PDF Summary:The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp

In The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp argue that many leadership models are unsustainable because they don’t prioritize self-management and maintaining a healthy work-life balance. This causes leaders to burn out, lose their passion, and succumb to an unhealthy culture of competition and greed. As a result, employees disengage, turnover soars, and organizations break down from within. To overcome these issues, the authors argue that leaders must learn to understand and manage their emotions and mindset, communicate effectively with others, and align their actions and behaviors with their goals and commitments.

Dethmer, Chapman, and Klemp present 15 commitments that conscious leaders must uphold to run an effective organization, which we’ve synthesized into eight primary behaviors. We’ll explain what each behavior is, why it’s important, and how to put it into action. In our commentary, we’ll further discuss how to improve your leadership abilities and adopt the authors’ recommended behaviors, citing experts like Brené Brown (Dare to Lead) and Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth).

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How to Be Authentic

Let’s dive deeper into two of the elements of authenticity: addressing problems honestly and directly with the people involved, and upholding your commitments.

Element #1: Address Issues Honestly and Directly

First, the authors note, being authentic requires you to address issues honestly and directly with the people involved. To do so, initiate a conversation with the other party. Bring up the issue, expressing that your intention is to preserve your good relationship, and ask when might be a good time to talk about the situation in detail.

(Shortform note: As well as deciding when to have your in-depth conversation, make a clear plan for where it’ll take place. Offer to meet with the person on neutral ground—for instance, in a company meeting room rather than your or their personal office—to avoid one party feeling more comfortable or powerful than the other. Your relationship is more likely to remain strong if you approach the conversation as equals.)

When it’s time for your in-depth conversation, list the objective facts of what happened, and then explain your thoughts, feelings, and judgments about those facts. For example, you might say, “I noticed that while I was sharing my report, you were working on your laptop rather than listening to me. This made me feel angry and worried that you don't see my work as valuable.”

(Shortform note: The authors of Crucial Conversations agree that in a difficult conversation, you should lead with the facts—not your interpretation of the facts. They note that facts are less controversial than opinions and thus less likely to create discord. Further, because facts are neutral observations of what happened—rather than potentially insulting judgments about what happened—they’re less likely to offend others and put them on the defensive.)

To close, admit your role in creating the difficult situation and present your solution. For example, you might conclude by saying, "Perhaps I should've clarified what my expectations are for how people follow along with my presentations. Next time, I'll do this before I start my presentation."

(Shortform note: Others warn against claiming responsibility for a negative situation if you truly had no hand in causing it. While taking some blame may smooth things over and help everyone move on quickly, it may also unfairly damage your reputation—especially if the infraction was serious. It may be safer to instead focus solely on solutions: Help the other person make a plan for avoiding a similar infraction in the future.)

The authors warn to avoid gossiping—discussing an issue with people not involved, and talking about those involved in a pejorative way. This perpetuates the original issue and can create more conflict in the long run.

(Shortform note: According to other experts, gossiping may not be as negative as the authors suggest here—in fact, it can have some benefits. For example, sharing a piece of gossip about someone’s triumph or mistake gives the listener an example to either emulate or avoid, hopefully avoiding future problems. Gossip can also help new hires to learn the subtle rules and social norms of their new workplace, increasing the likelihood that they’ll thrive. Finally, gossiping about something (or someone) that’s frustrated us can soothe those strong emotions—something that may prevent future conflict.)

Element #2: Uphold Your Commitments

The authors explain that being authentic also requires you to uphold the commitments you make to others. They present three guidelines for doing so:

1) When making a commitment, be clear about what each person will do and when they’ll do it—including yourself. Ensure that everyone involved will uphold their commitment.

2) If you realize you can’t uphold your original commitment, tell the rest of the group immediately. If possible, adjust what you’ll do and when you’ll do it.

3) Resolve past broken commitments by acknowledging your failure to the people involved and asking if there’s a way you can fix it.

