PDF Summary:Grief Is for People, by Sloane Crosley

Death and grief are universal experiences, yet no two journeys through sorrow are alike. In Grief Is for People, Sloane Crosley candidly explores her path of grieving the loss of a close friend, Russell. She delves into the complexities of mourning after suicide, the intricacies of anger and changing relationships, and the enduring impact of cherished memories.

As she grapples with the void left by Russell's departure, Crosley illuminates the profound isolation that accompanies profound loss—all intensified by the collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic. Her unfiltered account offers a relatable exploration of coping mechanisms, shedding light on the restorative power of reflection and imagination in processing grief's depths.

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Navigating changing relationships and boundaries

The relationship with Russell's partner became tense following Russell's death.

The already delicate bond between Crosley and Russell's significant other deteriorated even more after Russell passed away. The awkwardness and pain of their shared loss coupled with the pre-existing tensions contribute to an increasing disconnect. The writer struggles to express her deep grief to someone who was intimately connected with Russell, highlighting the difficulties in finding shared comfort and comprehension in the depths of such sadness.

After the calamitous event, she encountered significant difficulties in reconnecting with former colleagues and rekindling friendships.

Crosley grapples with the challenge of reconnecting with former friends and acquaintances in the wake of Russell taking his own life and the ensuing invasion of her privacy. In her grief, she finds herself judging their responses and withdrawing from those who offer well-intentioned but unhelpful advice. She feels isolated in her sorrow, convinced that only individuals who had a genuine connection with Russell can truly comprehend it. The author's difficulty in connecting with her circle of support highlights how deep emotional distress can hinder the creation of genuine relationships during periods of profound sadness.

The downturn in Russell's career had a profound impact on the author.

Russell's once esteemed position started to deteriorate as the previously thriving work environment began to wane.

Crosley illustrates the transformation of Russell's once vibrant and supportive workplace into an environment filled with tension and hostility as his professional accomplishments wane. She notes that the quirks once praised now seem to annoy, and she becomes aware of his growing disaffection for his career.

Feeling abandoned by the group and previously connected to Russell.

Crosley's experience of grief is deeply intertwined with the downturn of the industry related to publishing, an area with which they were previously affiliated. She feels abandoned by Russell and equally by the institution that once united them with a shared purpose. Her disorientation grew more profound after Russell's departure, exacerbating her worries about the changing dynamics of the literary world, a realm that once offered her a sense of stability and camaraderie.

Practical Tips

• You can explore the complexity of relationships by writing character sketches of people in your life, highlighting both their positive traits and flaws. Start by choosing someone you know well and jot down a list of their qualities, both good and bad. Then, write a short narrative or scene where these traits come into play, helping you to understand and accept the multifaceted nature of human personality.
• To process feelings of anger or resentment, create a private, symbolic ritual of release. This could involve writing a letter to the person you're angry with, expressing all your feelings without holding back. Instead of sending it, you might burn the letter or bury it, using the act as a way to let go of the negative emotions and find closure.
• If you're struggling to maintain a connection with someone after a shared loss, initiate a project that honors the memory of the person you both miss. This could be as simple as planting a tree in their name, starting a scrapbook with photos and memories, or setting up a regular meet-up to share stories. This shared activity can serve as neutral ground to rebuild your relationship without the pressure of directly addressing the loss.

Feelings of despondency and solitude

The writer contended with deep grief and increased anxiety throughout the worldwide pandemic.

They grapple with the immensity of their grief and the uncertain nature of what lies ahead.

Crosley’s personal grief collides with the collective trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic. The author conveys the pervasive sense of anxiety and uncertainty that engulfs the urban environment, along with her own sensations of confinement and solitude. The health crisis intensifies her existing sorrow, leading to a deepened state of despondency and igniting emotions of despair and indifference.

