PDF Summary:She Thinks Like a Boss, by Jemma Roedel

Have you ever wondered what qualities make a person successful? Are you looking for self-improvement strategies that focus on the unique challenges women face in the workplace? In She Thinks Like a Boss, Jemma Roedel defines the qualities of a successful person and offers tips for how to develop those traits in yourself. Though anyone can apply her advice, her aim is to help women break through barriers to become leaders in the business world.

In this guide, we’ll cover three qualities that make you successful in the workforce: strong leadership, skillful communication, and self-confidence. In each section, we’ll discuss the strategies that can help you develop these traits. We’ll also explore how these strategies apply specifically to women in the workplace. In our commentary, we’ll explore the history behind the barriers to success women face at work, as well as some additional tips for applying Roedel’s advice.

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Quality #4: Know What Kind of Leader You Are

Finally, Roedel advises figuring out what kind of leader you are and learning to communicate your style when you take over a leadership role. Clear communication about how you lead helps your team adjust during periods of change. Additionally, understanding how your leadership methods interact with the personalities of your team members can help you identify possible issues that may result from personality and communication differences.

(Shortform note: If you don’t know where to begin when figuring out what kind of leader you are, consider taking an online assessment. For example, this quiz sorts you into one of four leadership styles and outlines your style’s strengths and weaknesses. This or a similar tool can give you points to communicate with your team and help you better identify potential pitfalls of your leadership style. Women can also explore leadership styles that play to their strengths, such as “transformational” leadership. This style is more relational and less transactional than traditional command-and-control—it entails engaging with and empowering employees rather than merely issuing orders and expecting subordinates to comply.)

For instance, you might be a leader who encourages your team members to determine their own methods for getting their work done. You’re still there to offer assistance when needed, but you prefer not to interfere too much in day-to-day work. If you’re this type of leader, it’s important to touch base with your team regularly to make sure they’re getting the support they need and be clear about the results you want to achieve with your projects.

(Shortform note: This style is often called laissez-faire or delegative leadership. It encourages quick decision-making since team members don’t have to go through you to get every choice approved. It also gives your members the space to develop their skills and be innovative. To reap these benefits, your team must already be skilled and experienced enough to work independently—because they know what they’re doing, autonomy can motivate them. If your team is full of people who don’t fully understand the expectations of their roles, however, they’ll likely be demotivated by a hands-off leadership style. They’ll be unsure what to do with their time and may feel like you don’t care about what they’re doing.)

How to Communicate Effectively

Now that we’ve discussed the qualities of a good leader, let’s dive into another important aspect of being a successful woman in the workplace: being an effective communicator. Roedel begins by saying that men and women communicate in different ways. For example, women tend to be more open and receptive to others while men tend to dominate a conversation—this may be because women are socialized to put others’ needs first while men are not. Roedel writes that being conscious of such differences can help you become an effective communicator. In this section, we’ll explore three of her strategies for leveling the communication field:

• Not apologizing too much
• Speaking matter-of-factly and objectively
• Conveying authority with your physical presence

(Shortform note: On top of overcoming gender differences when it comes to communication, you may also have to work through cultural differences in a globalized workplace. In The Culture Map, Erin Meyer describes the two extremes of communication as low-context and high-context, depending on the culture. Low-context (typically English-speaking) cultures are those where people communicate and receive messages at face value; high-context (typically Asian) cultures are those where communication isn’t explicit and thus requires you to decode the underlying meaning of what the speaker is saying. Cultures also differ in the way people give and receive feedback—some prefer direct feedback while others default to indirect feedback.)

Strategy #1: Say Sorry Only When Necessary

According to Roedel, women tend to apologize too much, including for things that are entirely outside of their control. (Shortform note: Not only do women tend to apologize for things that are out of their control, but they also apologize for wanting more out of their lives. In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis contends that women must reprogram themselves to go against what society expects a “good woman” to do—sacrifice their desires to care for everyone else. She argues that putting yourself first makes you better able to care for others.)

