PDF Summary:Hard Times Create Strong Men, by Stefan Aarnio

What’s wrong with modern Western men? In Hard Times Create Strong Men, award-winning Canadian real estate investor Stefan Aarnio argues that modern Western men are weak—and this weakness will lead to the decline of Western civilization. To avoid this, men must grow strong again by embracing ownership of every aspect of their lives so that they can defend the practices and ideologies that make America great.

In this guide, we’ll first describe how Aarnio’s life experiences led him to write this book. Then, we’ll share Aarnio’s explanation of why Western men have grown weak and why this weakness is a problem. Finally, we’ll lay out Aarnio’s definition of a strong man and Aarnio’s ideas on how to be a strong man at work and in relationships. Along the way, we’ll compare Aarnio’s ideas to other experts’, provide some historical context for his arguments, and share practical tips for putting his recommendations into practice.

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Bezmenov’s work remains controversial today. Academics often use his model to analyze disinformation campaigns. Some experts argue that Bezmenov’s contention that universities are influenced by Marxism and tend to teach ideologies rather than facts is merely a coincidence and not the result of a long-term Soviet brainwashing campaign. Others criticize his promotion of religion as the ideal method for protecting against subversion, and still others question whether Bezmenov could have known intimate characteristics of Russian operations due to his low rank in the KGB.

It’s also possible that Bezmenov himself would argue against Aarnio’s characterizations of his ideas. Bezmenov argued that generally, the first stage takes 15-20 years, the second stage takes two to five years, and the third stage takes two to six months. Since Bezmenov argued that the US had already been in demoralization for over 20 years in the 1980s, by Bezmenov’s calculations, we should have passed into normalization in the 1990s.

However, the evidence suggests that the United States still has all the hallmarks of being in the third stage (crisis): A 2022 report found that violent crime exceeds pre-pandemic levels. The Black Lives Matter protests in 2020 drew more attendees than usual. An increasing number of people believe that violence is sometimes necessary to further their political agendas, and nearly 40% of Americans believe that the country will face civil war within a decade. That said, Americans may not be as pro-socialist government as Aarnio fears. In 2022, a survey found that the number of pro-socialist Americans had dropped since 2019.

How Islam Might Destroy Western Society

It’s not just Communism; Aarnio suggests that the strong men of non-Western societies may also destroy Western societies. This is because modern Western Christians have grown tolerant (and therefore weak) and are as such vulnerable to attack by strong, intolerant groups—in particular, Muslims.

Aarnio explains that Christians are weaker than Muslims because Christianity is 500 years older than Islam. 500 years ago, Christians were just as strong and intolerant as Muslims are today. But in the past 500 years, Christians have evolved past this intolerance and grown more tolerant and thus weaker. As a result, they’re vulnerable to attack by strong, intolerant groups—like those who practice Islam. Being attacked by Muslims would be problematic because Islamic values are incompatible with modern-day Christian values.

(Shortform note: Experts are divided on whether Muslims are intolerant (and therefore strong, as Aarnio argues) and whether Islamic values are compatible with modern-day Christian values. Some argue that tolerance is a key feature of Islam. Others argue that while earlier verses of the Quran (the sacred book of Islam) preach tolerance, later verses preach intolerance—and the later verses should be prioritized over the earlier ones. Similarly, some experts contend that different religions are generally incompatible, while others argue that Christianity and Islam are generally compatible because they’re both Abrahamic religions that believe in one god.)

Aarnio proposes that the Islamic ideology may take over Western society and replace our Judeo-Christian values in one of two ways. First, this may occur via the increase in the Muslim population. Muslim immigrants to Western countries are having more babies than Judeo-Christian citizens. These babies may grow up to vote in Islamic values that are incompatible with Western ideals and so transform the United States into a Muslim country.

(Shortform note: History suggests that Muslim immigrants and their kids may not necessarily grow up to vote Islamic values into law that are incompatible with Western ideals. After the US invaded Iraq under President George W. Bush, many American Muslims switched party affiliations and became Democrats. That change in political party precipitated a shift in social perspectives; notably, the percentage of American Muslims supporting LGBTQ rights increased from 27% to 52% in just 10 years despite the existence of some Islamic texts that condemn homosexuality.)

Alternatively, the third-world Islamic powers of the Middle East or Africa may invade the United States—just as groups that lack wealth have invaded groups that have wealth throughout history. To illustrate the likelihood of this happening, Aarnio compares the fall of Rome with the modern-day West. Rome’s wealth led it to dismiss Germanic tribes as too weak to conquer them and focus their energies instead on indulging their vices—such as binge-eating and having orgies—thus becoming more tolerant and weaker.

