PDF Summary:The Mental Toughness Handbook, by Damon Zahariades

In The Mental Toughness Handbook, Damon Zahariades provides a step-by-step guide to building mental fortitude and resilience so you can confront challenges and navigate adversity. Mental toughness is a state of mind that you learn and earn through hard work, persistence, and patience. You build it by controlling negative emotions, cultivating your self-confidence, and reframing failures and setbacks as opportunities.

Damon Zahariades is a productivity expert and owner of ArtOfProductivity.com, where he explores time management strategies, reviews productivity apps, and teaches people how to create habits to get more done and enjoy their free time. He has also authored other books on these topics, including The Time Management Solution and The Art of Letting Go.

This guide is broken into two parts. In Part 1, we’ll examine what mental toughness is and some of its key benefits. In Part 2 we’ll discuss how to cultivate mental toughness. We’ll also contextualize, compare, and contrast Zahariades’s work with that of mindfulness, mental health, and other experts.

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(Shortform note: Research suggests that the simple act of writing a letter expressing gratitude can improve your mental health by shifting your focus away from toxic emotions and making it harder to ruminate. Further, this practice appears to have lasting impacts on the brain, lighting up the area associated with learning and decision-making and training it to become more sensitive and responsive to the experience of gratitude over time.)

Strategy 2: Build Your Confidence

Zahariades says that to be mentally tough, you have to be confident in your ability to navigate difficult situations. You can increase your confidence by challenging negative self-talk and validating yourself.

Respond to Your Inner Critic

Zahariades says that we all have an inner critic that judges and tells us we’re doing things poorly. The critic’s goal (though misguided in its messaging) is to keep you safe from harm—a relic of evolutionary strategies aimed at managing risk by assuming the worst. When your inner critic bombards you with negative talk, like, “You’ll never make it!” “Everyone thinks you’re stupid!” and “You can’t do anything right!” respond to it with positive self-talk. This will prevent it from eroding your confidence in your ability to manage difficult situations and try new things, which can limit your progress.

(Shortform note: In How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie argues that you should be your own worst critic so you can: a) prevent others from beating you to the punch, and b) learn and grow from what’s not working. Recognizing and welcoming hard-to-hear criticism that comes from a well-intentioned place (which Zahariades says is what your inner critic is doing) will give you feedback that will help you become better and stronger.)

To do this: Be on the lookout for attacks from your inner critic. When they arise, address them immediately by showing yourself the same kindness you’d show a close friend who’s feeling down.

For example, if your inner critic says: “You can’t do anything right!” counter that negative message with: “That’s not true. Today I fed and walked my dog, worked so I can pay my bills, and called my grandmother to say ‘hi’, which made her feel special.” Being compassionate toward yourself will make you feel more confident, which will help you deal with difficult situations more effectively and increase your willingness to take risks, fortifying your mental toughness.

Validate Yourself

When you rely on others’ approval to feel confident and tell you what, when, and how to do things, Zahariades says you learn not to trust yourself and your capabilities. In contrast, when you validate yourself—by recognizing your unique talents, skills, and knowledge base—you can navigate challenges and uncertainty more effectively.

To do this: List the biggest things you lack confidence about and steps you can take to diminish their impact on your self-assurance. For example, if you lack confidence in your ability to make decisions, commit to making at least one low-stakes decision each day to increase your confidence. This might be something as small as choosing a new salad dressing at the grocery store or reading a new book every other week to expand your knowledge base. Doing this repeatedly will build your confidence in and positively reinforce your ability to make decisions.

(Shortform note: Mental health experts say that validating yourself comes with another benefit: It allows you to be your most authentic self, which helps you strengthen your identity and manage challenging emotions. They recommend two strategies to validate yourself: First, when you doubt yourself, reflect on your past successes to remind yourself of your capabilities. Second, focus on staying in the present moment so you can attune to your genuine needs, which will help you be true to yourself.)

Strategy 3: Confront Challenges Courageously

Zahariades argues that to be mentally tough, you have to demonstrate courage in the face of adversity even when the outlook is poor. When you identify and address challenges proactively and with an action-oriented mindset, you offset feelings of paralysis and prepare yourself to respond to the obstacles you face productively and with confidence.

To do this: Accept the situation directly and refuse to let it overwhelm you. Zahariades acknowledges that this can be a tall order if, for example, you’ve been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or lost a loved one. But, he says, when you’re able to regain control over your mind, you’ll be better prepared to address the problem.

