PDF Summary:The Unplugged Alpha, by Richard Cooper

In The Unplugged Alpha, entrepreneur Richard Cooper—best known for his YouTube channel “Entrepreneurs in Cars”—argues that modern men have been taught three big lies regarding how society works: that women are second-class citizens, that masculinity is a bad thing, and that humans are monogamous. To succeed, in your dating life and beyond, you need to move beyond these lies and transform your understanding of society and how to behave in it.

In this guide, you’ll go in-depth into the three lies and learn how to break free from them by becoming a high-value man. Then, you’ll learn how you can use this newfound status to become sexually successful. Along the way, you’ll discover how Cooper’s ideas compare to other experts’ and add some practical strategies for implementing Cooper’s techniques.

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4. Learn a martial art. Cooper explains that you must learn how to be violent when necessary so that you can protect yourself and your loved ones. Join a Mixed Martial Arts dojo and pick your favorite; Krav Maga is beloved by specialized military units worldwide.

(Shortform note: Contrary to Cooper’s recommendation, other experts warn against learning Krav Maga because it won’t provide you with any real-world fighting experience. As Cooper notes, Krav Maga focuses on only being violent when necessary and is so violent that it’s not permitted in professional MMA fights—but it’s so violent that many dojos won’t even let you practice sparring it. Instead, experts recommend that you learn a martial art you can practice fighting with so you can protect your loved ones effectively: Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which was originally developed as a street fighting technique, is a good choice.)

Pursue Riches and Respect

In addition to embodying masculinity, Cooper contends that if you want to become a dominant, you must become rich and influential. To do so, you must focus on your finances. The more money you have, the more attractive you’ll be to women, who are earning more than ever but still want someone who earns more than they do due to their hypergamy. Money will also help you gain influence, which is essential to becoming a dominant and stems from earning both a high income and respect. Aim to join the top 10% income bracket where you live. Ideally, you should become a millionaire by 40 at the latest: Consider becoming an entrepreneur, as it’s often the fastest way to earn millions.

Why and How to Make More Money

Studies agree with Cooper that women prefer higher-earning men: A 2019 study of Swedish couples found that even if the woman was higher-educated than the man, the man made more money than she did. However, experts suggest that this may not be evidence of female hypergamy but of the inequitable division of domestic responsibilities: Women are more likely to take on childcare (and thus do less paid work) if they have children, so they prefer high-earning husbands.

So since women prefer high-status and richer men, how can you become a millionaire by 40? While entrepreneurship is the fastest way to earn millions, as Cooper suggests, it’s also one of the riskiest—several entrepreneurs fail before making it big. Rather, The Millionaire Next Door authors Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko suggest that to earn millions, you must live frugally and plan your investments carefully. And avoid purchasing status symbols in pursuit of greater influence: The Psychology of Money author Morgan Housel argues that you can earn more respect (and thus influence) by embodying good values such as kindness.

In order to become and remain rich and influential, Cooper adds that you must learn how to distribute your energy efficiently. We have a finite amount of energy, so if we waste it on low-value activities (like complaining to customer service), we risk not having enough to spend on the high-value, energy-intensive activities that build wealth and influence (like building a business). Minimize this risk by taking regular cold showers: Since taking cold showers requires the self-control to endure discomfort, doing so regularly will increase the self-control you need to ignore low-value activities and instead focus on the activities that matter most.

How Taking Cold Showers Teaches You How to Distribute Energy Efficiently

In The Wim Hof Method, Wim Hof elaborates on how taking regular cold showers might improve your ability to distribute your energy efficiently. The cold causes a physiological response within your body that’s identical to your response to emotional stressors. So by training yourself to handle the cold through repeated exposure, you train yourself to handle other kinds of stress.

In some cases, we struggle to ignore low-value activities because they stress us out (like when we grow angry at customer service). By taking cold showers (and learning to handle stress), we may find that these low-value activities don’t stress us as much as they did before—and we thus have an easier time focusing our energy instead on high-value activities.

