PDF Summary:Professional Troublemaker, by Luvvie Ajayi Jones

In her New York Times best-selling book Professional Troublemaker, motivational speaker and podcast host Luvvie Ajayi Jones provides a how-to guide for becoming a “troublemaker”: a person who isn't afraid to speak up and take action to create positive change. Jones argues that challenging the status quo is scary, but it’s worth doing because it’s a powerful way to improve our lives and the lives of other people.

Our guide examines Jones’s advice for overcoming fear while becoming comfortable with who you are, speaking up for what you believe in, and taking action to make the world a better place. Along the way, we situate Jones’s ideas within the larger context of psychology, philosophy, and spirituality, comparing her advice to that of other thinkers and reviewing research into why it’s effective.

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Because telling the truth is risky, people lie a lot, from little white lies to big, damaging lies. Jones cites a University of Massachusetts study that found that most people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation. She argues that this is because people are afraid of the truth. Deceiving ourselves and others protects us from having to deal with the hard truths of reality.

But Jones says that while telling the truth can be risky and difficult, it also has important benefits. Speaking up about challenges in a relationship can strengthen the relationship. If you’re known for telling the truth and challenging the status quo, people may be less likely to lie or try to get away with bad behavior when you’re around. They might be more likely to give their best if they know that you’re expecting it (and that you’ll challenge them if they don’t). And telling the truth about injustice or wrongdoing can result in positive change and make the world a better place.

The Prevalence of Self-Deception

One reason telling the truth can be so hard that often, people aren’t even honest with themselves. Extensive research shows that humans are prone to self-deception. We generally think we’re smarter, more ethical, and better than we are, and we ignore or explain away negative information about ourselves so that we can keep feeling good about ourselves. (And, just as men tend to be more confident than women, research shows men are more likely to deceive themselves than women.) Studies even show that while self-deception lessens when people repeatedly encounter evidence that they’re not as smart as they think they are, this effect doesn’t last long before people resume deceiving themselves.

One reason humans deceive themselves may be to help them deceive others—it’s harder to tell someone’s lying if they fully believe their lies. (Lying to others is also a common human behavior, although some studies indicate it’s less prevalent than the University of Michigan study cited by Jones suggests.)

While self-deception can sometimes act as a coping mechanism to help us get through hard times, it also causes problems ranging from anxiety and addiction to poor judgment, getting trapped in bad situations, and an inability to evolve.

To combat self-deception—and put yourself in a better position to be honest with others—consider all the reasons why your belief may be wrong. For example, if you witness someone being racist, you may tell yourself that it’s none of your business or that someone more assertive than you will speak up. However, you might consider that no one else is saying anything, the racist behavior is continuing, and even if you feel nervous and unprepared to speak, the person who’s being targeted likely feels worse (and could use your help).

Who Should Speak Up

Jones notes that it’s not always safe for everyone to speak up. For example, speaking up may put you in harm or make you suffer financial consequences (for example, if you lose a key client because you questioned whether their practices were fair).

Jones argues that the more power and privilege you have, the safer it is for you to speak up—and the greater your obligation to do so. For example, if a man in a mixed-gender group says something offensive about women, it shouldn’t necessarily be up to one of the women to challenge him. The men in the group have a responsibility to do so. And if one of the women does speak up, the other men can support her by joining their voices with hers.

Jones says that amplifying others’ voices can be a helpful way of speaking up because there is strength in numbers. She notes, however, that telling someone in private, after the fact, that you support them is not helpful and could even be considered cowardly. For example, if a man in the above example later tells the woman who spoke up that he agrees with her, this is of little benefit to her. She still had to risk speaking up alone, with no one to back her up. Jones says that if you speak in support of others, you should speak publicly.

(Shortform note: Research confirms that using your power and privilege to amplify others’ voices can make their contribution seem more valuable. Studies demonstrate that when you amplify a colleague’s contribution to a meeting, people think that the person is more influential and high-status and that their idea is better. Amplifying someone else’s voice can benefit you, too: It also makes you seem more high-status, even though the idea you’re amplifying isn’t your own. (To be clear, amplification involves publicly endorsing someone else’s idea and giving them credit for it—not stealing it and claiming it as your own!))

