PDF Summary:Find Your Why, by Simon Sinek, David Mead, and Peter Docker

Purpose-driven people and organizations are more successful and fulfilled, and they contribute more to the world around them, according to Simon Sinek, best-selling author, coach, and popular TED Talk speaker. Find Your Why distills Sinek’s theory and his experience working with organizations and individuals into a workbook you can follow to discover your own purpose and strengths, or those of your organization.

According to Sinek, “finding your Why” means finding the single core belief that inspires you to do the work you choose to do and be the person you want to be in all spheres of your life. He believes every individual and organization has a purpose, though not everyone has discovered theirs or put it into words.

In this guide, we’ll explore Sinek’s steps to understanding and living your purpose and your organization’s. We’ll also highlight some of the critiques Sinek received for his approach, as well as alternatives to his theory and to the process he advocates for finding your purpose.

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After choosing your partner or facilitator, explain that after listening to each story, they should ask follow-up questions to uncover why it matters. According to Sinek, the best questions follow the trail of emotional cues, they aren’t yes or no questions, and they start with “what” rather than “why.”

On the other hand, partners or facilitators shouldn’t offer solutions or advice, or let their preconceptions bias the process. (Shortform note: One way to remain objective as a facilitator is to simply observe emotional cues to ask follow-up questions, instead of judging or naming the emotions you notice.)

Gather Input for the Discussion

The third step in preparing for the purpose discussion is input, or determining what you'll bring to the discussion. The input needed is different for teams and individuals. For individuals, input refers to the life stories you gather. For teams, it refers to the participants you invite.

Individuals: Gather Your Stories

Before the session, come up with 10 stories that shed light on who you are. Sinek suggests looking for meaningful anecdotes, lessons, and people who shaped you. (Shortform note: To identify meaningful stories, consider times you experienced a defining moment. In The Power of Moments, Chip and Dan Heath describe defining moments as those that generate insight, pride, and connection, and are different from everyday experiences.)

Teams: Gather the Right People

The stories that will help you discover your organization’s purpose are the ones team members have experienced and are able to share. To capture those stories, first find 10 to 30 people to participate: enough to generate diverse perspectives and experiences, but not so many that the process becomes disorganized.

According to Sinek, participants should:

• Represent different positions and tasks on the team, vertically and horizontally.
• Be enthusiastic about the team, since they’re likely already living the team’s purpose.
• Have been part of the team for enough time that they’ve seen its highs and lows.

(Shortform note: Sinek's ideas align closely with guidelines for team building that John Maxwell shares in The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, but Maxwell adds something Sinek doesn’t consider: Besides selecting for diversity, enthusiasm, and experience, Maxwell suggests you build a team with influential people who have good chemistry with you and other team members, and are morally upstanding. These traits will be useful to ensure the process goes smoothly, and that they later help promote the Why companywide.)

Conducting a Purpose Discussion

Now that we’ve laid the groundwork for a purpose discussion, we’ll explore how to conduct it. While the goal is the same for both individuals and teams, the process for each is different. Therefore, we’ll first go through the process for individuals and then explore how finding your purpose works for teams.

The Purpose Discussion for Individuals

Stage 1: Tell Your Stories

To begin, share the stories you came up with with your partner. While you share, they should: 1) Take notes on the main ideas and feelings behind the stories, and capture the core action you took and the effect you had or aimed for, and 2) Highlight recurring words or concepts. Sinek emphasizes that these are the themes you’ll use in the next steps.

(Shortform note: As a partner, you can determine what main ideas and recurring concepts you should make note of by following these four steps for getting to the core of a story: First, identify the facts of the story. Then, identify the emotions behind the story through the person’s words and body language. Stay silent as you observe what ideas and emotions the story sparks in you. Finally, once you’ve identified an emotion or idea, share it with them to see if it resonates. If it does, continue asking questions about it to see what else they can uncover. If it doesn’t, repeat the process to explore other possibilities.)

Stage 2: Identify Your Themes

Now, have your partner look through their notes and identify themes. According to the authors, themes are ideas that come up in at least two stories. Together, read through the list of themes and identify the two that you feel a stronger connection to and that convey: 1) Your unique participation in the stories—the action you took. 2) Your effect on others—how they benefited from your participation.

Put the other themes aside. You’ll come back to them later when you determine your How.

(Shortform note: Like many people, you might be telling your stories with some responsibility bias, causing you to overemphasize your participation. Adam Grant explains in Give and Take that responsibility bias results from having more information about actions you’ve taken versus the contributions others have made. Your partner can help you avoid this bias by asking you about the contributions of other people involved in the stories you’re telling.)

Stage 3: Draft Your Purpose Statement

At this stage, Sinek recommends that you and your partner each write an initial draft of your purpose statement separately. Using the two themes you selected, first write the core action your purpose compels you to take. Then, write the ultimate impact you want to have. For example: “To build strong foundations (action) so that future generations can thrive (impact).”

