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1-Page PDF Summary of Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is your ability to recognize your emotions, recognize the emotions of others, and use this awareness to develop your behavior and relationships. It’s also one of the defining characteristics of success in the workplace.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 helps you build your EQ skills through the development of four key pillars: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. These pillars will help you process your emotions, manage your triggers, develop healthy habits, and succeed in your career path.

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  • Where is emotion warping my perspective?
  • Where is rationality ignoring key information from my emotions?

Tactic #3: Take time before you react. If you respond to emotionally charged situations too quickly, your feelings become the driving force behind your words, and, often, lead you to say or do things that don’t align with your intentions. Instead, step away from the situation before responding. This gives you a clearer perspective on the situation and helps you make logical choices instead of emotional ones.

Relax and Recharge

Tactic #4: Sleep better. Most people don’t sleep effectively, denying their brain a full recharge. Self-management requires focus, energy, and clarity—all of which rely on the brain working as efficiently as possible. To get restful sleep, turn off your electronics two hours before bed and only use your bed for sleeping.

Tactic #5: Schedule time to exercise. Exercise increases blood flow and overall fitness. It releases chemicals into your brain that help recharge your mental battery and strengthen areas of your brain that correlate to decision-making, rationality, and organization. Schedule specific time to commit to some form of physical activity and stick to it. Ideally, these activities should be active and vigorous, but any form of exercise will yield results.

Seek External Support and Stay Positive

Tactic #6: Publicize your goals. When creating goals for yourself, have other people hold you accountable. It’s much easier to abandon your goals when no one else knows about them. When you publicize your goals, the people around you will watch after you and help you make decisions to get you to achieve your objective.

For example, you’re trying to start a diet, but you had a stressful day and don’t want to cook. Ordering a pizza is tempting. If no one holds you accountable, there’s a good chance you’ll dial your local pizza joint. However, if someone at home knows about your diet, they can help keep you from making choices that disrupt your current goals.

Tactic #7: Keep your “self-talk” positive. “Self-talk” is your inner voice and has a major impact on your emotional state. If you keep your self-talk positive, it can get you through challenges and help support you throughout your day. However, if you let your self-talk become negative, it can ruin a good mood and quickly make your day miserable.

Social Awareness

Once you have the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, you can begin to develop social awareness. Social awareness is the ability to identify emotions in other people and understand the reasons behind them.

People with high levels of social awareness:

  • Give others the opportunity to speak
  • Actively listen
    • They stop what they’re doing and turn their full attention to the other person
  • Pick up on cues that reveal emotion
    • For example, if someone’s hand is shaking as they speak to you, they may be nervous or angry.
  • Take in important information without bias
  • Adapt to the emotional climate
  • Develop empathy for the people around them

Tactics to Develop Social Awareness

Listen and Learn

Tactic #1: Listen attentively. Listening isn’t just about hearing words. Tone, volume, and pacing all signal subtext and emotion (for instance, if a person speaks quickly and quietly, they may be intimidated). Stay focused on the conversation at hand. Half-focused listening prevents you from picking up important information and makes the other person feel disrespected.

Tactic #2: Learn the rules of your environment. Learn how your company operates and what their expectations are. Also, learn the culture and background of your co-workers. If you don’t, you may find yourself at odds with your environment, making your job more difficult.

For example, if you typically listen to music while you work, check in with your colleagues to see what the standards of the company are. This ensures that you’re behaving appropriately and shows that you care about the rules of the organization.

Tactic #3: Practice empathy. Looking at a situation from someone else’s point of view helps you understand their behaviors, gives you the tools to more effectively interact with that person, and identifies issues before they develop. When trying to step into someone else’s shoes:

  • Think of how they’ve responded to specific situations in the past
  • Consider their past experiences and background
  • Observe how they behave in different environments
Observe Your Surroundings

Tactic #4: Observe body language. Body language provides subtextual information that can reveal a person’s emotional state (for example, if someone can’t keep eye contact with you, they may be uncomfortable or lying). This allows you to make more informed decisions when interacting with them. Key emotional indicators include the behavior of someone’s eyes, the authenticity of their smile, and the tension in their body

Tactic #5: Live in the moment. Though reflecting on the past and planning for the future are both necessary exercises, allowing them to dictate your day-to-day behavior prevents you from observing and interacting with your surroundings. Keep your head clear by staying focused on the present moment. If you find yourself drifting mentally, try to snap yourself back. This will help you make more effective connections and deepen interactions with those around you.

Check Your Timing

Tactic #6: Make sure the time is right. If you make requests or observations at the wrong time, the person you're speaking with likely won’t respond well. To ensure proper timing, keep the emotional state of the other person in mind. If they’re clearly angry or distraught, frame your question in a way that will not further upset them or find a better time to approach them with your issues.

Tactic #7: Read the room. Once you’ve mastered reading the emotions of individuals, you can start to catch onto the mood of entire rooms. This allows you to give your input in an appropriate and well-timed manner.

Relationship Management

Once you have a handle on your own emotions and can recognize the emotions of the people around you, you can begin to develop relationship management. Relationship management is the use of your self- and social awareness to develop your relationships with other people.