How to Get Over Your Fear of Speaking Up

Jones notes that it’s totally normal to feel fear before speaking up on a difficult topic. Some people would have you believe that courage means the absence of fear, but the opposite is true: To be courageous is to feel fear and forge ahead anyhow.

Even if it’s physically and financially safe for you to speak up, it’s still risky. Jones suggests gathering the courage to speak up on a particular issue by asking yourself what the worst-case scenario would be if you do. Consider whether the worst-case scenario is likely to happen, and ask yourself if you’ll be OK if it does. But don’t forget to consider the best-case scenario, too: What if your words result in meaningful change?

(Shortform note: Research suggests additional methods for changing your mindset to get over your fear of speaking up in a work context. If you’re afraid to speak up because you feel like your idea isn’t fully fleshed out, consider that it might act as a springboard to help other people come up with ideas, or it might spark a brainstorming session. If you feel like you don’t have enough experience to contribute, consider that what you say could help your whole team—and withholding your idea could be a disservice to the team. Similarly, if you’re worried you won’t sound intelligent, consider that research shows the collective intelligence of a team is more important than the intelligence of any individual when it comes to making good decisions.)

When to Speak Up

Jones emphasizes that we shouldn’t speak up just to be difficult, but rather to correct a wrong, point out a blind spot, or improve a situation. She believes in speaking up when it’s hardest because that’s when it’s most likely to make a difference. If people tell you to be quiet or you know you’ll be going out on a limb by telling the truth, speak up.

In deciding whether to speak up on a particular issue, Jones first ensures that it’s something she really believes in. Then, she makes sure it’s something for which she can provide factual support. Finally, she doesn’t speak unless she knows she can do so with kindness and compassion.

Jones notes that sometimes we don’t speak up about personal issues in our relationships because we’re afraid of rejection. It may seem easier to keep quiet. But Jones says that if we don’t tell someone when they’ve hurt us, we’re likely to build up resentment, which can damage our relationship. Telling someone how we feel gives them the opportunity to make a change and can strengthen the relationship.

Jones advises that there are a few situations when it’s best not to speak up, such as when you’re flooded with emotion and likely to say something you’ll regret, when someone is giving you constructive criticism, and when it would be unsafe to speak up (as previously discussed).

(Shortform note: Jones’s checklist for when to speak up echoes the guidelines for what Buddhists call “Right Speech”—part of Buddhism’s “Eightfold Path” to freedom from suffering. Buddhism teaches that people should consider five questions before speaking: whether what they’re about to say is true, whether it encourages peace (in other words, it’s not spoken with the intention of harming others), whether it’s gentle, whether it’s beneficial, and whether it’s spoken with goodwill. Famed Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh embodied this concept: He was a peace activist who spoke up against the Vietnam War at a time when doing so was controversial.)

What to Say When You Speak Up

One way to be honest and direct without hurting anyone (or yourself) is to ask questions highlighting your concerns. For example, in a meeting when you’re concerned about a potentially sexist advertisement or product, you could ask whether the company has considered conducting any all-women focus groups. Jones notes that even a racist joke can be called out with empathy by asking the joke-teller to explain it, which requires them to consider that their “humor” is based on putting down other people.

Also, you shouldn’t let your fear of expressing something poorly keep you from speaking up. There’s no perfect way to say anything; even if there were, you can’t control how other people interpret your message. It’s better to say something imperfectly than to not say it at all. You can always explain that you’re nervous or you’re having a hard time saying what you want to say.

(Shortform note: Experts agree that asking a question can be an effective and nonconfrontational way to address a problem or highlight an injustice. Many suggest having several open-ended questions up your sleeve so you’re prepared if you need them—questions like “Why do you say that?” or “Could you say more about that?” This encourages the person you’re speaking to to reconsider the intent or impact of their words, while also giving them a chance to feel heard.)