(Shortform note: Telling people that you have to break a previously-arranged commitment, or acknowledging and making up for a past broken commitment, can be nerve-wracking—especially if you’ve previously tried to ensure that everyone will keep to their word. To make this difficult conversation less stressful, provide a kind and straightforward explanation for why you’re unable to uphold your commitment. Don’t over-explain or over-apologize—keep things simple. Further, before offering to fix the situation, consider whether or not you actually have the bandwidth to do so—this may prevent you from getting roped into another commitment you can’t uphold.)

Behavior #5: Practice Gratitude

The authors argue that effective leaders must also practice gratitude. This involves being grateful for everything that comes your way and accepting gratitude from others.

Practicing gratitude may help you to focus more on what you have, rather than on what you want. This can prevent jealousy, competition, and dissatisfaction—things that ultimately lead to conflict with your colleagues.

(Shortform note: While the authors focus on the benefits of gratitude in the workplace, practicing gratitude may also positively impact your overall well-being. Some studies have linked being grateful to lower disease risk, lower levels of anxiety and depression, and reduced pain.)

How to Practice Gratitude

To practice gratitude, the authors recommend paying attention to and celebrating even the smallest positive aspects of the things and people around you. For instance, if a subordinate submits a report, appreciate not just the whole piece, but the careful construction of each sentence and the clarity of the conclusion. This will give you more aspects of something to be grateful for; and, the more you express gratitude for things, the more valuable they’ll feel to you.

(Shortform note: It’s possible that feeling grateful for the small things becomes easier as you get older. Younger people may be more likely to focus on big-picture aspirations—for instance, finding the right career and finding the love of their life. They therefore don’t notice the small-scale joys in life and don’t think to be grateful for them. Then, as more years go by, we experience more difficulties in life—relationship challenges, career stresses, and disappointing failures. We’re more inclined to seek small pockets of gratitude under these circumstances as a respite from our struggles.)

Further, express gratitude to others. The authors explain that effectively expressed gratitude has a few components: Your statement must be genuine, reference the specific details you're grateful for, and use as few words as possible. That way, the other person will quickly understand exactly what you appreciate and why. They’ll also see you as more sincere—rambling on can make people doubt you’re being serious.

(Shortform note: In Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg echoes the authors’ advice to be genuine and specific when expressing gratitude. In particular, he recommends explaining what the person did, what needs their actions fulfilled, and what positive emotions that fulfillment created. For example, you might say “Your presentation was so comprehensive that the audience truly saw things from your perspective. I saw people tearing up in the audience. They felt moved enough to give you a standing ovation.” Further, whereas the authors of 15 Commitments recommend being as concise as possible, Rosenberg encourages you to be as detailed in your gratitude as you see fit.)

Finally, accept gratitude from others. The authors recommend thinking of gratitude as a present—if someone gave you a present, it would be rude to refuse it.

(Shortform note: In How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie warns that it’s important not to expect gratitude from others. This is because gratitude is a cultivated skill (that not everyone has), while ingratitude is human nature. If you expect gratitude from others, you’ll likely end up disappointed and resentful, and again, focused on lack. Instead, take enjoyment from the process of giving without expecting anything in return.)

Behavior #6: Reach Your Full Potential

Another behavior of effective leaders is reaching your full potential. The authors note that this means doing work that you love, that comes naturally to you, and that utilizes your unique skills and abilities. Leaders who reach this state maximize their creativity and motivation, producing high-quality work for their organization.

(Shortform note: The benefits of finding a role you thrive in may extend beyond the workplace. You may also enjoy better health due to reduced stress; improved relationships due to improved overall happiness; and higher confidence, as you focus on doing the things you’re best at.)

How to Reach Your Full Potential

To reach your full potential, you must identify what work will enable you to excel and then seek that work. Consider what work you enjoy the most, what work you do best, and what work best utilizes your skills.

