PDF Summary:Keep It Shut, by Karen Ehman

Words hold immense power—they can encourage or destroy. In Keep It Shut, Karen Ehman examines the biblical principles of speech. She explores how our words reflect our inner thoughts and beliefs, and how carelessly uttered phrases often sow discord and conflict.

Ehman offers guidance on avoiding gossip, speaking with genuine compassion, responding to anger gracefully, and exercising wisdom when interacting online. By mastering our speech, we can uplift others and cultivate deeper connections.

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• Use a concentration app with a timer to structure your prayer sessions. Start with short intervals of focused prayer, followed by brief breaks. Gradually increase the length of the intervals as your concentration improves. This technique, often used in productivity methods like the Pomodoro Technique, can be adapted to prayer to help build your concentration stamina.
• Implement a "silent minute" rule before important conversations or speeches. Take a minute of silence to pray or meditate on the intention behind your words before you begin speaking. This brief pause can serve as a practical reminder to seek guidance in your speech and can become a regular part of your communication routine.
• Set up a weekly "contemplation walk" where you ponder the scriptural lessons you've read. Walking in a peaceful environment can help clear your mind and allow you to think deeply about the scriptures. During these walks, focus on one specific lesson and consider how it influences your daily actions and decisions.
• Turn scripture memorization into a social activity by starting a memorization challenge with friends or family members. Use a group chat or social media platform to share a verse of the day, and encourage each other to record and share audio or video of yourselves reciting it. This adds a layer of accountability and makes the process more engaging and supportive.
• Create a reflection journal with a twist by using a different creative medium each week. Instead of just writing, you can express your reflections through drawing, poetry, or even creating a piece of music. This engages different parts of your brain and can deepen your understanding and connection to the lessons.

Turn to the wisdom found in scripture for insights on how to use our language effectively.

Ehman provides practical guidance on enriching our conversations with biblical principles, focusing on the significance of avoiding pointless gossip and defamation, conveying truths with compassion, and responding to fury with a demeanor that is gentle and considerate.

Recognize the existence of unsubstantiated rumors and idle talk, and consciously choose to refrain from participating in it.

Ehman recommends avoiding harmful actions such as engaging in frivolous conversations and disseminating gossip. She amusingly reminisces about the "Hee Haw Honeys" from her younger days, observing their tendency to present gossip as if it were actual news. Karen Ehman underscores the need for vigilance against the perils associated with circulating unfounded stories, reflecting on her personal battles with this problem.

Ehman underscores the delicate distinction between engaging in trivial chatter concerning individuals and being involved in meaningful discussions about them.

Gossip:

• Disclosing details that were entrusted to us for safekeeping.

• Sharing information we suspect is private

• Telling unverified stories

• Speaking ill of someone in order to influence how others view them.

• Making veiled comments that imply something dubious.

• People often start their remarks by saying "Many think that" to convey notions or beliefs that are broadly accepted.

Discuss topics other than those involving gossip.

• Discussing disagreements with a reliable friend.

• Offering a truthful perspective when providing a recommendation.

• Commending the characteristics that constitute an individual's essence.

Ehman underscores the notion that gossip extends beyond a mere action; it is ingrained within the very fabric of a person's nature. Individuals who frequently indulge in spreading rumors or sensitive information earn themselves a reputation that is both enduring and unpleasant. She underscores various biblical descriptions of individuals who disseminate gossip:

• Betrays confidences: Gossips damage trust and friendships.

• Avoided by others: People avoid those known for spreading gossip.

• Provokes discord: Gossip creates division and separation.

• Is a sin: Gossip is equated with the severe wrongdoing of taking a life, as it is considered a sin.

Ehman emphasizes the importance of seeking pardon and altering our behavior following participation in the spread of rumors. She describes how memorizing biblical passages and deliberately avoiding inconsequential conversations have significantly contributed to her personal development journey.

