PDF Summary:Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis

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As a lifestyle blogger, her job includes sharing images of perfection -- perfect meals, chic images of family life, fashion, and travel. This kind of lifestyle imagery often sets women up for unrealistic expectations of what life should be like; they feel bad because they can’t measure up. But Hollis takes great pains to counter these images with doses of reality. She may show a beautifully styled cupcake, but she’ll also show a photo of herself with facial paralysis or share bladder control issues so her readers understand that perfection is an illusion.

In fact, she believes her readers aren’t responding to perfection in her images -- they see real happiness. Despite her flaws and life’s struggles, she is happy, and that’s what all women deserve.

The author’s Christian faith played a big role in her journey toward finding happiness and wholeness, understanding that God loves us unconditionally, but doesn’t want us to squander our gifts.

Each section of the book addresses a lie that holds women back from happiness and success. Hollis used to believe each of these lies; she explains how each lie hurt her, and how she made changes in her life to disarm the lie. By sharing...

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Life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be happy. Hollis’s life is imperfect, yet she has learned to be happy. She explains how she claimed a happy life despite her struggles. Her childhood, growing up in a chaotic home with anger and violence, was traumatic. Worst of all, her brother committed suicide when she was 14. She came to the realization that if she wanted a better life than the one she was born into, she’d have to create it herself.

But she learned that changing your circumstances doesn’t change who you are inside.

She thought getting out of her home situation would allow her to be happy, so she graduated high school early and moved from a small town to Los Angeles. But changing your geography doesn’t change who you are inside. Your surroundings don’t create your happiness; it has to come from within you.

The lesson: Choose to be happy, grateful and fulfilled every single day. When you choose to enjoy your life, it doesn’t matter where you are, you’ll still be happy. It doesn’t matter what negativity you face. It doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you are.

Tips on Choosing Happiness:

When you’re learning to choose happiness every...

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Now imagine a friend who always keeps her word. She arrives early and never flakes on commitments. If she announces she’s training for a marathon, there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind she’ll do it. This is a friend you’d admire, respect, trust and count on. Do you want to be this kind of friend to yourself? You can become your own greatest ally -- someone you can count on.

Become Accountable to Yourself

You may know it’s time to stop making and breaking promises to yourself, but you may not know how to break these bad patterns.

Hollis learned how to change her own self-defeating behaviors after vowing to no longer break a promise to herself, no matter how small. For her it began with an addiction to Diet Coke. During an unexplained bout of vertigo, she tried to cut out anything harmful in her diet to see if it helped. She decided to give up her beloved Diet Coke for a month. Even though she’d never successfully stuck to anything before, she vowed, just this once, to really see it through. She was successful -- able to give up something she loved that wasn’t good for her.

Her lesson: **Being successful in keeping this one small promise showed her that the...

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Finally, a homeopathic doctor pinpointed the problem: she was doing too much and had to slow down -- an idea that terrified her. This news was life-altering. She realized the irony: she spent her days helping women live a better life and she wasn’t doing the most fundamental thing -- taking care of herself.

She made drastic life changes to learn to rest and relax, including cutting her hours at the office. She volunteered, took a dance class, and searched for things that brought her joy and peace. She spent more play time with the kids and more couple time with her husband. She spent time in therapy and prayer. Finally, she stopped obsessing over the next accomplishment and learned to celebrate the current victory.

Through this sometimes difficult process, she ultimately grasped that she was loved, worthy and enough -- as is.

Tips on Learning to Feel “Good Enough”

In your journey toward feeling good enough and taking proper care of yourself, think about these strategies:

• Therapy: The author found therapy crucial in helping understand the connection between childhood insecurities and adult accomplishments, helping her realize her drive for accomplishment...

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True friendship comes with keeping an open mind when you meet someone, looking for commonality instead of differences. Ignore outside factors like hair or clothes, and instead focus on inside factors like heart, character and experience.

Tips on Overcoming the “I’m Better Than You” Lie

Use these ideas and strategies to help curb the inclination to judge and compete with other women:

• Admit that no one is immune. We’ve all judged others. We judge in small ways like rolling our eyes at how someone is dressed. We judge in bigger ways, such as viciously gossiping or writing hateful things on social media.
• Know that you don’t necessarily know best. Just because you believe things should be a certain way, it isn’t necessarily true for everyone. Judging makes us feel safer in our own choices. Even if you want to hold someone accountable for their behavior, you can do so in a loving way. Judgement, on the other hand, comes from a place of fear or hate.
• Surround yourself with non judgmental friends. If you surround yourself with gossipers, you’ll likely take part. Instead, find a community of women who build each other up.
• **Police your judgemental...

