PDF Summary:Spare, by Prince Harry

In Spare, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, explains why he made the extraordinary decision to leave the United Kingdom and the Royal Family, instead choosing to live in California with his wife, Meghan Markle. He provides a brutally honest look into the life of an English prince, particularly the struggles that come from being a younger son—not the heir-apparent, but merely a “spare.”

Harry talks frankly about his often difficult relationships with his family, his struggles with mental illness, and the seemingly endless harassment he suffers from the press and paparazzi. However, he also shares the high points of his life: His time in the military, his philanthropic work, and his marriage. In this guide, we’ll explore these major themes of the memoir. Our commentary will provide background information on the history of the Royal Family and insight into the monarchy’s response to the book’s publication. We’ll also compare Harry’s experiences to those of other royals, both his own family members and people throughout history.

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First Deployment to Afghanistan

After completing his training, Harry deployed to Afghanistan in late 2007. The base he served at was austere, with few lights and unreliable plumbing. Working as a FAC was often boring: Many hours could pass by without anything happening, with no need to call for strikes or guide planes into combat. He was also constantly covered in sand from head to toe.

However, in spite of all that, Harry says that he was happy in Afghanistan. He was finally doing important work, work that he’d chosen for himself, and he was good at it. Perhaps the most interesting part, to Harry, was that most of the people he spoke to only knew him by his callsign: Widow Six Seven. For the first time in his life, he wasn’t the center of attention, and he finally had a sense of what it was like to be just a normal person.

(Shortform note: Harry’s desire for normality and relative anonymity, and his resulting enjoyment of his time in Afghanistan despite the challenging conditions it brought, reflects a wider trend among famous people: Celebrities often say that they wish they could feel like normal people again. Being constantly in the public eye—and constantly subjected to public opinion—is devastating to the psyche, and it makes everyday experiences like going for a walk or going on a date almost impossible.)

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the media reported that Harry was in Afghanistan. Fearing that the news would put Harry and everyone near him in danger, the military recalled him after just 10 weeks.

(Shortform note: Harry’s time in Afghanistan was brought to an abrupt end when the world learned that he’d joined the fight against the Taliban. However, until about 200 years ago it was common—expected, in fact—for royals to lead their troops into battle, and their involvement in war would be widely known. That said, this would naturally put their lives at risk, and there could be serious repercussions for a country that suddenly lost its ruler. The last royal to die in battle was King James IV of Scotland, killed in 1513 at the Battle of Flodden; his only legitimate son was still an infant, so James’s death left Scotland unable to meaningfully participate in world politics for many years.)

Retraining as an Apache Gunner

Desperate to return to Afghanistan and do a full tour of duty, Harry spoke with a general, who suggested that Harry train as a helicopter pilot. Even if the Taliban got word that he was there, they had no air force, so they’d be unable to attack or identify him in the air.

Becoming a helicopter pilot would require a further two years of training, which Harry reluctantly agreed to. In September 2012, Harry—now a captain in the Army, and one of the few people in the world qualified to operate an Apache helicopter—went back to Afghanistan.

(Shortform note: Prince William also trained as a helicopter pilot, though he flew an Air Ambulance rather than an attack helicopter. Reportedly, Queen Elizabeth II didn’t like helicopters, and she asked William more than once to stop using them to shuttle his family around. However, Harry never mentions whether or not she approved of him serving as a helicopter pilot in Afghanistan.)

Harry served as an Apache gunner until January 2013, during which time he flew on six missions and killed 25 Taliban fighters. Harry adds that his first concern was always making sure that he was targeting combatants, not civilians, and that he had permission to engage. His commanding officer reviewed Harry’s actions after each mission and agreed that each kill was warranted.

(Shortform note: Taliban officials say that their casualty records don’t line up with Harry’s missions, and therefore, civilians must have been targeted during those attacks. It’s unclear whether that’s true, or an example of the type of propaganda that military leaders predicted would come from Harry’s “badly judged” remarks during his interview.)

During his exit interview in January, Harry said that knowing he’d killed 25 people didn’t bring him any great pleasure, but he didn’t feel remorse for it either.

(Shortform note: Prince Harry says that British newspapers have accused him of sharing his kill record in order to brag about it, but that wasn’t his intent. He says that he mentioned his 25 kills in the name of honesty and open conversation. Citing his many years of working with veterans as evidence, he believes that a crucial part of healing is to remove the stigma around wartime experiences—in other words, to allow veterans to share their stories freely and without judgment or shame.)

