PDF Summary:Grown and Flown, by Lisa Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington

Navigating the transition from high school to college can be an emotional rollercoaster for both teens and their parents. In Grown and Flown, Lisa Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington draw from their own experiences to offer wisdom on maintaining close family bonds, fostering independence and resilience in young adults, managing mental health challenges, cultivating strong study habits, and thriving academically and socially on campus.

This book serves as a guide for parents striving to strike the right balance between supporting their children and allowing them the freedom to grow. The authors provide helpful strategies for promoting open communication, tapping into university resources, choosing the right college fit, learning life skills like money management, and staying on track for timely graduation.

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• The difficulties in forming roommate relationships can sometimes be overstated; many students form strong bonds with their roommates that last beyond their college years.

Universities have a duty to provide a wide range of services and amenities that focus on mental health, guaranteeing that students maintain their general well-being.

Colleges must prioritize the availability of counseling services for both individuals and groups, a point emphasized by the authors. They also underscore the role of universities in creating a nurturing and inclusive atmosphere, one where mental health issues are treated with the seriousness they deserve.

Other Perspectives

• There is a risk that universities might become over-involved in students' personal lives, which could infringe on individual privacy and autonomy.
• Counseling services are essential, but colleges should also focus on preventative measures, such as stress management workshops and peer support programs, which can reduce the need for individual and group counseling.
• There is a potential for such initiatives to be mismanaged or become bureaucratic, which could lead to inefficiencies and a lack of genuine support for those in need of mental health services.

Parents have a responsibility to instill in their children the significance of seeking help when needed and to strive toward dispelling any negative connotations linked to mental health issues.

The book offers guidance from parents adept at handling significant mental health issues faced by their offspring in college, detailing approaches to identify issues, obtain appropriate support, and maintain support for their young adults through tough times. The authors emphasize the importance of parents being knowledgeable and working in partnership with the university to ensure their children's well-being throughout their college years. They advocate for open and candid family conversations on mental well-being, acknowledging that prompt intervention leads to more favorable results.

Context

• Historically, mental health issues have been stigmatized, leading to reluctance in seeking help. Educating children about mental health can reduce this stigma and encourage them to seek assistance without fear of judgment.
• The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) can limit parents' access to their child's educational records, including mental health information, unless the student provides consent.
• Encouraging open discussions empowers young adults to take charge of their mental health and advocate for themselves in various settings.
• Prompt intervention often means quicker access to mental health resources, such as counseling or therapy, which can provide essential support and coping strategies.

Guiding young people in creating methods to cope with stress.

This part of the book offers actionable advice for parents on supporting their children through the typical pressures that come with being a teenager and entering early adulthood. The authors intertwine anecdotes from their own familial experiences, demonstrating the ways their adolescents coped with the pressures during their high school years, while also integrating insights from authorities in clinical psychology and experts in teenage behavior.

Parents should support their children in coping with stress by encouraging regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and taking occasional breaks from their studies.

The authors stress the importance of parental engagement in recognizing signs of stress and anxiety to support their adolescent children. Parents ought to help their teenagers manage their schedules and show interest in the details of their everyday lives, while also teaching them about the significance of strong coping strategies that encompass regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and balancing academic pursuits with recreational activities.

Context

• Professional resources, such as school counselors or therapists, can provide additional support and strategies for managing stress and anxiety in adolescents.
• It's important for parents to help teenagers recognize signs of overcommitment and learn to say no to additional responsibilities that may lead to stress or burnout.
• Understanding the specifics of a child's routine allows parents to identify any changes in behavior or mood that might indicate stress or anxiety.
• Understanding and teaching coping strategies can be influenced by cultural and social norms, which shape how stress is perceived and managed.

Encouraging adolescents to perceive obstacles as chances for growth instead of stress inducers can cultivate a more optimistic perspective.

The authors discuss several studies that suggest changing the way teens perceive stress can improve performance in challenging situations. Research indicates that young people who view stress as a positive force that equips them for future obstacles, instead of mere sensations of worry or unease, might have an easier time coping and could even prosper. Alison Wood Brooks' study revealed that people who stated "I am excited" before giving a public speech generally performed better than those who admitted to feeling "I am stressed."

