PDF Summary:How We Live Is How We Die, by Pema Chödrön

Do we truly embrace the impermanence that characterizes all life as we know it? How We Live Is How We Die delves into the insights of Pema Chödrön, a renowned Buddhist nun, exploring the profound wisdom found within our inevitable transition from life to death. This concise guide illuminates the transient nature of existence, where every moment births the next before dissolving, as it revisits the traditional Tibetan Buddhist teachings on the interim phases known as "bardos."

Chödrön emphasizes the imperative need for mindfulness and spiritual practice in our current existence as a vital foundation for navigating the profound transitions, all the while sharing practical techniques to facilitate graceful transitions for the dying. With thought-provoking anecdotes, she unravels the impact of our propensities and how intentional changes in conduct ultimately shape our destiny beyond this life.

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• Transform your daily coffee ritual into a sensory awareness exercise by focusing on the aroma, warmth, and taste with each sip, turning a routine into a moment of mindfulness.
• Start a "transience journal" where you write down the start and end times of various activities throughout your day. This could be as simple as noting when you begin and finish a meal, a work session, or a leisure activity. By actively recording these moments, you become more aware of the fleeting nature of daily events and learn to appreciate them more.
• Develop a habit of 'sensory labeling' during regular activities. For instance, when you're eating, describe the textures, temperatures, and sensations in your mouth silently to yourself. This not only enriches the experience of the activity but also builds a stronger connection to your physical senses, which can be a valuable tool for maintaining presence in more challenging or stressful situations.
• Implement a "Spiritual Enlightenment Tracker" app on your smartphone that allows you to set and track goals related to personal growth and spiritual practices. The app could include features for setting reminders to meditate, reflect on personal challenges, or practice gratitude, helping you to seize opportunities for enlightenment in your everyday life.

Our awareness and understanding evolve through different transitional stages commonly known as bardos.

Our perception of having a consistent identity is misleading, as the aspect we call "consciousness" is in fact a fluid and ever-changing progression.

Meditation serves as a tool to reveal the deceptive nature inherent in all experiences, during our existence and after.

Pema Chödrön challenges the conventional notion that we possess a stable self or soul, suggesting instead that the idea of an unchanging personal identity is actually a fallacy. Consciousness, she explains, is comparable to a river, constantly moving and underscoring the perpetual transformation inherent in the process. Upon examining the occurrences in our lives, we recognize that all is subject to change, which calls into question our belief in a constant self-identity. Our physical form is in a perpetual state of transformation, just as our recollections and psychological states are equally mutable and variable.

She recommends using meditation practices to delve into the profound layers of our consciousness. By cultivating an awareness of the transient quality of our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, we come to understand their ephemeral and insubstantial nature. Chödrön conveys the concept that such understanding allows us to recognize our life as comparable to a dream, enduring beyond our physical demise.

Practical Tips

• Develop a habit of questioning your reactions to daily events by asking yourself, "Why did I respond this way?" and "Is this reaction a fixed part of who I am or just a temporary state?" This self-inquiry can help you detach from the idea of having a stable, unchanging self and recognize the fluid nature of your responses and emotions.
• Engage in a creative activity like painting or drawing that doesn't have a predetermined outcome. Allow your work to evolve naturally, making changes as you go, to embody the fluid nature of consciousness. This can help you embrace the idea of transformation and the lack of permanence in your thoughts and emotions.
• Create a personal 'Identity Map' where you visually represent different aspects of your identity at regular intervals, such as monthly. Use drawings, symbols, or words to depict your interests, beliefs, relationships, and goals. Over time, compare the maps to see how your self-concept evolves, which can help you understand the non-static nature of your identity.
• Experiment with a 'memory morph' exercise by revisiting old photos or mementos and writing down the memories they evoke, then compare these with your current perspective. This can highlight how your recollections and interpretations change over time. For instance, an old photo from a family holiday might bring back different emotions and insights now than it did years ago, illustrating the malleability of memory.
• Engage in a weekly 'consciousness exchange' with a friend or family member where you discuss your meditation experiences and the layers of consciousness you've explored. This verbal sharing can provide new perspectives and insights into your own experiences and help solidify your understanding of the different states of consciousness you encounter.
• Engage in a "role-play" exercise with a friend where you each share a current worry or concern and then respond to each other from the perspective of an objective, compassionate observer. This can help you realize the transient nature of your issues and cultivate a more detached, aware mindset.
• Engage in "One-Moment Meditation" throughout the day. Focus on your breath or a single sensory experience for just one minute, acknowledging the fleeting nature of the moment. This could be the sensation of wind on your skin or the sound of leaves rustling, which, like a dream, is there and then gone.
• Engage in a creative writing exercise where you explore narratives that involve characters or entities experiencing life beyond the physical realm. This can be a therapeutic way to internalize the concept of life's endurance. You might write a short story about a character who imparts crucial wisdom to loved ones in subtle, non-physical ways after passing, thereby continuing to have a meaningful impact on their lives.