(Shortform note: In High Performance Habits, Brendon Burchard argues that high performers confront difficult situations by adopting a mindset of gratitude for hardship that helps them overcome fears and navigate obstacles. Getting into this mindset starts with appreciating that adversity is often required to achieve success and that it toughens you up by helping you develop a thick skin and character. To cultivate this mindset, welcome the challenge. Recognize that there’s no easy road to success and that tasks that frustrate you will help you grow. And when the road gets rough, remind yourself that better times are ahead and that you’re working toward your goal.)

Strategy 4: Reframe Failure and Obstacles As Opportunities

Zahariades says that when you change your perception of failure, you won’t feel like a victim of difficult situations. To be mentally tough, view failure as an inevitable part of life and valuable feedback that you can learn from—rather than something that’s bad or a reflection of your poor character or inadequacies.

When you’re open to learning from your mistakes, you’re telling yourself that it’s okay to not be perfect, and you have the capacity to grow, persist, and succeed. When you repeatedly approach setbacks with this mindset, you train your brain to see future challenges as opportunities to grow from, and you can make the best of challenging situations. Zahariades says this will leave you feeling inspired, not defeated, bolstering your ability to manage the situation and your mental toughness.

(Shortform note: Reframing failure is crucial to cultivating a growth mindset, which is based on the belief that you can always improve your abilities with hard work, persistence, and the right learning strategies. In Mindset, Carol Dweck provides a step-by-step guide to adopting a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset (the belief that your personality and intelligence are innate and unchangeable). First, consider when and why your fixed mindset appears. Second, name your fixed mindset persona to remind yourself that that’s not who you want to be. Third, tell your fixed mindset that you won’t allow it to control you.)

To do this: When you make a mistake or fail, immediately acknowledge and dispute any negative thoughts that arise by telling yourself that this is a chance to learn and become better. Zahariades says this fosters a non-toxic headspace that will allow you to engage in the situation with a positive, creative mindset. Engaging in this process repeatedly will make it habitual.

(Shortform note: In Black Box Thinking, Matthew Syed offers a step-by-step process to learn from your mistakes. First, think about a habit you’d like to develop—for example, to play the piano an hour each day—and begin that habit. Second, each time you finish playing the piano, reflect by journaling about the experience. Third, note any mistakes you noticed and your thoughts on where things fell apart: Maybe you realize you had a hard time concentrating because you had too many cups of coffee that morning. Finally, use that data to get a better outcome next time: The next morning, drink just one cup of coffee before you practice the piano.)

Strategy 5: Develop Long-Lasting Habits

Zahariades says that developing habits bolsters mental toughness by giving you a consistent, stable practice to turn to in difficult times. Habits aren’t just a thing you do, they’re a reflection of your values and priorities. For example, if you run every day, you likely care about your health and, maybe, the time and mental space that running gives you to think and clear your head. Because habits are rooted in things you care about, they serve as an anchor in a way that willpower, motivation, and inspiration—which can come and go—do not.

(Shortform note: In High Performance Habits, Brendon Burchard says that high performers consistently engage in six common habits that support their other goals. Two key habits are: (1) improving your health, which builds energy, focus, and contentment, and requires that you regularly eat healthy foods, work out, and get enough sleep; and (2) developing a network of people who support you by being generous and helping others in order to earn their trust and respect.)

Zahariades recommends that you practice building several mental habits to increase your mental toughness, including self-restraint, focusing exclusively on situations you can impact or control (and ignoring those you can’t), and committing to embracing change.

Habit 1: Self-Restraint

Zahariades says that learning to resist your immediate impulses—whether that’s eating a piece of cake or telling someone you went on one date with that you love them—teaches you to tolerate discomfort. Training your mind to live without the thing you crave at any given moment improves your cognitive resilience and ability to ignore distractions, bolstering your mental toughness.

(Shortform note: Researchers say that people with high levels of self-control are typically described as having a strong ability to resist temptation. But current research suggests they’re actually better described as being able to avoid temptation. In a study, researchers found that participants with high levels of self-control opted to work in distraction-free environments over more appealing settings with more distractions. Further, people with high self-control reported resisting impulses less frequently than those with low self-control precisely because, researchers theorize, they avoid temptations entirely rather than leaning on their self-control to resist them.)