Master Social Skills

In addition to embodying masculinity and pursuing riches and respect, Cooper explains that to become a dominant, you must master two main social skills. First, learn to take your time evaluating whether someone is a worthy addition to your life—whether in business or in your personal life. Don’t let their words distract you and instead pay attention to their behavior. If they behave badly, they’re a negative influence whom you should cut off immediately.

(Shortform note: Research suggests that in situations where the other person’s actions are limited by an external factor, you should pay attention to their words instead of their behavior. In business, someone might be limited by what their company allows them to do. In your personal life, someone might be limited by factors like finances—like if a woman wants to go on a date with you but can’t afford to.)

Second, you must master the ability to successfully charm women by presenting yourself in the best possible light. Cooper recommends several texts to help you develop this skill, notably The Game by Neil Strauss. (Shortform note: Cooper doesn’t give specific tips to charm women, but Strauss suggests several techniques: Consider using gimmicks (like magic tricks) to impress women. Keep her wanting more by alternating between sending signals that you like her and signals that you don’t. For example, if you’re having a good conversation (a signal that you like her), look around the room (a signal that you don’t).)

How to Be Sexually Successful

Once you’ve become a dominant—which you can determine by rating yourself as described in the previous section—how can you get the women that you want? In this section, you’ll first learn who not to date. Then, you’ll learn how to date: What should you do to maximize your chances of finding good women? Finally, you’ll learn why Cooper strongly recommends against marriage—and how to proceed if you choose to get married anyway.

Who Not to Date

Cooper warns that dating the wrong woman can bring a host of problems into your life. As such, he argues, every man must learn how to identify whether a woman is bad for him. To that end, Cooper presents several warning signs that you should look out for when dating.

First, Cooper warns against dating women who are emotionally immature —those who are overly possessive, who regularly blow small issues out of proportion, or who don’t know how to calmly communicate any issues they may have with the relationship. Also, skip dating anyone with addictions or who lies constantly.

(Shortform note: What are signs that a woman is good for you? One key trait is emotional maturity. Unlike an emotionally immature woman, an emotionally mature one will be honest with you—even when she’s uncomfortable. She’ll be able to view situations from different perspectives—so she’ll be able to mitigate her jealousy even if she feels it and will be able to see why something might not be that big a deal. She’ll also be emotionally stable—unlike addicts in the early stages of recovery.)

Most importantly, leave immediately if she’s violent. Since men are commonly blamed for domestic violence even if they’re defending themselves from a woman’s attack, get evidence of her behavior to protect yourself.

(Shortform note: Despite Cooper’s warnings, men often struggle to leave abusive relationships—often because they don’t realize that their partner is abusive, especially if she’s not physically violent. Your partner may be abusive if she tries to scare you, makes you feel uncomfortable regarding sex, or isolates or insults you.)

Second, Cooper warns against dating women who exhibit signs of promiscuous behavior, as promiscuous women aren’t as able to have healthy, monogamous relationships. Don’t ask her how many sexual partners she’s had, as she’ll likely lie about her number. Instead, look at the company she keeps and her behavior. If her close acquaintances are promiscuous, she’ll likely be promiscuous. She also may be promiscuous if she regularly goes clubbing, posts provocative pictures on social media, or has any men in her life in a social capacity (friends included): These are all ways that she advertises her sexual availability to men.

What the Science Says About Promiscuous Behavior

How do Cooper’s claims compare to scientific research? One survey suggests that men are more likely to lie about their number of sexual partners than women: 23% of women have lied to a partner about their number compared to 42% of men. Whatever your gender, if you’re lying to make yourself seem like a better partner, there may be no point. Studies have found that people with only one sexual partner have the happiest marriages, but increasing the number of sexual partners doesn’t make a massive difference: People with mutiple partners are just 7% less likely to have happy marriages.