(Shortform note: Here, the authors focus on the internal factors that will help you excel: the things that depend solely on you (your preferences, skills, and talents). However, many external factors—factors outside of your control—can also influence whether or not you excel in a certain role. When searching for your ideal work, consider whether or not your prospective employer values things like creating a positive working environment, supporting employee growth, and supporting employees to achieve their personal goals: These factors will arguably help you to excel. Meanwhile, the lack of them will likely produce a frustrating workplace experience.)

Next, the authors explain, you must mitigate the fears that can come from chasing success. Many people hold back from reaching their full potential because they’re afraid—that the success won’t last, that it’ll be too much for them to handle, and that they can’t possibly achieve and maintain something so wonderful. To overcome this fear, the authors recommend doing something mundane straight after achieving something incredible—for instance, cleaning your shower just after learning you’ve been promoted to your dream role. This tricks your nervous system into associating extreme success with normality, quieting your fears that the success is too good to last or accept.

Finally, encourage others to reach their full potential and do fulfilling work. Leaders should ask each of their team members what work they find most fulfilling and do their best to integrate this type of work into each person’s responsibilities.

(Shortform note: The authors of Primal Leadership explain that supporting your team members in this way is characteristic of a coaching leadership style. To lean into and develop your coaching abilities, work one-on-one with employees to identify both their career and personal aspirations, and help them create an action plan to achieve them. Further, motivate employees to overcome obstacles and accomplish difficult tasks that might be hindering their progress.)

Rewire Your Brain for Success

Here, the authors recommend intentionally reprogramming your brain so that success no longer scares you. In Awaken The Giant Within, Tony Robbins elaborates on this type of neural conditioning. He explains that our brains connect certain stimuli with either pain or pleasure based on our experiences—these connections are called neuroassociations. When we have painful neuroassociations with something, we fear and avoid it. On the other hand, pleasurable neuroassociations cause us to seek out associated stimuli or experiences again in the future.

Robbins notes that we can create new neuroassociations to override painful ones and make us more open to certain experiences. By following the authors’ advice and doing something mundane after achieving success, you arguably form a new neuroassociation that tells your brain success is safe and normal, not something to be feared.

According to Robbins’s explanation, you might make yourself even more inclined toward success by rewarding yourself with something pleasurable after moments of success. After reaching a new level of success, do something that makes you feel happy and supported, like having a nice dinner with your loved ones. Your brain will then associate the pleasure from this activity with being successful, making you more likely to want to achieve more success in the future.

Behavior #7: Prioritize Happiness and Positivity

Next, the authors argue that to be an effective leader, you must prioritize happiness and positivity. Doing so will help you avoid stress, increase your energy, and maximize your effectiveness.

(Shortform note: In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor agrees that happiness has these benefits. He notes that the happiness-boosting habit of practicing gratitude raises energy. Further, he explains that happiness reduces stress due to a psychological phenomenon called the “doing effect.” Doing something happiness-boosting just before a stressful moment can help to mitigate that stress. Finally, Achor notes that happiness boosts work performance by making you more focused, more innovative, and less likely to call out sick.)

How to Prioritize Happiness and Positivity

The authors suggest a few methods for prioritizing happiness and positivity.

Method #1: Find Contentment Within Yourself

The authors explain that many leaders struggle to feel happy in life because, like many humans, they believe they lack three things: safety, acceptance, and power. They therefore seek these three things externally—for instance, they try to gain safety by acquiring financial power over others, or they prioritize getting rich so they can feel accepted by their community.

However, believing you lack these factors and chasing them externally doesn’t lead to happiness. Instead, it causes dissatisfaction, stress, and suffering. This is because true contentment comes from recognizing you already have these things within you—you don’t “lack” anything at all.

Finding contentment within is the only way to achieve authentic, long-lasting happiness. To do so, acknowledge the external factors you seek (such as power over others or wealth), and then simply release these wants—try to exist in the moment as a person with no wants. Once you reach this state, acknowledge that you and your life are enough: It was only your wants that caused dissatisfaction. Once you release wants, you can feel content just with yourself.