The prevalent view that a distinct "consciousness" transitions through the intermediate phase is regarded as a theoretical and comparative construct.

From the broadest vantage point, it's evident that nothing possesses inherent stability, whether it fluctuates with each passing instant or over numerous reincarnations.

The author suggests that the concept of a persistent "consciousness" that remains after death is fundamentally a mental fabrication. Pema Chödrön describes the dualistic awareness that typifies our existence as "namshé." This type of consciousness recognizes a separation between the observer and the observed, as well as between oneself and the outside world. However, she emphasizes that namshé is characterized by its impermanence, with its form continuously dissolving and then re-forming.

The writer posits that, when viewed from the most elevated standpoint, permanence in existence is not maintained by any being, even across numerous lifetimes. Every instant presents itself as a unique and untouched occurrence, reflecting the inherent vastness and void of existence. The author argues that understanding this principle leads to the abandonment of the belief in a permanent, unchanging self and embraces our authentic nature, which is fluid and constantly evolving.

Other Perspectives

• From a scientific perspective, certain physical laws, such as the conservation of energy, are considered stable and unchanging across the observable universe.
• The concept of a persistent consciousness after death could be supported by various religious and spiritual beliefs that posit the existence of an eternal soul or spirit.
• The concept of namshé might be overly simplistic in explaining the complex nature of consciousness, which could involve multiple layers and states that transcend simple dualistic categorizations.
• The idea of genetic inheritance and the persistence of genetic information across generations could be seen as a counterpoint to the claim of no permanence, as certain traits and biological information are preserved over time.
• The idea of each instant being untouched may not hold in the realm of human experience, where memory and anticipation continuously influence the perception of each moment.
• The notion of a permanent self could be seen as a psychological necessity for some, providing a sense of continuity and identity that is essential for mental health and well-being, regardless of the philosophical truth of impermanence.
• In practical terms, certain aspects of one's nature, such as innate talents or predispositions, may not be as fluid and subject to change as the idea suggests.

Our passage through the bardos is shaped more by the condition of our awareness than by fixed notions of who we are or events that transpire posthumously.

Developing a steady, lucid, and kind-hearted method of engaging with our present moments lays a strong foundation for confronting whatever may come next.

Chödrön emphasizes that successfully navigating the bardos relies more on our state of mind than on strict beliefs regarding our identity or what happens after we die. The writer underscores the significance of our perception and emotional reactions to the environment in shaping our life experiences and the transitional phases referred to as bardos. By developing a base of stability, clarity, and compassion within our present life, we inherently navigate the transitions of death and move into subsequent stages of being.

The author reiterates that the key to preparing for the bardos lies in embracing impermanence and training in recognizing the open, spacious nature of our minds. By recognizing the unpredictable nature of our life experiences, we begin to move away from the idea of a fixed identity, thereby embracing the limitless possibilities that constitute our true nature.