Practical Tips

• Develop a habit of positive gossip by consciously sharing positive stories about people when you're in social situations. This can be as simple as complimenting someone's work ethic when their name comes up in conversation or sharing a story about a colleague's helpfulness. This shifts the focus from idle talk to constructive and uplifting communication.
• You can create a personal "fact-check protocol" for when you encounter new information. Start by identifying reliable sources and fact-checking websites that you can consult whenever you come across a story that seems questionable. For example, if you read a surprising news story, take a moment to check its veracity on sites like Snopes, FactCheck.org, or by cross-referencing with reputable news outlets.
• Volunteer for a cause or join a community group that aligns with your values. Engaging in activities with a group dedicated to a specific cause naturally shifts conversations from trivial matters to the meaningful work at hand. As you collaborate on projects or participate in group discussions, you'll find that the dialogue revolves around shared goals and constructive ideas.
• Create a "Truthful Perspectives" journal where you write down honest thoughts and feelings about different situations without sharing them as gossip. This allows you to reflect on your own opinions and disagreements in a private, constructive way. You might find that writing about a disagreement with a friend helps you understand your own stance better and prepares you for a more productive face-to-face conversation.
• Create a personal "Reputation Journal" where you note down instances where you hear or participate in gossip, and reflect on how these instances could contribute to someone's reputation. This self-monitoring tool can increase your awareness of how gossip spreads and allows you to track changes in your behavior over time.
• Volunteer to mediate conflicts in your community or workplace, focusing on resolving issues that stem from rumors. This role will give you firsthand experience in seeing the damage rumors can cause and the importance of seeking pardon and altering behavior. It will also provide you with practical skills in conflict resolution and communication, which can help you avoid participating in rumor-spreading in the future.
• Implement a "conversation contribution tracker" in your journal to record the value of your discussions throughout the day.

Express your thoughts with genuine care, ensuring that you are considerate and compassionate towards others.

Ehman underscores the necessity of expressing truthfulness and understanding, all while preserving a respectful and calm presence, especially during challenging conversations. She recalls an instance where offering genuine guidance to a friend was difficult, recognizing that conveying an honest message with compassion and consideration could have prevented any upset feelings. She presents a method known as the "Remarkable Twisted Bread Technique" for conveying challenging truths.

• Begin by offering a positive remark.

• Deliver the difficult reality.

• Finish by offering an additional uplifting statement.

Ehman underscores the necessity of striking a delicate equilibrium between being honest and being considerate, akin to the way a circus performer adeptly balances on a high wire. Convey the truth with sensitivity and a compassionate approach.

Practical Tips

• Practice mirroring body language to maintain a respectful atmosphere during tough talks. When you're in a difficult conversation, subtly adopt the posture, gestures, and facial expressions of the person you're speaking with. This nonverbal cue can create a sense of empathy and understanding, making the environment feel more respectful and calm.
• Develop a habit of asking open-ended questions to encourage deeper reflection and understanding. When someone seeks your advice, instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions that help them explore their situation more fully. This could be as simple as, "How does that make you feel?" or "What outcome are you hoping for?" This approach not only shows that you care but also empowers the other person to consider their circumstances from different angles, which can lead to more insightful guidance.
• You can use metaphors from everyday life to frame difficult truths in a more digestible way. For instance, if you need to discuss a sensitive topic with someone, compare the situation to a common experience like gardening. Explain that just as plants need pruning to grow healthily, sometimes relationships or projects need difficult decisions to thrive.

Keep your composure and respond in a manner that is considerate and mild.

Ehman acknowledges that feelings of irritation are inherent, yet she underscores the importance of controlling these emotions and responding with tenderness and benevolence. She references the scriptural passage known as Ephesians 4:26-27:

Make certain to address any feelings of anger by day's end, thereby avoiding sin that may arise from such emotions or giving malevolent forces a chance to intervene.

Ehman provides additional guidance on managing anger:

1. Recognize that feeling anger in itself is not inherently sinful. Anger is an inherent part of our human experience, a sentiment instilled by God.

2. Make certain that your emotions of anger don't cause you to behave improperly. Make certain that your emotions of anger don't lead you to commit sinful actions. Ensure that when you speak, you maintain a composed tone, steering clear of any sarcastic or belittling comments.

3. Address feelings of anger swiftly. Deal with your anger promptly to stop it from becoming entrenched. Seek to reconcile and let go of any resentful emotions.

4. Avoid providing an opportunity for the devil to gain influence. Unresolved anger opens a door for Satan to wield influence within our lives.

Ehman likens a soft response to a fleece blanket's embrace, offering solace and warmth instead of severity. She illustrates through actual incidents that responding with calmness can reduce stress and foster constructive dialogue. When confronted with an urgent request, strive to respond with calmness and understanding, setting boundaries yet acknowledging the person's requirements.