Achieve Fulfillment by Becoming One with Your Inner Self

In A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle agrees that humans struggle to find happiness because they try to mitigate feelings of lack by seeking external factors like wealth and power. He elaborates that these feelings of lack stem from our ego, which has an underlying fear of never being enough—safe enough, accepted enough, powerful enough, and so on.

Tolle explains we seek to fulfill these needs externally because our ego mitigates feelings of lack by inflating our self-image and gaining superiority over others. For example, the fancier your house is, or the more powerful position you have at work, the more “full” you’ll feel. However, like the authors of 15 Commitments, Tolle argues that searching for fulfillment externally (living in a state of what he calls “object consciousness”) only causes you more suffering because no matter how much you inflate your image, there will always be someone who’s better than you. This leads to what Tolle calls an “endless cycle of wanting,” in which you’ll never reach happiness because there's always something “more” you’ll need to gain to achieve it.

Similarly to the authors of 15 Commitments, Tolle argues that the only way to find contentment is to break free from your feelings of wanting—a process that he calls becoming one with your inner self, or your “pure consciousness.” We achieve this state by reaching a state of being or presence. Tolle says being has three components:

1) Nonattachment: When we no longer form attachments to things, we’ll no longer generate greed, consumerism, and pollution caused by the endless cycle of wanting.

2) Nonjudgement: When we no longer judge things as “right and wrong” or “good and bad,” we’ll no longer have unrealistic expectations that cause disappointment, anger, resentment, and other forms of suffering (for instance, if we judge something as “good” and it turns out to be “bad”).

3) Nonresistance: Consequently, we’ll cease resisting what simply is and can’t be changed.

The authors of 15 Commitments recommend adopting nonattachment in this section (releasing wants), and nonresistance in the next section (going with the flow). They also recommend a process similar to nonjudgement when discussing how to take accountability—viewing any situation as neither good nor bad, right nor wrong, but just as something that is.

Method #2: Have Fun and Go With the Flow

The authors explain that having fun and going with the flow also helps you feel more happy and more content in life. Having fun (what the authors call “play”) involves making time to do seemingly meaningless activities for the sake of enjoyment. Going with the flow means accepting rather than resisting uncontrollable circumstances in your life—acknowledging that they happen, and deciding how to move forward with creativity and flexibility to joyfully build upon what life gave you.

(Shortform note: When defining play and discussing its benefits, the authors cite the research of Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist and play researcher who founded the National Institute for Play. According to Brown’s research, play not only improves people’s physical and emotional well-being but is also fundamental to healthy human development. His research shows a link between a lack of childhood play (or play deprivation) and a future propensity to violence and other antisocial behaviors. Brown argues that healthy play is a means of developing important social-emotional skills and preventing potentially violent antisocial behavior.)

Method #3: Actively Change Things You Dislike

The authors explain that taking action to change things that you find unsatisfactory is key to developing a positive mindset. Many people see flaws in the world around them—whether in their relationships, their work, or society at large—and complain rather than taking action to improve things. This encourages the negative belief that things are imperfect and always will be. Instead, view imperfections as things you can change and opportunities to make the world a better place.

Achieve Lasting Positivity by Addressing the Underlying Issue: The Negativity Instinct

The authors’ recommendation to view flaws in the world as opportunities for change may encourage a more positive outlook temporarily. However, it might not be enough to instill lasting positivity due to a phenomenon called the negativity instinct. As Hans Rosling explains in Factfulness, this instinct convinces us that the world is fundamentally bad and getting worse.

Because of the negativity instinct, even if you successfully manage to instill positive change in one aspect of the world around you, you’ll likely keep seeing more and more apparent flaws in need of change. In turn, this may trigger a more pessimistic outlook—you’ll see problems everywhere, and you’ll know that nobody could possibly solve them all. You may feel that trying to improve the world around you is a lost cause.