So what behaviors indicate promiscuity? While studies don’t indicate that the behaviors Cooper describes are directly associated with promiscuity, they may be indirectly associated. In some cultures, extroversion is associated with promiscuity—and extroverts may have more friends (both male and female) and may enjoy going out (to nightclubs) more. Additionally, women who believe they’re attractive are more likely to engage in promiscuous behavior—and if posting provocative pictures boosts a woman’s perception that she’s attractive, this may lead to promiscuous behavior.)

Third, Cooper warns against dating women who won’t value a dominant male. If she didn’t value the dominant male in her life growing up, she won’t value a dominant as an adult—so avoid women who have poor relationships with their fathers.

(Shortform note: Experts agree that women who have poor relationships with their fathers may struggle to form healthy relationships with men. However, this isn’t because she didn’t value the dominant male in her life. Instead, this is a failing on the father’s part: By not providing for his daughter’s needs, he doesn’t teach her how to interact healthily with men in general—and this pattern continues in the daughter’s life when she grows up.)

You should also avoid feminists: A feminist believes that all women (including herself) are second-class citizens. This means that she views herself as a victim—and this viewpoint ensures that she’ll never be content. Moreover, Cooper argues that modern feminism teaches women that men are evil—so no feminist will appreciate you as a dominant man.

(Shortform note: Cooper’s presentation of feminism is slightly misleading. Feminism doesn’t teach women that individual men are the problem. Rather, modern feminists usually want women and men to be treated equally under the patriarchy—which is the overall system that values men’s lives and contributions over women’s. So a feminist believes that she faces societal discrimination—and she might see herself as a victim, but this isn’t a guarantee. Rather, many people respond to this societal discrimination by taking action that improves the situation and makes them happy, such as by supporting organizations that empower women.)

Fourth, and most importantly, Cooper warns against dating single mothers—primarily because dating a single mother saddles you with the role of father but none of its accompanying benefits. The kids don’t carry your DNA or your last name, so you are by definition a cuckold (which is inherently bad).

(Shortform note: Contrary to Cooper’s claim, stories abound of children who’ve taken on their stepfather’s last name. In many cases, this is a choice the children made: Despite not sharing DNA with their stepfather, they view him as their “real” father because of the active role he played in raising (and disciplining) them.)

Furthermore, she’ll expect you to take care of the kids—and since single moms tend to choose low-paying careers (like nursing), this will likely include significant financial support. However, she won’t allow you to discipline them since they’re not biologically yours—and for that same reason, the kids won’t appreciate your contributions because you’re not their “real” dad.

(Shortform note: In Invisible Women, Perez elaborates on why single mothers might choose ostensibily lower-paying careers such as nursing. Many modern workplaces are designed for unencumbered workers: people who are able to work fixed hours because they’re not responsible for domestic care. Single mothers must be flexible to accommodate their childcare responsibilities—so they may choose careers that accommodate this flexibility, such as nursing. That said, nursing can be lucrative: One study found that 39% of nurses make over $80,000 annually.)

How to Date

Now that you’ve learned how not to date, we’ll discuss Cooper’s recommendations for how to navigate the dating scene successfully. In this section, you’ll first learn why and how to date several women at once. Then, you’ll learn when to date one woman—and how to pick the right person.

Why and How to Date Many Women

Cooper argues that to date successfully, you must date several women simultaneously. This strategy has two main benefits. First, it reduces the possibility that you’ll continuously pine after one woman (who’s usually disinterested in you). This is because by dating multiple women, you recognize that there are many great women and so don’t grow unhealthily attached to any one in particular. Second, dating many women teaches you which women you should focus on: You learn who you like and whether she’s interested or not.

(Shortform note: In Attached, Amir Levine and Rachel Heller suggest that anxious attachers— people who are preoccupied with making their relationship solid and constantly seek reassurance from their partner—are particularly prone to growing unhealthily attached to one person and so should definitely date multiple people. By doing so, anxious attachers will learn how to identify not just the women they like and whether they’re interested, but also how to evaluate which women are able to give the reassurance they need.)

