PDF Summary:Get Your Sh*t Together, by Sarah Knight

You’re fully capable of living the life you want, according to Sarah Knight. In Get Your Sh*t Together, the New York City book editor-turned-self-help author shares her advice on how to get your life on track, whether that’s showing up to work on time or uprooting your life and moving to the Caribbean (which is exactly what she did). From managing your to-do list to saving for retirement, Knight offers practical advice on how to get (and keep) your shit together. She explains that living your best life is all about having goals, breaking them down into smaller steps, and then approaching each step with strategy, focus, and commitment.

This guide delves into what it means to have your life in order and provides a strategic roadmap to get there. By exploring the philosophies that have inspired Knight alongside insights from other notable self-help experts, this guide offers practical, implementable strategies to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

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Is an Overcrowded Inbox a Personal Problem?

In A World Without Email, Cal Newport argues that if you’re struggling with an overcrowded inbox, it may be less a reflection of whether you have your shit together and more an indicator of unproductive communication practices within your organization.

According to Newport, an overcrowded inbox arises from a flawed system known as the "hyperactive hive mind" where workplaces are dependent on constant, unstructured online conversations. This method of communication results in a torrent of emails that can overwhelm even the most organized person. Newport proposes that these issues can be addressed at the organizational level by implementing processes and systems that reduce the dependency on constant online communication. Employers can take steps to cultivate a culture of deeper work focused on tasks that are important and meaningful while reducing time spent on emails.

Of course, some aspects of managing an overflowing email inbox still fall on you. While Newport doesn’t offer suggestions on how to personally limit emails, he does offer ways to make your inbox less overwhelming. According to Newport, time-blocking—scheduling uninterrupted periods of focus—can help ensure emails don’t encroach on other important tasks. Newport also suggests dedicating specific times for writing and responding to emails, eliminating the unproductive habit of continuous email-checking.

A combination of Knight’s strategies for minimizing email and Newport’s suggestions for limiting distraction can help bring down email-induced stress, making your working hours more efficient and productive.

Get Your House in Order

Another small thing you can tackle that will have a big impact on your life is getting your shit together at home. Knight says many of us feel overwhelmed by keeping our house clean or staying on top of home improvement projects. She explains how to implement her four-step process into managing your home.

First, what’s your goal? Is it to have a pristine kitchen? Minimal clutter? As you create your goal, think about the reason behind it. Sometimes we think our home should look a certain way, but we actually don’t care. If that’s the case, let this goal go. But if your goal is important to you, then make a plan, prioritize, and implement the plan.

If cleaning your whole home at once is overwhelming, break it down into smaller tasks—maybe you do a room a day or one type of task at a time (tidying, wiping surfaces, vacuuming, and so on) Knight recommends setting a timer for 20 minutes once a day or every couple of days and doing whatever needs to be done for those 20 minutes. She explains that a little bit every day has a big impact.

The Psychological Benefits of a Clean Home

Whether or not you care about keeping your house clean, some psychologists argue that a well-kept house offers a variety of psychological benefits, including:

• Increased feelings of accomplishment: Cleaning done right makes your home beautiful and gives you a sense of accomplishment. Such feelings can boost your self-esteem and self-confidence.

• Enhanced focus: A tidy space means fewer distractions. When your surroundings are organized, your mind is less cluttered, which improves your focus on tasks.

• Reduced stress and anxiety: Clutter can create a feeling of chaos that may lead to stress and anxiety. A clean and organized home provides a calming environment, reducing overall stress levels.

• Better sleep: Fewer distractions in your living environment can contribute to a higher quality of sleep. A calm, orderly space is conducive to rest and relaxation.

• Improved relationships: A clean and organized home often leads to fewer arguments about chores and clutter, which can improve relationships with those you live with.

