PDF Summary:Stop the Tall Man, Save the Tiger, by Peter Young

For years, Robert Booty wielded undue influence over author Peter Young's spouse and family. In Stop the Tall Man, Save the Tiger, Young reveals how Booty gradually isolated them through deceit, paranoia, and brainwashing tactics. As Young struggled to understand his crumbling faith and relationships, Booty gained control by twisting Scripture to justify authoritarian behaviors, cutting Young off from outside support.

Escaping Booty's grip proved enormously challenging for Young, but he ultimately found redemption by reconnecting with loved ones. Their steadfast support helped liberate Young from Booty's poisonous influence, allowing him to reclaim his life, marriage, and spiritual well-being.

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Context

• Such isolation can have significant emotional and developmental impacts on children, affecting their sense of security and relationships with extended family.
• Relocating to a new state often means losing established support systems, such as friends, family, and community resources, which can be crucial for both the parent and children during times of transition.
• The act of isolating oneself and one's family from others can be seen as contrary to the Christian ideal of community and fellowship. Christianity often encourages believers to engage with and support their community, fostering relationships that reflect love and compassion.

Other Perspectives

• The children's isolation might have been a temporary measure intended for their protection or to provide a period of adjustment, rather than a permanent state of seclusion.
• The term "shunned" might be too strong if Paige maintained some form of minimal contact or had intentions to reconcile in the future.
• The emails could have been a form of venting or seeking support from Young, rather than a public condemnation of the individuals mentioned.
• The language in the emails might reflect a shared belief system or vocabulary common within their community or group, rather than direct mirroring of Booty's pronouncements.
• The use of strong language to describe those who disagree could be a result of deep emotional hurt or past trauma rather than a sinister intent.

Paige's Adoption of Booty's Toxic Beliefs and Parental Alienation

The author believes Booty’s influence poisoned Paige’s perception of fatherhood, parenting, and womanhood, which in turn, led her to adopt toxic beliefs and engage in parental alienation. Paige’s adoption of Mr. Booty's vocabulary and thought patterns, coupled with her unwavering faith in his supposed superior understanding of God's Word, led her to engage in acts of parental alienation that were clearly abusive. After Paige left him, Young discovered that she had told their three youngest children that he (Young) was a devil, a sorcerer, a deceiver, and a fraud who endangered their lives by filing a legal petition for parental rights. This kind of brainwashing was incredibly damaging to the kids and is what prompted Young to petition the judicial system for protection through a legal advocate for minors.

Young describes how Paige even went so far as to refer to her children as her "projects,” a term that made Young's skin crawl because it clearly came from Booty. This was also consistent with the way Booty would talk about his own two sons. There was something about the way Booty used this term that implied that kids were just projects that Booty could work on and improve, rather than acknowledging them as God's children meant to be nurtured with love and grace. Paige's embrace of Booty's toxic outlook on parenting and manhood emboldened her to attack every facet of Young's fatherhood. She even told their children that Young was merely a “sperm donor” and encouraged them to consider Booty as their true father.

Practical Tips

• Volunteer at organizations that support diverse family structures to gain firsthand experience with different parenting styles and gender roles. Engaging with single parents, same-sex couples, or stay-at-home dads can provide a broader understanding of the many ways to approach parenting and womanhood, helping to dismantle any toxic beliefs you've absorbed.
• Develop a co-parenting communication charter with the other parent that emphasizes respectful and constructive language about each other in front of the children. This agreement should include specific phrases or topics to avoid and can be drafted during a co-parenting counseling session or with the help of a mediator. Regularly review and update the charter to ensure it remains effective and relevant.
• Create a "positivity pact" with a friend or family member where you both commit to avoiding negative character labels and instead focus on constructive feedback. This can help foster a supportive environment and encourage personal growth rather than perpetuating harmful stereotypes.
• Develop a personal "project portfolio" for tracking your growth in various aspects of life, such as hobbies, fitness, or education. Use a journal or digital app to set milestones, reflect on progress, and plan next steps. This can help you visualize your life as a series of projects, each with its own objectives and timelines, making it easier to stay motivated and celebrate achievements.
• Implement a "Skill Swap" with your child where you both teach each other something you're good at, fostering a mutual learning environment rather than a one-sided improvement project. This could involve your child teaching you about their favorite video game while you teach them how to cook a family recipe, emphasizing the joy of learning together without pressure.
• Develop a custom board game that centers around your family's unique story, including the roles of different family members. Design the game with spaces or cards that highlight significant moments and the contributions of the parental figures, turning it into a fun and interactive way for children to understand and appreciate the family dynamics.