Context

• The brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. Encouraging adolescents to see challenges as growth opportunities can leverage neuroplasticity to build resilience.
• Chronic stress is linked to various health issues, but a positive perception of stress can mitigate some of these effects, potentially leading to better long-term health outcomes.
• Schools and educators can incorporate stress-reframing techniques into curricula to help students manage academic pressures more effectively.
• Excitement and stress share similar physiological responses, such as increased heart rate and adrenaline, making it easier to shift from one to the other.

Parents should create a supportive atmosphere that encourages adolescents to openly discuss their difficulties and ask for help when necessary.

The contemporary method of nurturing teenagers underscores the importance of clear and direct communication, a stark contrast to the upbringing experienced by the authors. They believe that by engaging in frank discussions about emotional difficulties and asking about the most rewarding and challenging moments of their teenagers' days, they have fostered a trusting bond that encourages their children to confide their concerns and fears.

Context

• Modern parenting often emphasizes emotional openness and vulnerability, reflecting broader societal changes towards valuing mental health and emotional well-being.
• This practice encourages teenagers to reflect on their day, promoting mindfulness and helping them process experiences more effectively.
• With the rise of digital communication, face-to-face interactions become even more important for developing interpersonal skills and emotional connections.
• Establishing trust allows teenagers to feel more autonomous and confident in making decisions, knowing they have a safety net of support from their parents.

Cultivating resilience is crucial.

The authors emphasize the crucial role parents have in building resilience in their children, teaching them to learn and grow from challenging experiences and navigate the inevitable disappointments and setbacks of life. They argue that it's essential for teenagers to experience a period of trial and error, absorbing lessons from their missteps, which includes managing a range of emotions and coming to terms with their ability to endure the challenging emotions tied to rejection, loss, or failure, as it is vital for their growth into confident adults.

Parents should guide their teenagers through the process of learning and maturing from failures and setbacks, rather than shielding them from all challenges.

The authors recount numerous instances where their teenagers encountered difficulties, including times when they were not selected for sports teams or when their preferred colleges rejected them, and demonstrate how parental encouragement in these tough times helped their young adults bounce back, reevaluate their goals, and find different paths to success. They argue that while it might seem kind to protect our teenagers from difficulties or challenges, doing so may unintentionally impede their capacity to deal with the usual obstacles of life.

Context

• Experiencing and reflecting on failures can enhance emotional intelligence, helping teenagers understand and manage their emotions and empathize with others.
• Navigating social challenges, such as conflicts with peers, can enhance teenagers' social skills, including communication, negotiation, and empathy.
• Parents who encourage their teenagers during difficult times model positive coping strategies and resilience, demonstrating how to handle adversity constructively.
• Overcoming obstacles can boost self-efficacy, the belief in one's ability to succeed, which is important for motivation and perseverance.

Cultivating resilience equips young people with the ability to handle the inevitable challenges they will face in their pursuit of higher education and subsequent pursuits.

Heffernan and Harrington remind readers that by sharing their own life struggles and setbacks with their teens and showing them ways that they themselves have coped with disappointment or loss, they can provide a valuable model for their kids to follow. The authors contend that despite its challenges, this approach to parenting endows young adults with essential abilities and confidence to navigate the intricacies and transitions of adult life.

Other Perspectives

• There is a risk that sharing personal struggles without proper context or support could lead to misunderstanding or misinterpretation, especially if the teen lacks the maturity or emotional intelligence to process the information constructively.
• While cultivating resilience is beneficial, it is not the only essential ability needed to navigate adult life; other skills such as financial literacy, emotional intelligence, and practical problem-solving are also crucial.

Parents can demonstrate resilience through their behavior and perspectives, thereby providing a model for their children to follow.

The book highlights moments where caregivers struggle with feelings of insufficiency. Parents have the ability to help their children cultivate an optimistic outlook and understand that setbacks are a fundamental part of development and education by having candid conversations about these challenges and demonstrating successful strategies for surmounting hurdles and advancing.