Learn From Your Failures

Jones writes that you’re bound to make mistakes when you speak up. Failure is inevitable. But failure is also necessary for success. It’s an opportunity to learn, take accountability, grow, and become a better person.

Jones gives the example of a time she said something on Twitter that could be construed as offensive to a musical artist. In response, the entire Internet seemed to go wild with criticism for Jones—she even received death threats. Initially, Jones defended herself, but this only fanned the flames. She felt so awful about the situation that she took a year-long break from writing on her blog. She finally realized that she couldn’t let the criticism silence her.

(Shortform note: Jones’s example highlights how making mistakes online can sometimes have more severe consequences than making mistakes in person. Unlike “real life” mistakes, online mistakes can spread rapidly, reach a wider audience, generate more heated criticism, and leave a permanent digital footprint. They can result in consequences ranging from feeling embarrassed to losing a job opportunity. However, remedying a mistake isn’t much different online than in real life: Don’t ignore or try to hide your mistake (for example, by deleting a social media post), don’t be argumentative, don’t blame it on anyone else, and do apologize sincerely.)

Failure can make you afraid to speak. To prevent this from happening, examine where you went wrong and learn from your failures. When Jones took a hard look at her Twitter failure, she learned valuable lessons:

• Take accountability for your mistakes. If you offended people or hurt their feelings, apologize. Jones realized that one of her mistakes was failing to simply apologize for her tweet, rather than going on the defensive.
• Punch up, not down. Reserve your critiques for those who have more power or privilege than you. If you make fun of or criticize people who are less powerful than you, you can reinforce damaging stereotypes. And realize that as you become more successful, what constitutes “up” and “down” changes: If you have a large platform, you’re no longer the “little guy.”
• It’s impossible to grow without failure. Failure helps you become a better and more successful person. Jones has an even larger audience now because her failure taught her to use her words more responsibly.

Failure as Critical to Success

Jones joins a long line of successful creatives and public figures, including Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Dale Carnegie, Seth Godin, and J.K. Rowling, who believe failure is a necessary component of success. As entrepreneur and author Seth Godin explains in The Practice, it’s impossible to try something new without being willing to fail, and it’s impossible to improve without failure. Failure allows you to identify your weaknesses or mistakes and work to improve them. It can also make you more resilient and better at overcoming challenges.

Science backs the idea that failure is necessary for success. But research shows that success isn’t just about perseverance in the face of failure; it’s also about how you fail. A 2019 Northwestern study found that people who succeed and people who fail try approximately the same number of times, but two factors separate the winners from the losers. One is that people who succeed not only learn from their failures, but, more specifically, they only make necessary improvements and don’t try to reinvent the wheel every time they try again. The second is that people who succeed fail faster: The time between their consecutive failed attempts decreases until they achieve success.

Ask for What You Want or Need

Jones notes that many of us take pride in not needing other people and not asking for anything. There are valid reasons for this—maybe we learned early on that we couldn’t rely on our parents or friends, or maybe we have negative experiences with asking for help and being denied. But Jones says that not asking for what we want or need is holding us back in life.

Jones says that if you’re afraid of asking for what you want because you think the answer will be “no,” you’re essentially guaranteeing that the answer is “no.” If you ask, the answer might be “yes.” Asking for what you want opens up a world of opportunities: You might get a promotion, form closer bonds with your friends, or allow your partner to feel more needed.

Jones writes that people who don’t ask others for anything are often very generous themselves. They’re constantly giving to others, but they don’t know how to receive. While generosity is admirable, Jones says that there’s actually an element of egotism in this approach: It allows you never to show vulnerability, and you get the satisfaction of helping others without allowing them the satisfaction of helping you. Part of learning to ask for something is learning how to receive with grace and gratitude.

(Shortform note: Psychologists agree that asking for what you want isn’t selfish; rather, it’s a healthy way to improve your relationships. Only when you know how to receive help wholeheartedly are you capable of giving it wholeheartedly. Asking for help allows others to feel closer to you and you to feel closer to them. It can create a mutual support system that strengthens your ties to others.)