People with high levels of relationship management:

  • Connect with a multitude of people
  • Interact with people frequently
  • Find the benefits in every relationship
  • Create an environment that promotes discussion and connection
  • Handle stressful situations well
  • Develop a strong rapport with coworkers—even with people they do not inherently agree with

Tactics to Develop Relationship Management

Embrace Openness

Tactic #1: Be open and take an interest. When you willingly share things about yourself, it clarifies why you behave the way that you do and minimizes the opportunity for misunderstanding. Also, taking an interest in the lives of others helps you understand their choices and ensures that you don’t misinterpret their behaviors.

Tactic #2: Embrace feedback. Having someone point out errors or areas of improvement can lead to intense emotional responses. However, feedback is essential to development and requires that you hear it without letting your emotions get in the way. Think about the purpose of the feedback, listen attentively, and take time to process the information.

Be Clear

Tactic #3: Improve your communication style. Your natural style of communication dictates how others perceive you. If the way you talk does not reflect your intentions, others may not understand what you’re trying to communicate and may misjudge you. For example, if you typically state things bluntly, people may think that you’re rude, even if your intention is just to be clear. Think about the upsides and downsides of the way you currently communicate and adjust your approach accordingly.

Tactic #4: Explain your choices. People fear what they don’t understand. If you leave people in the dark, they may not understand why you’ve made a decision, leading to frustration and/or anxiety. When explaining your decision, acknowledge any alternative routes, show your thought process, then explain the ways your decision will impact everyone.

Show Respect

Tactic #5: Respect the emotions of others. If you try to negate or ignore what they’re feeling, they won’t respond well. Use your listening skills, ask what you can do to help, and be empathetic. This validates how the person is feeling without exaggerating or exacerbating their emotional state.

Tactic #6: Show your appreciation. Little shows of appreciation can go a long way. When someone does good work, praise them. When they go the extra mile, acknowledge it. Even if it’s something as small as buying someone lunch or leaving a thank you note, small gestures let the people around you know that you see the work that they’re doing and that you appreciate it.

Handle Tense Situations Effectively

Tactic #7: Respond appropriately. This requires you to read the situation, recognize the emotions of the other person, and assure them that you believe what they’re feeling is important.

For instance, you’re working in customer service. An annoyed customer throws a broken item on the counter and angrily demands an immediate replacement as she needs it for an event. Rather than reflect her rude demeanor, you apologize for the product not working and tell her that you will work to get her that replacement as quickly as possible. The customer appreciates that you’re taking her claim seriously and begins to calm down.

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Here's a preview of the rest of Shortform's Emotional Intelligence 2.0 PDF summary:

PDF Summary Chapters 1-4: What Is Emotional Intelligence?

...

  • Facing a burglar may cause temporary paralysis.
  • Winning the lottery may make your knees buckle.
  • Hearing a loud noise may make you jump.

Emotional hijacking clouds your judgement and does not give your rational brain the chance to inform your decisions. High EQ skills allow you to recognize your triggers and avoid or effectively handle them.

(Shortform note: Read more about emotional hijacking and the importance of EQ in our summary of Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence here.)

Reason #3: EQ helps you control your thoughts and develop healthy habits. You don’t have direct control over your emotions, especially when something triggers them. However, you do have control over your thoughts. You can calm yourself down and handle your emotions by thinking about perspective, timing, and other EQ skills.

Reason #4: EQ helps you succeed. High EQ develops skills that directly correlate to success (such as navigating complex situations and keeping calm under pressure). One study found that:

  • EQ directly relates to 58% of skill sets in the workplace.
  • People with higher EQs...

PDF Summary Chapter 5: Self-Awareness

... </table>

15 Tactics to Develop Self-Awareness

Explore Your Emotions

Tactic #1: Understand the physical effects of your emotions. Close your eyes and examine different physical factors such as your heartbeat, breath, and muscle tension. Then, recall a memory that elicits a strong emotional response. Notice the way your body changes (you may notice that excitement causes your stomach...

PDF Summary Chapter 6: Self-Management

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Reactive Behavior: When Self-Management is Present, You take time to find the best long-term solutions instead of making decisions based on emotional reactions. When Self-Management is Absent, You make decisions based upon your immediate reaction—even if your solution is not the most effective.

Flexibility: When Self-Management is Present, You embrace feedback by putting insecurity aside and working to improve or adjust your input. When Self-Management is Absent, When given feedback, you get stuck in your insecurity and grow defensive.

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16 Tactics to Develop Self-Management

Collect Your Thoughts

Tactic #1: Focus on your breath. Your brain requires oxygen to function properly. Especially when stressed, people don’t breathe deeply enough throughout their day, robbing the brain of valuable oxygen. When the brain lacks oxygen, it prioritizes basic needs (such as touch or sight) over complex processes (such as thought or emotion). When you take deep breaths, your rational brain engages and your body calms down. To breathe properly:

  • Breathe in through your nose and send the breath to your stomach
  • Inhale until you feel your stomach swell and...

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PDF Summary Chapter 7: Social Awareness

... </td> </tr> </table>

16 Tactics to Develop Social Awareness

Listen and Learn

Tactic #1: Listen attentively. Listening isn’t just about hearing words. Tone, volume, and pacing signal subtext and emotion (for instance, if a person speaks quickly and quietly, they may be intimidated).

Stay...

PDF Summary Chapter 8: Relationship Management

... </td> </tr> </table>

16 Tactics to Develop Relationship Management

Embrace Openness

**Tactic #1: Be open and take...

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