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In hindsight she understood that she was never taught to love herself, so she was desperate to receive love from a man. The relationship went on for a year like this, with her trying to be everything he wanted. After his company transferred him, she desperately clung to a long-distance relationship, but he flew home after two months to break up with her, saying it wasn’t going to work out, but they’d always be friends.

She had an epiphany after he left a casual voicemail after Thanksgiving just checking in. She finally saw the relationship clearly and didn’t like the person she’d allowed herself to become.

She understood that she allowed him to treat her this way; the dysfunction in their relationship began the first time he treated her badly and she let him.

She called and calmly told him she was done and not to ever call again -- not in a bid for attention, but really meaning it. She told him she didn’t deserve to be treated like this and didn’t like what she’d become. She didn’t want to be “friends” if this was how he treated people he cared about.

In the author’s case, the story has a fairytale ending. He flew home a changed man and became the loving partner...

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While publishers liked the manuscript, no one bought it. In the age of 50 Shades of Grey, they felt the book didn’t have enough sex. It was “too sweet.” She believed in her innocent and naive heroine and didn’t want to sex up her story. Every publisher rejected it but she refused to change it. She dried her tears and Googled “How to self-publish.” She self-published the book, and sales kept growing until a publisher bought the rights and asked her for two more books to turn it into a series.

A book she was told no one would ever buy has sold more than 100,000 copies. If she had listened when everyone said no, she wouldn’t be an author today.

Goals Are Hard

Another reason people give up on their dreams is because it becomes hard, it’s exhausting, and it’s taking too long. It’s true that accomplishing a goal is usually harder than you think it will be. Some days you’ll be so discouraged you’ll cry.

The author’s advice: Go ahead and cry, but then dry your eyes, wash your face and keep going. You have to find a way to keep going through the hard stuff and fight through the exhaustion. You have to dig deep and find the will to keep on going because if you don’t, you...

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• Embrace your body, flaws and all. A low opinion of your body kills your ability to enjoy sex because you’re worried your partner is finding fault witih you. Practice positive self-talk about how great your body looks, and you’ll start to believe it.
• Commit to your orgasm. The author used to feel that orgasms were icing on the cake; she came to the conclusion that orgasms are the cake. Her advice: commit to the idea that sex means having an orgasm. Because pleasing your partner is a source of pleasure, your partner will enjoy this as well.
• Figure out what turns you on. Experiment until you better understand your body and what really excites you.
• Commit to having sex every day for a month. While this challenge can be hard with kids and work, it’s worth it. It gives you the chance to experiment and try things out with no pressure -- and more sex makes you want more sex.

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Everything else -- laundry, cleaning, losing weight -- doesn’t matter. God brought you and your baby together; you were meant to be a pair and you can’t fail at a job you were created to do. This doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes and things will always be perfect, but you and your child are meant to be together. All the anxiety you feel about wanting to do everything right just shows that you’re concerned, dedicated and focused. You’re already the best kind of parent!

Tips on Feeling Equipped to Be a New Mom

Try these lifesaving strategies to survive as a new mother:

• Find a support group. Mommy and me classes, church groups, clubs -- there are many places to find a group of women who understand what it’s like to be a new mom.
• Stay away from Pinterest. Online images of motherhood perfection are likely to cause anxiety over what you think you lack. Take a break from social media in general.
• Get out of the house. There is a life beyond your messy nest, so get out every day and save your sanity.
• Talk about your feelings. Whether it’s your husband, a friend or a family member, talking about what scares you or brings you anxiety is the best way to...

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• Focus on the things you’re doing well, which are evident in the traits of the children you’re raising. Imperfection is OK. Some moms are awesome at some things; you’re awesome at others.
• Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. A handful of days when you’re not mom of the year won’t make or break your kids. Your intention to do well is what will see them through.
• Focus on what you’re good at. During the crazy demands of school-age years, find the things you're good at and focus on those things. For the rest, do the best you can and don’t beat yourself up if you miss the mark. What evokes “mom joy” in each of us can be very different.
• Stop comparing. You have to choose not to compare your family to other families, or your children to other children. Fight your fear of “doing it wrong” because it stops you from seeing all you’re doing right.
• Lose the guilt. If you’re a working mom, constantly questioning your choices and feeling guilty does no good. To pull yourself back from mom guilt, ask yourself, “Would I ever want my child to feel this way?” Would you want them to pursue their passions but then second guess their choices because it...

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Along with your list of goals, you have to give yourself some grace; beautiful things you never planned can happen in life. When you’re agonizing over something not going right for you, think of this time as preparation for your future. Focus on what you have done; give yourself credit for the tiny steps you have taken.