To do this: Make a plan for how you’ll resist your impulses when they arise. This could include finding a substitute for the thing you desperately want—preferably something healthy—to ward off the worst of your temptations. For example, if you’re craving cherry Pop-Tarts, grab a bowl of actual cherries. Further, reward yourself for resisting your impulses. When you positively reinforce yourself for doing the hard work of not caving to your craving, you’ll be more inclined to continue doing it.

(Shotform note: Psychologists offer other suggestions for dealing with temptation. If you can’t avoid it entirely, do your best to work around the situation. For example, if you’re trying not to eat sweets and are at an event with a tempting dessert table, stay as far away from that table as possible. If that’s hard to do, find a way to distract yourself: Find someone to talk to or take a walk to the bathroom. Finally, think about ways to make the thing that tempts you less appealing: When you look at the plate of cookies, picture someone presenting you with a tray holding a five pound bag of sugar on it and telling you that you have to eat the entire bag at once.)

Habit 2: Focus Only on Situations You Can Impact

Zahariades says it’s a waste of time and energy to focus on things beyond your control, so it’s important to recognize what you can and can’t change and focus only on the former. This frees your mind to focus your attention where it’s most valuable.

To do this: Pay attention to the amount of time you spend thinking about things you can’t control, and refocus your energies on things you can impact. For example, instead of wasting time wondering if your boss will think the report you’re working on is good enough, focus on making it as good as it can be.

(Shortform note: Another reason to focus only on things within your control is that when you focus on too many things your brain goes into information overload, which can negatively impact your memory. When you push the brain’s working memory beyond its capacity, your cognitive functioning and efficiency deteriorate—and when you continually overload the circuits you harm both short- and long-term memory functions. To avoid overload, neuropsychologists recommend two things: First, filter out information you don’t need by taking a break from technology, so you’re not perpetually bombarded with it. Second, prioritize the flow of information you receive by turning off your push notifications.)

Habit 3: Commit to Embracing Change

When you consistently seek out and commit to change, Zahariades says you normalize the process of stepping outside your comfort zone and into the unknown. Welcoming this practice as an opportunity to take control of your life rather than waiting passively for change to happen builds and reinforces your confidence and ability to do it more often.

To do this: Set small, achievable goals to increase your chances of success and the feeling of reward you experience when you accomplish them. This will encourage you to continue setting and achieving new goals.

For example, if you’re not a naturally neat person but want your house to feel less cluttered, don’t set a goal of cleaning your entire house all at once, which could overwhelm you and stop you from starting. Instead, start with a small goal each day, like making your bed when you get up or washing dishes right after you use them. You’ll see immediate progress in your neatness and have less physical and mental clutter around your home, which will allow you to relax in your home.

(Shortform note: In Switch, Chip and Dan Heath say the earliest stages of change are the most challenging because even after you’ve made a change, you still have to give it time to sink in. Even though this can be uncomfortable—because new behaviors don’t feel normal or familiar—there’s good reason to stick it out: The more you do the new thing, the more you’ll get used to and appreciate it, experiencing the “mere exposure effect.” In addition, when you repeat behaviors enough, you begin to associate your identity with them, making it easier to do them. For example, if you bake every day, you’ll start to see yourself as a baker, which will encourage you to continue baking.)

Strategy 6: Embrace Boredom

Zahariades says that boredom is a natural part of the process of mastering anything, including mental toughness, so you have to welcome it in your life. He argues that practicing any skill over prolonged periods of time—whether throwing a baseball or practicing the oboe—comes with moments of tedium, so it’s important to view boredom as an opportunity, not something you dread.

To do this;

• Acknowledge boredom when you feel it. When you pay attention to and recognize that you’re bored, you won’t be consumed by negative feelings associated with it, like irritation or frustration (which can happen if your brain is on autopilot).
• Meditate. When you bring your mind into the present moment you’re better able to stay calm when you feel bored. This allows you to refocus and move forward more productively.
• Remind yourself of your bigger goal. When you stay focused on the goal that your boring work leads to, you’ll be more able to stay committed to achieving it.

(Shortform note: Experts say that boredom isn’t just something you have to deal with, it’s actually good for you. Boredom gives your brain a chance to recharge and can trigger creativity and problem-solving. When your brain completes an intense task, it stops exerting significant energy and goes into a resting state where a network of regions works to consolidate memories, process learning, and daydream about the past and future. During this time the brain also wanders “mindlessly,” thinking freely and safely, developing solutions to problems. You can embrace boredom by spending time in nature, taking a break from technology, and giving yourself time away from activities to rest.)