Ask to Be Paid What You’re Worth

Jones notes that women and people of color make significantly less money than white men for the same work. In addition, employers and society at large discourage workers from talking about how much they make, which is especially damaging to women and people of color. Women are also expected to do lower-paying service work; they are overrepresented in nonprofits.

Jones argues that to combat this, women and people of color need to do two things: Always negotiate their job offers, and never undervalue themselves when it comes to setting their fees and pricing.

(Shortform note: Studies show that the gender pay gap—the difference between the earnings of men and women—is substantial and stubborn. For the last 20 years, the gender pay gap has remained essentially the same: Women have earned about 80 cents for every dollar men make. In 2022, white women earned about 83% of what white men make, Black women earned 70%, and Hispanic women earned 65%. Various factors may contribute to the gap, including gender discrimination, the fact that caregiving jobs are paid poorly because they’re seen as “women’s work,” and the societal expectation that women should be the ones to leave their jobs to raise their children, not men (coupled with the lack of paid leave to allow them to do so).)

Negotiate Your Job Offers

Jones says it’s normal procedure to negotiate job offers and by not doing so, you’re forfeiting money that you deserve. She explains that if an employer has spent the time, money, and effort required to conduct a job search and has selected you, they’re invested in hiring you. They usually have more money available to pay you than what they present in their initial offer. Even if they don’t, you won’t know until you ask. Asking won’t make them rescind their offer because then they’d have to go to the trouble of conducting an entirely new job search.

To successfully negotiate your salary, make sure you do your research and find out what other people in similar positions are making. Be confident when requesting a higher salary. If you express doubt about whether you’re worth it, that doubt might infect your prospective employer.

(Shortform note: Negotiating a job offer or salary increase can be particularly challenging in a weak labor market, when you have fewer options and employers have more bargaining power. In these situations, experts recommend not just doing your research, but also taking into account the following tips: Provide a justification for your request for a higher salary; let the potential employer know that even if you do have other options, you want to work for them if your pay conditions are met; understand the role of the person you’re negotiating with and what their constraints are; prepare for difficult questions (and always tell the truth); and consider all aspects of the job in your negotiations, including perks and opportunities for advancement.)

Charge What You’re Worth—and Talk About It

Jones argues that by charging what you’re worth—and being willing to talk about pay with others—you can help make a small dent in the wage gap.

While it might be tempting to think that charging lower prices for your services will attract more customers, Jones says that it will only result in you working harder for less and feeling like you’re being taken advantage of. In addition, if women and people of color undervalue themselves, they set the bar lower for other women and people of color. Those who try to charge what they’re worth might have a harder time because cheaper options are available.

Jones says it’s important, too, to talk openly about pay, because it can shed public light on pay discrepancies. She gives the example of being asked to speak at a tech conference in Amsterdam. The organizers said they didn’t have the budget to pay her. She turned to a professional women’s group she was a part of and asked if this was normal for this conference. She soon found out that the conference paid white men for speaking and travel fees, and it paid white women for travel expenses. However, it offered black women only “exposure.”

Jones wanted to speak up about how unfair this was, but she was afraid that doing so might cost her future speaking engagements. She went through her standard process of examining the worst-case scenario and realized she’d still have other sources of income, and it was worth bringing to light an injustice. She spoke up online and collaborated with a reporter on an article about it. Jones received more speaking engagements as a result of speaking up.

Legal Rights to Discuss Pay

American employers frequently prohibit or discourage their employees from discussing pay. Many people are reluctant to talk about their pay with coworkers because they believe it’s illegal. However, the opposite is true: It’s illegal for employers to ban their employees from discussing pay. The National Labor Relations Act provides that employees have the right to communicate with each other about any type of pay, including salary, wages, overtime, and benefits. This communication can take many forms, including in-person conversations, email messages, and even social media posts. It’s unlawful for employers to have either formal or informal policies prohibiting such communications.

It’s also illegal for employers to retaliate against workers in any way if they discuss their pay with coworkers. If an employer does punish an employee for communicating about pay, the employee can file a charge with the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB).

