PDF Summary:Cured, by Lol Tolhurst

In Cured, Lol Tolhurst recounts the turbulent yet remarkable journey of The Cure, from its roots in Crawley's punk scene to its rise as a pioneering force in music. He candidly narrates the band's creative evolution, personal struggles with addiction, and the interpersonal conflicts that threatened their unity.

Tolhurst does not shy away from exploring the challenges within the band as they navigated stardom, substance abuse, and the complex realities of the music industry. His memoir ultimately becomes a chronicle of self-discovery, sobriety, and the mending of cherished relationships through resilience and a steadfast pursuit of redemption.

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Other Perspectives

• Tensions within a group can sometimes be a sign of passion and commitment to the work, which can be a positive force if channeled correctly.
• The issues within the group could be attributed to personal differences and individual communication styles rather than their British background.
• Candid conversations induced by substances may not always translate into actionable solutions or lasting understanding once the effects of the substances wear off.
• Michael Dempsey's reticence could be a form of emotional self-preservation, especially in an industry known for its volatility and emotional challenges.
• Transparency in communication can sometimes lead to oversharing or unnecessary confrontation, which might not be suitable for every group dynamic.
• The approach of not confronting every issue head-on could be a cultural norm that, in some contexts, helps maintain a level of politeness and professionalism.
• There are instances where openly expressing every emotion can be detrimental, leading to heightened tensions rather than resolving underlying issues.
• Suppressing feelings does not always threaten relationships; in some cases, it can maintain harmony by avoiding unnecessary conflicts.
• The survival of a group can be threatened by a multitude of factors, and it is an oversimplification to attribute it solely to the method of handling problems internally.

Key individuals initially left but eventually returned to the ensemble.

The story unfolds to reveal the exit of key individuals from the group, culminating in the author's own exit in 1989. He recounts this era as a time of deep anguish and suffering, stemming from his separation from the beloved group he was once a part of. He narrates his journey of repairing tense relationships with his bandmates and identifies the group's 2011 series of concerts as a pivotal phase in his path to making amends, which began over fifteen years following their disagreement.

Following a period of absence, Simon Gallup returned to the ensemble.

Tolhurst highlights the unique auditory signature that is often linked to the group, crediting Simon Gallup as the principal bass player who, despite contributions from Michael Dempsey, Phil Thornalley, and others, was instrumental in shaping it. Lol Tolhurst reflects on the period when he and Robert Smith determined that Simon Gallup was perfectly suited to become the bassist, using the Cult Hero sessions with vocalist Frankie Bell as an opportunity to discreetly evaluate how well Simon Gallup would mesh with the group. He also reveals that he was present when Simon Gallup was asked to join The Cure and was aware of Simon Gallup's deep hurt when Robert Smith asked him to leave the band after the tumultuous Pornography tour. He wonders whether, if the group had been more emotionally mature and better equipped to handle their feelings, they might have addressed the internal conflicts that resulted in their breakup; instead, they adopted the all-too-common British tactic of ignoring their problems, drowning them in alcohol, and wishfully anticipating favorable resolutions. He also shares his experiences of the clear strain and bitterness that emanated from Simon Gallup when they would run into each other in their hometown, before Gallup eventually rejoined the band, resuming his vital position as the bass guitarist.

Context

• Simon Gallup is known for his distinctive bass playing style, which often features melodic lines and a driving rhythm that contribute significantly to The Cure's sound.
• The decision to include Gallup was not only based on musical compatibility but also on personal chemistry with other band members, which is crucial for long-term collaboration.
• The sessions were an opportunity for the band to experiment with different sounds and dynamics, providing a low-stakes environment to test how new members might fit into the group’s chemistry.
• The reference to a "British tactic" of ignoring problems and using alcohol to cope reflects a stereotype about British emotional reserve and the cultural tendency to avoid direct confrontation.
• During this period, The Cure was experiencing significant tension and stress, partly due to the pressures of fame and the dark themes of their music. This environment contributed to conflicts among band members.
• Many bands face internal conflicts due to the intense personal and professional relationships involved. Emotional maturity can help members communicate effectively, manage egos, and resolve disputes without resorting to destructive behaviors.
• During the late 1970s and 1980s, alcohol and drug use were prevalent in the rock music scene. Many bands used these substances as a way to cope with the pressures of fame and the creative process, which often led to further personal and professional issues.
• The breakup and subsequent interactions between Tolhurst and Gallup were likely influenced by unresolved feelings of betrayal, disappointment, and the stress of navigating personal relationships within a professional setting.
• The departure of Simon Gallup from The Cure occurred in 1982 after tensions during the Pornography tour, which was marked by internal conflicts and heavy drinking.