Similarly, America is ignoring its real problems—like a lack of strong men—in favor of trivial issues, like whether trans women should be permitted to play in women’s sports leagues. Eventually, the Islamic countries we dismiss as a threat will invade the United States, just as Germanic peoples invaded Rome.

Is America at Risk of Falling?

Scholars generally agree that Rome fell due to invasion by Germanic tribes and increased corruption within its government. However, they point out several other factors that led to the fall of Rome that aren’t reflected in modern-day America. Notably, Rome faced an economic crisis that contributed to its downfall not because its citizens focused on meaningless issues but because the empire lost its supply of free slave labor after it stopped expanding its borders. Additionally, Rome’s leaders couldn’t effectively defend the empire’s borders from outside forces because the empire was so big that they couldn’t communicate efficiently with their troops.

Since America doesn’t face these issues, it may have a better chance of defending itself than Rome did against a potential invasion from another country.

What Makes a Strong Man?

Aarnio argues that the core difference between a weak man and a strong man is whether he embraces ownership of every aspect of his life. While a weak man ignores his problems or blames them on someone else (like his family or the government), a strong man accepts that he is the only person who can solve his problems and actively works toward doing so.

(Shortform note: In The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, Mark Manson agrees that people should take ownership of their lives. However, he argues that everyone—not just men— should do so to feel happier and more in control of their lives (not because they need to be strong). Additionally, Manson highlights the reality that even if you choose to ignore your problems or blame them on someone else, you’re not effectively avoiding responsibility: Ignoring your problems or blaming them on others is still a choice for which you’re responsible. Therefore, the question isn’t whether you take responsibility for your decisions but what values you base those decisions on.)

Aarnio adds that strong men command respect—both from women, who view them as sexually desirable, and other men, who view them as leaders. Crucially, this respect does not stem from viewing him as “kind” or a “good person”—the definitions of which differ depending on what your culture values. Rather, this respect stems from universally appreciated virtues: A strong man always accomplishes what he says he will, no matter what. In contrast, weak men don’t command respect; notably, women are not sexually monogamous with weak men.

How to Command Respect

Despite Aarnio’s claim that strong men command respect by having universally appreciated virtues, studies suggest that there may be no universally appreciated virtues. One study found that honesty, respect, kindness, openness, and tolerance were valued by many—but not all—nations, prompting the study authors to deem those virtues “relatively universal.”

So if, depending on your culture, always doing what you say you will doesn’t command great respect, how can you ensure that you become a strong man who’s sexually desirable and respected by others? In The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz suggests that the key is to respect yourself. If you truly believe you’re an important and valuable person, you’ll act with importance—which will lead others to react to you with respect and deference.

Finally, Aarnio argues that a strong man has mastered four essential areas. First, he is in control of his mind, through which he wields financial, social, and intellectual power. Second, he is in control of his body: He is strong and healthy enough to command the respect of other men and support his family for years to come. Third, he is religious in some way, and so able to connect with and draw power from the spiritual realm. Fourth, he is comfortable with his emotions.

How Religion Empowers Men to Prioritize Emotional and Physical Health

Many men struggle to master the domains that Aarnio deems central to being a strong man in part because Aarnio’s ideas don’t necessarily jibe with traditional notions of masculinity. Notably, many men struggle to take care of their emotional health because they view doing so as feminine. They also may stretch their physical limits to impress other men and then avoid going to the doctor because they prioritize working to support their family instead.

Becoming religious (as Aarnio says all strong men are) can mitigate these struggles, as studies suggest that religious people may be better equipped to handle both physical and mental health challenges. For example, religious people can effectively rely on prayer to help control pain, and religious people who receive religious psychotherapy experience greater mental health benefits than those who receive traditional therapy. Good mental health matters because it’s essential to taking control of your mind. In High Performance Habits, Brendon Burchard warns that having poor mental health harms your ability to focus and pace yourself and so leads to burnout, which harms your social standing (by leading to isolation) and your financial standing (by causing you to skip work).

How to Be a Strong Man

We’ve now discussed what makes a strong man, but how do you become one? Aarnio argues that you must be strong in two main spheres—your work and your relationships.