Peter Young's Struggle to Protect His Relationships and Family From Booty's Impact

Young details his struggle to safeguard his relationship and loved ones from Booty's destructive grasp. While recognizing Booty's strange and bizarre beliefs, Young initially believed he could mitigate Booty's adverse impact on Paige by encouraging open communication and working through the differences. However, Booty’s authoritarian and manipulative style prevented them from working through their differences, and instead, divided Young and Paige. Paige's unquestioning reliance on Booty's pronouncements about truth and morality led her to view Young, even years into their marriage, as a non-Christian, thereby justifying any and all actions and judgments against him.

Author's Diminished Authority and Respect in Family due to Booty's Manipulations

Booty's influence not only undermined Young's position as a Christian man, but also as a spouse and parent. As Booty became the dominant authority for Paige, every decision, every thought, every belief, and every value that didn't align perfectly with Booty’s worldview was suspect and in need of correction. This dynamic created an unhealthy, one-sided relationship where Booty’s will was enforced by Paige through criticizing and judging Young and his kids. Young recalls an episode in 2000 where Booty angrily scolded Young's son, Thomas, for innocently disagreeing with him. Thomas was only two years old then. Years afterward, Paige’s justification for not intervening in that episode demonstrated how much respect Booty held in her view. He could do anything he pleased, and Young had no recourse or authority to challenge him.

Young describes how, in 2015, Paige requested that Booty act as their marriage counselor. This shocking request was a turning point in their marriage as it revealed Booty's total control. Young objected but reluctantly agreed. Booty controlled their first counseling session, claiming Young had walked away from their marriage years before. Even more disturbing, during that same session, Booty assured Paige she didn't make a past error. While he never specified the error he meant, Young was convinced he meant marrying him.

Context

• Typically, a marriage counselor is a neutral party who helps couples resolve issues. If the counselor is biased or has a personal agenda, it can exacerbate existing problems rather than resolve them.

Other Perspectives

• The idea that Young had no recourse or authority to challenge Booty presupposes that all family decisions must be unilateral or that Young's authority should be absolute, which may not be conducive to a healthy family dynamic where multiple voices are heard and respected.
• The dynamics of authority within a relationship can be complex, and what appears as dominance to one party might be seen as partnership or guidance by the other.
• Paige's behavior could be interpreted not as respect for Booty, but as a result of manipulation or coercion, which would suggest a lack of agency rather than a deliberate choice to show respect.
• The effectiveness of Booty as a marriage counselor cannot be assessed solely based on Paige's request; it would require an evaluation of the counseling outcomes.
• The claim might overlook Young's efforts in the marriage, as it does not account for any attempts he may have made to engage with or improve the relationship.
• The lack of specificity about the "past error" Booty refers to leaves room for misinterpretation, and it's possible that he was not referring to the act of marrying Young at all.

Emotional and Relational Ruin as Booty Tore Family Apart

Young believes Booty's influence ultimately led to the destruction of his marriage and family. Initially, a few disturbing anecdotes from Paige's parents about their family guru escalated over the years as Paige more fully embraced Booty’s teachings. As Paige’s dependence on Booty deepened, her reliance on her husband decreased, and eventually led her to embrace Booty's warped pronouncements of judgment over the love and compassion a Christian should display towards others, especially loved ones. Young recounts how in 2016, after Paige had stayed with Booty in California for a week, she returned home convinced they needed to move from their beloved home outside of Ashton, Idaho because Booty had predicted a deadly, imminent volcanic eruption at nearby Yellowstone National Park. Paige felt afraid and was insistent, even though Young loved the home and location and tried explaining how absurd Booty's pronouncements were. Paige insisted, and they moved shortly thereafter.

Young details how the emotional and relational ruin he suffered after Paige asked him to let her become a surrogate mother for Booty’s son, Thad, was akin to having his heart crushed. The suggestion was startling, but the consequences destroyed him. Paige went so far as to say, on multiple occasions, that Robert Booty was far more mature than Young, and any child he had would be more successful and influential for the Lord than one born to Young. Booty, Paige, and her mother and father all believed in Paige's assessment of her husband. It was truly remarkable that Paige never followed through on the surrogacy idea, not because Young convinced her to abandon it, but because, in a rare admission of error, Booty informed her pledging to God without Young’s approval went against the Bible.