The evolving lineup of the group and its influence on their creative work.

The writer reflects on how the composition of the group changed with time, impacting their unique sound, as Robert Smith persistently explored new ways to reinvent both his image and the group's artistic path. He recounts the era during which the trio constituting the band dedicated themselves to delivering flawless and potent performances, culminating in the unveiling of their album "Pornography." He suggests that although other instruments were incorporated into the music of both The Top and subsequent albums, the core trio that made up the band included Robert Smith, Simon Gallup, and Lol Tolhurst. He further claims that this specific ensemble of musicians garnered the most praise from their fans and was instrumental in producing the creations that their audience held in the highest regard.

Practical Tips

• Experiment with collaborative projects by inviting people from different backgrounds to contribute. If you're working on a creative project like writing a story, seek input from individuals with diverse experiences to add depth and perspective to your work. This mirrors the way a band's sound changes with new members and can result in a richer, more nuanced final product.
• Develop a personal 'reinvention workshop' where you invite friends or colleagues to give feedback on your current image and brainstorm ideas for your new path. Host a casual get-together where you present your current projects, interests, and goals, then encourage open discussion and suggestions. This can provide fresh perspectives and help you identify areas for growth and change.
• Create a feedback loop with a trusted group of peers to gain constructive criticism. Share your work with friends or colleagues who understand your craft and ask for honest feedback. If you're an artist, you could host a small viewing of your new paintings and encourage your guests to provide their thoughts on composition, technique, and emotional impact.
• Collaborate with artists from different disciplines to create a multidisciplinary performance piece. Reach out to local painters, dancers, or poets and propose a joint project where music and other art forms intersect, resulting in a performance that combines visual art, movement, and your experimental soundscapes.
• Create a playlist that captures the essence of a core trio in your life, whether it's a group of friends or family members, to celebrate the unique dynamic you share. Just like a band's music reflects the synergy of its members, your playlist can be a mix of songs that represent the personalities and memories of your trio. Share it with them to strengthen your bond.
• Record your performances and watch them with a critical eye, focusing on the aspects that you believe might elicit praise. You might look at your body language, the passion in your voice, or the structure of your performance. Then, select one aspect to improve upon for your next performance, aiming to enhance the overall quality and potentially increase the praise you receive from your audience.
• Identify your personal core trio by reflecting on three skills or traits you excel at and integrate them into a project. For example, if you're good at writing, researching, and public speaking, start a blog where you write in-depth articles on topics you're passionate about and then give talks or webinars summarizing your findings.

The group nearly fell apart due to legal and business challenges.

The narrative explores the author's legal disputes related to The Cure and scrutinizes the impact these disagreements had on his relationships with fellow band members. He deeply regrets that his previous actions, driven by feelings of bitterness and an urge for vengeance, were ill-advised and did not guide him to a satisfying conclusion.

The author commenced litigation against the band, which resulted in ensuing repercussions.

Tolhurst looks back on his decision to start a lawsuit against Robert Smith and his fellow band members, a move he subsequently understood to be a disastrous error fueled by his personal bitterness and anxiety. He narrates the challenges he faced in coming to terms with his part in the deteriorating bond with Robert Smith and the group, which was further complicated by his battle with alcohol dependency. He reveals that his legal advisors persuaded him to initiate a lawsuit against the band's lead singer over monetary disagreements concerning the band's income, even though he recognized internally that it wasn't the right course of action, and that focusing on his personal recovery was paramount. He also recounts the growing tension between himself, his fellow band members, and Robert Smith during a difficult four-year span, which led to a legal dispute that forced them to spend three continuous weeks in close quarters, attempting to settle seemingly unsolvable problems. He describes the overwhelming feeling of grief that consumed him when the verdict was delivered, understanding that it represented not just the defeat in court but also the cherished connections with his fellow band members and dearest friends.

Context

• Despite legal battles, many artists eventually seek reconciliation, recognizing the personal and creative bonds that initially brought them together.
• Legal advisors often prioritize financial outcomes and may not fully consider personal relationships or emotional consequences, which can lead to advice that conflicts with a client's personal values or long-term interests.
• Alcohol dependency can significantly impair judgment and decision-making, potentially influencing Tolhurst's choice to pursue legal action despite his internal reservations.
• Over time, Tolhurst and Robert Smith have worked towards reconciliation, highlighting the enduring personal connection despite past conflicts.
• Legal battles, especially those involving close friends or long-term collaborators, can be emotionally draining. They often force individuals to confront personal grievances and unresolved issues, leading to prolonged periods of stress and anxiety.
• Such prolonged interactions are often part of mediation efforts, where parties are encouraged to communicate directly to resolve issues outside of court, which can be both a practical and emotionally taxing process.
• The period of the lawsuit coincided with significant changes in the music industry, including shifts in how artists were compensated, which may have exacerbated financial tensions.