When it comes to home management, Knight encourages delegation when possible. She acknowledges that not everyone has the privilege to hire someone to fix that broken screen door or clean their house once a month, but she encourages people to delegate when they can. For example, it’s reasonable to expect that kids or roommates contribute to the work of keeping your home clean and organized.

(Shortform note: While delegation can be a helpful strategy to offload some of your domestic labor, it often comes with an invisible mental load, especially for women. In her book, Fed Up, Gemma Hartley explains that though delegation seems like a potential solution to shared domestic labor, the management of the tasks still often falls to women, creating an unequal mental burden of responsibility. Hartley argues that to shift this dynamic, we need to acknowledge and value the often invisible emotional labor performed by women. Instead of delegation, she advocates an open dialogue that allows the mental load of managing domestic tasks and errands to be consciously shared within a household.)

Dream Big

Knight’s strategies can be used to get your shit together for small everyday tasks as well as for long-term planning and goals. In the next section, we’ll explain how to apply Knight’s advice in the realm of your job and your money.

Plan For The Job You Want

According to Knight, the first part of having your shit together at work is having your small shit together—that means being on time, managing your to-do list effectively, and staying ahead of your inbox (see above).

But you also want to make sure you're on track to have the job you want. If you haven’t found it yet, consider whether you want to advance in your current field or whether you’re looking for a career change. If you have a goal at work, then you need to ask yourself or your boss an important question: What do I need to do to get where I want to go? What you're asking for is a plan: You are saying, “This is where I want to go, and I want to know how to get there.”

(Shortform note: While Knight suggests asking, "What do I need to do to get ahead at work?”, marketing expert Seth Godin, author of Linchpin, suggests asking, "What do I have to offer at work?” Godin argues that the way to advance in your career is to make yourself invaluable to a company, to demonstrate your unique abilities and passion to position yourself as an indispensable “linchpin” within your work environment. According to Godin, linchpins are people who see the work they do as a gift to others, follow their own directions rather than anyone else’s, and commit to being their authentic selves. Godin argues that becoming a linchpin is the key to making your work, and your life, more fulfilling.)

The last part of having your shit together at work is establishing healthy boundaries. Knight insists on the importance of protecting your personal time as fervently as you do your work time, creating space in your life for things outside of work that bring joy and relaxation. Remember, having your shit together is not only about working smarter and more efficiently; it’s also about creating a better-balanced, more satisfying life. Establishing a healthy work/life balance helps prevent burnout that has the potential to harm your job performance and, more importantly, your mental health.

(Shortform note: Setting boundaries can help avoid burnout, which has become an increasing issue in workplaces all over the world. According to Celeste Headlee, author of Do Nothing, the rise of “hustle culture” is largely to blame for increasing rates of burnout. Headlee argues that people’s value shouldn't be measured solely by how much they do. Like Knight, she advocates for a balanced lifestyle, which includes cultivating non-work related pursuits.)

Save for the Future

Being on top of your finances is also part of getting your shit together. Knight advises taking a hard look at your income and expenses and making a plan that suits both your current reality and future goals. In particular, Knight focuses on the value of an Individual Retirement Account (IRA) because of the benefit of compound interest. The sooner you start putting money away in an IRA, the more financial stability you'll have later in life. Like most things worth having, Knight explains, financial stability isn't achieved overnight, but it’s very achievable if you take disciplined, consistent steps toward your long-term financial goals.

What Is an IRA?

An IRA, or Individual Retirement Account, is a type of investment account specifically designed for retirement savings. It offers tax advantages and the potential for significant growth over time. By investing in an IRA, individuals can allocate their funds in various assets such as stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and more. The contributions and earnings in an IRA grow tax-deferred or tax-free, depending on the type of IRA chosen. Many employers also offer to match a portion of the contributions made by employees. This means that for every dollar an individual contributes to their IRA, the employer contributes an additional amount, thereby boosting the retirement savings even further.