Practical Tips

• You can practice emotional labeling by keeping a daily journal where you write down your emotions and the triggers for those emotions. This helps you become more aware of your emotional responses and identify patterns. For example, if you notice that traffic jams consistently make you irritable, you can plan to listen to a calming podcast during your commute to foster a more tender response.
• Use a mobile app to practice mindfulness or meditation specifically during moments of anger. While there are many mindfulness apps available, choose one that allows you to set specific emotional prompts. When you feel anger, open the app and follow a guided meditation focused on calming and reflection. This can create a habit of pausing and reflecting instead of reacting impulsively to anger.
• Create a resentment journal where you write down resentful feelings and then actively forgive each one. This process involves acknowledging the emotion, understanding why it occurred, and then consciously deciding to let it go. For example, if you're holding a grudge against a coworker, write about the incident that caused the resentment, express how it made you feel, and then write a statement of forgiveness towards that person.
• Use a visual boundary indicator to signal when you're not immediately available. This could be a small desk flag or a light-up sign that indicates you're in deep work mode or on a break. When you receive an urgent request, you can point to the indicator to non-verbally communicate that you will address the issue once your current task is completed or your break is over. For instance, if a colleague approaches you with an "urgent" matter while your indicator is up, they'll understand to wait or leave a note.

Addressing specific speech challenges

The book explores specific scenarios that often challenge our capacity to control our speech. Ehman offers practical advice for various scenarios, equipping us with strategies to overcome temptation and employ our words in ways that are advantageous to others.

Avoiding the temptation to participate in unnecessary chatter and spread rumors.

Ehman delves into methods for avoiding the allure of participating in gossip in her work. The author shares her personal journey, recognizing how deeply embedded this practice is.

Acknowledge the significant repercussions that can result from disseminating gossip.

Ehman emphasizes the importance of understanding the destructive nature of gossip, recognizing its potential to inflict damage and sow discord. Karen Ehman highlights instances where her thoughtless words have inflicted suffering, emphasizing the lasting damage that can arise from circulating unfounded stories.

The author likens gossip to murder, noting that while murder terminates someone's life, gossip can destroy a person's reputation and morale. She underscores the necessity for repentance as both actions are considered sinful from a divine perspective.

Practical Tips

• Before you share information about someone, pause and mentally run through these three questions. This self-imposed rule encourages mindfulness and ethical communication. It can also serve as a personal development tool, helping you to cultivate empathy and discretion in your daily interactions.
• Develop a habit of writing down what you want to say in sensitive conversations before actually saying it. This practice allows you to review and refine your words, ensuring they convey your intended message without causing unintended harm. It's like drafting an important email; you get the chance to edit your thoughts for clarity and kindness before hitting "send" in a verbal conversation.

Commit to steering clear of gossip and hold yourself responsible for your actions.

Ehman provides practical advice on how to avoid participating in idle talk.

1. Memorize scripture that warns about the dangers of engaging in frivolous conversations. Keeping God's viewpoint in mind can assist us in resisting temptation.

2. Practice silence. Choose to keep quiet in the presence of others who engage in gossip. Choosing not to speak can frequently convey a strong message.

3. Consult with a confidante you rely on. Ask a friend to help you by discussing your goal to avoid the temptation of gossiping and to assist you in staying accountable.

Practical Tips

• Create a personal conversation filter using a simple acronym that reminds you of the key principles to consider before engaging in a discussion. For instance, THINK: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? This method helps you pause and evaluate your words against these criteria, reducing the likelihood of frivolous conversations.
• Create a visual reminder of your values by designing a personal emblem that represents your spiritual beliefs and goals. Place this emblem in areas where you're likely to face temptation, such as your wallet, phone wallpaper, or work desk. The emblem serves as a prompt to recall and align your actions with a higher perspective when temptation arises.

Navigating our communication across various social media platforms.

Ehman highlights the unique challenges of online communication, noting that our language in digital environments frequently lacks the prudence we normally exercise in face-to-face conversations.

Recognize that the impersonal nature of online interactions frequently results in our speaking without thought for potential repercussions.

Karen Ehman emphasizes that social media often provides a breeding ground where negativity and criticism can thrive. The impersonal nature of online communication often encourages a more careless use of language. Karen Ehman illustrates through instances of online arguments, digital harassment, and inappropriate comments, how our negative tendencies can be amplified by social media platforms.