The Invictus Games

At various charity and royal events throughout his adulthood, Harry had met combat veterans who now had to live with permanent injuries and disorders, both physical and mental. Now that he’d been to war himself, the hardships that veterans faced seemed more poignant to him than ever. (Shortform note: One Afghanistan war veteran has questioned whether Harry can truly relate to the experiences of veterans at large. He notes that while Harry may suffer the same mental health effects as other former soldiers, his access to private healthcare and financial stability leave him far more privileged than the vast majority.)

In March 2013, shortly after returning from his second tour in Afghanistan, Harry embarked on a brief tour of America. While there, he watched an event called the Warrior Games, where wounded and disabled veterans participated in various athletic competitions.

Inspired by seeing veterans like himself who were still able to live life to the fullest—who were able to overcome their injuries and illnesses to compete in the Games—Harry decided that he wanted to start a UK version of the contest. However, he wanted his version of the Warrior Games to be bigger: international competitors, comprehensive media coverage, and more awareness raised for the struggles that veterans face in their everyday lives.

With the support of both the public and the Royal Foundation (which oversees and funds royal charity projects), Harry’s dream came to fruition in September 2014 with the first Invictus Games. It was a hit: Thousands of people filled the stadium, while millions more watched on TV. Many members of the public thanked Harry for founding the Games, and numerous veterans said that watching the Games had given them inspiration and hope again.

(Shortform note: There have been, to date, four more Invictus Games building off the success and popularity of the first. The sixth Invictus Games will run from September 9 to 16 2023 in Düsseldorf, Germany. Prince Harry is still involved with the Games today—he’s the patron of the Invictus Games Foundation. A recent ad for the Games featured Harry and Meghan playing ping-pong, which will be a new event for the 2023 Games.)

The Benefits of Sports for Wounded Veterans

Research has shown that physical activity and competition, like that promoted by the Warrior Games and Invictus Games, has numerous benefits for wounded or disabled veterans. For example, training for and competing in sporting events can help reduce stress, improve physical strength and well-being, and overall improve veterans’ quality of life.

Perhaps even more importantly, sporting competitions refocus veterans’ attention on their abilities, rather than their disabilities—in other words, they start to realize what they can do, instead of continuing to think about what they can’t do. Sports can also give people new goals to strive for; at least one study found that competitions could literally give people new motivation to live.

Harry’s Mental Health Struggles

Another clear theme in Spare is Harry’s lifelong struggle with anxiety and trauma. Though his poor mental health tinges many of the experiences he shares in the book, this section will focus specifically on the period from 2013 to 2015, when Harry’s mental health was at its worst.

Initial Experiences With PTSD and Anxiety

Harry reveals that he’s experienced intense anxiety throughout most of his life. By the end of the summer of 2013, his mental health was declining sharply. He experienced alternating bouts of crippling depression and panic attacks. He developed a phobia of crowds and public spaces, but his worst fear was of cameras, with days-long anxious episodes triggered by the mere sound of a camera shutter.

(Shortform note: Anxiety like Harry describes here is the body responding to danger, triggering what’s commonly called the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. In other words, Harry was interpreting everyday things like crowds and cameras as physical threats to his safety, and his body was responding with a primal stress response.)

Harry began spending most of his days indoors, locked in his apartment, watching old sitcoms on repeat and eating takeout. Though he sometimes went to a dinner party or a club, he says that it was never worth the anxiety and the media attention he got from doing so.

When he had to go shopping, he planned his outings as if they were missions for the military: He’d have the most efficient route planned out ahead of time so that he could spend as little time as possible in the store. Harry eventually realized that he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); not just from his experiences in Afghanistan, but from a lifetime of trauma beginning with his mother’s death.

What Is PTSD?

Harry’s struggles with PTSD (and poor mental health in general) are a running theme throughout Spare. Although PTSD is most commonly associated with war veterans like Harry, any traumatic experience can cause someone to develop the disorder. For example, being involved in a serious accident or being the victim of domestic abuse could also trigger PTSD—or, in Harry’s case, the traumatic loss of a parent.

