PDF Summary:Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy, by Eric Berne

Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy by Eric Berne offers a practical approach to understanding personality and relationships. Based on observable "ego states" instead of theoretical models, this system allows therapists and individuals to analyze thought patterns, feelings, and behaviors that shape social interactions.

Berne introduces methods for recognizing and altering dysfunctional dynamics, scripts, and games that create conflict in our personal and professional lives. By strengthening the mature, rational "Adult" ego state, we can gain control over unconscious patterns and create more fulfilling relationships.

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By understanding these larger patterns of interaction, we can gain greater insights into what drives seemingly spontaneous behaviors. This awareness empowers us to break free from destructive cycles and create more fulfilling relationships.

Context

• For some, pastimes act as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting personal issues or deeper emotional topics that might be uncomfortable or challenging.
• From an evolutionary standpoint, pastimes may have developed as a way to maintain group cohesion and cooperation, ensuring that individuals could coexist peacefully in larger social groups.
• In professional settings, pastimes can be used strategically to build networks and establish rapport without delving into personal matters.
• The types of games people play can be influenced by cultural norms and social expectations, which dictate acceptable behaviors and interactions.
• Participants in games are often unaware of their true motivations, as these are rooted in unconscious desires or fears developed in early life.
• The repetitive nature of games can negatively impact self-esteem, as individuals may feel trapped in these patterns and unable to change their behavior or outcomes.
• Games often involve shifting blame, which can prevent resolution of underlying issues and lead to ongoing frustration and conflict.
• This concept, introduced by Freud, suggests that individuals are driven to repeat patterns from their past, even if they are harmful, because they are familiar and provide a sense of continuity.
• Early childhood is a critical period for psychological development, where foundational beliefs about oneself and the world are formed, often based on interactions with primary caregivers.
• Many stories and films depict characters following scripts, such as the "hero's journey" or "rags to riches" narratives, reflecting common societal themes and expectations.
• In psychotherapy, identifying and understanding one's script is crucial for personal growth. Therapists help individuals recognize these patterns and work towards rewriting their scripts to foster healthier behaviors and relationships.
• By adhering to a script, individuals may engage in behaviors that reinforce their existing beliefs and expectations, creating a cycle that limits growth and change.
• These patterns can make behaviors predictable, which can be both comforting and limiting. Understanding them allows individuals to anticipate and alter their responses, leading to more adaptive and flexible interactions.
• It allows individuals to see how their interactions contribute to relationship dynamics, enabling them to foster more supportive and balanced partnerships.
• Awareness empowers individuals to take responsibility for their actions and choices, leading to more intentional and fulfilling interactions with others.

Applying Transactional Analysis to Therapy and Relationships

Treating Functional and Underlying Psychoses

Transactional Analysis provides a valuable framework for treating functional psychoses, which include conditions like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. These are characterized by periods where the Child mode, overwhelmed by internal programming and ancient anxieties, assumes control, leading to a loss of touch with reality.

Restoring Adult Executive Control and Reducing Parent-Child Dynamics

The primary objective in treating active psychoses is to recathect, or bring back online, the Adult ego state, restoring its ability to process information objectively and interact with the external world. This involves:

1. Creating a Supportive Environment: The therapist first establishes a safe and reassuring environment, allowing the client's Child state of ego to express their anxieties and fears without judgment. This helps reduce the intensity of the archaic emotions in the Child ego state and allows space for the Adult to emerge.

2. Involving the Adult: Once the Child feels heard, the therapist can begin to engage the Adult with clear, rational language, focusing on assessing reality and practical solutions. Simple, objective queries and observations can help trigger the Adult's data-processing functions, gradually increasing its emotional investment.

3. Strengthening Boundaries: As the Adult becomes more cathected, the therapist works to clarify and reinforce the borders separating the Child and the Adult. This involves helping the patient differentiate between their rational Adult thoughts and their archaic Child emotions, reducing contamination and increasing Adult control over impulsive behaviors.

When dealing with latent psychoses, where the Child mode's binding capacity is defective, leading to sporadic outbursts or periods of contamination, the therapist also works on:

1. Decontamination: This involves identifying and separating the intrusions of the Child and Parent into the Adult state, clearing the Adult's thinking and empowering it to make decisions based on reality.

2. Deconfusion: This aims to unravel the ancient anxieties and fixations of the Child, resolving internal conflicts and fostering a healthier relationship between the Adult and Child self-states.