Context

• When one partner in a marriage becomes deeply involved with a group or leader, it can create a divide in the relationship. The partner not involved may feel alienated or powerless, leading to emotional and relational conflicts.
• Charismatic leaders often exert significant influence over their followers, who may become deeply committed to their teachings and ideologies. This can lead to a shift in personal beliefs and priorities, sometimes at the expense of existing relationships.
• In some religious or spiritual movements, followers may be encouraged to adopt extreme or unconventional beliefs, which can lead to conflicts with family and friends who do not share the same views.
• Yellowstone National Park is situated on a supervolcano, which has had three major eruptions in the past 2.1 million years. While scientists monitor the area closely, there is no current evidence to suggest an imminent eruption.
• Surrogacy can be an emotionally complex process, often involving deep personal and ethical considerations. For a spouse to suggest surrogacy for another person's child can feel like a profound betrayal, challenging the foundational trust and intimacy in a marriage.
• When individuals are deeply invested in a belief system, they may experience cognitive dissonance if confronted with conflicting information. To resolve this discomfort, they might elevate the leader's status to justify their continued commitment.
• In some religious contexts, decisions like surrogacy can be influenced by interpretations of religious texts or beliefs about family and procreation, which might explain Booty's eventual advice against it.

Spiritual Struggles and Faith Crisis Caused by Booty

Through the tactics Booty employed, Young endured periods of profound spiritual struggle and crisis. Booty’s constant questioning of Young’s faith created an environment where Young became obsessed with the nature of salvation, his acceptance of Jesus Christ, and God's plan for his life. Basically, Booty created the problem then positioned himself as the answer. This “problem/answer” paradigm created an unhealthy dependency where Young could only find peace by seeking the man's constant approval.

Initial Acceptance and Reliance on Booty's Teachings Despite Unease

Early on in their marriage, Young admits he was initially accepting of certain Booty pronouncements and teachings simply because Paige believed so fervently in him. Eventually, Young began to appreciate parts of the knowledge Booty imparted in areas like politics, history, and economics. However, Young continued to harbor reservations about Booty, especially regarding his peculiar interpretation of Christianity, his claims of Jewish conspiracies, and his antisemitic remarks.

The Writer's Conflict Reconciling David Booty's Teachings With Faith

Young reveals the internal conflict he experienced trying to reconcile Booty's teachings with his own faith, along with the faith of his family and other Christian mentors. This conflict intensified with Booty's growing judgment and criticism toward Young, his family, and even the larger church. While Young saw value in Booty's unique preterism views, he struggled to overlook the hateful pronouncements regarding Jewish and non-Jewish people. His attempt to reconcile this inner conflict prompted him to introduce Booty to Whitehall Church, hoping a positive, iron-sharpening-iron experience would result. Sadly, it didn't. Booty was unimpressed with the Whitehall leaders and even demanded a pastor recall his recent book and rewrite several pages to properly address Booty’s viewpoints on race identity.

Practical Tips

• Engage in role-reversal debates with a trusted friend or family member. Take turns arguing for the other's beliefs or teachings while the other defends your viewpoint. This exercise can help you explore the reasoning behind different beliefs and develop empathy for other perspectives, which can be crucial in reconciling conflicting ideas.
• Reflect on your own judgments by keeping a "Judgment Journal" where you note down instances when you feel critical of others. At the end of each week, review your entries and identify patterns or triggers that may be contributing to conflict in your relationships. This self-awareness can help you approach situations more empathetically in the future.
• Volunteer with organizations that work towards intercultural understanding and cooperation. By contributing your time and effort to these causes, you not only help others but also immerse yourself in environments that celebrate diversity. This hands-on experience can be a powerful way to break down barriers and build empathy for people from all walks of life.

The Author's Doubts About His Salvation and God's View due to Booty's Interference

Young explains how Booty’s pronouncements of judgment and assertions of superior knowledge, coupled with his troubled marriage and feelings of inadequacy, eventually led him to doubt his faith. Young describes how Booty and Paige became increasingly hostile and dismissive of him anytime he questioned Booty’s teachings. Encouraged by Paige, Young began to reveal his deepest and most intimate thoughts to Booty, thinking this honesty and transparency would make Booty more accepting and encouraging. Unfortunately, this backfired as both Booty and Paige used Young’s admissions as proof he wasn’t saved. Young began questioning his initial acceptance of Jesus Christ in his youth, worrying he had been a fraud faking it his whole life.