Ehman recounts how an online dispute involving her child escalated quickly, largely due to the absence of nonverbal cues that are normally present in face-to-face conversations. She also shares stories about being critical and how often we express harsh and uncompassionate opinions in the digital realm, noting how this tendency is often amplified online.

Context

• People may experience less cognitive dissonance when expressing negative opinions online, as the separation from the recipient can make the interaction feel less real.
• The constant connectivity and information overload on social media can lead to stress and overwhelm, which may cause users to react more negatively than they would in less pressured environments.
• Online communication often involves people from diverse backgrounds, where cultural differences in language use and interpretation can lead to unintended offense or miscommunication.
• The perceived anonymity and lack of immediate consequences in online spaces can lead individuals to act in ways they might not in person, contributing to the rapid escalation of disputes.
• The rapid spread of viral content can encourage sensationalism and extreme viewpoints, as users may prioritize attention-grabbing statements over thoughtful discourse.

Apply biblical principles of speaking with wisdom, grace, and care for others even in digital spaces

Ehman emphasizes the significance of incorporating scriptural teachings into our digital interactions too. She offers the following advice:

1. Before you share anything online, take a moment to pray. Seek guidance from the Holy Spirit to ensure your posts reflect values that honor the divine.

2. Imagine speaking as though the individual you're engaging with is right next to you. Would you choose the same words if the individual were there with you?

3. Your behavior is constantly under scrutiny. Anything you post online is potentially visible to a wide audience.

4. Ensure that you have established a foundation of trust prior to sharing your viewpoint. Reflect on your knowledge of the topic and take into account how the nature of your connection with the individual shapes the dialogue.

5. Offer unsolicited advice sparingly. Be prudent when offering advice to those with whom you are not closely acquainted.

6. Always express yourself thoughtfully and with a compassionate attitude. Steer clear of language that is sarcastic, aggressive, or disparaging. Make a conscious decision to act with kindness and show consideration.

Practical Tips

• Enhance your email signature with a thoughtful, scriptural message that resonates with universal values. Choose a short, inspiring quote that aligns with the essence of kindness, integrity, or community, and add it to your email footer. This way, every email you send subtly spreads a positive message. Ensure the quote is inclusive and non-proselytizing to maintain respect for all recipients' beliefs.
• Draft your posts in a separate document where you've set up a pre-sharing checklist that includes questions like "Does this reflect my true beliefs?" and "Could this harm anyone unintentionally?" Reviewing your content against these questions can help you post with purpose and care.
• Create a daily "inspiration journal" where you write down moments you felt guided or inspired, noting the circumstances and your feelings. This practice helps you become more aware of the subtle ways guidance might manifest in your life. For example, if you felt a sudden urge to call a friend and that conversation led to a positive outcome, jot down the experience and reflect on it.
• Engage in a weekly 'values check-in' with a friend or family member where you discuss how you've each embodied your spiritual values in the past week. This creates a supportive community around the practice of living out values that honor the divine and provides accountability, as well as the opportunity to learn from each other's experiences and perspectives.
• Create a visual reminder of the person you're communicating with by setting up a dedicated space in your home for video calls or phone conversations. Decorate this space with items that remind you of the person or their interests, like photos or souvenirs. This physical setup can help you mentally transition into a space where you're more aware of their presence, leading to more meaningful interactions.
• Create a personal "behavior charter" that outlines your values and the types of interactions you want to engage in online. Refer to this charter before posting or responding on social media to maintain consistency in your online behavior, which can help build a positive digital footprint that aligns with your real-world persona.
• Collaborate with influencers or peers in your field to co-create content. Reach out to individuals who share a similar audience and propose a collaboration that benefits both parties. This could be a joint live stream, a shared post, or a challenge that encourages both audiences to engage. Collaborations can introduce your content to a new set of followers and expand your reach significantly.
• Share a small, personal story that relates to the topic at hand to show vulnerability and build rapport. This can be as simple as mentioning a relevant experience you had recently that ties into the conversation. If the topic is about workplace efficiency, you might share a brief anecdote about a time-saving technique you tried at home, which can lead into a discussion about potential workplace applications.
• Start a "concept dinner club" with friends or family where each meal is themed around a topic you're all interested in learning more about. During the dinner, each person shares something they've learned about the topic and discusses how it fits into their existing knowledge base. This could be a monthly event where you explore different subjects like astronomy, literature, or environmental science, and it encourages communal learning and knowledge application.
• Try writing a weekly reflection journal focused on your interactions. At the end of each week, take some time to write down key interactions you had, how they made you feel, and what you think the other person might have felt. This practice can increase your empathy and awareness of the dynamics in your relationships, helping you to adjust your approach in future interactions for more meaningful connections.
• Create a feedback jar at home or work where people can leave notes when they want advice or input on a specific issue. This encourages a culture where advice is sought and given in a structured manner, rather than unsolicited. It can be a physical jar or a digital space, like a shared document, where requests for advice can be posted and responded to when someone feels they need external input.
• Implement a "24-Hour Response Rule" for emotionally charged or critical communications, giving yourself a full day to formulate a thoughtful and compassionate reply rather than responding in the heat of the moment. This time buffer allows you to consider the other person's perspective and cool down any immediate emotional reactions, leading to more constructive and empathetic communication.
• Create a personal "language filter" by setting a reminder on your phone to go off at random times during the day. When it does, take a moment to reflect on your last conversation and assess if your language was kind and constructive. This self-monitoring can help you become more aware of your language habits and adjust them accordingly.
• Implement a "one kind act a day" rule where you consciously perform at least one considerate action for someone else daily. This could be as simple as sending a supportive text message to a friend or leaving a positive note for a coworker. The key is to make it a deliberate part of your routine.