Practical Tips

• Create a 'perspective-switch' game to play with friends or family where you debate a topic from the standpoint of someone else's role or profession. This game fosters the ability to see things from different angles and reduces personal biases. For instance, if discussing environmental policies, one person could argue from the viewpoint of an economist, another from an environmentalist's perspective, and another from a politician's standpoint.
• Create a 'worry box' where you can physically deposit your fears and anxieties on slips of paper. This tangible act can help externalize and contain emotions, making them feel more manageable. For example, write down a specific fear, fold the paper, and place it in the box, symbolically setting aside the worry for a later time when you can address it calmly.
• You can enhance your communication by practicing clear, rational language in everyday conversations. Start by identifying situations where emotions typically run high, such as discussions about finances or planning family events. Before entering these conversations, prepare by outlining your points in a logical sequence and choosing words that are precise and unambiguous. This will help you stay focused on data-driven arguments rather than emotional appeals, which can lead to more productive and emotionally engaging discussions.
• Partner with a friend or family member for a "Boundary Buddy" system where you hold each other accountable for maintaining strong personal boundaries. Set up regular check-ins to discuss moments when you successfully managed your emotions or times when you slipped into impulsive behavior. Use these sessions to brainstorm strategies for reinforcing boundaries and share insights on how to better differentiate between rational and emotional responses in challenging situations.

Deconfusing the Child Through Transactional and Structural Analysis

In both active and latent psychoses, Transactional Analysis provides powerful tools for clarifying the Child's confusion and resolving internal conflict. This involves:

1. Identifying Triggers: The therapist helps the patient identify situations and interactions that activate their Child state in unhealthy ways. This might involve recognizing specific people, environments, or even internal thoughts that trigger archaic anxieties and impulsiveness.

2. Analyzing Games: The therapist works with the patient to understand the games they unconsciously play to reinforce the Child's anxieties and avoid confronting their deeper fears. This involves recognizing the ulterior transactions, the hidden motivations and payoffs behind these repetitive patterns, and ultimately empowering the Adult to choose healthier interactions.

3. Understanding the Life Story: Finally, clinicians aid clients in uncovering their unconscious life script, the larger narrative that guides their choices and relationships. This often involves identifying themes from childhood experiences and connecting them to current patterns in love, work, and social relationships. By understanding the script, the patient can begin to rewrite their life story with the conscious awareness and control of their Adult mindset.

Practical Tips

• Use art therapy techniques like drawing or painting to express and explore your Child state. Choose colors and shapes that represent different emotions and situations where you've felt triggered. This can help you externalize and better understand your triggers in a non-verbal, creative way.
• Keep a personal journal to track recurring thoughts and behaviors that may indicate underlying anxieties. By writing down your daily experiences, you can begin to notice patterns or "games" you might be playing subconsciously. For example, if you often find yourself avoiding social situations and later rationalize it as being too busy, this could be a game you're playing to reinforce social anxiety.
• Develop a 'script-flipping' exercise routine where, after identifying a negative script, you consciously practice an opposite action or thought. If you discover a script that makes you avoid social situations due to fear of rejection, intentionally put yourself in mild social settings and focus on positive interactions to rewrite this narrative.
• Develop a 'conflict resolution map' for personal use. Draw a flowchart that outlines steps to take when you feel an internal conflict arising, such as identifying the ego states involved, considering the other person's perspective, and finding a compromise. Having a visual guide can provide a clear pathway to follow during emotionally charged moments, making it easier to navigate through the conflict constructively.

Treating Character Disorders and Neuroses

Transactional Analysis also offers an effective approach for treating a wide range of neuroses, including anxiety disorders, phobias, and depression, as well as character disorders characterized by dysfunctional personality traits and relationship patterns. The focus here shifts towards alleviating symptoms, enhancing social regulation, and ultimately resolving the unconscious script that drives self-defeating behaviors.

Achieving Symptom Alleviation, Societal Management, and Resolving Scripts

The objectives in treating neuroses are:

1. Symptom Alleviation: The therapist aids individuals in gaining a degree of relief from their distressing symptoms, whether these are anxiety, phobia-related avoidance, or depressive patterns. This can be achieved through a variety of interventions, including analyzing games, teaching better coping skills, and strengthening the Adult's control over impulsive behaviors.