So how do you date many women? The first step is to find them—which many modern men do online. To do so successfully, Cooper recommends that you first ensure that you’re at least 7/10 using the test recommended previously. Second, get good photos that make you seem as attractive as possible: Hire a professional photographer and get real women online to evaluate the pictures using a website like Photofeeler. Third, write a short profile quickly conveying that you’re high-status. Cooper suggests highlighting your job, your connections, and your interests. Fourth, message her only a few times: Start with a playful question. If she’s responsive and clearly interested, get her phone number to schedule a time to meet.

How Other Relationship Experts Recommend Meeting People Online

Like Cooper, How to Not Die Alone author Logan Ury argues that good photos are essential to a successful online dating profile, and that you should try to meet your matches as quickly as possible instead of messaging forever.

Unlike Cooper, Ury recommends having a friend with a good camera (instead of a professional photographer) take your photos and suggests that you get your friends (not strangers) to evaluate the photos. Ury also doesn’t encourage a short profile that highlights generic qualities like your jobs, connections, or interests; rather, she argues that your profile should highlight specific details about yourself that spark conversation—for example, you should write, “My favorite travel memory is when I went spelunking in Tasmania,” instead of “I like to travel.”

When you do message someone, Ury recommends that you start with a detail that references something on your match’s profile. And Ury doesn’t specify that you should get her phone number before scheduling a time to meet—it’s fine to schedule your date using the app on which you met.

So how do you navigate the date itself? Cooper recommends that you meet halfway between your places: A woman who’s genuinely interested will make the effort to come meet you. Additionally, keep it short—no more than an hour: This is enough to determine whether there’s a genuine connection.

(Shortform note: How should you navigate your first date if you meet in real life? In Models, Manson recommends that you meet within walking distance of either your place or hers and that you schedule at least three separate hour-long activities to do on the date. The more activities you do together, the greater connection you’ll develop—and if you can walk to either of your places, the easier it will be to have sex at the end of the date.)

Assuming the date went well, Cooper explains that the next step is to try to have sex by the third date: This ensures that she sees you in a sexual light and that you two work well in the bedroom. To do so, exchange explicit messages after the dates. If she’s uninterested, say goodbye—she doesn’t see you as a dominant male. If she’s receptive, invite her to your home. Crucially, always use a condom and throw it away yourself. This is the only way you can ensure that you don’t have—and are thus financially responsible for—any unwanted children.

What Other Relationship Experts Say About Building Up to Sex

Other relationship experts recommend having sex not after a specific number of dates but after spending 36 hours together, which is long enough to get to know each other but short enough that your desire for each other hasn’t waned yet. When you do exchange explicit messages, they recommend building up to explicit messages with flirty ones—otherwise, you risk her growing unreceptive not because she sees you as non-dominant but because you’ve violated her consent.

If she is receptive, that’s a good sign; one study found that women willing to sext are more likely to discuss safe sex (so she may be more receptive to using condoms and having you throw them away yourself). But even if she is receptive, remember that inviting her to your home may have disadvantages: Notably, it’s harder to kick her out in the morning.

When and How to Date One Woman

Eventually, Cooper admits, you may want to date only one woman—but he recommends doing so only if you’re in your 30s or above. If you’re younger, you haven’t dated enough women to determine who is a good candidate for monogamous dating. Moreover, you should be focusing on yourself and becoming a dominant instead of spending time building a relationship. You can still date if you’re in your 20s, but you should only have casual sexual relationships. Don’t treat these women like girlfriends: In other words, don’t introduce them to people you know, and only spend time with them when it’s convenient for you.

(Shortform note: In How to Not Die Alone, Ury warns that not dating anybody long-term can have drawbacks. Ury argues that dating is a skill: You learn how to have both casual and serious relationships by actually being in them. So if you only focus on casual relationships in your 20s, you won’t learn the skills necessary to sustain a long-term relationship in the future—like how to adjust your schedule or introduce your girlfriend to people you know.)

But what if you’re past your 20s? Cooper says that you can consider making someone your girlfriend only if you meet several conditions, including the following. First, you must have been sleeping with her (and other women) for at least six months. Second, she asks to be exclusive: This indicates that she’s decided you’re the highest-status male in her life.