God Has Perfect Timing

The author illustrates the idea of “God has perfect timing” with examples from her life that show things not going according to plan can work out exactly as they were meant to.

• She had difficulty getting pregnant for the first time, but when her son was born, she knew everything she went through was worth it to have this beloved and special child.
• She dreamed of being the biggest event planner in LA, but her company didn’t grow as she’d hoped. But her blog, initially just a marketing tool, grew a fan base and became hugely successful. Now she runs a lifestyle media company with millions of fans and loves the work. If she had the biggest events company in LA, she wouldn’t now have the career she’s so passionate about -- one she never even dreamed of.
• When setting out to adopt her fourth child, she and her husband...

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How Do We Learn to Accept and Embrace the Chaos?

The answer is to embrace the chaos -- see the beauty in the chaos. This requires a shift in thinking. Our current situation, however stressful, is temporary.

How do we learn to accept and embrace the chaos?

• Cut yourself some slack. We all mess up, scream at the kids, forget events. This loss of control is upsetting, but tomorrow is a new day and a chance to try again.
• Find humor in the situation. Push yourself to laugh at hard situations -- the crazier the situation, the more humor you’ll likely find.
  • Hollis shares an anecdote about an interview the family went through while being certified as foster parents. Her son, when asked what made him sad, said, “When Daddy scares me at night.” He meant when his dad had to return him to his bed in the middle of the night, dad was grouchy. This situation was stressful, but ultimately funny.
• Look for the “fruits of the spirit,” which are love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Choose the one that most resonates with you in the stressful moment.
• Take care of yourself. Take a break; take...

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She turned down many growth opportunities for her business out of fear of failing, worrying she wasn’t smart or good enough to lead her company into bigger waters.

Stop Living as Half of Yourself

She came to realize that she was making herself small, but in truth she had big dreams and goals that required faith, courage and audacity. She wanted her lifestyle media agency to be huge -- positively affecting the lives of millions of women and improving the lives of her employees. She wanted her company to uplift women, changing the world for the better.

She realized she couldn’t achieve her big goals until she embraced all sides of her personality -- even the ones that might make others uncomfortable. You can’t be big and small at the same time. When women mute themselves to make others more comfortable, they are denying who they are truly meant to be. In terms of the author’s Christian perspective, God made us unique and special, and we are fully meant to explore our dreams and talents.

She vowed to stop making herself small -- she would no longer live as half herself because her whole self is hard to handle for some. She battled through “mommy guilt” and came to...

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Distraction Technique

Daydreams can also be used as a distraction technique. For example, during a strenuous workout, you can try a “cardio fantasy” -- a big, crazy scenario you imagine to get yourself through the workout. The more elaborate the fantasy, the easier you can make it through.

Some cardio fantasy examples:

• Imagine being best friends with your hero. (The author imagines running into her favorite author on a hike and becoming best friends.)
• Imagine vacationing with a celebrity. (She imagines herself vacationing with George Clooney.)
• Imagine giving a concert with your favorite singer. (She’s on stage with Lionel Richie.)
• A hunk asks you out. (She dreams up scenarios where Ryan Gosling or a Hemsworth brother hits on her -- and of course, being married, she politely turns them down.)

Tips on Using Imagination to Move Your Goal Forward

Try these three imagination tools to stay focused on your goal.

• Write it down. Write down your goal in intricate detail, including how you’ll feel when it’s achieved. What will your first day at the dream job feel like? How will you feel when you get healthy? The more detail the better.
• **Say...

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The advice: Create for yourself in celebration of your God-given abilities.

Tips on Ignoring Negativity

Try these strategies to create without worrying about the opinions of others:

• Stop reading reviews. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t affect your desire to keep creating. Every profession or endeavor has a form of review; stop “reading” yours.
• Create for yourself. Your creativity is an outlet and your creative choices shouldn’t be based on money. Reach for creative and even silly endeavors that bring joy. Color, play with your kids, explore fun activities. Creativity can come from many places.

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Embrace the good that comes from the pain because otherwise, the experience is wasted. Tony Robbins said: “If you’re going to blame your hard times for all the things that are wrong in your life, you better also blame them for the good stuff too.”

The path through hardship is difficult, but the only way to get to the other side is to fight through, even when you feel like you’re drowning. While she doesn’t believe everything happens for a reason, she does believe it is possible to find purpose even if there is no explanation.