The authors caution against spending too much time writing—just capture what feels right. Share your drafts with each other. Decide whether to keep one or combine them. Once your draft has the right ideas, leave it for a while. Come back to it later with a fresh eye, and rework the phrasing until you feel it captures your essence.

(Shortform note: If you don’t have a partner with whom you can draft your purpose statement, consider writing a personal mission statement. This process also arrives at a succinct expression of your core action and impact without needing to collaborate with a partner. In addition, the personal mission statement allows for revisions in a way that is more flexible than Sinek’s process, because you’re meant to revise and improve it throughout your lifetime.)

The Purpose Discussion for Teams

Stage 1: Mine Their Stories

The goal is to extract two key insights from stories participants will share: the core action the team consistently takes, and the effect the action has on others. To do so, the authors suggest dividing participants into groups that represent the diversity in the room. Avoid teaming people up with the colleagues they work with every day. (Shortform note: As David Epstein argues in Range, people from diverse backgrounds bring different ideas and values to the table, which results in new insights.)

To extract the first insight, begin by asking participants to share with their small groups stories of when they took pride in being part of the team. Then, ask each small group to share their three most emotionally impactful stories with the rest of the team. Ask follow-up questions after each story to uncover its significance. (Shortform note: If a team is struggling to come up with examples, help reframe their thoughts by considering proud moments that they may overlook. In The Power of Moments, Chip and Dan Heath suggest paying attention to small wins and focusing on progress instead of results.)

Ask participants to choose an action verb or phrase for each story they have shared. The verbs should capture the core actions the team took. Finally, ask each group to share what they’ve written while you take notes, highlighting repeated phrases or expressions. (Shortform note: If the team isn't sure how to translate stories into action verbs or phrases, remind them of another process in which they use verbs and phrases to solidify ideas: writing objectives in action-oriented language. The logic behind both processes is the same. Attaching action words to stories makes the stories more concrete—similar to how action verbs help make objectives actionable, as John Doerr instructs in Measure What Matters.)

To extract the second insight, ask the small groups to share stories of people whose lives changed for the better thanks to the team. Then, ask each group to share their responses with the full group while you write down a phrase from each response that captures the essence of the team’s effect on others; note repeated phrases. (Shortform note: Since the authors encourage participants to focus on the feelings the team generates, rather than the product or services they provide, this could unintentionally make an organization seem more virtuous than it is. Since customers are savvy—and as Sinek argues in Start With Why, they can detect manipulation—you shouldn’t overlook the less sanitized parts of the work you do. This will help ensure your purpose statement is truthful.)

Stage 2: Draft the Purpose Statement

To begin, show participants a sample purpose statement and explain where each part of the statement will come from: The team’s core actions will shape the first part of the statement; the team’s effects on others will shape the second part.

Ask small groups to draft a purpose statement using the notes from the previous conversations, particularly the repeated phrases and ideas. Each small group should do their own draft. Finally, ask small groups to share their drafts out loud so that all the participants together can decide whether to keep one of the drafts or combine them.

Save all the notes you didn’t use in the final draft of the purpose statement. These are the themes you will use to determine your “How,” or methods.

(Shortform note: To help the team collaborate effectively, facilitators can follow Kim Scott’s advice in Radical Candor: Make sure everyone listens to each other and builds on each other’s ideas. Help small groups refine their ideas before sharing them so others will assess them fairly. Stop a conversation if it becomes about “winning” rather than debating. After some debate, transition to decision-making. Remember to leave the decision in the participants’ hands.)

After You’ve Found Your Why

We’ve walked through the process of finding your Why, or purpose, and putting it in writing. Now, we’ll discuss what to do next. Sinek identifies two key actions to take after the process of discovering your Why. First, determine your How: the methods or practices that characterize you and help you live your purpose. Then, share your purpose statement.

1. Determine Your “How”

Sinek says your How comes from the list of themes you set aside when you drafted your purpose statement.

The Importance of Determining Your How

Your How is the way you operate when you’re at your best or when using your strengths. While your Why guides you to opportunities that will bring you fulfillment, your How helps you identify which will allow you to use your best qualities. Although many opportunities, including potential jobs, may be related to your purpose, they won’t all be right for you.

(Shortform note: While determining your How can help you understand why some situations help you thrive while others work against you, in Designing Your Life Bill Burnett and Dave Evans offer a way to pinpoint which situations have either a positive or negative effect on you: a wayfinding journal. The journal works like a mood tracker where you list all the activities you do throughout a period of time, and rate how involved, energized, and joyful you felt during each of them. You can then analyze the tracker to find where your involvement, energy, and joy lag or rise—and use your How to understand why.)

The Process of Determining Your How

The process of identifying your How, or methods, is the same for individuals and teams:

First, group similar themes until you’re left with no more than five. (Remember not to use the themes you already wrote into your purpose declaration) Each of these remaining themes is one of your “Hows,” so you will have around five practices that characterize you, and together describe how you put your purpose into action. Sinek recommends stating your How in actionable language that is easy to understand. Then, elaborate on each How to make it more concrete by adding clarifying statements.