How to Be a Strong Man at Work

To be a strong man, Aarnio argues that you must work. This is your purpose as a man: to do whatever allows you to provide for your woman and your family. Aarnio contends that if you stop working, you lose your purpose and so lose your masculinity; therefore, both retirement and relying on the government for survival are unmanly. You should always be chasing as much money and power as possible, as both allow you to control your life, which is inherently manly.

(Shortform note: Over 70% of Americans share Aarnio’s view that men should be able to provide financially for their families. And while working forever to do so may seem foreign to some modern Americans, the concept of retirement is relatively new. In The Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel explains that prior to World War II, most Americans couldn’t afford to retire. But Housel disagrees that you should constantly chase money and power. Rather, he recommends that you figure out how much money is enough to keep the lifestyle you desire, then learn to be happy with that amount. Otherwise, you may risk your existing wealth for wealth you don’t need—such as by risking your life savings on the stock market to buy a boat.)

Aarnio specifies that you must choose the right work. At first, it does not matter whether you enjoy what you do; focus only on whether your work provides you with enough money to survive (and let your dependents survive, too). It’s only by becoming capable of providing for yourself and any dependents that you earn the privilege to focus on finding work that you want to do. To achieve this goal, Aarnio recommends that you focus your energies on your passions in your free time. Such passions may include artistic pursuits, but they should also include goals like becoming an entrepreneur and running your own business.

(Shortform note: If you struggle to work at a boring job because it’s unfulfilling, do as the authors of Your Money or Your Life suggest and redefine the word “work.” Choose to see work as any activity you do that aligns with your values, purpose, and dreams—whether it’s paid or unpaid. Broadening your definition of work in this way allows you to balance work you do and don’t want to do. Furthermore, acknowledge that the work you’re passionate about may never turn a profit—even becoming an entrepreneur is risky since 65% of businesses fail within 10 years. Acknowledging this risk will keep you motivated to pursue boring, paid work and even find it fulfilling because it allows you to pursue what matters most to you.)

Avoid Immediately Gratifying Pastimes

Aarnio warns that successfully pursuing your passions requires avoiding immediately gratifying pastimes such as video games. Men find video games addictive because they allow men to regularly troubleshoot issues, which men love doing. But video games only provide the illusion of accomplishment; in reality, playing video games wastes time that you could be spending on more productive pursuits. Moreover, it reduces your appeal to women, who dislike when men play video games because such a man is not working toward greater success and is therefore unmanly.

(Shortform note: If your video game usage interferes with other aspects of your life, you may have gaming disorder. Ninety-four percent of gaming addicts are men, perhaps due to a difference in male and female brain functions: One study found that men who gamed even for a short period had greater neural activation than women. Of course, the fact that you enjoy video games doesn’t mean that you’re addicted to them. However, experts recommend that you reevaluate your video game playing if you’re using it to distract yourself from other issues in your life. Additionally, pay attention if your playing upsets your partner: She may dislike it not because she views you as unmanly but because she’s feeling neglected in your relationship.)

Additionally, Aarnio recommends that you avoid pornography. When a man ejaculates, he expends tremendous sexual energy. If this ejaculation involves sex with a woman he loves, he benefits from the battery effect. This is a supercharging of your ability to fulfill your purpose that stems from the exchange of feminine and masculine energies during sex.

(Shortform note: Aarnio describes the health benefits of avoiding pornography, but how do you actually do so? Experts suggest several methods, such as installing a porn blocker on all your devices or joining an online community dedicated to avoiding pornography.)

However, ejaculating to pornography provides no benefits. Despite this, many men regularly masturbate to the pornography that’s now easily accessible on the internet. Aarnio recommends that instead of wasting your sexual energy and time masturbating to internet pornography, you should take advantage of what Think and Grow Rich author Napoleon Hill called “sexual transmutation”: Redirect your sexual energy into creative efforts. Your sexual energy is a powerful creative force that you can harness to achieve financial or artistic success, especially because it allows you to connect with the spiritual realm that provides you with world-changing ideas.

(Shortform note: Other cultures make arguments similar to Hill’s and Aarnio’s regarding the power of semen retention. Notably, traditional Chinese medicine practitioners believe that semen is essential sexual energy and if you don’t ejaculate, you can transmute that energy into mental energy by meditating. But if you ejaculate too often, you’ll experience negative impacts on your health—like memory loss or reduced energy levels—that may impact your ability to succeed. That said, not everybody who stops masturbating experiences such benefits: Several participants in a yearly month-long no-masturbation challenge felt no change in their lives.)