Context

• When children face developmental or behavioral issues, parents might feel they are not equipped to handle these situations effectively.
• Introducing mindfulness and gratitude exercises can help children focus on the present and appreciate positive aspects of their lives, contributing to a more optimistic outlook.
• Sharing stories of well-known figures who faced setbacks but ultimately succeeded can provide children with relatable examples of perseverance and determination.
• Regular candid discussions can establish a family culture of open communication, making it easier to address future issues collaboratively.
• Demonstrating the importance of asking for help when needed, whether from friends, family, or professionals, shows children that collaboration and community are valuable resources.
• Demonstrating how to adapt to changing circumstances can help children learn to be flexible and open to new solutions.

Thriving academically in a college setting.

Providing young adults with the essential abilities to effectively manage the demands of higher education.

The book explores the ways in which changes in higher education have escalated the competitiveness of gaining entry into college programs. The authors explore strategies to aid in their offspring's development while avoiding an increase in their anxiety, including the promotion of solid study habits, interaction with teachers, and preparation for tests. They underscore the importance of choosing a college that matches the student's educational requirements and utilizing knowledge from experts and families who have previously navigated this path.

It is important for parents to cultivate strong study routines and the capacity for managing time efficiently in their children throughout their high school years.

Heffernan and Harrington candidly assess how their own households handled time management, discerning the successful strategies from the unsuccessful ones. They also emphasize the importance of teaching their children organizational skills and helping them break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable parts, while recognizing that each child has distinct educational requirements and approaches. Guide your young adult in managing their schedule efficiently, ensuring a harmonious blend of academic pursuits, extracurricular activities, and social life.

Context

• Teaching students to use technology and tools, such as planners and apps, can enhance their ability to organize and manage their time efficiently.
• Heffernan and Harrington likely draw from personal experiences and observations within their own families to provide practical insights into time management.
• Breaking down tasks helps align with how the brain processes information, making it easier for children to understand and retain complex concepts.
• Some children may have specific learning disabilities or giftedness that require tailored educational approaches.
• Encouraging young adults to set short-term and long-term goals can provide motivation and a sense of direction, helping them focus their efforts on meaningful activities.

Visiting college campuses and speaking with current students can help teens find the right academic fit

The authors suggest that students should be encouraged to engage in self-reflection before setting foot on any college campuses as a starting point for choosing a university. The authors advise families to thoughtfully evaluate a university's educational, communal, and locational attributes to confirm they match their teenager's needs and inclinations. Do I need to interact with my teachers regularly in a way that suits my preferred learning style? Would a large environment or a more personal setting be better for my growth? Students can boost the effectiveness of their campus visits by narrowing down the list of potential choices they are evaluating.

Context

• Reflecting on hobbies and extracurricular interests can help students find universities that offer clubs, sports, and activities that match their passions.
• Analyze tuition costs, availability of scholarships, and financial aid options. This ensures the university is a feasible choice for the family's budget.
• Many colleges offer tutoring centers, writing labs, and study groups. These resources can complement regular teacher interactions and cater to different learning styles.
• Larger institutions may offer a wider array of majors and courses, allowing for more academic exploration. Smaller colleges might provide more focused programs with specialized attention.
• Visiting too many campuses can lead to information overload, making it difficult to remember details and make informed comparisons later.

Maintaining open communication with educational professionals and advisors is crucial for effective college readiness.

The book underscores the importance of fostering strong relationships with teachers, mentors, and others who have a deep understanding of the student's educational journey. Students can gain from conversations with these adults who are able to help select their classes, identify important topics to focus on for standardized tests, provide valuable critiques on their college application essays, and obtain supportive recommendations from teachers who know their scholastic achievements and personal qualities.

Other Perspectives

• Some students may thrive through independent study or alternative learning resources, such as online courses or self-teaching methods, which do not necessarily require strong relationships with teachers and mentors.
• The focus on standardized tests in these conversations may perpetuate a narrow view of education that prioritizes test performance over genuine learning and intellectual curiosity.
• The practice of soliciting teacher recommendations can perpetuate inequities, as students from more privileged backgrounds may be coached or have better access to resources that help them secure stronger or more influential recommendations.