She states that you should only apologize when you’ve actually done something hurtful. When you say sorry too often, it dilutes the meaning of your apologies when they’re actually necessary. To determine whether it’s necessary to say sorry, ask yourself if you’ve done something to damage your relationship with someone. Then decide whether your apology will help to heal that rift. If the answer to both questions is no, then you should move forward without saying sorry.

(Shortform note: Another way to stop yourself from apologizing too much is to reflect on the situations that often trigger you to say sorry. For instance, maybe you say sorry every time you express an opinion at work. Additionally, when you feel the urge to apologize, try rephrasing your apology into a statement of gratitude. For example, instead of saying, “Sorry to take up your time with this question,” say “Thank you for taking the time to answer my question.”)

Strategy #2: Speak Matter-of-Factly

Roedel also asserts that women commonly circle around their points and overly justify themselves when presenting an argument or expressing an opinion. This style of communication is often motivated by a desire to spare others’ feelings. For example, when a subordinate asks for more time on an urgent task, a woman might not say no outright; instead, she might provide context about the project timeline and acknowledge the employee’s hard work before saying no. However, to elicit respect from others with your communication style, it’s important to be straightforward and matter-of-fact. When you state your points confidently without cloaking them in layers of justification, people will place more value on what you say.

(Shortform note: Some experts point out that there’s a double standard when it comes to direct communication: When men speak directly, they’re typically viewed as confident and authoritative. However, when women use the same communication style, they’re more likely to be perceived as cold and rude. Thus, many women purposefully speak more indirectly to avoid coming off that way. At the same time, assertive, confident communicators are generally believed to be more competent, meaning that women who have a diffident communication style are often overlooked for leadership roles.)

Strategy #3: Convey Authority With Your Physical Presence

Roedel states that you can convey confidence and authority with your body language in addition to your verbal communication. This may involve learning to feel confident in occupying more physical space, which women often struggle with. Women frequently feel like they have to blend in at work, but to convey authority, it’s more effective to use expansive body language that stands out.

For example, when you’re presenting, make sure to stand with your shoulders back, instead of rolled forward. When you’re sitting at a conference table in a meeting, try claiming space by sitting in a central spot instead of off to the side.

(Shortform note: According to Amy Cuddy in Presence, open, confident body language also helps to build trust with others. People perceive those who use confident body language as friendlier and more sincere. If you demonstrate friendliness through your nonverbal communication, the people around you are more likely to do the same, mirroring your behavior.)

How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome and Cultivate Self-Confidence

In the previous sections, we examined Roedel’s strategies for successful leadership and communication. Now, let’s look at her advice for developing one of the traits that strong leadership and skillful communication hinge on: self-confidence.

In this section, we’ll define imposter syndrome and explore how it undermines self-confidence at work, particularly for women. Then, we’ll discuss Roedel’s strategies for combating imposter syndrome and cultivating belief in yourself.

How Imposter Syndrome and Other Self-Confidence Struggles Affect Women

According to Roedel, many women struggle with imposter syndrome in the workplace. Imposter syndrome can manifest in several ways:

• You may have trouble believing that you deserve the accolades you receive.
• You may feel like you’re a fraud, and you’ve tricked everyone into believing that you’re meant to be in your current position.
• You might fear that one day, the people around you will figure out that you’re not qualified to be where you are, and everything will fall apart when this happens.

(Shortform note: Reframing can help you deal with the feeling that you’re a fraud. For instance, feeling out of your depth means you have room to grow, which is a good thing. Nobody knows everything, and if you no longer have growth opportunities, it’s probably time to move on to something more challenging. Additionally, some experts argue that overconfidence is just as bad as a lack of confidence—if your confidence in yourself exceeds your competence, you’ll never become the best you can be. Being honest about your limitations with yourself and others can show you’re humble and willing to learn.)

