PDF Summary:Think Like a Monk, by Jay Shetty

Former Vedic monk and award-winning content creator Jay Shetty claims that the route to happiness and fulfillment is to Think Like a Monk. According to him, monks are the calmest and happiest people in the world because they live with a sense of purpose that aligns with their true, inner selves.

Fortunately, you don’t need to cut yourself off from the modern world or shave your head to benefit from this mindset. Shetty draws from his experiences as a monk, ancient spiritual texts, and the latest psychological research to transform abstract concepts into actionable methods you can easily incorporate into your life.

In this guide, we’ve compared and contrasted Shetty’s key concepts with up-to-date psychological research and advice. In addition, we’ve expanded on his methods with actionable ideas from other self-improvement practitioners and psychologists.

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(Shortform note: If you feel tempted to criticize yourself at any point during this step, remember that the goal of reflecting on your past choices isn’t to judge or berate yourself for decisions you’ve made, but to increase your awareness of what types of decisions feel satisfying to you. You might find it useful to focus on self-compassion during this step. For example, acknowledge that you’ve been doing the best that you can, or consciously forgive yourself for any mistakes that you’ve made. By shifting your focus from criticism to kindness, you’ll be better able to understand your past decisions without falling into the trap of self-defeating thoughts.)

3) Evaluate your current goals: Shetty advises that you also assess how external influences have shaped the goals you’re working toward. For example, perhaps you’ve set the goal to earn a million dollars because you enjoy the challenge. On the other hand, perhaps you’ve set this goal because you feel pressured to prove your worth to others.

(Shortform note: According to research in the area of positive psychology, Shetty’s advice that you assess whether your goals align with your values may improve your chances of successfully achieving these goals. According to this research, you’re more likely to feel motivated and experience an upward emotional spiral (increased feelings of happiness and satisfaction) when you pursue goals that align with your values. This positive mental state allows you to access the best parts of yourself—your unique strengths and talents—and apply them to successfully achieve your goal.)

4) Identify how other people influence you: When you’re truly satisfied with yourself, you don’t feel the need to put on different personas to please different people. However, developing this strength of mind takes practice. While you’re working through the process of cultivating a monk mindset, Shetty suggests that you remember that the people you spend your time with influence you to think and behave in specific ways. Therefore, consider how you feel when you spend time with particular individuals or groups of people—do you feel like you’re getting closer to or further away from the values you want to live by?

(Shortform note: Research in the area of habit formation sheds light on Shetty’s advice to consider whether your values align with the people you spend time with. James Clear (Atomic Habits) argues that you have a natural tendency to engage in group mentality behavior—imitating others to fit in, to feel like you belong, or to generate the praise and respect you perceive them to have. Clear suggests that you seek out specific social groups that already live by the values you’ve chosen for yourself. This will make it easier for you to behave in alignment with your values because you won’t have to fight your natural tendency to conform.)

Focus On What You Can Control

Now that you’re beginning to define your values, you have a clearer idea of what feels meaningful to you. However, if you’ve developed the habit of thinking negative and unproductive thoughts, you may find it difficult to focus your attention and make decisions that align with how you want to live. So, we’ll conclude this first part of the guide by exploring methods you can use to counter negative thoughts, calm your mind, and gain a deeper awareness of what you need to feel satisfied and happy.

Shetty argues that you’ll never be able to fully control external circumstances (other people, situations, and so on). Further, attempting to control the uncontrollable only fuels thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable (for example, “they should act like this,” “that shouldn’t have happened”). Fortunately, there is something you can control that will massively impact the way you perceive, feel about, and respond to your experiences: your thoughts.

(Shortform note: Like Shetty, many law of attraction practitioners agree that your thoughts shape the way you feel and respond to your circumstances, and they agree that struggling to change external circumstances only creates discomfort and anxiety. However, unlike Shetty, they argue that your thoughts create your external circumstances and that you can control your experiences by aligning your thoughts with what you want. For example, they claim that you can change the way someone responds to you by focusing only on how you want them to behave. According to Shetty’s argument, this attempt at mentally controlling external circumstances will only fuel your discomfort.)

We previously discussed how the quality of your thoughts—whether they’re positive or negative—impacts your mental state. According to Shetty, positive thoughts spring from values that benefit your wellbeing: They focus your mind and allow you to make decisions that feel meaningful. On the other hand, negative thoughts encourage overthinking: They clutter your mind and encourage you to continue thinking distracting and unproductive thoughts.

(Shortform note: Multiple experiments confirm Shetty’s claim that your thoughts impact your mental state. Negative thinking habits lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. Further, studies confirm that negative thoughts are bad for your physical health. Prolonged negativity affects your hormones, immune system, sleep, brain, and digestion. Like Shetty, researchers suggest that you can improve your overall well-being by paying attention to the thoughts you focus on and how these thoughts make you feel. They also recommend undertaking a daily ritual such as meditation, therapy, or physical exercise.)