2. Control Over Social Behavior: The therapist collaborates with the individual to enhance their social interactions, breaking free from destructive games and establishing more fulfilling relationships. This involves identifying the roles they unconsciously play, understanding the underlying exchanges that maintain these patterns, and empowering their Adult self to choose healthier ways of communicating and relating to others.

3. Script Resolution: By uncovering and examining the unconscious life script, the therapist assists clients in identifying and rewriting the underlying narrative that shapes their choices and limits their potential. This involves connecting childhood experiences to current patterns in love, work, and relationships, allowing the Adult to consciously challenge these limitations and create a more fulfilling life story.

Other Perspectives

• The focus on symptom alleviation might inadvertently contribute to a pathologizing view of mental health issues, where the goal is to remove symptoms rather than to understand them as potentially meaningful expressions of underlying emotional or psychological distress.
• Identifying unconscious roles may not always lead to enhanced social interactions; in some cases, it might initially cause discomfort or conflict as individuals adjust to new patterns of behavior.
• The process of connecting childhood experiences to current patterns could lead to overemphasis on past events, potentially neglecting the importance of present circumstances and future-oriented strategies in personal development.

Utilizing the Dynamic Between the Patient's Adult and Child With the Therapist

Berne emphasizes that the dynamic between the client and the counselor plays a crucial role in therapy. The therapist, primarily working from their Adult self, becomes a trusted ally, providing objective support, guidance, and validation for the client's Adult. This creates a safe space for the patient's inner Child to emerge, express anxieties, and begin to heal.

Transactional Analysis does not shy away from directly addressing the transferential dynamics that inevitably arise in therapy. By understanding the games the patient's Child might try to play, seeking to engage the therapist's Parent or Child, the therapist can maintain Adult boundaries, refusing to participate in these unhealthy interactions and instead directing the patient back towards their own Adult. This approach empowers patients to face their outdated patterns, break free from destructive cycles, and engage in more fulfilling relationships both within therapy and in their lives.

Other Perspectives

• The emphasis on the client-counselor dynamic might overlook the importance of the client's external environment and social context, which can also play a significant role in their mental health and the effectiveness of therapy.
• While the therapist may aim to work from their Adult self, it is important to acknowledge that therapists are human and may not always be able to remain completely objective.
• Some patients may not be ready or willing to confront and express their inner Child's anxieties, and pushing them to do so could potentially cause more harm than good.
• TA's structured approach to transferential dynamics might not resonate with all clients, particularly those who may benefit from a more fluid and less directive form of therapy.
• The concept of "unhealthy interactions" can be subjective, and what is deemed unhealthy in one therapeutic approach might be considered a necessary step in the therapeutic process in another.
• Breaking free from destructive cycles can be a complex process that involves more than just therapy, such as socioeconomic factors, support systems, and individual motivation, which are not addressed by this approach alone.

Using Transactional Analysis to Treat Marriages and Groups

Transactional Analysis proves particularly fruitful in group and marital therapy settings, offering a powerful language for understanding and modifying dysfunctional interpersonal dynamics. It provides a system for uncovering the repetitive games that families and couples play, and empowers individuals to break free from these destructive patterns and forge more genuine connections.

Uncovering and Modifying Dysfunctional Family and Couple Dynamics

In therapy sessions with groups, Transactional Analysis provides a lens for:

1. Identifying Roles: Group members can begin to recognize the roles they unconsciously play in their families and other social groups. This might involve identifying as the "Helper" who always assists others, the "Victim" who perpetually seeks empathy, or the "Critic" who finds fault.

2. Analyzing Transactions: The group setting offers a rich environment for studying transactions, observing how various ego states interact, and identifying the crossed and underlying interactions that maintain unhealthy dynamics. Members can witness how they contribute to unproductive games and learn to communicate more effectively from a rational and mature perspective.

3. Exposing Games: The collective dynamic can uncover covert behaviors that might otherwise remain hidden. Members can challenge one another's patterns, provide feedback, and support one another in breaking free from destructive cycles.

In marital therapy, the approach can:

1. Clarify the Marriage Agreement: It helps couples understand the unconscious contracts, both spoken and unspoken, that govern their relationship. This can involve clarifying their initial expectations, identifying the roles they assume, and examining the strategies they employ to avoid intimacy or retain power.