Dealing with emotions such as anger and disappointment in our personal relationships.

Ehman explores the unavoidable emotions of frustration and discontent that emerge in relationships, providing advice on handling these sentiments constructively and utilizing our language to cultivate harmony and repair rifts.

We must be aware of instances when our words become harmful due to anger.

Ehman emphasizes that experiencing anger does not, in itself, constitute a sin. We must be careful to ensure that our expressions of anger do not escalate into sinful behavior, such as using severe words or making critical judgments. Karen Ehman advocates for a reflective assessment of our behavior, especially in identifying instances where our words spoken in anger have caused hurt or sparked conflicts.

Ehman uses personal anecdotes to illustrate how anger can lead to inappropriate responses, like elevating her tone with her children over misplaced footwear. She acknowledges that her initial emotions were warranted, but her response was excessively extreme. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our feelings and seeking spiritual guidance to control our words when we are tempted to speak out in anger. The author encourages readers to consider moments when anger led to improper actions, identify common triggers, and develop strategies to break these harmful patterns.

Other Perspectives

• The idea that anger is not a sin could be challenged by the belief that all negative emotions, including anger, arise from unvirtuous thoughts or desires, which are considered sinful in some traditions.
• The term 'sinful behavior' is a moral judgment that may not allow for the complexity of human emotions and the context in which they occur.
• Severe words or critical judgments can sometimes be necessary for enforcing boundaries and ensuring personal safety.
• Constantly analyzing one's behavior may inhibit spontaneity and authenticity in interactions with others.
• In some cultural or interpersonal contexts, speaking with strong emotion, including anger, is a normative way of communicating and not necessarily harmful.
• The appropriateness of a response is subjective and can depend on cultural norms and personal values, which means that what is considered inappropriate in one context may be seen as justified in another.
• Acknowledging feelings without a constructive plan for managing or addressing them can lead to emotional stagnation rather than growth or resolution.
• There is a risk that some individuals might misinterpret or misuse spiritual teachings to justify their anger or avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
• In some cases, the emphasis on triggers might overshadow the need to develop resilience and the ability to cope with negative emotions, which is also an essential aspect of emotional intelligence.
• While developing strategies to break harmful patterns is beneficial, it may not always be necessary for everyone; some individuals might naturally outgrow certain behaviors without structured strategies.

In challenging circumstances, opt for a calm and tender tone rather than harsh words.

Ehman emphasizes the effectiveness of a gentle response in reducing tension and promoting comprehension. She likens the calming effect our speech can have on tense relationships to how a water softener uses salt in purifying water.

Ehman suggests we should embrace a behavior as soothing as the softest throw, moderating our responses and choosing to act with compassion when we engage with others. Karen Ehman advises individuals to contemplate their typical reactions to bothersome questions or situations. She urges us to intentionally cultivate a habit of giving "soft answers", counting to three and praying for guidance before responding.