(Shortform note: Like Cooper, dating experts agree that you should date for a while before becoming exclusive. However, unlike Cooper, they suggest waiting just two months—long enough to pass the infatuation stage—before discussing exclusivity. And they don’t insist that the woman must bring up exclusivity: Rather, one blogger argues that since you would both be equal partners in the relationship, it is both of your job to initiate the exclusivity conversation.)

Third, if she wants to be exclusive, ask her to tattoo your name on her body and see how she reacts. If she sees you as a dominant with whom she wants to spend her life, she’ll happily tattoo your name.

(Shortform note: Cooper doesn’t consider that a woman might be reluctant to tattoo your name on her body not because she doesn’t see you as a dominant to commit to but for other reasons. For example, she might not like tattoos, or she might be concerned about the health risks: Tattoos can cause skin infections, and we don’t yet know the long-term health consequences of injecting tattoo ink under the skin.)

If you choose to make someone your girlfriend, you must decide whether you’ll be sexually exclusive to her. Pointing to the historical precedence of dominants with harems, Cooper explains that a woman would rather share her dominant than settle for a non-dominant. But if you choose to continue sleeping with other women, you should tell your girlfriend beforehand. However, don’t let this become a two-way street: If she is also sleeping with other men, this is now “polyamory”—and may indicate that she sees you as a non-dominant in your relationship.

Understanding Polyamory

Contrary to Cooper’s definition, most people define a polyamorous relationship as one in which the involved parties consensually have romantic relationships with other people (and not just each other). By this definition, if you sleep with other people, you’re now in a polyamorous relationship—even if she remains faithful to you. People in polyamorous relationships contend that any structure can work as long as everybody involved is honest—otherwise, their actions may constitute infidelity.

Since polyamory encompasses a wide variety of relationship paradigms, they may cross gender lines. Cooper doesn’t indicate whether a woman who wants to sleep with other women also sees you as non-dominant, or if this is only true whether she wants to sleep with other men. But historically, women in harems have engaged in same-sex relationships with the other women in the harem. Since Cooper implies that women were only happy to be in a harem with dominant men, this implies that a woman who engages in same-sex activity while being your girlfriend still sees you as dominant.

How to Get Married (Or Not)

You’ve now learned how to date, but what if you want to move toward marriage? In this section, you’ll first learn why Cooper strongly advises against ever getting married. Then, you’ll learn his recommendations for how to proceed if you marry someone despite these warnings.

Why You Shouldn’t Get Married

Cooper contends that men should steer clear of marriage primarily because the risk of divorce is too great. As Cooper points out, even if you do get married, you’re likely to get divorced. This is partly because the family law of many modern countries financially incentivizes women to divorce their partners: In fact, women are most likely to grow rich via divorce. (Shortform note: It’s unclear why Cooper states that women gain their riches via divorce; rather, studies indicate that American women are most likely to reach the top 1% of earners by marrying rich men (and not divorcing them).)

Cooper explains that a divorced woman receives three major financial benefits from her ex-husband that entice married women to divorce their partners. First, if he earned more than her, she’s entitled to alimony payments—and thus a significant chunk of his future earnings—so that she can maintain her previous lifestyle. Second, she’s entitled to half of the shared assets. This may include assets he had before the marriage—even if they signed a prenuptial agreement, since the judge may deem it no longer valid. Third, if she gains primary custody of the children (as most women do), she’s entitled to child support—an amount that often exceeds the needs of the children because it’s based on government data.

How Divorce Harms Women’s Finances

Despite Cooper’s contention that women want to divorce because it financially benefits them, several studies have found that women often experience serious financial hardship after divorce.

First, despite receiving alimony payments, women’s household income falls by 41% after divorce, while men’s income falls by only 23%. This is likely because women are more likely to leave the workforce to care for children and thus, they have a gap on their resumé and can’t earn as much as they used to.

Second, when splitting assets, women tend to choose assets that provide their children with stability but that are expensive, such as a house; men tend to choose appreciating assets like retirement funds. Women also must split not just the assets but the debts—and they’re often unaware of the secret debts their ex-husbands have accumulated.