Productive Ways to Process Your Fearful and Negative Thoughts

Shetty argues that your negative thoughts do have one benefit—they offer guidance about what’s important to you. You’re more likely to have an opinion about a subject you care about than one that’s of no interest to you. Consequently, Shetty suggests that you first try to understand the triggers beneath your negative thoughts before you attempt to eliminate them. The more you understand why you think the way you do, the easier you’ll find it to address and change your negative thoughts.

(Shortform note: Many self-help practitioners agree that increasing your awareness of why you think negative thoughts is the key to changing them. Without this understanding, you’re more likely to believe that your negative thoughts are entirely rational (because your experiences justify your negative reactions), and you won’t feel motivated to change the way that you think about or react to your experiences.)

Shetty suggests six methods to help you understand and manage how you respond to your negative thoughts:

1) Notice, question, and change your negative thoughts: Shetty advises that you practice paying attention to your thoughts so that you can notice when you’re engaged in negative thinking. Next, consider where the negative thought is coming from and whether it reflects who you want to be. Finally, decide to think thoughts that make you feel better about the situation—beneficial thoughts tend to cast a positive light on yourself and others.

(Shortform note: Similar to Shetty’s method, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on asking questions to assess the rationality of uncomfortable thoughts and to explore other perspectives. This process helps you to examine and challenge uncomfortable thoughts so that you can find alternative ways to think about your triggers. The more you question the validity of your uncomfortable thoughts, the less likely you are to accept them as truth and allow them to rule your emotions.)

2) Appreciate what you do have: Shetty claims that your fears point you toward what you’re afraid of losing—the things you’re most attached to. However, when you accept that you can’t control how long any of these things will stay in your life, you change your relationship to the things that bring you fear: Instead of trying to control and hold onto the things you care about, you’re able to appreciate and enjoy what you have.

(Shortform note: Psychologists agree that disentangling the emotions you feel about the things you’re afraid to lose encourages peace of mind and allows you to fully enjoy what you do have. They suggest the following process to isolate and calm your fearful feelings: Write down everything you wish to maintain and keep. Then, clarify in as much detail as possible exactly why these things are important to you. Next, note down the specific fears you have about losing these things and reflect on how focusing this way makes you feel—do these feelings enhance or diminish your relationship with the things you care about? Finally, accept these fears as valuable indications of what’s most important to you.)

3) Get to the root of your fears: Shetty argues that, while your fears may appear to relate to a specific subject, they often arise from a broader, unconscious fear that’s been influencing all of your decisions. He suggests that you dig down and keep asking why you’re afraid of something so that you can resolve the fear at its root. For example, you're afraid of losing your job. Why? Because you worked so hard to get where you are. Why? Because your self-worth is tied to your achievements. Why?

(Shortform note: Like Shetty, clinical psychologists argue that the fears you’re conscious of have deep roots that you’re often unconscious of. They explain that there are five core fears related to loss that form the basis of all other fears: loss of love, identity, meaning, purpose, and life. So, in addition to trying Shetty’s process of asking “why,” consider which one of the five categories your fear falls into. For example, if you’re afraid of losing your job, it might be because your identity is tied up in your work, or because you don’t believe that you can feel a sense of purpose in another job.)

4) Detach from your negative impulses: It’s common to identify with our negative thoughts and feelings by saying, “I am [the thought or feeling]”—for example, “I’m scared,” or, “I’m sad.” Shetty claims that identifying with your thoughts in this way makes it difficult to disentangle yourself from the discomfort you’re feeling. He recommends that you view your thoughts and emotions as separate from you by saying, “I’m thinking about...” or, “I’m experiencing feelings of...” This allows you to detach yourself from any discomfort you feel and respond more objectively to your thoughts.

(Shortform note: According to clinical psychologists, the reason it’s difficult to disentangle yourself from negative thoughts is that negativity influences you to think judgmentally about your negative thoughts. This adds an additional layer of distress to your original negative thought and makes you feel powerless to change your thinking. For example, you berate yourself for your anxious thoughts because you feel like you should be more confident. This judgment disempowers you because it makes you feel like you’re flawed in some way, and it increases your feelings of anxiety. Like Shetty, psychologists recommend that you step outside your thoughts to avoid falling into the trap of self-judgment.)

5) Practice forgiveness to release self-destructive thoughts: Thoughts of shame, guilt, and anger often arise when you look back on the things you’ve done throughout your life that you feel ashamed or disappointed about. Shetty claims that the only way to move forward from these unproductive thoughts is to acknowledge why you feel this way and then to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you’ve made. In addition, he suggests practicing forgiveness towards those who trigger feelings of resentment or anger in you.