There are two main types of IRAs:

1. Traditional IRA: Contributions to a traditional IRA are often tax-deductible, lowering an individual's taxable income in the year they contribute. The earnings in the account then grow tax-deferred until withdrawals are made during retirement. However, it's worth noting that the withdrawals are treated as ordinary income and taxed accordingly.

2. Roth IRA: Contributions to a Roth IRA aren't tax-deductible since they're made using after-tax dollars. However, the earnings in a Roth IRA grow tax-free, and qualified withdrawals made during retirement aren't subject to income tax.

Evaluate Your Relationships

So far getting your shit together means managing your daily responsibilities and planning ahead for long-term professional, financial, and personal goals. In the next section, we’ll focus on how you can have your shit together in your relationships.

Knight argues that as an adult, you have a choice about who you spend your time with. Just because you know someone doesn’t mean you need to give them your time or energy. She explains that in every relationship, you have three choices of how to move forward: You maintain the relationship, improve it, or end it.

(Shortform note: According to Aziz Gazipura, author of Not Nice, people often feel obligated to maintain relationships that don't bring them any benefits and might even be harmful simply because they fear being perceived as rude or mean if they were to end these relationships. He argues we're taught from an early age to be “nice,” which can create a fear of addressing conflict or being honest, even when it’s necessary. This fear becomes particularly evident in adult relationships when individuals prioritize being nice over their own happiness and well-being.)

How to Maintain and Improve Relationships

According to Knight, if you want to maintain or improve a relationship, you need to prioritize that relationship. This means making time for the people you care about. Make a plan to see the person, prioritize quality time with them, and then follow through on your commitment.

(Shortform note: In their book Eight Dates, relationship experts and real-life couple John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman recommend implementing a weekly date night to prioritize and strengthen a romantic relationship. However, this concept can extend beyond romantic relationships and be applied to any valued relationship that you wish to prioritize. According to the Gottmans, relationships flourish when both individuals actively support each other's growth and evolution, which involves dedicating intentional time for meaningful conversations and open-ended questions to continue learning about one another.)

But Knight also explains that prioritizing a relationship doesn’t have to mean flying halfway across the world to see someone. When it comes to relationships, a little can go a long way. Small daily kindnesses—such as a thoughtful text message or a handwritten card—can let someone know that they matter to you and often have a bigger impact than sporadic big gestures or gifts.

(Shortform note: Gottman and Schwartz Gottman introduce the idea of “bids'' as a helpful framework to think about the power of small moments in improving relationships. A bid is any small moment when you seek attention, connection, or affirmation from another person. For example, if you reach for your partner’s hand as you’re walking down the street, that's a bid. According to the Gottmans, responding to partners’, friends’, or family members’ bids in a positive and supportive manner plays a crucial role in prioritizing and strengthening the relationship.)

If you're in a romantic relationship that you want to maintain or improve, Knight recommends using competition to fuel goodwill. The competition, according to Knight, is about who can be the best partner. Think about what kinds of things you can do for your partner, when you can do them, and then do them as often as possible. She says that this kind of friendly competition creates a cycle of goodwill that perpetuates positivity and mutual appreciation in the relationship.

(Shortform note: While using competition to fuel goodwill in a romantic relationship might sound like a promising idea, some therapists argue competition can be detrimental to relationships. Competition can create an environment of comparison and evaluation that undermines a healthy partnership. In a competitive mindset, partners may start focusing more on outdoing each other than on working together as a team. Furthermore, competition can lead to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt, especially if one partner constantly feels like they're falling short.)

How to End a Relationship

If you don’t want to maintain or deepen a relationship, then it’s time to end it. According to Knight, there are two ways to end a relationship that isn’t healthy or that you’re not invested in. First, she explains, you can allow a relationship to disintegrate over time by not making it a priority. Second, you can also actively end a relationship. This is harder, but sometimes necessary if the relationship has become unhealthy or is no longer satisfying.