For instance, if a How states “we build safe communities,” you could add the following clarifying statements:

• “We look out for our community members.”
• “We create safe spaces where everyone belongs.”
• “We seek opportunities for connection.”

(Shortform note: Besides helping you understand which situations bring out the best in you, writing down your How is an opportunity to identify myths you might be holding about yourself. Among the themes you identified, you might have included myths about your personality—traits you believe you have and that even shape the way you tell stories about yourself but turn out to be inaccurate. Thinking through your identified strengths and elaborating on them to make them more specific is an opportunity to shine a light on these myths and root them out.)

2. Share Your Purpose

The final stage of the process of finding your purpose is to share it so you can validate your ideas with people who know you, or your organization, well. The sharing process is different for individuals versus teams.

Individuals: Share Your Insights With Others

Sinek suggests talking with friends to check whether your purpose statement is an honest expression of your best self. Ask them what they specifically value in you as a friend. Their answer should echo your purpose statement. If it doesn’t, go back to your discussion partner, and discuss whether your friends have raised any themes worth exploring. (Shortform note: The authors’ suggestion of a collaborative approach applies beyond sharing your purpose. In Designing Your Life, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans argue that you should design your life collaboratively. One way to do that is to create a team of close allies and influential people in your life that you share your life project design with, and who give you feedback and support.)

Additionally, talk to the people you interact with often about both your Why and How. This will help you collaborate more effectively with them because they’ll know where you’re coming from (your Why) and what strengths you can contribute (your How). (Shortform note: Sharing your Why and How with colleagues can contribute to a culture of Radical Candor, a management style that focuses on supporting people through personal and professional problems. If you’re a leader, you can encourage your employees to share their Why and How with you. Then you can follow Kim Scott’s advice to support their growth by giving them the feedback and challenges they need.)

Finally, lead with your purpose instead of your How or What when you introduce yourself to strangers. (Shortform note: Introducing yourself to strangers can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re sharing something personal like your purpose. To overcome nerves when talking to strangers, follow the tips Keith Ferrazzi outlines in Never Eat Alone, including emulating an extroverted role model in social situations and setting small targets for yourself, like introducing yourself to one new person every week.)

Teams: Share Your Insights With the Rest of the Team

As with the individual process, the team process of sharing your purpose involves validating your insights. However, this works on a much bigger scale and thus requires more steps.

To begin, leaders should invite people who didn’t participate in the team’s purpose discussion to a meeting. The authors suggest that you invite team members who are enthusiastic about participating because they’ll share that enthusiasm with others after the meeting. (Shortform note: In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell explains that enthusiasm makes some people persuasive. Their enthusiasm makes others want to listen to their ideas.)

1. Introduce your purpose Explain that the purpose statement came from the stories team members shared during the previous discussion. Recount some of the stories. Then, share the purpose statement, reminding participants that the phrasing might not be perfect, but the meaning behind it and the action it invites them to take should resonate. Be alert to disagreement—if most participants feel unsure, you might need to repeat the purpose discussion.

(Shortform note: At this stage, you’re encouraging ownership of the purpose from people who didn’t participate in discovering it and therefore might be hesitant to adopt it. To help them get there, practice Extreme Ownership—embody the team’s purpose and model it. Jocko Willink and Leif Babin recommend two practices to ensure you model the kind of ownership you expect from your team: 1) Make sure the purpose statement resonates with you and that you believe that it makes sense given the team’s strategy and history, and 2) keep an open mind to the disagreements people might have and listen to any concerns.)

2. Connect with the purpose and look ahead At this stage, the authors suggest splitting participants into smaller groups. Ask them to share stories of when they felt proud to be a part of the team and how those moments reflected the organization’s purpose, as well as identify team members who personify the purpose. Bring the full group together to share their insights. (Shortform note: Speaking about moments of pride and their alignment with your purpose inspires others to act in alignment with the Why. In The Power of Moments, Chip and Dan Heath argue that, when you take a courageous action, like living true to your organization’s purpose, that becomes a defining moment of pride. For people who witness your courage, it becomes a defining moment of inspiration.)

Next, ask the full group to brainstorm ways to use the purpose to propel the team forward. They should consider internal management and the products or services the team or company offers. (Shortform note: Beyond this session, you can encourage team members to pitch creative ideas by applying the tools Ed Catmull shares in Creativity, Inc., like promoting candor, embracing failure, and being protective of new ideas.)

To close, Sinek advises asking for volunteers to share the purpose with peers, be living examples of it, and bring one of the brainstorming ideas to life. (Shortform note: In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell offers guidelines on how to choose the right messengers. When people volunteer, keep an eye out for connectors (people with strong social networks), mavens (people who are adept at gathering and retaining information), and persuaders (people who are great at getting other people on board) and encourage them to take on some of the volunteer roles.)