How to Be a Strong Man in Your Relationships

Now that we’ve discussed how to be a strong man at work and in pursuit of your passions, we’ll discuss how to behave like a strong man in relationships.

Attract and Select the Right Woman

First, Aarnio explains that you must learn how to attract women. Do this by working on your purpose, which will increase your masculine energy and so attract women to you. Don’t resort to pickup artistry, which involves a series of techniques that you can use to convince women to have sex with you. Pickup artistry doesn't lead to fulfilling relationships because it relies on gimmicky tricks that convince a woman you’re someone you’re not. Eventually, this woman will discover your authentic self—which isn’t the person you portrayed yourself to be—and leave you.

(Shortform note: In Models, former pickup artist Mark Manson elaborates on why pickup artistry doesn’t work. Manson specifies that women desire confident men—in other words, a man whose sense of self-worth depends on how he judges himself. When dating, a confident man will adjust his behavior as much as the woman does—but no more—because he’s focused on deciding how he feels about the woman instead of bending over backward to please her. Pickup artistry techniques only work temporarily because they show you how to portray yourself as confident. But once the woman realizes that you’re not as confident as you initially seemed, she loses her attraction to you.)

Moreover, many pickup artists get hooked on sleeping with as many women as possible. This can hurt both the women you’re sleeping with and yourself. Aarnio writes that he destroyed his chances with the one woman he actually cared about because he was dating too many other women simultaneously. (Shortform note: Other experts suggest that it’s possible to casually date multiple women without hurting them or yourself. To do so, make your expectations clear early on and avoid romantic gestures that may be misconstrued—like sending her flowers regularly.)

Second, Aarnio contends that you must select the right woman. Women fall into different ranges of the “Hot Crazy matrix,” ranging from 1-10 on a scale of physical attractiveness and 1-10 on a scale of mental instability. Moreover, the more physically attractive a woman, the more mentally unstable she may be as people forgive this instability. If you’re only seeking a dating relationship, select women who are 8-10 hot and 7-10 crazy. But if you want to get married, only pursue women who are 8-10 hot and 5-7 crazy, prioritizing stability over physical attractiveness.

(Shortform note: Aarnio cites the “Hot Crazy matrix” that a Tennessean lawyer posted on YouTube in a since-deleted video. This matrix is a spin on a similar way to rank women introduced on the TV show How I Met Your Mother. In one episode, perpetual playboy Barney Stinson suggests that women can be ranked on a “hot crazy scale,” stating that a woman is “allowed to be” as crazy as she wants—as long as she is equally hot. However, Barney doesn’t provide numbers or specify how hot or crazy a woman needs to be before you date or marry her. Neither Aarnio nor Barney specifies what exactly counts as a “crazy” woman; however, some researchers did find that men prioritize attractiveness over mental stability in relationships.)

When selecting a girlfriend or wife, Aarnio adds that you should evaluate the following factors. Determine whether you have compatible values; ideally, you’ll have grown up in similar environments and so have a baseline agreement as to what’s “normal,” or standard. Ensure that you like her parents; her relationship with her father will inform her relationship with you, and she’ll likely grow to physically resemble her mother as she ages. Choose someone whose income is lower than yours; otherwise, she’ll feel like you’re not fulfilling your purpose as a man and grow to resent you. And if you want kids, make sure she’s a good potential mother.

What Others Say About Choosing the Right Partner

Others support Aarnio’s recommendations for selecting a good partner—but with caveats. How to Not Die Alone author Logan Ury also emphasizes the importance of discussing how you grew up and determining whether you have compatible values; however, she argues that it’s OK if your expectations don’t exactly align as long as you talk about and plan for differences. The Defining Decade author Meg Jay agrees that you should like her parents, not because of how she treats her father or how her mother looks but because if you don’t like her parents, you may be overlooking incompatible values in your partner.

Furthermore, The Unplugged Alpha author Richard Cooper argues that you (like most men) will likely choose someone who makes less than you; however, her income should be relatively similar to yours so you don’t have to pay as much alimony if you divorce. And if you want kids, experts agree that you should choose a good potential mother by looking for someone patient, mature, and flexible.

Third, Aarnio recommends that you have a monogamous relationship with the woman you select. This is important not just to help you supercharge your purpose, as discussed earlier, but to help maintain your strength. Women are hypergamous: They’re wired to exchange sex for power and stability and so naturally seek out the strongest man available. But if you allow her to remain attached to you while she continues to seek out men she likes better, this will make you weak.