Practical Tips

• You can create a "Mindfulness Jar" to visually represent moments of presence. Fill a clear jar with colorful beads, each representing a moment you were fully engaged and kind-hearted in your day. This tangible representation can serve as a reminder to seek out and cherish present moments, and the act of adding beads can become a mindful practice in itself.
• You can enhance your awareness of environmental influences on your emotions by keeping a perception diary. Start by jotting down specific situations and your emotional responses to them throughout the day. Note the setting, people involved, and any sensory experiences like sounds or smells. Over time, you'll start to see patterns in how your environment shapes your feelings, which can help you make more conscious choices about the spaces you inhabit and the experiences you seek out.
• Create a 'Yes Day' once a month where you intentionally say yes to things you typically wouldn't, within reason and safety. This might mean accepting an invitation to an event you'd usually skip, or trying a new activity that's outside your comfort zone. The purpose is to break from routine and open yourself up to new experiences, which can reshape your perception of your identity and its possibilities.

The behaviors and tendencies ingrained within us exert a considerable influence.

Our life experiences are profoundly shaped by ingrained habits that surface as patterns of emotion and behavior.

Our ingrained patterns of seeing and reacting continue to influence us for the duration of our lives and even as we transition beyond death.

The writer presents the concept of "propensities," which are ingrained emotional and behavioral tendencies that have a profound impact on how we perceive and engage with our surroundings. The author describes these tendencies as the accumulation of karmic imprints from numerous past lives. We frequently cause distress for both ourselves and those around us due to deeply ingrained habits of thinking, feeling, and acting.

The author communicates the idea that the habits we frequently consider harmful continue even after our death, an insight also expressed by Trungpa Rinpoche. Our experiences in the bardos and the circumstances of our future rebirths are continuously shaped by enduring elements that persist across various lifetimes.

Context

• In Buddhist philosophy, intention plays a crucial role in shaping karma. By consciously setting positive intentions, individuals can begin to alter their ingrained patterns and influence future experiences.
• Different Buddhist traditions may interpret and emphasize the concept of propensities in various ways, reflecting diverse cultural and doctrinal influences.
• These karmic imprints are believed to manifest in one's current life as predispositions, influencing behavior, relationships, and personal challenges.
• Samsara is the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. The continuation of harmful habits is seen as a factor that binds beings to this cycle, preventing liberation or enlightenment.
• Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche was a prominent Tibetan Buddhist teacher who emphasized the importance of understanding the mind's habitual patterns. His teachings often explore how these patterns affect both life and the process of dying.

Welcoming our inherent inclinations rather than rejecting them is essential for transforming our way of thinking.

Cultivating awareness, self-compassion, and skillful responses to our deep-seated patterns is a lifelong endeavor of great importance.

Chödrön underscores the significance of recognizing and becoming allies with our tendencies instead of dismissing or attempting to control them. She conveys insights from Tsoknyi Rinpoche, who refers to our innate tendencies as "beautiful monsters," and advises that we approach them with gentleness and a sense of wonder. Pema Chödrön presents the view that what we might consider our personal flaws should actually be seen as opportunities for significant transformation.

Chödrön offers practical guidance for controlling our inherent inclinations. She recommends fostering awareness, kindness towards oneself, and adept reactions to the recurring tendencies we often exhibit. By developing the practice of pausing before reacting, we create chances for a more considered response. She encourages a deep investigation into the physical sensations that go hand in hand with our emotions, allowing us to fully undergo them without associating our identity with these events. The author emphasizes the importance of continuous dedication, compassion, and determination throughout this enduring path.