Knight further explains that ending a relationship is like any other big goal. To complete it, you need to break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, if you’re breaking up with someone you live with or ending a marriage, the first step is a hard conversation. After that, there are likely logistical steps, like how to move out of a shared space or deciding who gets the dog, but each individual step is more manageable on its own than looking at the whole picture at once.

(Shortform note: If you're ending an abusive relationship, experts recommend creating a safety plan and seeking support from trusted friends and family members. The University of Wisconsin-Madison School of Medicine and Public Health outlines practical steps. First, create a safety plan by identifying trusted individuals who can offer support and assistance. Second, gather important documents and belongings discreetly, including identification papers, financial documents, and any documentation of abuse. Finally, seek professional help from therapists, support groups, or helplines which can provide housing resources, emotional support, and legal advice.)

Who Gets the Dog?

In recent years, there has been a growing recognition of the emotional significance of pets and the deep bond that can develop between them and their owners. Many people now consider their pets to be members of the family. However, when couples separate or divorce, the question of who gets to keep the pet can become a challenging and emotionally charged issue. Traditionally, the legal system has treated pets as property, but there's increasing awareness of the need to consider their welfare in custody arrangements.

Shared "pet custody" is a viable option for couples going through a breakup. Couples can use verbal agreements, but there are also legal options like binding financial agreements or consent orders to determine pet custody.

Don’t Ignore Your Mental Health

Finally, Knight explains, sometimes the shit that you need to get on top of is internal, not external. She explains that issues like anxiety, fear of failure, and perfectionism can cause you to feel perpetually overwhelmed and out of control. Knight offers advice on how to deal with these internal challenges but emphasizes that she's not a licensed clinician and advises people to seek professional support when necessary.

(Shortform note: In the past, mental health has often been stigmatized and neglected compared to physical health. However, in recent years there has been a significant shift in understanding and addressing mental health concerns. This has led to countries adopting or reforming policies to address mental health issues. Global organizations, like the World Health Organization (WHO), are also committed to measuring progress in the field. In 2019, WHO launched the WHO Special Initiative for Mental Health (2019-2023) to ensure access to quality and affordable care for mental health conditions in 12 priority countries, reaching 100 million more people.)

How to Manage Anxiety

According to Knight, there are a couple ways to deal with situation-specific anxiety (besides medication):

First, address the situation directly. For example, if you’re anxious about telling your grandmother that you broke her heirloom vase, just do it and get it over with. She’ll probably still love you afterward.

The Difference Between Situational Anxiety and Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Knight focuses her discussion on situational anxiety, a type of stress or fear that occurs due to specific situations or events. For example, people may experience situational anxiety before a job interview or a difficult conversation. It's usually short-term and disappears once the precipitating event is over.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), on the other hand, is a chronic mental health condition characterized by persistent and excessive worry about various things, including daily activities, health, family, money, and work. People with GAD find it hard to control their worry and may always anticipate a catastrophic outcome, even when there's no apparent reason for concern. This anxiety lasts for months and can interfere with daily life.

If you believe you're suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), seek help from a mental health professional. They can make a diagnosis and guide you toward the most suitable treatment for you. Possible treatments may include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), medication, or support groups.

There are also situations in which Knight recommends temporarily holding off on addressing the issue. You might find that something that seems like a big deal turns out to be nothing after some reflection, so try journaling about what you’re feeling and see how you feel afterward. For example, imagine your feelings are hurt because a friend didn't invite you to a baby shower. But, upon reflection, you acknowledge you hate baby showers, and your friend, knowing this, was likely just trying to save you from misery.

To Reflect on Your Emotions, Use System 2 Thinking

Knight emphasizes the importance of personal reflection in navigating challenging emotions like anxiety. Knight's advice aligns with the concept of System 2 thinking, which Daniel Kahneman explores in Thinking, Fast and Slow.