(Shortform note: In How To Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie expands upon the idea that you should forgive past hurts so that you can move forward and embrace success and happiness. He claims that holding onto past grievances takes away your power because it prevents you from focusing on what you want. These negative feelings can also harm your physical health and produce effects such as high blood pressure and insomnia. Carnegie’s suggestions for releasing grievances include looking for the good in every situation and focusing on something you’re passionate about.)

6) Focus on feeling grateful to block negative thoughts: Negative thoughts encourage you to focus on reasons to feel dissatisfied with yourself, your experiences, and other people. Shetty argues that practicing gratitude offers a way out of the tendency to focus on what’s not going well. According to him, when you feel gratitude, your focus on positive thoughts blocks negative thoughts from distracting you. The more you practice feeling gratitude for every experience in your life, the easier you’ll find it to remain positive and take advantage of opportunities that align with how you want to live.

(Shortform note: Even though we’re all aware of the benefits of gratitude—it promotes greater mental and physical wellbeing—it can still be difficult to practice, especially when things don’t seem to be going well. Like Shetty, many psychologists suggest that you establish a daily practice such as keeping a gratitude journal so that thinking positive thoughts naturally becomes part of your routine. Some self-help practitioners also advise that you use visual reminders to trigger thoughts of gratitude. For example, use a gratitude quote as your screensaver or place a picture of something you’re grateful for by your desk.)

Cultivate Inner Silence and Awareness

In addition to choosing more positive thoughts, Shetty suggests that you incorporate meditative practices into your daily routine to quiet your thoughts and cultivate inner silence. This will help you to reflect on your values and develop deeper insights about who you are, why you do things the way that you do, and why your experiences are the way that they are.

(Shortform note: Mental health practitioners confirm that meditation increases your self-awareness, encourages you to think positively, and improves your mental well-being. Consequently, meditative practices also help you to manage the symptoms of many stress-related health issues such as high blood pressure or tension headaches.)

One meditative practice you can try is breathwork. According to Shetty, your breathing patterns reflect your mental and emotional states: When your thoughts are positive and you feel relaxed, your breath flows easily. On the other hand, when you're anxious or angry, your breath becomes more ragged or irregular. Shetty argues that the reverse is also true: When you calm your breathing patterns, your thoughts also calm down. With practice, meditations focused on breathwork will become an immediate way to calm your thoughts and shift your mental state from negative to positive.

How Breathwork Slows Down Your Mental Activity

Research into brain wave patterns sheds light on why breathwork meditations calm your thoughts down and help you to think positively. Your mental activity is made up of four main brain wave patterns that adapt according to how active your thoughts are:

• Beta wave: When you’re consciously thinking

• Alpha wave: When you’re falling asleep

• Theta wave: When you’re asleep

• Delta wave: When you’re deeply asleep

The research indicates that, when you slow your breathing patterns down, you induce your body into a state of relaxation similar to sleep. Your brain wave patterns then fall in line to mirror your relaxed physical state. Even though you’re still awake and conscious, this state of physical and mental relaxation naturally slows your thoughts down and helps you to disentangle yourself from any negative thoughts that disrupt your calm feelings.

Part 2: Clarify

Now that you’ve discovered ways to calm your thoughts and think more positively, we’ll look at how you can use your newfound awareness to move toward happiness and satisfaction with conscious and deliberate intention.

Engagement Leads to Satisfaction

Shetty argues that the activities you enjoy offer a path to feeling more satisfaction and happiness. When you’re genuinely interested in something, you’re more likely to feel engaged when you think about it. This feeling of engagement makes you want to spend time perfecting your skills and makes you less prone to distractions. As a result, your feelings of satisfaction gather momentum without much effort on your part.

(Shortform note: We previously discussed how absorption in a task enhances your focus and discourages distractions, so it makes sense that the activities you enjoy encourage feelings of satisfaction. However, sometimes you’re too busy doing what you have to do to figure out what you want to do. According to the authors of Minimalism, there are four obstructions holding you back from discovering your interests: identity, status, certainty, and money. For example, you may focus all your energy on working at something you don’t enjoy because your sense of identity and financial security is tied up with the career status you’ve achieved. Therefore, consider how these four factors influence your ability to enjoy your day-to-day activities.)

Unfortunately, there are always going to be things that you need to do that don’t interest or engage you. However, Shetty claims that it’s possible to find meaning and satisfaction in any activity you do by finding different ways to think about it. Let’s explore the three methods Shetty suggests to help you feel more engaged and satisfied no matter what you’re doing:

1) Track the activities you take part in: Shetty recommends that you log every activity you get involved in and consider whether or not you enjoy them. Ask specific questions to uncover what exactly you enjoy or dislike about each activity. In addition, reflect back on times when you’ve performed at your best and felt satisfied with your accomplishments. Consider the patterns that link these experiences and how you can create opportunities for similar experiences in different circumstances or with different people.