Tips on Surviving the Unthinkable

Here are some strategies that may help in surviving a trauma:

• Therapy. For the author, even though it was painful to relive the trauma, the hard work paid off because she is no longer haunted.
• Talking about it. Find a person you trust who will listen to you, sharing the load..
• Think about it. After her brother’s death, she struggled with nightmares and obsessing over the images in her head. A therapist had her set aside 5 minutes a day to remember every detail. Knowing she’d think about her pain later gave her some peace during the rest of the day and helped her feel more in control...

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While caring for the twins, they found out they were under investigation for child abuse after an anonymous call to a child abuse hotline. This was traumatic and upsetting to the whole family. The charges were unfounded, but an in-depth investigation had to take place. Anyone can make an anonymous call and it’s quite common for it to happen out of spite or revenge.

She felt awful exposing her kids to intense interrogations and realized how naive she had been about the reality of the foster care world. Worst of all, in the midst of this investigation, they found out their twin girls weren’t actually available for adoption -- a biological father had wanted them all along. They had been lied to, misled and taken advantage of by the foster care system -- and still had to endure the intense ongoing child abuse allegations, which ultimately were labled “inconclusive,” which is as good as it gets.

After this devastating experience, Hollis’s husband fought to continue their journey through independent adoption. Though wary and daunted, she agreed not to give up, and they were ultimately able to adopt their daughter Noah through independent adoption.

Through this painful journey,...

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This message may be criticized and seen as victim blaming. She understands many people abuse their bodies because they have lived through trauma and face difficult times. Some people turn to food and gain weight as a result of a trauma. Other women go in the opposite direction and abuse their bodies via anorexia or alcohol.

While hard times in life are valid reasons to neglect your physical health for a short time, they are not a life sentence. It’s possible to rise above the trauma of the past.

Her advice to women: Staying in an unhealthy body is a choice; she implores women to stop making excuses and justifying living an existence that is less than what they deserve.

You can choose to get yourself out of a situation where you’re abusing your body.

You don’t need to be thin, but you do need to be healthy. While you don’t have to look good in a bikini, you should be able to walk up a flight of stairs. Stop filling your body with sugar and chemicals, and focus on fuel that hasn’t been processed. You also need positive fuel for your mind in the form of encouraging input.

If you truly want to love yourself, start with your physical body. Do the work to figure out what’s...

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She realized that drinking the way she was drinking was a form of medication, putting something in her body to make her feel better. But when the alcohol wore off, her problems were still there. Drinking is an attempt to escape, but you can’t escape the realities of life for long. And when the alcohol wears off, you are less equipped to deal with life’s realities because you’re sicker. Medicating actually makes you weaker.

Learning to Manage Stress

She realized that the only true way to manage the stress of life wasn’t through alcohol, but through building up the skills necessary to cope with stress.

She likens the ability to cope with stress to your body’s immune system. A child’s immune system must be tested to build up the strength to fight illnesses. The body is then able to fight off that illness, and similar illnesses, because it’s been through the battle before.

Alcohol is like antibiotics; if you take too many antibiotics, your body doesn’t learn to fight off anything on its own. Similarly, if you mute your feelings with alcohol, you don’t learn the coping skills to deal with future problems. Fighting through hard times is how you get tougher.

Think of...

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She makes an effort to raise her children without the homogenized worldview she grew up in and too many people stay in. When friends with a differently abled son came to visit, she didn’t give her boys a heads up and try to explain what his physical issues were, because that might create an “us” and “them” mindset. Instead, when he arrived with his walker, they simply thought it was cool. Her kids’ circle of friends includes every color, religion, and ability; there are friends with Down Syndrome, autism and cerebral palsy. Different isn’t unique to them.

When you ask questions, challenge your outlook and not settle into a world made up of your own comfort zone, you’ll find deeper friendships based on more than skin-deep perceptions.

“Adjust your posture” to include a wider, more inclusive community for yourself and your family, seeing people for who they are, not the category they fall into.

Tips on Boosting Diversity in Your Life

Try these strategies to create a more diverse life.

• New church. When the author and her husband realized their church consisted mainly of affluent white people, they switched to one that was multiethnic and multicultural and found...

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From this epiphany came the greatest lesson she wants to impart to other women: Only you have the power to change your life. God, your mom, your husband, your friends can’t make you into something without your help, and she wants other women to experience the pride and joy of being their own heroes.

To do this, you need to set a goal for yourself and work hard to get there. Prove to yourself you can do it, whether it’s run a race, lose 10 pounds, or pay off a credit card -- the point is proving to yourself that you are capable of anything you set your sights on.

Lose the mindset of waiting for something or someone else to make your life better. Stop medicating and abusing your body. Lose the fear and negative self-talk. Leave the pain of yesterday and start again knowing you have the power.