(Shortform note: The Unplugged Alpha author Cooper has a more nuanced take on how to have a monogamous relationship and remain a strong man. He recommends considering monogamy only if you’re over 30; if you’re younger, you haven’t dated enough women to know who will make a good girlfriend. Only date someone monogamously if she asks to be exclusive; since women are hypergamous, this request indicates that she’s decided that you’re the highest-status male in her life. Finally, ask her to tattoo your name on her body and see how she reacts. If she sees you as a dominant man with whom she wants to spend her life, she’ll be willing to tattoo herself.)

Maintain Attraction in Your Relationship

Once you have a partner, Aarnio suggests that you maintain attraction by accepting—but not yielding to—her feminine demands. Citing The Wife of Bath’s Tale, Aarnio argues that women desire “mastery over their men.” But as we learned earlier, people are attracted to opposite energies; masculine energies are attracted to feminine energies, and vice versa. So if you actually give your woman control over you by prioritizing her needs, she’ll grow less attracted to you. This is because if you prioritize her needs over your purpose of working, you'll develop a more feminine energy that automatically turns her more masculine—which she won’t like.

(Shortform note: If women desire their men less when they control them, why did the Wife of Bath think that women wanted “mastery over their men”? It’s possible that the Wife of Bath and Aarnio define “mastery” differently. As scholars point out, The Wife of Bath’s Tale was written in an age where women had no rights and no control over their lives. Back then, a woman who had mastery over her man had mastery over her own life in a way that was not otherwise possible. In contrast, modern women can control their own lives; to them, having mastery over their men doesn’t equate to having control over their own lives. Rather, as Aarnio suggests, having mastery over their men has relational implications that turn the women off.)

As Aarnio notes, many men grow frustrated by women’s illogical behavior—like when they ask their men to prioritize them but lose attraction when they do. But this is simply a feature of feminine energy; feminine women live moment-to-moment and are easily swayed by their feelings, unlike rational, logical men. So don’t try to ignore her volatility or make her less volatile; if you do, you’ll push her toward masculinity, lose your attraction to her, and end the relationship. Instead, accept her for who she is and understand that without her occasionally frustrating feminine energy, you won’t be together.

How to Handle Changes in Your Energy

In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida—whose work Aarnio cites extensively—explains that men can also change their minds easily. Depending on what’s going on in your life, you will desire either a “cool” woman or a “hot” woman. Cool women have a soothing presence and are relaxing to be around; hot women are more fiery and quicker to be swayed by their emotions.

If you have a partner and you suddenly find yourself craving a woman of a different temperature, Deida suggests that you work on yourself first—just as your reaction to a volatile feminine woman requires you to accept rather than change her. If you’re running hot, a glass of cool fruit juice, a massage from a cool woman, or a relaxed conversation can rebalance your energy. Likewise, spending time with hot, fiery people, eating spicy foods, or wearing warmer clothes can warm you up and enliven your spirit.

Modern-Day Homosexuality Is Unmanly

Aarnio’s advice on how to have a relationship as a strong man is predicated on the assumption that your partner is a woman. This is because, according to Aarnio, having a relationship with another man is unmanly.

Aarnio explains that the modern-day expression of homosexuality is unmanly because it harms women. In Roman times, they had what Aarnio calls “functioning homosexuality”: Older Roman men openly had sexual relationships with younger men. But that younger man was still expected to marry and have children with his wife. When he did so, he was expected to stop having sexual relations with the man he’d been seeing, but he was culturally free to develop a different relationship with a younger man.

In contrast, modern gay men date each other and exclude women from their relationships. Moreover, most of them don’t raise children. This, according to Aarnio, is “nonfunctioning homosexuality” because it allows men to shirk their manly duties of procreating with and taking care of women. Aarnio points out that if every man in a society practiced nonfunctioning homosexuality, that society would not survive. Therefore, Aarnio argues that it is morally wrong and therefore unmanly to choose another man as a life partner.

(Shortform note: Aarnio’s argument that the difference between “functioning” and “nonfunctioning” homosexuality depends on whether the men procreate with and support their wives implies that ancient Romans accepted homosexual male relationships as long as they didn’t interfere with the men’s ability to raise a family. But researchers suggest that the Romans’ acceptance had nothing to do with whether the men involved could support women and families. Rather, the Romans saw these relationships as expressions of dominance: People accepted sexual relationships between men only if the older or higher-status man was the dominant, penetrative partner; any other configuration was seen as taboo.)