Practical Tips

• Develop a "self-compassion reminder" system using daily alarms or notifications. Set several alarms throughout the day with labels that encourage self-kindness, such as "Take a deep breath" or "Acknowledge one thing you did well today." This can help integrate self-compassion into your routine, making it a more automatic response over time.
• Implement a 'tendency swap' challenge for a week where you consciously adopt a tendency that is opposite to your natural inclination to see how it affects your life. If you're naturally risk-averse, deliberately take a small, calculated risk each day, like speaking up in a meeting or trying a new activity. This can help you explore the benefits of different tendencies and expand your comfort zone.
• Create a "tendency partnership" with someone who has complementary inclinations. By pairing up, you can support each other in areas where one may struggle and the other excels. If you tend to be more creative and less organized, partner with someone who is naturally methodical to balance out project responsibilities.
• Develop a "monster meditation" routine where you spend a few minutes each day sitting quietly, acknowledging and visualizing your innate tendencies as characters. Give them names, appearances, and personalities. This visualization can help you engage with these aspects of yourself more compassionately and humorously, reducing their intimidation factor. Imagine a character named "Worry Wanda" who always expects the worst, and during meditation, picture her calming down as you reassure her.
• Create a 'Wonder Board' in a visible area of your home. Use it to post questions about your behaviors and tendencies that you genuinely want to explore. This could be as simple as, "I wonder why I procrastinate on tasks I actually enjoy?" Seeing these questions daily can prompt reflective thinking and a gentle self-inquiry.
• Develop a "Flaw Transformation Plan" using a simple spreadsheet or app where you track a specific flaw over a period of time, noting triggers, responses, and improvement strategies. If impatience is your flaw, you might track situations that trigger impatience, how you responded, and what techniques (like deep breathing or perspective-taking) helped you manage it better.
• You can track your decision-making process by keeping a journal to identify patterns in your inherent inclinations. Start by writing down every significant decision you make for a week, noting the emotions, thoughts, and external factors influencing you. Over time, you'll begin to see trends in your decision-making that align with your natural inclacies. For example, if you notice you're more likely to make impulsive purchases when you're stressed, you can then work on strategies to manage stress before shopping.
• Develop a 'reaction playbook' by writing down common stressful scenarios you encounter and scripting calm, constructive responses to them. Review and rehearse these responses regularly so that when similar situations arise, you're prepared to react with poise and effectiveness. This proactive approach can help you manage your reactions and maintain composure during challenging moments.
• Set a "consideration timer" on your phone for moments of decision. Before entering a meeting or a potentially stressful conversation, set a timer for 30 seconds or a minute on your phone. When you feel the need to respond, start the timer and use those seconds to think through your response. This deliberate pause can help you avoid knee-jerk reactions and provide more thoughtful input.
• Use a color-coding system to visualize the connection between emotions and bodily sensations. Assign a color to each emotion and a corresponding shade to the intensity of the physical sensation. When you experience an emotion, use the color to fill in a body map, highlighting areas where you feel the sensation the strongest. This can help you visually process how emotions are distributed across your body.
• Develop a habit of verbalizing emotions in the third person. For example, say "Chris feels frustrated," instead of "I am frustrated." This small linguistic shift can help create psychological distance between your emotions and your sense of self, making it easier to experience emotions without them impacting your identity.
• Strengthen determination by creating a visual roadmap of your goals with specific, measurable milestones. Place it somewhere you'll see it daily, like on your fridge or as your phone wallpaper. Each time you reach a milestone, reward yourself in a small way. This visual reminder and reward system can help maintain your determination over time.

The actions we undertake in this life establish the foundation for the challenges and circumstances we will face in the next.

Consciously altering our customary patterns of behavior is essential for ensuring a favorable rebirth and to continue progressing on our spiritual path.

The guidance provided by Pema Chödrön indicates that our current habits will influence the challenges and circumstances we face in future existences. If we habitually indulge in destructive emotions such as anger, jealousy, and greed, we will find ourselves drawn to similar experiences in the future. Our future unease is often shaped by the harmful patterns we cultivate.

The author emphasizes the significance of intentionally changing our ingrained behaviors, as this is crucial for securing a positive reincarnation and ongoing spiritual development. By gradually integrating the teachings and practices of Dharma into our daily existence, we establish a foundation for enhanced happiness and freedom in both our current life and the one that follows. By cultivating qualities such as selflessness, patience, and empathy, we establish a foundation for our forthcoming experiences and set the stage for achieving spiritual awakening.

Context

• Ethical conduct, including right speech, action, and livelihood, is fundamental in Buddhism. Altering behavior to align with these principles supports spiritual growth and a favorable rebirth.
• Developing skills to manage emotions like anger and jealousy is crucial. These emotions are seen as obstacles to spiritual growth and can lead to negative karmic consequences if not addressed.
• Consistently expressing destructive emotions can affect relationships and environments, creating a cycle where negative interactions and environments reinforce those emotions, leading to a perpetuation of similar experiences.
• Understanding that one's actions not only affect personal future experiences but also impact the broader community and environment is a key aspect of spiritual development.
• Consistent practice of Dharma can lead to long-term benefits such as reduced stress, improved emotional regulation, and a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.
• These qualities are often developed through meditation and mindfulness practices, which help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, leading to greater self-control and insight.