Kahneman describes System 2 as a slow and deliberate analysis mode of the brain that's responsible for decoding and processing our initial emotional responses. By consciously engaging with System 2 thought, you have the ability to critically assess your initial emotional reactions and gain a deeper understanding of the underlying factors that influence them. This self-reflective process gives you the opportunity to challenge any misinterpretations or biases that may be affecting your emotional responses, preventing impulsive and potentially harmful reactions.

While it can be helpful to hold off on taking action, Knight emphasizes that taking time isn't the same as avoidance. If you don’t address things that need to be addressed, they tend to get worse over time. For example, if you ignore a mounting credit card bill, the interest will keep accruing, turning a manageable debt into a financial crisis down the line. Or, if you avoid a minor health issue due to fear or discomfort, it could escalate into a serious condition over time. In these cases, avoidance doesn't solve the problem but rather exacerbates it.

(Shortform note: Knight explains that when we avoid things they often get worse, a concept that's known in behavioral economics as the ostrich effect. The ostrich effect, named after the common misconception that ostriches bury their heads in the sand when scared, refers to the tendency to ignore or avoid negative information. By neglecting potentially impactful information, people prioritize short-term emotional relief over long-term rationality, which can lead to poor decision-making. This behavior can have detrimental effects, as avoiding problems doesn't solve them but rather exacerbates them over time.)

How to Manage Fear of Failure

The fear of failure is another common internal struggle. Many of us avoid making big or hard decisions because we’re afraid of failing. Failing might mean not getting the job, not getting published, or getting romantically rejected. Knight explains that fear of failure often leads to inaction. (Shortform note: In The Practice of Adaptive Leadership, Ronald Heifetz explains that failure is a part of life and argues that we need to change our definition of success. Instead of defining success as getting what you want, consider success to be any experience in which you learn something.)

Fear of failure can also sometimes manifest as perfectionism, says Knight. If you’re worried about everything being perfect, you’re more likely to procrastinate or spend too much time on something. She explains that while you’re busy trying to do one thing perfectly, the other things on your to-do (and must-do) lists keep piling up.

(Shortform note: Some psychologists argue we're in the midst of a perfectionist epidemic. Recent research shows that perfectionism has been steadily increasing since the 1980s due to a variety of factors, including more competitive education and job markets, higher standards of beauty proliferated on social media, parenting practices that emphasize the importance of achievement, and the rise of an increasingly individualistic culture. When people set unattainable standards for themselves, they experience more stress, anxiety, and in some instances, mental health issues.)

To address perfectionism and fear of failure, Knight recommends accepting that you aren’t perfect and that failure is possible. Knight argues that we all have limited energy, so it’s better to spend the energy we do have accomplishing our goals rather than wasting time being afraid that we won’t or that we won’t do it well enough. She adds that even if you do fail, it’s likely not the end of the world—there are very few scenarios in which your failure is a matter of life and death.

(Shortform note: A less conventional strategy for addressing your fear of failure or imperfection is to face those fears directly by forcing yourself to imagine the worst-case scenario. This method, also called "defensive pessimism," pushes you to visualize the negative outcomes that you dread. Although it might seem unsettling initially, this process can help lower anxiety and mentally prepare you for potential setbacks. Moreover, it gives you a chance to create contingency plans for those worst-case scenarios, transforming your fears and stress into strategic planning.)

Finally, if you're struggling, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Knight explains that while the book is about how to get your own shit together, there's no shame in asking for help, whether that be from friends or licensed professionals. Sometimes, telling someone you need help is the accountability you need to make the necessary changes.

(Shortform note: According to a study from Stanford University, people often find it difficult to ask for help because they fear imposition or rejection. However, we often underestimate people’s willingness to offer assistance. The research suggests that people tend to think others are more likely to decline their requests or feel bothered by them than they actually are. Moreover, people want to help because helping others is an intuitive response that often leads to increased feelings of happiness and fulfillment for the helper. So, asking for help may not only help solve your problem but make someone else’s day better.)