one that can be difficult to conceptualize. But modern psychological research suggests that awe-inducing experiences really can change our views of ourselves and the world around us. One study found that feelings of awe changed how people thought about themselves. After experiencing awe, people are more likely to view themselves as part of a larger group than as individuals, suggesting that awe can indeed make us feel more connected to others. Additionally, the tendency of awe to make us feel "beyond" ourselves is likely why it's been often interpreted as a religious experience.)

Kaufman argues that a key aspect of transcendence is that people lose their sense of self. When you’re in a transcendent state of consciousness, you enter an egoless state in which you’re primarily focused on the present moment and less focused on your own thoughts and feelings. You temporarily forget about your pains, fears, and anxieties while also feeling more connected to humanity and the world. Research suggests that those who enter this state regularly have stronger mental, physical health, and social health—they have stronger familial relationships, a stronger sense of purpose, and exhibit more charitable and social behaviors.

Kaufman points out that though anyone can have a transcendent experience, self-actualizing people are able to live a more transcendent life. In other words, people who have all their deficiency and growth needs met are more likely to be absorbed in the present, simultaneously fulfilling their individual needs while reaching for something greater. Those who do this on a regular basis may experience transcendence not just as a temporary, fleeting moment, but as a sustained state of being. Such people are able to remain in touch with themselves while also being less concerned with their egos and material possessions. They reach their individual potential while also connecting with and helping others.

Understanding Different Views on Self-Transcendence

Losing your sense of self, known as self-transcendence, is receiving increasing attention in the scientific world, and some suggest a better public understanding of self-transcendence could be a major benefit to society. One researcher, Paul Wong, argues that self-transcendence is an essential aspect of well-being, even going so far as to argue that self-actualization doesn’t lead to self-transcendence, as Kaufman claims, but that self-actualization is a side effect of self-transcendence. In other words, the more we lose ourselves to a bigger cause, the more we can be our true selves and reach our greatest potential.

Another way to think about self-transcendence is provided by Viktor E. Frankl’s argument that humans are driven by a desire for meaning. Frankl maintains that the human desire to seek and create meaning in our lives is a fundamental aspect of human nature. This “will to meaning,” while echoing Kaufman’s need for purpose, is a form of self-transcendence because it involves looking outside the self to make sense of the world and your place in it. Finding meaning outside of yourself can provide the will to live even in the most dire of circumstances.