Practical Tips

• Practice speaking in a calm tone during everyday conversations to build the habit. Start by noticing the pitch and volume of your voice in regular discussions with friends or family. If you find yourself getting excited or agitated, consciously lower your voice and slow down your speech. This will train your vocal cords and your mind to default to a calmer tone, even when under stress.
• Incorporate soft textures into your daily attire or accessories to carry the essence of comfort with you. This could be a scarf with a particularly soft fabric or a small tactile object, like a smooth stone or a piece of velvet, kept in your pocket. Whenever you feel stressed, touch the soft texture to remind yourself to stay calm and composed.
• Implement a "compassion pause" before responding in potentially heated or stressful situations. Take a deep breath and think of a compassionate response before you speak or act. For instance, if a colleague snaps at you, instead of reacting defensively, pause and consider if they might be under stress and respond with understanding.
• Create a "reaction map" for potential bothersome events. Draw a flowchart that starts with an event that could annoy you and branch out with different ways you could respond. This visual tool can help you pre-plan constructive reactions and make it easier to avoid typical negative responses. For instance, if you get bothered by long lines at the grocery store, your reaction map might include options like using the time to organize your shopping list or initiating a friendly conversation with another shopper.
• Create a "soft answer" trigger in your daily routine by choosing a common event, like hearing your phone's notification sound, to remind you to pause and adopt a gentle demeanor. This will help you integrate a calm and kind response into your automatic reactions, making it more natural over time.
• Start a reflection journal where you document instances where you paused before responding and the outcomes that followed. Over time, review your entries to identify patterns in your decision-making process and the quality of your interactions, reinforcing the habit of pausing for guidance.

We should employ our language to uplift and positively reinforce others.

In the concluding part of her book, Ehman directs our attention toward actively employing our language to uplift and positively reinforce others. She reminds us of the remarkable power our words possess to impart courage, hope, and affirmation.

Look for opportunities to provide uplifting and supportive remarks that have the power to change lives and potentially redirect historical events.

Ehman emphasizes the importance of pausing to offer uplifting and affirmative words, observing the significant impact these minor gestures of benevolence can exert on another individual's existence. The book presents compelling narratives of individuals whose influence has been significant.

They influenced her existence through their spoken expressions. While cleaning out a storage space, she remembers those whose unwavering support and kindness made an enduring impact. She cultivates a practice of giving thanks to God for the beneficial impacts in her life, reminiscent of Paul's expression of thankfulness, "Whenever I think of you, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God" (Philippians 1:3).

Ehman emphasizes the enduring impact of supportive words, recalling how certain expressions, such as affirmations of her potential, influenced her path. She underscores the clear distinction between the beneficial impact of encouraging words and the detrimental consequences of disparaging remarks, underscoring the capacity of our chosen words to either mend or hurt.

Practical Tips

• Create a 'compliment jar' for your home or workplace where you and others can drop in written positive remarks about someone. Set a time each week to read them aloud, fostering a culture of appreciation and support within your community.
• Volunteer to read to children at a local library or school, choosing books with strong, positive messages. By doing so, you're not only promoting literacy but also planting seeds of positivity and potential in young minds, which could influence their future actions and beliefs.
• Create personalized "kindness cards" to hand out to people around you, whether they're friends, family, or strangers. Each card could have an uplifting message or a small offer of help, like a free coffee or assistance with a task. The tangible nature of the card makes your expression of support something the recipient can hold onto, potentially magnifying its impact.
• Start a gratitude chain email at work to acknowledge the positive impacts your colleagues have on your day-to-day tasks. Explain that each recipient should add their note of thanks and pass it on, creating a ripple effect of appreciation that highlights beneficial impacts within the workplace.
• Start a daily affirmation exchange with a friend to encourage mutual growth. Choose a time each day to send each other a supportive message or affirmation that aligns with your goals or challenges. This practice not only reinforces positive self-talk but also strengthens your relationship by showing consistent support.
• Use social media as a platform for spreading positivity. Dedicate a day of the week to posting compliments or positive messages about friends or acquaintances. Tagging them in these posts not only brightens their day but also inspires your network to share encouragement. This ripple effect can amplify the beneficial impact of encouraging words beyond your immediate circle.

Select appropriate moments to convey your thoughts in order to optimize the positive impact your words may exert.

Ehman provides insightful guidance on the effective utilization of language.