Facilitating a seamless move into university life.

The authors acknowledge that first-year college students frequently encounter more challenges in acclimating to independent living than in meeting the heightened scholarly requirements of the transition from high school to higher education. The book provides detailed guidance on the practical abilities teenagers might have acquired through observation and now need to apply independently.

It is the duty of parents to steer their offspring toward self-sufficiency in activities like washing clothes, cooking meals, and maintaining personal cleanliness.

The authors use real-life difficulties their sons faced in their initial year of living independently, like the improper use of over-the-counter medications, losing keys, failing to take out the trash, and forgetting to pack underwear, to inform parents about the areas where their teenagers might need further development before they set out on their own. Parents should instill in their adolescents the habit of engaging in household chores like food purchasing, meal preparation, and clothing maintenance before they depart for university, to help them become adept at meeting their basic requirements.

Context

• Learning about clothing maintenance and waste management can foster environmental awareness, encouraging sustainable practices like recycling and reducing waste.
• Managing household tasks requires planning and prioritizing, which are key aspects of effective time management.
• Successfully managing daily responsibilities can boost a young adult's confidence and mental health, reducing stress and anxiety associated with newfound independence.
• Cooking at home encourages healthier eating habits and nutritional awareness, as children learn about ingredients and the benefits of a balanced diet.
• Understanding budgeting and money management is often linked to shopping for food. Teaching teenagers how to plan meals within a budget can help them make informed financial decisions.

Engaging in extracurricular pursuits and building a supportive community are crucial for fostering a solid bond with the campus surroundings.

The book emphasizes the importance of motivating young people to engage in diverse after-school pursuits, such as team sports and various clubs, which offer opportunities to create new relationships and carve out a personal space in new environments. Assisting newcomers in overcoming feelings of loneliness or longing for home is essential, and this can be achieved by fostering connections with peers in social environments, thereby building a community where they feel a sense of belonging.

Other Perspectives

• For some students, particularly those with social anxiety or other challenges, extracurricular activities might be intimidating and not the optimal setting for relationship building.
• There is a risk that cliques or exclusive groups within sports teams and clubs could reinforce feelings of isolation for those not included, rather than alleviate them.
• Overemphasis on social integration may inadvertently pressure individuals to conform to group norms and diminish the value of diversity and individuality.
• The quality of the connections matters more than the quantity; superficial relationships in social environments may not contribute to a genuine sense of belonging.

College students must learn to handle their financial matters, which includes prudent budgeting and borrowing decisions.

Before starting their university education, our offspring may have conducted monetary dealings through the use of debit cards or employed electronic systems that meticulously track financial activities. They must understand the fundamental principles of managing finances, which encompass how credit cards function, the risks of incurring debt, and the implications of paying bills promptly or late. The authors recommend starting conversations about finances with teenagers while they are in high school to provide them with crucial knowledge for wise money management, including understanding how loans and financial aid are calculated.

Other Perspectives

• Emphasizing only budgeting and borrowing may overlook other critical aspects of financial literacy, such as investing, saving for retirement, and understanding insurance.
• The use of debit cards and electronic systems primarily tracks spending rather than encouraging proactive budgeting, which is a critical skill for managing finances effectively in college and beyond.
• While knowing how credit cards work is beneficial, practical experience with real financial responsibilities may be a more effective teacher for students.
• It's important to balance the understanding of debt risks with financial literacy that includes how to leverage debt responsibly, as debt can be a tool for financial growth when managed correctly.
• Emphasizing the importance of paying bills on time could inadvertently stress students who may be facing financial hardships, rather than encouraging them to seek assistance or negotiate payment plans.
• Some high schools may lack the resources or qualified educators to provide a robust education in financial matters.
• The specifics of loans and financial aid can vary greatly between institutions and over time, which could make the information provided to teenagers quickly outdated.

Assisting pupils in maintaining their progress towards timely graduation.