Finally, even when non-custodial parents are charged child support amounts based on government data, less than half of them pay the full amount—leaving the custodial parents (usually women) with a significant financial burden they’re often unable to meet.

In pursuit of these benefits, Cooper warns, women will go to extreme lengths that may harm your emotional health and put you at higher risk for suicide. She might try to get your children to hate you. Notably, she may make false domestic violence charges—which allows her to force you to financially support your children without contacting them or being involved at all in the day-to-day parenting.

(Shortform note: Like Cooper, researchers suggest that alienation from one’s children may contribute to the high rate of suicide among divorced men. Unlike Cooper, researchers are unclear (due to a lack of evidence) whether women are likely to make false domestic violence charges, although one study did find that child custody evaluators believed that 26% of mothers’ allegations were false. But even if the domestic violence charge is substantiated, the risk of not being able to parent your children may not be as common as Cooper claims. In such cases, 40% of evaluators recommend joint legal custody—which means that both parents are able to make child-rearing decisions—”half of the time” to “always.”)

How to Marry Right

As Cooper notes, you may decide to get married despite his warnings. If so, he recommends that you do the following to ensure the best possible results.

First, choose the right woman. Cooper references The Tactical Guide to Women which states that she should be mature and stable and have clarity. Cooper adds that she should be good at handling stress, willing to change her name to yours—and thus demonstrate that she’s committed long-term—and earn a relatively similar income to yours so that you don’t have to pay as much in alimony in the event of a divorce.

What Other Experts Say About Marrying the Right Woman

What do other experts say about marrying the right woman? The Tactical Guide to Women elaborates on how to tell if a woman is mature, stable, and clear: She’s emotionally mature (handling stress well and taking full responsibility for her emotions), mentally stable (lacking mental health issues), and clearly address conflicts instead of skirting around the issue.

Other experts agree that an emotionally stable spouse is good because she’ll help you handle challenges. Additionally, they suggest that marrying someone with a similar income results in the happiest marriages, not because it makes divorce easier (as Cooper notes) but because both parties feel that they have an equal say in important decisions, like where to live.

However, contrary to Cooper, experts don’t suggest that she must be willing to change her last name to yours. If she’s at least willing to combine her name with yours, that would also demonstrate that she’s committed to you long-term.

Second, spend sufficient time with her. Cooper again references The Tactical Guide to Women, which explains that a woman who wants to get married might pretend to be someone she’s not in pursuit of her goal—so wait at least two years to get to know her well. Cooper adds that you must also cohabitate during this time to really know her; he recommends a minimum of six months.

(Shortform note: Relationship experts agree that waiting about two years before getting married is a good idea. However, this is not because your girlfriend might be putting on a facade—rather, within two years, you should face enough challenges together to understand whether you’re compatible. And if you cohabitate during this time, How to Not Die Alone author Ury recommends clarifying your expectations with your partner: If she sees cohabitation as a step toward engagement and you only see it as a test run, you both may face heartbreak.)

Finally, Cooper recommends that you do your legal homework. Prior to marriage, visit a divorce lawyer with your partner to understand the potential ramifications of divorce. Write a prenuptial agreement—and then write a post-nuptial agreement to maximize the chances of the prenup’s terms being honored in court. Finally, if you have children, live somewhere that splits custody by default to minimize the risk of never seeing your kids.

(Shortform note: If you live in the United States, what else can you do to minimize the potentially damaging effects of divorce? In addition to a divorce lawyer, consider meeting with a financial counselor to fully understand the financial risk you’re undertaking. When drafting a prenup, be honest about your financial situation—lying can invalidate the prenup. Know how your state views postnups: For example, New Jersey will only honor postnups that are “fair and just” both when they were signed and when the divorce occurs. And if you have children, pay attention to what your state defines as split custody so that you can see your children as often as possible: For example, the “shared custody” split in Texas is 75/25 instead of 50/50.)