1. Exchange positions. Consider how you would feel if the words you are preparing to say were directed at you instead.

2. Opt for discretion during appropriate times. Concentrate primarily on the crucial elements, steering clear of unnecessary specifics or lingering on aspects that lacked importance.

3. Exercise caution in your choice of words. Use a voice that conveys both compassion and regard, particularly when sharing challenging realities.

4. Consider the look that is often seen on your face. Ensure that your facial expressions genuinely mirror the message you intend to communicate.

5. Opt for a positive mindset. Assume positive intentions in others and refrain from hastily arriving at pessimistic conclusions.

6. Avoid mentioning past events when engaging in dialogue. Concentrate on the current circumstances instead of dredging up previous wrongs.

7. Transform your future by altering your past. Seek out chances to use language that will positively and enduringly influence others.

8. Be mindful of the often overlooked details. Reach out to those who might feel overlooked or undervalued.

9. Act at the appropriate moment. Deliberate thoughtfully on the suitable times and approaches to participate in conversations.

Ehman underscores the importance of when to speak, likening well-chosen words to golden apples arranged in a silver setting, as suggested by Proverbs 25:11. Our speech becomes more impactful when delivered thoughtfully and in the right circumstances, much like how a beautiful piece of art stands out more within the right environment.

In her final thoughts, Ehman encourages us to contemplate the lasting impact of our spoken expressions and to think about what persists once our dialogues have concluded. She advocates for deliberately developing a way of interacting that mirrors divine compassion, benevolence, and mercy, allowing our language to mend, uplift, and create a lasting impression of benevolence.

Practical Tips

• Use a voice recording app to capture your side of conversations, then listen back with the mindset of the other person involved. Pay attention to your tone, choice of words, and the context of the discussion. Listening as an observer can reveal nuances in your communication that you might not notice in the moment, allowing you to adjust your approach in future interactions.
• Use the "One Page Plan" method for your projects by forcing yourself to fit the entire plan on a single sheet of paper. This encourages you to distill your strategy down to the essentials, focusing on key objectives, milestones, and actions, and avoiding the trap of overcomplicating your approach.
• Use role-playing exercises with a friend to practice compassionate communication in hypothetical scenarios. Take turns being the speaker and the listener, and after each role-play, give each other feedback on word choice and its impact. For instance, if the scenario is about comforting someone after a job loss, discuss how different phrases made you feel and why.
• Implement a 'facial feedback' habit by using sticky notes with emotional cues around your workspace or home. Write down different emotions on sticky notes and place them in areas where you frequently look, like your computer monitor or bathroom mirror. Each time you see a note, adjust your facial expression to match that emotion. This can help train your facial muscles to naturally reflect your intended message in everyday interactions.
• Start a "Positive Assumption" journal where you jot down situations where you might have jumped to a negative conclusion about someone's actions, and instead, write a positive intention you could attribute to them. This practice encourages you to actively reframe your thoughts and recognize the frequency of negative assumptions versus positive ones.
• Develop a habit of asking yourself, "What can I do right now?" whenever you catch yourself ruminating on past events. This question prompts immediate action and shifts your focus to the present. If you're thinking about a past mistake at work, redirect your attention by organizing your current workspace or starting on a new task.
• Create a habit of sending out weekly positive forecast emails to friends or colleagues. In these emails, focus on the positive potential of the upcoming week, using language that paints an encouraging picture of the future. For instance, instead of saying "Next week will be busy," try "Next week is full of opportunities to excel and grow."
• Volunteer for a mentorship program where you can offer guidance and support to individuals who may be struggling with feeling unnoticed in their professional or personal lives. By being a mentor, you provide a platform for them to share their thoughts and feel acknowledged.
• Create a personal 'expression diary' where you jot down phrases or expressions that resonate with you throughout the day. These could come from conversations, reading, or even your own thoughts. Review this diary weekly to see which expressions could be your golden apples, and practice weaving them into your dialogues or presentations to add luster to your language.
• Engage in active listening during conversations by summarizing what the other person said before adding your thoughts. This ensures you understand their perspective and provides a natural moment to consider if your response is necessary and constructive. It's a simple technique that fosters more meaningful and impactful exchanges.
• Volunteer for a 'compassion project' in your community, such as visiting the elderly or tutoring children. By dedicating a few hours each week to selfless service, you embody mercy and compassion. This hands-on approach can deepen your understanding of these virtues through direct experience.