While it might seem self-evident that students will finish their university studies within four years of starting, statistics indicate a contrasting reality. The authors disclose that merely about 36 percent of students complete their education at top public universities within a four-year span, underscoring the financial strain that extended academic pursuits can impose. They offer guidance on numerous elements that may prolong a student's journey through college past the usual four-year span, as well as numerous practical suggestions to ensure steady advancement towards earning a degree.

Parents ought to encourage their offspring to engage regularly with their academic advisors at school to establish a clear plan for meeting their graduation requirements.

The authors emphasize the importance of creating a strategy that places a high value on academic success, starting with seeking advice from counselors specializing in educational guidance. Colleges usually offer a variety of majors and minors that have intricate requirements for course completion, requiring students to work closely with their academic advisors to pinpoint their areas of concentration and to create a well-thought-out course registration strategy to ensure they complete their studies and graduate in the standard timeframe of four years.

Context

• College programs often have complex structures with prerequisites and co-requisites, making it essential for students to seek expert advice to avoid taking unnecessary courses or missing required ones.
• Advisors can inform students about interdisciplinary opportunities that might not be immediately obvious, allowing them to combine different fields of study in innovative ways.
• A well-planned course schedule helps students manage their workload effectively, balancing challenging courses with less demanding ones to maintain a healthy academic performance.
• Completing a degree within the traditional four-year timeline often requires careful planning and regular consultation with advisors to avoid any delays due to unmet requirements.

Engaging in research, internships, and diverse experiential learning opportunities can enhance the collegiate experience for students without delaying their attainment of a degree.

Students should recognize the commitment required and how these choices influence their academic credit as they participate in study abroad programs, internships, and practical research, which can significantly enhance and have a positive impact on their university experience. The authors suggest that parents encourage their teenagers to pursue their passions in these areas, providing guidance for meticulous preparation and intelligent choices to avoid costly educational errors.

Other Perspectives

• In some competitive fields, the pressure to participate in these activities can lead to a culture of resume-padding where the experience itself is not as valued as the appearance of being engaged in these opportunities.
• Not all study abroad programs, internships, or research opportunities are of high quality, and some may not provide the valuable learning experiences they promise.
• Recognizing the commitment required doesn't necessarily ensure that the student will be able to meet that commitment, as unforeseen challenges or academic pressures can arise.
• In some cases, the process of securing academic credit for internships or research can be bureaucratic and time-consuming, which might discourage students from engaging in these opportunities.
• Encouraging teenagers to pursue their passions should be done with an understanding that passions can change, and the flexibility to shift paths should be supported as well.
• Guidance can sometimes be overly prescriptive, potentially limiting a student's ability to make independent decisions and learn from their own mistakes.

Parents should assist their offspring in avoiding common pitfalls that might postpone their educational advancement, such as changing their major or signing up for unnecessary courses.

Lisa Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington highlight the importance of acknowledging that while certain disciplines require a commitment from the outset to complete the required coursework in a set period, many schools provide flexible options to help students stay on track with their education. Students often require extra time to complete their degree if they change their major, since the credits they've previously accumulated may not all transfer to their new field of study. Learners ought to steer clear of signing up for classes that fall outside the essential curriculum mandates of the institution or dedicating too much attention to a field of study that, despite its appeal, does not contribute to their chosen degree path.

Context

• Establishing a support system, including academic advisors and mentors, can provide students with guidance and resources to navigate their educational path effectively.
• Delays in graduation can affect entry into the workforce, potentially impacting career progression and earning potential.
• Taking extra courses can consume valuable time that could be better spent on required coursework, internships, or extracurricular activities that enhance a student's resume.
• Some programs use a cohort model where students progress through the curriculum together, which can foster a supportive learning environment but also requires adherence to a set schedule to remain with the group.
• Many institutions provide workshops and resources focused on study skills, time management, and other areas to help students succeed academically.
• Changing majors can alter a student's career trajectory, requiring them to gain new skills or experiences, which might also extend their time in school.
• Most degree programs have a set of core courses that are mandatory for graduation. These courses are designed to provide foundational knowledge and skills essential for the field.
• Financial aid packages often have stipulations regarding the number of credits and the type of courses students must take, and deviating from the degree path can affect eligibility.