Doctors don’t yet fully understand why PTSD happens, but researchers have found several physical changes in people who suffer from it. Most notably, the brain itself changes—parts of the brain associated with processing memories and emotions are noticeably smaller, which may explain why these people feel trapped in the past and constantly anxious. Doctors have also found that PTSD patients have elevated levels of stress hormones like adrenaline, suggesting that they’re constantly in a state of “fight or flight.”

Seeking Treatment

Sometime in 2015, Harry stopped going out altogether aside from shopping, and only when absolutely necessary. He discussed his mental health issues with his father and brother, as well as some close friends.

By the end of that year, he’d found some treatments that helped, including therapy, though he was far from cured. Though he’d refused prescription drugs to help with his anxiety and panic attacks, Harry adds that he’d had some success self-medicating with psychedelic drugs; the ability to change his perceptions of reality, even temporarily, helped to ease his fear and hopelessness.

(Shortform note: Psychedelic drugs are illegal in many countries, including England. However, studies from as long ago as the 1950s have suggested that they may be effective treatments for various mental disorders, including anxiety, depression, and addiction. For example, Johns Hopkins University, one of the world’s most prestigious research universities, says that a single psilocybin treatment can ease depression symptoms for up to a month—when combined with psychotherapy, the benefits can last for up to a year. However, note that these studies refer to using drugs in controlled, clinical settings—doctors strongly advise against self-medicating as Harry did.)

However, Harry says, the single best treatment that he’d found at this time was hard work. Finding something challenging and meaningful to lose himself in, and doing something to make the world a better place, was a more effective medicine for him than any therapist or drug.

(Shortform note: Harry’s discovery here isn’t a new one—purpose, challenge, and growth are essential to long-term happiness. In other words, the best way to feel happy and fulfilled in life is to make constant progress toward a challenging but meaningful goal.)

Getting Effective Therapy

Years later, during an argument, Harry lashed out in anger at his wife Meghan. She insisted that he go back to therapy and get help for his anger, anxiety, and trauma. Harry finally found a therapist that he liked, who helped him to open up about his painful experiences with his family and about how unfairly he and Meghan were being treated by the media.

This new therapist also helped Harry to remove a mental block he’d built up about his mother: Previously, he’d struggled to remember details about her, and he’d lost many memories involving her. The therapy allowed him to recall those old memories and start to process his feelings about her in a healthy way. This was a major step forward for Harry’s mental health.

(Shortform note: It might seem strange that someone with Harry’s resources would have trouble finding an effective therapist, but it’s not just about finding someone with good credentials—therapy is a deeply personal experience, and it’s therefore crucial to find someone who connects with the patient on a personal level. In other words, it’s not just about finding a good therapist, it’s about finding the right therapist. Some helpful tips for finding the right therapist are to reach out to organizations that handle specific mental health conditions or to get recommendations from friends and family (which was how Harry found his new therapist).)

Harry’s Marriage to Meghan Markle

In this final section of the guide, we’ll discuss Harry and Meghan’s courtship and marriage, as well as the struggles they faced after their relationship went public. We’ll also examine how the couple eventually stepped down from their royal duties and moved to America, where they and their two children still live today.

Meeting Meghan Markle

In July 2016, while scrolling through Instagram, Harry saw a short video of his friend Violet and another woman. He was immediately captivated by the stranger and asked Violet who she was. Violet replied that she was the actress Meghan Markle, most famous for her long-running role on Suits, and offered to get the two of them in touch with each other. Harry eagerly accepted. The two began chatting almost non-stop online, then started dating.

(Shortform note: Finding a significant other online is becoming more common for everyone, not just for celebrities hiding from the public. A Stanford sociologist reported that, in 2017, nearly 40% of heterosexual American couples had first met online. While that’s a very specific subset of global society, it’s representative of a larger trend: The “traditional” ways of finding a partner (through friends and family, at local hangout spots, and so on) are in decline, and online connections are taking their place.)

Harry says that his feelings for Meghan were stronger than what he’d ever felt for any other woman, and he hoped she’d be “The One.” He describes a sporadic but intense courtship. Both he and Meghan had very busy schedules that often left them in different countries—Harry due to his royal duties, and Meghan due to her production schedule. As a result, the next two years involved a lot of texting and phone calls. When possible, the two of them would travel together or meet up for dinner in secret locations where the tabloids couldn’t find them.