To overcome the negativity instinct and adopt a more permanent positive outlook, Rosling recommends focusing on ways in which the world has improved, seeking out positive news, and not romanticizing the past (which we often view as a “better time” due to rose-tinted nostalgia).

Behavior #8: Adopt a Mindset of Abundance

Finally, the authors argue that you must adopt a mindset of abundance to be an effective leader. In other words, believe that there are enough external resources (jobs, money, and so on) to go around—specifically, enough resources to make everyone happy.

In contrast, leaders with scarcity mindsets believe that there aren’t enough external resources to go around. Therefore, they believe that instead of collaborating with others, they must greedily compete with and triumph over them to survive and thrive.

(Shortform note: In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown also highlights the negative outcomes of scarcity discussed by the authors, which she classes as narcissistic behaviors (competition and greed) and disengagement (a lack of willingness or ability to connect with others). Brown adds that scarcity causes people to experience shame (the fear that we’re unworthy of connection and belonging). To overcome scarcity, Brown argues that leaders must adopt a mindset of wholeheartedness. Wholeheartedness not only requires you to adopt an abundance mindset, as the authors recommend, but also to practice vulnerability as a means of overcoming shame.)

How to Adopt a Mindset of Abundance

The authors offer two main recommendations for combating a scarcity mentality and focusing on abundance instead:

Recommendation #1: Meditate on Abundance

The authors explain that practicing an abundance meditation can help you release your scarcity mindset by grounding you in the present moment. They note that we often adopt a scarcity mindset when we focus on either things we lacked in the past or things we might lack in the future. When you use meditation to focus on the present, you realize you have everything you need to feel satisfied, and you experience feelings of abundance.

(Shortform note: Focusing on the present, rather than the past or the future, may do more than help you overcome the scarcity mindset—it may also improve your overall mental health. Some research has linked being present to reduced stress and more emotional stability.)

To practice an abundance meditation, the authors recommend first focusing on what your body’s doing right now—your heartbeat, your breathing, and so on. Next, focus on the fact that your body feels complete—there’s nothing you’re missing. Then, focus on the present moment and acknowledge that there’s no past or future: Only right now exists. Finally, recognize that in this moment, you have more than enough to feel satisfied.

Staying Focused During Your Abundance Meditation

The authors’ abundance meditation involves focusing on four specific things: your bodily sensations, the completeness of your body, the present, and your abundance. If you have a naturally wandering mind, get easily distracted, or aren’t used to practicing focused meditation, the idea of keeping your attention on these specific elements may feel daunting. Here are some tips for retaining focus during a meditation session:

• Pick the right environment. Meditate somewhere quiet, comfortable, and secluded to avoid distractions and interruptions.

• Prepare your body. Make sure you’re well-fed and well-rested before meditation so you don’t get distracted by hunger or fatigue.

• Pay attention to distracting thoughts, then move past them. Trying to ignore distracting thoughts won’t get rid of them—they may even come back stronger. Instead, acknowledge that you’ve had the thought, then let it leave your mind. Don’t interact with the thought any further than this.

Recommendation #2: Find Solutions That Benefit Everyone

The authors explain that leaders often struggle to develop effective solutions to problems or questions because their scarcity mindset tells them that only one party can triumph. To release this mindset and embrace a mindset of abundance instead, start looking for solutions that please as many people as possible—ideally everyone.

(Shortform note: Although the idea of finding a mutually beneficial solution seems hard to oppose—if everyone wins, who’s left to disagree?—some experts argue against this approach. For instance, negotiation coach Jim Camp asserts that win/win approaches often mean that the more powerful party pushes the other into a less-than-ideal compromise. In Start With No, he posits that a win/win mindset pressures both parties to rush to any agreement rather than doing the haggling necessary to reach the best deal.)