Roedel cites research that suggests imposter syndrome affects more women than men. Many women in executive positions report feelings of imposter syndrome and state that they never expected to be as successful as they are. This contributes to a general lack of confidence in their performance at work.

(Shortform note: Women experience imposter syndrome more frequently because they generally face more stereotyping and social expectations. Additionally, men typically are picked for leadership roles more often, reinforcing women’s self-doubt, which has been created by years of exposure to bias and discrimination. To help prevent this, organizations must strive to create an environment of inclusivity and equal opportunity.)

Struggles with self-confidence may manifest in many other ways that hinder women’s professional success. For instance, low self-confidence often leads to perfectionism, which then leads to micromanagement and, consequently, dampens team spirit. (Shortform note: According to Brené Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection, perfectionism stems from a desire to control people’s perceptions of you. It’s an attempt to gain approval and acceptance from others by hiding your flaws and projecting the image of being perfect. Because you don’t have confidence in yourself, you seek validation from others.)

Women are less likely to advocate for raises or apply for jobs unless they know for sure that their efforts will be successful. Likewise, women often pass the credit on to someone else when they do well.

(Shortform note: Some research shows that women typically only apply for jobs when they meet 100% of the listed qualifications. In contrast, men generally apply when they meet 60% of the criteria. Additionally, women are 26% less likely to request a job referral. However, other research contradicts Roedel’s statement about raises, suggesting that women are just as likely to ask for raises as men. Despite this, they’re 5% less likely to get one after requesting it. Finally, other studies indicate that women tend to not take credit when they’re working with a group that includes men, but they do take credit for their accomplishments when they’re working exclusively with other women.)

Strategies for Combating Imposter Syndrome and Cultivating Self-Confidence

Roedel says there are many ways to combat imposter syndrome and improve your self-confidence. Let’s look at three of her strategies:

Strategy #1: Be Afraid and Do It Anyway

Imposter syndrome can stop you from acting because you believe you’re going to fail. To work through this, Roedel suggests that you start doing things even when you’re afraid. If you succeed, it could be a huge boost to your self-confidence and serve as evidence that you deserve to be where you are. If you don’t succeed, you’ll still know that you were brave enough to try, which can improve your confidence as well.

(Shortform note: One way to motivate yourself to do things outside your comfort zone is to get an accountability partner. An accountability partner should be someone you trust who can encourage you to stay on track with your goals. They can help you celebrate your successes while also pushing you to challenge yourself more when necessary.)

Strategy #2: Start Advocating for Yourself in Small Ways

When you struggle with self-confidence (as many women do), you might find it difficult to advocate for yourself at work. To build up your confidence to self-advocate, Roedel advises that you begin requesting small things. This helps you practice recognizing what you need and expressing that to people who can help you fulfill those needs. Every time you advocate for yourself, your confidence grows. Eventually, you’ll have more confidence to ask for bigger things.

For example, say you’d like to work from home because you focus better that way, but you feel you’ll be an imposition if you ask. You could build your confidence by asking to work from home two days a week to start.

(Shortform note: Beyond asking for things at work, you can incorporate small moments of self-advocacy into your everyday routine to build your confidence. These could happen any time you have a chance to share an opinion, make a decision, or communicate your needs. For instance, when your spouse asks what you want for dinner, instead of saying that you’re open to anything, you might say that you want to order pizza.)

Strategy #3: Collect Evidence of Your Success

According to Roedel, another way to improve your confidence is by collecting notes of appreciation and other positive feedback from others in one physical place. This could be a folder, a notebook, or anywhere else you could keep the notes safe. When you’re not feeling confident, this collection can serve as evidence of your ability to succeed. The items are reminders of your good qualities and the things other people appreciate about you.

(Shortform note: Some experts suggest writing down successes and positive things people have said about you every day. Daily practice helps to get rid of the common habit of only remembering the negative things that happen to you. In addition to collecting these positive experiences in a folder or notebook, you might record them on a calendar. Then, you can look back at specific days or see that something good happened every single day.)