2. Modify Games: Understanding the hidden exchanges that drive their interactions can help couples begin to alter these patterns and establish more authentic communication. This involves recognizing the hidden motivations behind their behaviors, developing awareness of their triggers, and choosing to respond from their mature, adult perspective instead of engaging in hurtful, manipulative interactions.

3. Rewrite the Script: Transactional Analysis enables couples to uncover the unconscious scripts that keep them locked in destructive cycles, often rooted in early childhood experiences. By understanding these narratives, they can re-evaluate their choices, challenge limiting beliefs, and rewrite their relationship story, creating a more fulfilling and mutually satisfying partnership.

Practical Tips

• Start a "role-swap" challenge with a friend or family member where you consciously adopt each other's typical roles in a safe, non-confrontational setting. If you're usually the "Critic," try being the "Helper," and have your friend do the opposite. Discuss the experience afterward to gain insights into how these roles shape your behavior and how changing them can affect your relationships.
• Start a peer reflection circle with friends or colleagues to identify and discuss hidden behaviors. Meet regularly and create a safe space where each person can share personal experiences and receive constructive feedback. For example, if someone notices they tend to procrastinate on important tasks, the group can explore why this happens and offer strategies to overcome it.
• Create a "relationship contract" with your partner to openly discuss and document your expectations. Sit down together and write out what each of you expects from the other in various aspects of your relationship, such as emotional support, household responsibilities, finances, and intimacy. This exercise can help make unconscious expectations conscious and provide a clear reference point for future discussions.
• Start a weekly "no distractions hour" where you both turn off all electronic devices and focus solely on conversing with each other. Use this time to practice active listening and express thoughts and feelings that are often overshadowed by daily routines. You might find that without the buzz of technology, you're able to delve deeper into each other's experiences and viewpoints.
• Create a "relationship timeline" with your partner to visually map out the highs and lows you've experienced together. This activity allows you to identify patterns and recurring issues that may be rooted in limiting beliefs or childhood scripts. For example, if you notice that arguments often arise during periods of stress, this could indicate a belief that you must handle problems alone, a script potentially learned in childhood. By recognizing this, you and your partner can work on creating a new narrative that involves supporting each other during tough times.

Empowering Patients to Control Their Interactions

The power of TA lies in its capacity to empower individuals to take control of their transactions, both with themselves and with others. By understanding their ego conditions and the dynamics of their interactions, they can choose to interrupt unhealthy patterns, respond from their Adult ego conditions, and create more fulfilling relationships. In settings involving groups and marriages, this can lead to a transformative shift in communication, fostering genuine connection and mutual respect.

Practical Tips

• Create a personal transaction diary to track and reflect on daily interactions. Each day, jot down key conversations or 'transactions' you've had, noting what went well and what didn't. This will help you become more aware of your communication patterns and identify areas for improvement. For example, if you notice you often end up in arguments when discussing certain topics, you might work on approaching these subjects differently.
• Develop a "Pause and Reflect" habit before responding in conversations to ensure your reactions come from a place of maturity and thoughtfulness. Before replying, especially in heated or emotional situations, take a brief moment to breathe deeply and consider the most constructive response. This practice can help you respond from a calm, Adult ego state rather than a reactive, less mature state.
• Start a "no-interrupt" challenge in your marriage or group setting, where each person gets a designated amount of uninterrupted speaking time during discussions. Use a simple timer and agree on a set time, such as two minutes per person, to ensure everyone's thoughts are heard completely before anyone else responds. This practice encourages active listening and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings.
• Create a "Walk in Their Shoes" challenge where you spend a day mimicking the routine of someone you want to connect with, such as waking up at their usual time or engaging in their hobbies. This exercise promotes empathy and understanding, which are key to genuine connection and mutual respect. For instance, if you're trying to connect with a colleague who's passionate about running, join them for a morning jog to experience a part of their world firsthand.

Theoretical and Technical Considerations

Applying Transactional Analysis Outside of Clinical Practice

Berne envisioned the concepts of Transactional Analysis extending beyond the realm of psychotherapy, offering a potentially unifying language for diverse fields within the social sciences. Its concise and relatable terminology, coupled with its focus on observable behaviors and interaction patterns, holds the promise of bridging the gap between previously unrelated fields.

Potential for Common Language Across Social Sciences

For instance, consider how you might apply TA in:

• Education: Teachers could utilize the PAC model to better understand their students' motivations and learning styles. They could identify interactions that miss the mark, hindering effective teaching, and consciously shift their communication to engage students' Adult mode, fostering critical thinking and self-directed learning.