(Shortform note: Gretchen Rubin (The Happiness Project) offers an interesting way to expand upon Shetty’s method. She suggests that, once you pinpoint the experiences that you most enjoy, you set an ambitious goal that requires you to actively focus on these activities. Having a clear goal will help you to prioritize the way you spend your time and create more opportunities for similar uplifting experiences. For example, Rubin’s love of writing inspired her to set the ambitious goal of completing a 50,000-word novel in one month. Her work on this goal led to a number of opportunities that now allow her to pursue writing as a full-time career.)

2) Reframe what you don’t enjoy: If you find yourself having to do things that you don’t enjoy, Shetty suggests that you reframe the way you think about them so that you can switch your focus from dislike to appreciation. For example, you dislike your job but you choose to focus on the transferable skills you’re currently honing. This allows you to find meaning in the skills you’re developing because they’ll serve you well in the job you’re aiming for.

(Shortform note: Interestingly, research in neuroscience and positive psychology shows that Shetty’s method of focusing on appreciation in one area of your life will heighten your feelings of satisfaction in all areas of your life. According to The Happiness Advantage, positive thoughts train your brain to find opportunities in adversity and to easily overcome challenges and setbacks. This creates positive momentum in your life and fuels further opportunities to feel happy and satisfied.)

3) Add to-be lists to your to-do lists: Shetty claims that focusing on who you want to be while you’re in the middle of an activity changes the way you perceive it and opens you up to experiencing it in a more engaging way. For example, every evening you have the frustrating task of trying to get your kids to finish their homework. When you consider who you need to be to achieve this (calm, patient), you switch your focus from feeling frustrated to feeling calm. This changes your experience of what’s happening and reduces the tension you normally feel when involved in this activity.

(Shortform note: Research on the topic of intention-setting confirms that when you focus on who you want to be more than on what you have to do, you increase your self-discipline when faced with conflicting choices about how to behave. For example, you usually use brute force to get your kids to do their homework. This method rarely works and only serves to increase your feelings of frustration. On the other hand, when you intend to be calm when dealing with your kids, you switch your focus from how you wish they’d act to how you want to act. As a result, you immediately know how to act (patiently) when you’re tempted to shout at them for their disruptions.)

Part 3: Exemplify

We opened the guide by discussing how you’ve been influenced by others throughout your life. Now that you’ve freed yourself from the influences that don’t benefit you and understand how to move toward happiness and satisfaction with deliberate intent, we’ll bring the discussion full circle. In this final part of the guide, we’ll explore how you can practice living your values in a way that positively influences the world around you.

Shetty argues that you can generate immense feelings of satisfaction and happiness by sharing your values, strengths, and compassion with others. He suggests that you begin to consider ways that you can make a positive difference and show your care for the people you value.

(Shortform note: Scientific research confirms that contributing to the wellbeing of others does make you happier. The studies showed that when you give (knowledge, assistance, time, or money) with the intention of helping others, you activate the same parts of your brain that are stimulated by pleasurable activities such as eating good food or having great sex.)

In addition, he suggests three methods to reveal more opportunities for you to make an impact:

1) Track where you spend time this week. What opportunities are there for you to leave a positive mark in each of these places?

(Shortform note: A practical way to complete this step is to take note of what you most complain about in your environment and to reframe these complaints into empowering questions. According to Tony Robbins, (Awaken the Giant Within), when you focus on asking yourself empowering questions, you encourage your mind to effortlessly come up with proactive solutions. For example, instead of complaining about the rubbish in your local park, ask yourself questions such as, “How can I help to clean this park up?” Or, “What do I need to do to encourage others to pick up their rubbish?”)

2) Think of three moments in your life when you would have benefited from help or guidance. Now think of a charity or cause for each of these areas. Do any of these have opportunities to serve that suit your unique skills and abilities?

(Shortform note: While this step does provide a way to come up with ideas to help others, it doesn’t necessarily help you find opportunities that align with your interests. For example, even if you once needed help navigating a tricky relationship, you might not be interested in helping others deal with the same issue. In The Success Principles, Jack Canfield suggests that you consider the philanthropic organizations you most admire to discover opportunities that align with your interests. Next, explore what needs they have for your skills or expertise so that you can come up with ideas to contribute to organizations that work in the same field.)

3) Regularly involve yourself in something that’s meaningful to you. This might take the form of pursuing a hobby or lending your support to a charity or political cause.

(Shortform note: If you’re worried about committing time to complete this step, consider ways that you can get involved from the comfort of your own home via the internet. For example, you can join mission-oriented groups that address specific problems, or you can volunteer your skills by assisting with tasks that can be done virtually and remotely. These methods provide an easy and convenient way to make a positive difference in the world without having to factor in commuting time.)