In June 2015, Booty and Paige convinced Young he needed another "salvation." And a year later, encouraged by Paige and Booty, Young agreed to go through the process once more, thinking this time he would finally “get it right.” Only after Paige left him in 2017 and Young began talking with people outside of Booty’s influence did he realize how thoroughly Booty had manipulated and brainwashed him. Booty’s constant and relentless condemnation, coupled with Young’s increasing dependence on him, caused Young to doubt not only his salvation but also God’s love for him. Young describes how Booty told him he deserved to be happy, but in order to achieve happiness, he had to pay a price. It took Young a couple of years, but, ultimately, with the support of loved ones and divine guidance, he recognized the price—unending misery.

Practical Tips

• Engage in a 'belief audit' with a trusted friend or mentor. Discuss your core beliefs and the doubts you've experienced, getting an outside perspective on whether these doubts are based on your own reflections or imposed by others. This can help you strengthen your personal convictions and understand the influence others have on your belief system.
• Practice active listening when engaging in discussions to avoid becoming defensive. When someone questions your ideas, focus on understanding their perspective fully before responding. This can involve repeating back what you've heard to confirm your understanding and asking clarifying questions.
• Create a personal trust scale to evaluate relationships before sharing sensitive information. Start by listing out people in your life and assign a trust level to each based on past interactions and their history of confidentiality. Use this scale as a guide to determine how much personal information you feel comfortable sharing with each person.
• Volunteer for community service to put your beliefs into action. Choose an organization or cause that aligns with your values and dedicate time to volunteering. This hands-on approach allows you to express your faith through actions, which can reinforce your beliefs and provide clarity on their sincerity. You might volunteer at a soup kitchen and reflect on how this service relates to your spiritual convictions.
• You can explore the power of persuasion by starting a conversation club with friends where each member presents a convincing argument for a change they believe the others need. This practice will help you understand the dynamics of influence and the effectiveness of different persuasion techniques in a safe and friendly environment.
• Create a "redo" ritual for personal milestones you wish to improve upon. This could involve setting aside a day to recommit to your goals, perhaps by writing them down, sharing them with a trusted friend, or creating a vision board. If you felt your college graduation didn't represent your true potential, you might hold a personal ceremony where you set new career objectives and celebrate your ongoing commitment to learning.
• Create a personal "Bill of Rights" that outlines your boundaries and values. Refer to this document when you feel uncertain about a person's influence on you. If someone's behavior consistently violates your rights, it may be a sign of manipulation. For instance, if your right to express your opinion without ridicule is not respected, it's a red flag.
• Create a support group with friends or community members who share similar spiritual struggles. This group can meet regularly to discuss challenges and triumphs in their faith journeys. The collective wisdom and shared experiences can provide new perspectives and coping strategies that help each member overcome their doubts and foster a stronger sense of divine love.
• Establish a "Happiness Exchange" with friends or family. Organize a monthly meet-up where each person shares something they've sacrificed or an effort they've made for their happiness. This could be as simple as waking up an hour earlier to meditate or as significant as choosing a less lucrative job that offers more fulfillment. Sharing these stories can provide mutual support and inspiration to continue investing in personal happiness.
• Develop a "Guidance Journal" where you reflect on your experiences and seek wisdom beyond your own. Whether you're religious, spiritual, or simply reflective, use this journal to write down insights, prayers, or meditations that resonate with you. Regularly engaging with this practice can provide a sense of direction and comfort when facing life's hardships.

Reclaiming Faith Beyond Booty's Impact

Young describes how he reclaimed his faith only after rejecting Booty's destructive hold. This process was gradual and happened over several months as he began to talk with family and friends who helped him recognize the unhealthy and unbiblical nature of Booty's teachings.

Discovery of Documents on the Deceptive Tactics of Booty

Young shares how finding several old documents authored by Paige helped him gain insights into Booty’s deceptive tactics. While looking through old papers and files, Young stumbled upon several letters and emails that exposed the true nature of Booty's influence over Paige and his family. These findings were like discovering hidden riches, revealing secret truths.

A particularly significant discovery was the written account by Paige from their 2015 Conference where she recounted the emotional impact of her dream about a tiger and Booty’s subsequent letter regarding the dream. Reading that testimony again in 2018, Young realized Paige completely missed the dream's message. It was Booty in the dream, stalking Paige, trying to destroy her life and faith, not her "inner tiger" of an ego. Yet Paige revisited the note and apologized for her wrong interpretation.