• Business: The concepts of games and scripts could be applied to analyze communication and power dynamics within organizations. Leaders could identify unproductive games that hinder creativity and collaboration, empowering employees to communicate more effectively from their Adult perspective and fostering a more productive work environment.

• Sociology: Transactional Analysis provides a framework for understanding social roles and interaction patterns within larger groups. Researchers could apply its principles to study communication within communities, analyze cultural frameworks, and even gain insights into the dynamics of disputes and societal change.

Practical Tips

• Design a "Learning Style Week" where each day you experiment with a different teaching method, such as visual aids, hands-on activities, or storytelling. Observe and note which students respond best to each style. This can help you identify their learning preferences without needing formal assessments, and you can later tailor your lessons to include a mix of methods that cater to the various styles.
• Use role-playing exercises during team meetings to uncover hidden dynamics. By assigning team members to play parts that are opposite to their real-life roles (e.g., intern becomes CEO, manager becomes entry-level employee), you can observe how communication styles and power dynamics shift, providing insights into how these factors operate in your actual work environment.
• Use social media as a tool to observe societal change and communication patterns. Follow a diverse range of groups and pages, and pay attention to the roles people take on in discussions (leader, follower, challenger, supporter). Reflect on how these roles contribute to the spread of ideas and societal shifts. This can give you a broader perspective on how transactional analysis plays out on a larger scale and how you might engage in social change initiatives.

Challenges Of Training Clinicians in Transactional Analysis

Despite its intuitive appeal and potential for broad application, training clinicians effectively in the Transactional Analysis model presents unique challenges.

• Unlearning Old Patterns: Therapists trained in traditional psychoanalytic models might struggle to shift their focus from unconscious dynamics to observable behaviors and social engagement. They might be resistant to the simplicity and accessibility of this model, finding it overly simplistic or lacking the profundity of psychoanalytic theory.

• Demanding Self-Awareness: Transactional Analysis requires a high degree of self-awareness from the therapist, demanding constant vigilance regarding the potential for engaging in counter-transference dynamics, unconsciously playing games with patients, or enacting their own Parental or Childlike states of ego in therapy relationships.

• Mastering the Terms: While Transactional Analysis's terminology is relatively simple and relatable, fully understanding its nuances and applying it accurately in therapy requires dedicated study, supervision, and ongoing self-reflection.

To address these challenges, Berne suggested a structured training program involving:

• Theoretical Foundations: A solid understanding of the theoretical basis of Transactional Analysis, encompassing ego states, transactions, games, and scripts, in addition to the integration of psychodynamic principles.

• Clinical Observation: Extensive practice in observing and examining interactions in real-time, both within therapy groups and in daily situations.

• Personal Therapy: Engaging in personal therapy with a trained Transactional Analysis therapist to gain greater self-awareness regarding their states of ego, strategies, and narratives, minimizing transferential issues and maximizing therapeutic effectiveness.

Other Perspectives

• The skills required for psychoanalytic work, such as close listening and interpretation, can be highly transferable and may enhance the therapist's ability to observe and engage with behaviors and social interactions in Transactional Analysis.
• While self-awareness is undoubtedly important, it may not be the sole factor in avoiding counter-transference; supervision and peer consultation can also play critical roles in identifying and managing these dynamics.
• The necessity for ongoing self-reflection to understand Transactional Analysis terminology might be overstated, as some individuals may grasp the concepts quickly due to prior knowledge or natural aptitude.
• The program could be criticized for potentially creating a one-size-fits-all approach to therapy, which may not be suitable for all clients or therapeutic issues.

Therapeutic Techniques and Principles for Optimal Application

Strategies For Introducing and Reinforcing Transactional Analysis Concepts

To effectively introduce and integrate transactional analysis concepts in therapy, Berne suggests:

1. Gradual Introduction: Begin by focusing on the Adult and Child ego states, introducing the Parent concept later on as the material naturally emerges.

2. Clinical Examples: Use concrete examples from the individual's personal experiences to illustrate the various ego states, transactions, and games. This helps make the theory relatable and empowers the client to recognize these patterns in their life.

3. Emphasize Observation: Encourage the client to actively observe their own thoughts, emotions, and actions, both during sessions and in their everyday interactions. This fosters self-awareness and strengthens their ability to differentiate between their states of ego.