In the case of freelancers like Jones, clients may take advantage of the fact that independent contractors have no coworkers to discuss pay with, and thus no obvious way to know what others are making for similar work. As Jones’s example highlights, it pays—literally—to be part of a network of professionals with whom you can compare notes regarding prices, fees, and services.

Maintain Boundaries

Jones says that we need to set boundaries—limits for the type of behavior we accept in our relationships. Setting boundaries can include everything from telling people when they’re doing something that makes us uncomfortable to establishing rules for the way people interact with us online.

Setting boundaries can be scary because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, come across as rude or unlikable, or face rejection. Many of us have been taught to accommodate others even at the expense of our own sanity, integrity, and safety. But if we accommodate others without setting healthy boundaries, says Jones, we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of and mistreated.

Jones points out that you can’t blame someone for violating your boundary if they don’t know it exists. You need to tell them what it is. Not telling someone how you feel can make you resentful and punishing, without giving the other person a chance to fix the problem. However, if someone continues to violate a boundary that they’re well aware of, it shows that they don’t care about your needs. Jones advocates removing those people from your life.

How to Set Boundaries and What to Do If They’re Violated

In Set Boundaries, Find Peace, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab provides the following tips for setting boundaries:

• Communicate your boundaries immediately after a situation in which someone made you feel uncomfortable. That way, you can prevent the situation from repeating, and you don’t have time to become resentful.

• Be assertive when communicating your boundaries, so people know you’re serious.

• Don’t explain your reasoning, as doing so only gives people an opportunity to argue with you (but note that other authors disagree with this approach, arguing instead that sharing your feelings can help build mutual understanding).

Tawwab also provides guidelines for what to do if a boundary is violated:

• Restate your boundary.

• If someone frequently violates your boundaries but you need to continue to be around them (for example, in a work environment), limit your interactions with that person.

• If someone frequently engages in major, serious boundary violations, you may need to end your relationship with that person.

• Don’t blame yourself if someone violates your boundary. If you’ve told someone how you feel and they continue to disregard your feelings, that reflects more on their character than on yours.

Part 3: How to Take Action to Make the World a Better Place

While making the world a better place can seem like an overwhelming task, Jones provides a handful of tips that can make your actions more effective, powerful, and just. She advises that you constantly work to improve yourself; learn to delegate; be kind, not nice; and create a community of friends.

Always Be Evolving

Jones contends that it’s our responsibility, as flawed humans, to do what we can to change ourselves for the better. Sometimes people will make us feel guilty for changing, but often that’s because they feel bad about their own stagnancy.

(Shortform note: 18th-century philosopher Immanuel Kant also believed that people have a moral duty to improve themselves. This duty stems from his maxim that we shouldn’t treat anyone—either ourselves or others—as a means to an end. If you do anything less than your best, Kant reasoned, you’re treating yourself as a means to an end. And if you hurt or manipulate others to get what you want, you’re treating them as a means to an end. Kant believed that humans have a unique ability to make rational decisions and exercise free choice, so we must respect that ability by working to better ourselves.)

Learn to Delegate

A major benefit of self-sufficiency is that we can ensure everything is done to our own exacting standards. However, Jones contends that if we always do everything ourselves, we’ll inevitably become overworked and exhausted—making it impossible to meet those very standards. We’ll start making mistakes, and we’ll be unpleasant to be around.

Jones says to be successful in our personal and professional lives, we need to learn how to delegate. She provides some tips for how to do so:

• Look for good people. You can’t delegate to just anyone. Look for competent and trustworthy people.
• Understand and accept that other people will make mistakes. . Keep in mind that you’d also make mistakes if you try to do everything yourself—and getting things done is more important than being perfect.
• Know how to deal with mistakes. When others make mistakes, resist the urge to resume doing everything yourself. Some small mistakes aren’t worth getting worked up over, especially in your personal life. Big mistakes or repeated mistakes may merit firing (or retraining, if the person takes accountability).
• Don’t feel guilty. You don’t have to feel bad for not being able to do it all. While some people seem to be able to do it all, you don’t know how miserable (or unhealthy, or exhausted) they might feel.