Guidance and anecdotes are provided for steering through life's transitions.

The book provides specific techniques and practices designed to help individuals navigate the end of life and transition into the next stage.

By remaining serene and empathetic, respecting their belongings, and conducting rituals, we can facilitate their passage.

Chödrön offers practical guidance to support our loved ones during their passage from life to the subsequent stage. She emphasizes the importance of maintaining a calm and compassionate presence, which offers solace to those nearing the end of their journey, reassuring them about the love that surrounds them and the valuable impact they have made on the world. She also encourages gently guiding them to acknowledge their changing circumstances, which facilitates their release from their former existence.

The author suggests specific practices to support those who have passed away, highlighting the principle from Tibetan Buddhism that posits the persistence of consciousness after life ends. Individuals may find solace through the gentle recitation of passages from an established text that originates from Tibet, through soft-spoken words, or by participating in calming dialogue. One should also avoid disturbing their belongings or becoming involved in arguments close to them, as these actions may lead to discomfort for the deceased during their transition. Chödrön also discusses the tradition of offering the favorite food and drinks to honor the departed, in line with the Tibetan belief that, while the deceased cannot physically partake in these offerings, they may derive a sense of satisfaction from these symbolic acts. Additionally, Chödrön suggests participating in specific practices such as the tonglen breathing technique, along with a customary ceremony designed to provide solace to those who have passed on as they journey through the transitional phase post-mortem.

Practical Tips

• Create a legacy journal for someone nearing the end of their journey, where friends and family can write down memories, express gratitude, and share the ways that person has touched their lives. This tangible collection of love and impact can be a comforting presence, allowing the individual to read and re-read the entries at their leisure.
• Engage in a creative expression workshop, such as painting or music, that focuses on channeling emotions related to loss into art, providing a therapeutic outlet and a unique way to honor the memory of the deceased. You don't need to be an artist; the goal is to express feelings through creation, which can be a powerful form of solace and personal tribute.
• Develop a family agreement that outlines respectful behaviors and practices to be observed in the presence of the deceased's belongings, such as not moving or using items without a collective decision. This agreement can be written and signed by all family members to ensure a shared understanding and commitment to maintaining a peaceful atmosphere.
• Plant an edible garden with herbs, vegetables, or fruits that remind you of your departed loved one. As the plants grow and you use them in your cooking, it's a living tribute that you can care for and that provides a sensory connection to your memories of them.
• Incorporate a moment of silence followed by a deep breathing exercise at the beginning of family gatherings to honor those who are no longer with us. This can be a simple yet powerful way to collectively acknowledge and send comfort to the memory of loved ones. During this time, each person can mentally send well-wishes or speak a few words about the person, creating a shared experience of remembrance and solace.

The profound effects of these principles in actual scenarios are demonstrated through personal anecdotes and illustrative cases.

People recount narratives that exemplify their experiences with death, the intermediate phases referred to as bardos, and their ensuing rebirths, underscoring the perceptive and metamorphic aspects of this spiritual odyssey.

Chödrön illustrates the deep impact of her lessons through personal stories and various real-world instances. She recounts the time she spent beside her mother's lifeless form, reflecting on her mother's endearing traits and gently urging her to depart serenely. During a time when she was assisting a friend facing a terminal illness, Pema Chödrön often read passages from "The Tibetan Book of the Dead."

The author intertwines narratives of individuals whose previous involvement in mindfulness allowed them to confront life-threatening scenarios with tranquil composure. The story of Mingyur Rinpoche, detailing his significant personal evolution throughout a wandering retreat marked by perilous circumstances, highlights the vast opportunities for self-growth that arise from embracing uncertainty and cultivating an adaptable attitude. The writer urges us to contemplate the character of potential occurrences as we approach life's end, underscoring that the traits we possess now will shape these imminent experiences.