4. Promote Action: Emphasize the action-oriented nature of this approach, empowering patients to take control of their interactions and enact positive transformations in their lives. This moves attention from analyzing the past to implementing solutions now.

Practical Tips

• Develop a habit of asking yourself "Why?" before reacting to situations. This simple question can prompt you to consider whether your reaction is coming from an Adult perspective based on the present reality or a Child perspective rooted in past experiences. For example, if you feel anxious about giving feedback, ask yourself why. Is it because of a negative past experience (Child), or is it based on the current situation and your role (Adult)?
• Use your smartphone to set random alarms throughout the day as prompts to pause and reflect on your current mental state. When the alarm goes off, take a moment to assess what you're thinking, feeling, and doing. This can help you become more mindful of your habitual actions and reactions, and over time, you may start to notice patterns that you can work on changing.
• Partner with a friend or family member to co-develop personal projects, ensuring mutual support and shared responsibility. This collaboration can help maintain momentum and provide a sense of shared purpose. If you're both interested in fitness, for instance, you could design a workout challenge together, keeping each other accountable and celebrating milestones along the way.

Navigating Patient Resistance: Integrating TA and Other Modalities

While Transactional Analysis offers a powerful framework for therapy, it's important to recognize potential resistances and integrate it effectively with additional modalities when indicated.

• Intellectualization: Some patients might try to intellectualize the concepts of this modality, using them as a form of intellectual game without truly engaging their own emotional experience or enacting behavioral change. Therapists need to address this intellectualization, redirecting the focus to the client's feelings and real-life interactions.

• Game Playing: Patients might unconsciously play games with the therapist, attempting to engage their Parent or Child ego states through seductive, rebellious, or helpless behaviors. Therapists need to keep Adult boundaries, refusing to take part in such games while redirecting the patient back to their own Adult.

• Fear of Change: Uncovering and modifying deeply ingrained scripts can evoke anxiety and resistance, as individuals confront long-held beliefs and fear the unknown territory of rewriting their life stories. Therapists need to provide a safe and supportive environment, validating these anxieties, yet gently guiding patients towards embracing the potential for growth and transformation.

In essence, Transactional Analysis serves as a versatile framework for understanding human dynamics and facilitating positive change, not a rigid or exclusive system. By integrating its principles with various modalities of therapy, sensitive to patient resistance and fostering a genuine therapeutic alliance, therapists can empower individuals to break free from destructive patterns and create more fulfilling lives.

Practical Tips

• Create a 'behavior change' challenge for yourself, where you pick one small habit you want to develop that aligns with an emotional goal, like expressing gratitude or setting boundaries. For instance, if you tend to intellectualize compliments, challenge yourself to simply say "thank you" and note the feeling, instead of deflecting or rationalizing the praise.
• You can observe your interactions with others to identify patterns that resemble game playing behaviors. Keep a journal for a week, noting down conversations where you felt like you were being pulled into a role, such as a caretaker or an authority figure. Reflect on these instances to see if you can spot triggers that lead to these dynamics and think about alternative ways to respond that would keep the interaction on an adult-to-adult level.
• Create a feelings journal where you record not just the events of the day but also the emotions associated with them. At the end of each day, write down significant interactions and how they made you feel. This can help you recognize patterns in your emotional responses and bring more attention to them in real-life situations.
• Volunteer for a cause that resonates with you to expand your sense of purpose and connection. Engaging in altruistic activities can provide a sense of fulfillment and help you step out of your comfort zone, fostering personal growth. Choose a volunteer opportunity that aligns with your values and interests, and reflect on how this experience contributes to your personal transformation.
• Develop a set of conversation prompts that encourage adult-to-adult interactions in your social and professional life. Use these prompts to steer discussions away from unproductive parent-child dynamics. For instance, if a colleague is being overly critical, a prompt like "Let's look at the facts together and find a solution" can shift the conversation to a more constructive adult-to-adult dialogue.
• Develop a "pattern interrupt" toolkit for immediate use when you recognize a destructive pattern: This could include a list of affirmations, a breathing exercise, or a physical activity like stretching or walking. When you sense the onset of a negative pattern, immediately use a tool from your kit. For example, if you tend to withdraw in social situations, your toolkit might include a reminder to ask someone a question about themselves to stay engaged.