(Shortform note: Many people believe that long-distance relationships like Harry and Meghan’s are challenging, especially people who equate romance with physical closeness. However, the opposite may be true: Some studies have shown that couples who are (or have been) in long-distance relationships tend to feel more dedicated to each other, less trapped by their relationship, and equal or greater satisfaction compared to couples who are geographically close.)

Marriage and Children

Eventually, Meghan moved to England to be with Harry, leaving Suits as a consequence. Shortly after, Harry asked her to marry him, and she accepted. By law, Harry had to ask Queen Elizabeth for permission to marry; she granted it immediately.

(Shortform note: Asking the ruler’s permission to marry is a throwback to a time when royalty married for political gain, not for love—the monarch had to ensure that his or her family made strategic matches, and would often choose those matches personally.)

Harry worried that she might have felt pressured into agreeing, but as the wedding approached, the Queen further showed her approval by inviting Meghan over to Buckingham Palace to try on her own personal tiaras. She even helped Meghan choose one to wear during the ceremony.

(Shortform note: With Queen Elizabeth’s passing, there are questions surrounding what will (or should) happen to those tiaras, as well as much of her other jewelry. Most likely, she willed the entire collection directly to her heir, King Charles. However, many of the royal jewels were taken from countries that England colonized, and many people are now saying that Charles should return them. It’s not clear whether the specific tiara that Meghan wore is included in those demands.)

However, other members of Harry’s family weren’t so welcoming. Charles once said that he didn’t want Meghan living in Britain—he claimed there wasn’t enough money to support her, but Harry suspects he just didn’t want a new couple to overshadow him and Camilla. Furthermore, William and his wife Catherine didn’t always get on with Meghan; they sometimes argued with her and Harry, fights which the press somehow got wind of.

Despite his family’s objections, Harry and Meghan got married on May 19, 2018, at St. George’s Chapel. Their first child, Archie, was born almost exactly a year later: May 6, 2019. Their second child, Lilibet, was born on June 4, 2021.

Racism Within the Royal Family

Is it possible that the Royal Family’s dislike of Meghan had racist roots? Possibly. During an interview with Oprah, Meghan said that a member of the family had raised “concerns” to Harry about how dark Archie’s skin would be when he was born. Both Harry and Meghan have refused to say who that family member was, on the grounds that it would be devastating to their reputation.

Harry later tried to deny that this comment was a racist statement; he claimed that it was “unconscious bias” on the part of the family member, and added that his understanding was that racism and unconscious bias were not the same thing. However, he’s arguably wrong on that point: The definition of racism does not require it to be a conscious choice.

Notably, Harry doesn’t mention this family member’s “concerns” in Spare, or imply that the family is racist at all: He talks at length about the press’s racism, and how some members of the Royal Family didn’t approve of Meghan, but never mentions any racial bias coming from the royals themselves.

The Press

Throughout their relationship, Harry and Meghan have faced constant stalking and harassment from the media—particularly the British tabloid media. Furthermore, the press has constantly published untrue stories about Meghan. Meghan has also received near-constant threats from people who’ve read and believed the negative stories about her.

Because Meghan is biracial, much of the coverage is also racist—sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly. Stories have portrayed Meghan and her family as poor, bad-mannered, and addicted to drugs—none of which was true—in the process playing into anti-Black stereotypes. Some articles have questioned what effect Meghan’s mixed-race heritage would have on the royal bloodline.

(Shortform note: A side-by-side comparison of how the press has treated Meghan and Catherine (Prince William’s wife) shows a stark contrast that adds credence to Harry’s claims about the harshness of the media response toward his wife. For example, the Daily Mail gave a detailed, positive rundown of the various candles and toiletries that Catherine requested for her wedding, but called Meghan “dictatorial” for requesting air fresheners at hers. One poll found that most journalists believed that Meghan had been treated badly by the press—even many who didn’t find the coverage racist still agreed that it was unfair.)

The persecution and threats eventually drove Meghan into hiding. She began suffering from panic attacks, which she’d never experienced before. At one point, she confessed to Harry that she was having suicidal thoughts. Harry compares their situation to the media harassment that led to Princess Diana’s fatal car crash and says he feared losing Meghan like he’d lost his mother.