An even more remarkable discovery was a 2000 letter Paige wrote describing David's delivery. This document, filled with angst and self-recrimination, revealed how Booty had successfully twisted Paige's understanding of the events related to David's birth. Before David was born, Rebecca, Paige's sister, shared accusations with Paige about Booty. Apparently, these accusations disturbed Paige so deeply, she blamed herself for a tear in her amniotic sac that threatened the life of her unborn son. Paige was so sure the tear was God's punishment for failing to protect Booty that David's survival became a testament to Booty's power rather than divine mercy.

Context

• Historical documents, such as letters and emails, can serve as crucial evidence in understanding past events and relationships, providing insights that may not be apparent through oral accounts alone.
• Booty may have used techniques such as gaslighting, where a person is made to doubt their own perceptions or beliefs, or charismatic persuasion, which involves using charm and confidence to gain trust and compliance.
• The discovery was akin to uncovering a hidden truth, offering clarity and resolution to previously ambiguous or misunderstood situations.
• Individuals in positions of authority or influence, like Booty, can shape how others interpret their experiences, including dreams. This can lead to a skewed understanding of personal events.
• In many cultures, tigers in dreams can symbolize personal strength, power, or inner fears. The interpretation often depends on the dreamer's personal experiences and emotions.
• Paige's initial interpretation might have been influenced by cultural or religious beliefs that emphasize certain symbolic meanings, which she later reconsidered in light of new evidence or insights.
• Understanding the medical implications of a tear in the amniotic sac can provide insight into the gravity of the situation and why Paige might have been particularly vulnerable to manipulation at that time.
• The mention of Rebecca, Paige's sister, suggests complex family dynamics where external accusations and family relationships may have played a role in shaping Paige's perceptions and feelings of guilt.
• Traumatic experiences, such as a complicated birth, can deeply affect an individual's perception, making them more susceptible to external influences and altering their understanding of events.

Liberation From Booty's Domination Through Support of Loved Ones and Professionals

Young believes escaping Booty's cult wouldn't have happened without the love and support of his family, encouragement from friends, professional counseling, and, ultimately, divine grace and guidance. For the first few months following Paige's departure, Young was still under Booty’s influence. Booty continued to discourage Young from seeking outside support and encouraged him to avoid loved ones and even professional counselors. Thankfully Young disregarded Booty’s suggestions and started asking for help and soon recognized how Booty twisted Scripture to justify his manipulative behavior.

Young's relatives were instrumental in challenging Booty’s teachings and provided a lifeline for Young to escape the grip of his mind control. As Paige limited Young’s access to their children and later filed for divorce, Young’s family rallied behind him and provided an objective viewpoint that exposed Booty. They also urged Young to seek professional help, which led him to retain legal counsel and start therapy.

Armed with the GAL report detailing Booty’s harmful influence, legal support from his attorneys, and the constant love and encouragement from friends and family, Young finally managed to fully reject Booty and remove the "ogre." Young emailed Booty, forbidding him from communicating with his family. Booty still influences Paige today.

By studying literature on cults, talking with Rebecca (Paige's shunned sister), and receiving help from family and friends, Young finally became aware of the truth about Booty. Booty wasn’t the brilliant, wise leader Paige and her family saw; rather, he was a pathetic, narcissistic con artist whose “Gospel” message was nothing more than a cunning manipulation of the Scriptures to justify the authoritarian control he sought in his family's and the author's lives.

Context

• Family members can offer a reality check and emotional support, helping individuals see the situation from a different perspective and encouraging them to seek help.
• Discouraging outside support is a method of psychological control, creating dependency on the leader. This can lead to a situation where the member feels they have no one else to turn to.
• Divorce and limited access to children can be emotionally devastating, often leading to feelings of loss, grief, and helplessness. This emotional turmoil can make individuals more vulnerable to manipulation and control.
• Legal support often involves guidance on how to navigate the legal system, protect one's rights, and understand the implications of any legal actions taken, such as restraining orders or custody arrangements.
• Professional counseling can aid in recovery by offering strategies to deal with trauma, rebuild self-esteem, and develop healthy relationships outside the cult's influence.
• Even after leaving a cult, former members can struggle with lingering beliefs and emotional ties, making it difficult to fully detach from the leader’s influence.
• Cults frequently disrupt family relationships, often shunning or isolating members who dissent. This can create a network of support among those who have been excluded, as seen with Paige's sister.