Practical Tips

• Engage in active listening when others share their stories, to enhance empathy and understanding. Whenever you're in a conversation, focus on listening without interrupting, and then share what you've understood from their story. This exercise will not only improve your listening skills but also help you grasp the essence of shared experiences, which is a key takeaway from understanding the power of storytelling.
• Create a memory box to honor your loved one's traits by collecting items that remind you of their endearing qualities. This could include photographs, letters, a favorite recipe, or a small keepsake that brings back memories. Whenever you miss them, spend time with the box to feel connected and celebrate their life.
• Develop a small, private online group or forum for individuals facing similar life challenges to share experiences, offer support, and exchange comforting words or resources. This digital space can serve as a community of understanding where members can find solace in the shared human experience and the kindness of others.
• Create a "Chance Encounters Journal" to document and reflect on unexpected interactions or events each day. Whether it's a conversation with a new person, an unplanned event, or an unforeseen obstacle, write down what happened, how you responded, and what you learned. This practice can help you become more aware of the learning opportunities that uncertainty presents.
• Start a "legacy project" that encapsulates your values and life lessons.

Our ability to navigate the bardos is deeply connected to the courage and consciousness we exhibit in our present existence, reflecting the progression of our mindset.

Welcoming uncertainty, having faith in the inherent positivity of existence, and nurturing compassion contribute significantly to a serene passing.

The author underscores the importance of perceiving the bardos as reflections of our own psychological states rather than distinct realms. They are states of consciousness, not unlike the dream states we experience every night. The traits we cultivate over our lifetime significantly influence our approach to different circumstances.

The author concludes the discussion by emphasizing the importance of approaching life and death with a mindset that is both questioning and receptive to their enigmas. Nurturing a belief in the fundamental benevolence of life, fostering compassion, and expanding our understanding of the immense potential of our minds are essential not only for a peaceful passage at the end of our journey but also for living a life marked by meaning and insight.

Practical Tips

• Develop a personal mantra that affirms the inherent positivity of existence, and repeat it during daily meditation or quiet reflection. Crafting a positive affirmation and integrating it into your routine can reinforce a belief in the goodness of life, which may contribute to a more peaceful mindset over time.
• You can explore your psychological states through journaling by writing about experiences that feel like transitions or 'in-between' phases in your life. By reflecting on these moments, you may notice patterns or emotions that mirror the concept of bardos. For example, if you're feeling stuck between two career paths, journaling about this liminal space can help you understand your internal landscape and how it shapes your perception of the world.
• Try guided meditation focused on transitioning through states of consciousness. Look for guided audio sessions that aim to lead you through various levels of awareness, from wakefulness to deep relaxation, and possibly into a dream-like state. This practice can help you become more aware of the different bardos as you experience them.
• Create a 'trait development plan' by selecting one trait you want to improve or develop each month. Set specific, measurable goals related to that trait and actions you can take to practice it. If you're focusing on becoming more adaptable, you might set a goal to try a new activity each week that pushes you out of your comfort zone.
• Volunteer for a hospice or palliative care organization to gain firsthand experience with end-of-life issues. Engaging with individuals who are facing their mortality can profoundly shape your understanding and acceptance of life and death. This experience can provide real-world context to the questions you explore in your journal or discussion club, grounding your theoretical musings in human experience.
• Create a "Good News" filter on your social media feeds to increase exposure to positive stories. Use keywords and follow pages that share uplifting content, which can help counterbalance the often negative news cycle and remind you of the good in the world. For instance, follow accounts dedicated to acts of kindness, heroism, or community support.
• Implement a "One Compliment a Day" rule where you give at least one genuine compliment to someone every day. This could be as simple as praising a colleague's presentation skills or acknowledging a stranger's kindness. The key is to look for the good in others actively.
• Create a "peaceful passage" playlist composed of music, sounds, or guided meditations that you feel enhance your mental serenity. Listen to this playlist during times of stress or before bed to help transition your mind into a state of peace, facilitating a more meaningful and introspective end to your day.