(Shortform note: When Meghan first went public about her suicidal thoughts during an interview with Oprah, Good Morning Britain anchor Piers Morgan said that he didn’t believe her—he called the entire interview contemptible and sickening. His co-host Susanna Reid immediately scolded him for his response. Furthermore, the mental health charity Mind put out a statement shortly afterward saying that it was “concerned” about Morgan’s remarks because it was crucial that people struggling with suicidal thoughts be able to reach out without fear of shame or rebuke.)

The Press Coverage of Meghan’s Father

Paparazzi also targeted Meghan’s father, Thomas Markle. At first, they stalked and harassed him as they did Meghan, but eventually—whether because they paid him or because they had something to blackmail him with—he cooperated and posed for pictures. Then, the new story became that he was a con artist; that he was pretending to run from the press while actually working with them, and staging “candid” shots for money. Worst of all, Harry and Meghan couldn’t fight this story, because it was true.

(Shortform note: Meghan won a copyright infringement case against the Mail on Sunday for publishing a private letter she wrote to her father attempting to repair their relationship after this incident. The Mail was ordered to pay her an undisclosed amount of money. Meghan is now estranged from much of her paternal family, though that distance doesn’t stop her father and half-sister from criticizing her publicly and frequently.)

Suing the Press

Harry and Meghan tried on many occasions to use the Royal Family’s lawyers to sue the press, but Harry says they were constantly brushed off or ignored. Finally, in September 2019, Harry decided to hire a private lawyer and sue the worst offenders himself. Harry’s family confronted him about taking legal action against the press, saying that it would harm their public image, but Harry pressed ahead with it anyway.

(Shortform note: Despite the Royal Family’s negative reaction to Harry suing the press, Prince William and his wife have been much more aggressive than Harry in protecting their privacy. In response to these efforts, the newspapers have argued that the royals are public figures who don’t have a reasonable expectation of privacy. However, the Independent Press Standards Organisation (Ipso) have ruled in favor of William and Catherine in the past, saying that the papers had no reason nor right to photograph them when they weren’t carrying out official duties.)

Escape

Desperate to escape from the constant media harassment they faced in the UK, and the death threats that came with it, Harry and Meghan decided that they would step back from their roles as royalty and begin splitting their time between North America and the UK. Their official statement announcing this appeared on Instagram on January 8, 2020.

(Shortform note: This event is often referred to as “Megxit,” a play on “Meghan” and “exit” as well as a clear reference to Brexit (the UK’s controversial decision to leave the European Union). Harry has stated that Megxit is a misogynistic term that targets his wife and originated from a Twitter troll, so it’s not surprising that he avoids using it in Spare. The Instagram post of their original announcement is still up, and has garnered over 1.8 million likes.)

A few days later, the Royal Family met to discuss exactly what this “stepping back” would entail. Harry understood that giving up their royal duties also meant giving up their royal income—the money the government paid them for their services—but he was shocked when he found that he’d also be losing his security detail. In fact, the head of Harry’s security team said that only the Queen had a higher estimated threat level than Harry and Meghan; even so, they would lose their protection at the end of March 2020. Harry and Meghan would have to pay for their own security.

(Shortform notes: “Very real” security threats against Harry and Meghan have already led to prosecutions, suggesting that their fears about their safety are well founded. Harry is currently trying to win the right to hire police protection in the UK, as his private security team is unable to provide enough protection for his family to visit.)

In February 2021, Buckingham Palace announced that they’d reviewed the previous agreement regarding Harry and Meghan. Effective immediately, the couple now had to relinquish many of their royal roles—such as being the official patrons of charities and, in Harry’s case, having certain honorary military roles. In other words, the Royal Family was officially cutting almost all remaining ties with them.

Today, Harry and Meghan live in California, in the United States. They first moved there in March 2020, staying in the home of film director Tyler Perry (who provided paid-for security for the couple). They later purchased their own home, a place to raise their children and begin their new life.

(Shortform note: What do Harry and Meghan plan to do with their lives now that they’ve cut ties with the Royal Family and moved to the US? They’ve indicated that their long-term plans are to continue to support the causes close to their heart through philanthropic work. In the short term, they hope to build on the success of Harry & Meghan with another Netflix docuseries titled Live to Lead. Reportedly, the Nelson Mandela Foundation is co-producing the series, which will feature exceptional leaders discussing their lives, their values, and how they spearhead great changes by inspiring others.)