Difficulty finding purpose and motivation during isolation

The author finds it difficult to find purpose and motivation during the isolation of pandemic lockdown. Without the distractions and routines of her pre-pandemic life, she struggles to focus on her work and finds solace only in fleeting moments of connection and distraction. This struggle highlights the demoralizing effects of isolation and the challenges of maintaining mental well-being during periods of prolonged uncertainty and loss.

Losing a sense of identity and belonging

The author's connection to both Russell and the city of New York begins to weaken.

Crosley's sense of self and personal identity are deeply intertwined with her life in New York City and her bond with Russell. The writer cherished the special connection that blossomed amidst the city backdrop during her time spent with Russell. Russell's passing, along with the pandemic's impact, disrupted this connection, leading to feelings of chaos and solitude. The metropolis that previously invigorated her and ignited her creative spirit now appears lifeless and unfamiliar. As she contends with the pandemic's transformation of the cherished city, Crosley's sorrow intensifies.

She felt isolated from the lives of individuals who were unfamiliar with Russell.

Crosley finds that her distinct and unacknowledged sorrow forms an obstacle that complicates her ability to connect with individuals who haven't experienced the loss of Russell. The author rejects the universality of the shared pandemic experience, finding little comfort or sense of community in the collective grief. Her growing sense of isolation and disillusionment is fueled by the persistent notion that her personal bereavements are deeper and more alienating.

Seeking comfort and meaning through fantasies and imagined interactions

Engaging in make-believe dialogues and experiencing intense dreams offer a brief respite.

Crosley experiences a fleeting respite from her sorrow and isolation by immersing herself in intense dreams and envisioned dialogues involving Russell. These fantastical interactions allow the author to access a sense of closeness and comfort, offering her a way to process her grief and explore unanswered questions. However, these fantasies ultimately highlight the painful reality of his absence, creating a bittersweet cycle of connection and disconnection.

The author endeavors to preserve or restore her connection to Russell through interaction with specific objects and rituals.

Throughout the book, Crosley employs tangible items, customary practices, and journeys to well-known locations to maintain her connection to Russell. Crosley seeks to preserve his core identity and find meaning by interacting with memories of experiences they enjoyed together, like holding onto his image within a tiny locket, returning to the eatery where they had their final dinner, or traveling to a cliff in Sydney to realize a dream they both held dear. Her transient solace was cut short by a persistent longing for him, highlighting the lasting influence of sorrow and the poignant reality of cherishing memories of the departed.

Context

• Crosley and Russell shared a significant bond that was deeply intertwined with their experiences in New York City. Russell's passing and the impact of the pandemic disrupted this connection, leading to feelings of chaos and solitude for Crosley. The relationship between them was cherished by Crosley, and she sought ways to maintain her connection to Russell through memories and rituals after his passing. Their bond was a source of comfort and inspiration for Crosley, shaping her sense of self and personal identity.
• The significance of New York City lies in its role as a backdrop for the author's life and her connection with Russell. It symbolizes vitality and creativity but transforms into a lifeless and unfamiliar place amidst her grief. Sydney holds importance as a location tied to a shared dream with Russell, representing a cherished memory and a place of significance for the author. These locations serve as anchors for the author's memories and attempts to maintain connections with Russell.
• The imagined dialogues and intense dreams mentioned in the text are ways in which the author, Crosley, copes with her grief and loss. These interactions with the imagined presence of Russell provide her with a temporary sense of comfort and connection. They serve as a means for Crosley to process her emotions and explore unresolved feelings related to her bereavement. The fantasies and dreams allow her to maintain a connection to Russell and find solace in moments of imagined closeness, despite the painful reality of his absence.
• Crosley uses tangible items like a locket with Russell's image, revisits places significant to their relationship, and engages in rituals like returning to the eatery of their final dinner and traveling to a cliff in Sydney to honor a shared dream. These objects and practices serve as anchors to memories and experiences shared with Russell, helping Crosley maintain a sense of connection and find solace amidst her grief.