(Shortform note: In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey provides similar advice. He adds that once you’ve delegated a task to someone, you shouldn’t regulate exactly how they do it. This wastes your time and makes them feel less invested in the results. Instead, delegate effectively by communicating six things: what should be accomplished, the general standard operating procedures and rules for the task, ineffective methods, available resources, how results will be evaluated, and the consequences of success and/or failure.)

Be Kind, Not Nice

Jones argues that being “nice” all the time amounts to unhealthy people-pleasing. She advocates for being kind, rather than nice. This means being thoughtful and caring toward others, but not letting them take advantage of you.

In particular, Jones doesn’t believe in the common admonition to “take the high road.” She says that it doesn’t do any good to be polite in the face of injustice or wrongdoing. If someone is hurting you (or other people), they don’t care about you; taking the high road isn’t going to change their mind. Being civil won’t stop harmful behavior. Instead, argues Jones, we need to fight injustice, even if it means offending people or being loud and obnoxious. Fighting for people who have fewer advantages than you is a form of kindness.

(Shortform note: Jones emphasizes that good manners aren’t needed to fight injustice; however, this doesn’t mean that injustice justifies cruelty or violence. As Jones suggests, it’s possible to speak or act forcefully against injustice and still do so peacefully. This is the philosophy behind nonviolent resistance, a method of resisting oppression or injustice without using violence. Famously used by Mahatma Gandhi and his supporters to bring about India’s independence, and during the US Civil Rights Movement to bring about changes in discriminatory laws and practices, nonviolent resistance includes marches, civil disobedience, boycotts, sanctions, strikes, and other forms of peaceful protest.)

Create a Community of Friends

Humans are social creatures, says Jones, but we sometimes avoid forming close bonds out of fear of being betrayed. We don’t want other people to have control over us. Jones says that it’s impossible to avoid rejection—everyone experiences it—but it’s worth taking the risk to find true friends.

She explains that when others have control over us because of our love for them, we can become better people. For example, we’re likely to accomplish more or hold ourselves to higher standards if we see our friends excelling. Real friends will also hold you accountable when you make mistakes, and will prevent you from looking like a fool.

Jones offers the following advice for forming and maintaining a community of friends:

1. Set realistic expectations. Jones notes that no one friend or type of friend can fulfill all your friendship needs—and expecting them to is more likely to result in the breakdown of the friendship. She says there are various types of friends: childhood or longtime friends, work/professional friends, mentors, friends you have fun with, and best friends. While some people may fit into multiple categories, it helps to recognize that some people only fit into one category in our lives and we can’t expect more of them.

2. Know how to handle conflict. When conflict inevitably arises, Jones advises always making the effort to communicate and try to work it out. She says that feeling challenged or uncomfortable is no reason to leave a friendship, but if someone consistently makes you feel bad, you might want to consider cutting ties.

3. Show up and be vulnerable. Jones says friendship is about action more than words. We need to be there for those we love, especially when they’re going through a hard time. This includes being vulnerable and sharing ourselves. It also includes celebrating our friends’ successes.

4. Make a Nigerian friend. While Jones’s advice that everyone make a Nigerian friend is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, it highlights aspects of Nigerian culture that would be desirable in any friendship. For example, Jones explains that Nigerians are fiercely loyal and passionate, and will go out of their way to celebrate you and make you feel good about yourself.

Making Friends as an Adult

While Jones’s advice focuses more on maintaining existing friendships, making new friends as an adult presents its own set of challenges.

Experts say one way to identify potential new friends as an adult is to mine existing connections: Consider whether you’d like to become closer friends with colleagues, acquaintances, or neighbors. You could also join recurring group activities, so you have an opportunity to get to know people over time. Pursuing activities that interest you, from sports to volunteering, is another way to meet people who share your interests.

Once you’ve identified people you might want to grow a friendship with, you can further your connection by inviting them to coffee or lunch, reaching out regularly to stay in touch (for example, by sending them an article about something they mentioned they’re interested in), and remembering that it takes time to build friendships—about 90 hours for a casual relationship and about 200 to form a close bond.