The band's efforts were focused on navigating the complexities of the music industry while maintaining their creative independence.

The author reflects on the group's interactions with numerous recording labels over time, observing that his own active participation in these negotiations diminished as he faced escalating personal challenges. The story begins with the author's recollection of teaming up with Robert Smith and Michael Dempsey to establish The Cure, and he observes that his involvement in overseeing the group's commercial affairs waned as the ensemble grew and adopted new administrative frameworks. He also suggests that Parry's interactions were most effective when they occurred exclusively with Robert Smith rather than with the whole group. Tolhurst looks back with a profound sense of irritation, realizing that outside influences were now steering the course of the band he played a pivotal role in establishing and shaping, and he admits that his struggle with addiction resulted in rash actions that eventually warranted his exclusion from the group.

Practical Tips

• Develop a habit of attending local music industry meetups or online webinars to network with industry insiders. Make it a goal to connect with at least one new person at each event and ask them about their experiences and challenges in the industry. This firsthand information can be invaluable and provide practical insights that you won't find in written materials.
• Develop a contingency plan for negotiations that accounts for potential personal setbacks. This involves creating a step-by-step guide that can be followed by someone else in your absence, which includes templates for communication, a timeline of critical negotiation milestones, and a list of alternative strategies to keep the negotiation on track without your direct involvement.
• Cultivate a sense of identity and branding in your personal projects by creating a distinctive name and style for them, just as a band would. If you're starting a blog, a small business, or even a study group, think about what makes your endeavor unique and how you can express that through a name, logo, or slogan. This will not only make your project more memorable but also give you a clearer sense of direction and purpose.
• Implement a scalable project management system to track progress without micromanaging. Tools like Trello or Asana can help you oversee projects by setting up boards and tasks that can be updated by team members. This way, you can monitor the progress of various projects at a glance without needing to be involved in every step, which is especially useful as the number of projects increases.
• Use social media to connect with an expert in your field and engage in direct conversations. Start by following their content, commenting with insightful thoughts, and requesting a private conversation if they're open to it. This mirrors the exclusive interaction dynamic and can lead to a mentorship or collaborative relationship. For instance, if you're an aspiring writer, reach out to an author you admire on Twitter with thoughtful questions about their work.
• Create a "steering committee": Form a small, trusted group within your larger community that focuses on maintaining the original vision and values. If you're part of a local sports team that's becoming too competitive, this committee could organize friendly matches that emphasize fun and camaraderie over winning.
• Create a visual reminder of your commitment to change by designing a unique piece of artwork or symbol that represents your journey away from addiction. This could be a painting, a sculpture, or even a digital design that you can set as your phone's wallpaper. The visual representation serves as a constant reminder of your commitment and the positive changes you're striving for.
• Volunteer for a role that requires collaboration in a new group setting, such as a community project or a team-based hobby. Pay close attention to how your actions affect your acceptance and role within the group, and use this as a learning experience to improve your group integration skills.

The personal odyssey of the writer includes the pursuit of self-awareness, struggles with addiction, and the quest for redemption.

The narrative explores the author's journey from addiction to a sober existence and his commitment to repairing the bonds that were damaged due to his previous behavior.

The writer's struggles with substance dependence had a significant impact on his personal and professional life.

Tolhurst asserts that while alcohol addiction is a devious and harmful affliction capable of wreaking havoc on lives, individuals afflicted by it can find salvation through seeking assistance. He candidly recounts his slide into alcohol addiction and its profound influence on every aspect of his life. He discloses that the unending sequence of shows, coupled with his struggle to navigate the challenges associated with celebrity status, drove him into a deeply harmful pattern. He also recounts the pain of observing his career crumble while his relationships with those he valued most deteriorated.

The writer's spiral into substance abuse and the subsequent impact on his personal connections and psychological well-being.

The author candidly discusses his battle with alcoholism and how it profoundly and negatively affected his existence. He recalls his early experiences with alcohol as a teenager, which led to memory lapses he attempted to hide from others. His drinking intensified, eventually leaving him unable to fulfill his duties in The Cure. In 1988, he remembers his struggle with addiction, which involved a period of treatment at a healthcare facility, but he ignored the recommendation to enroll in a rehab program after being released. He candidly recounts how his struggle to maintain his performance with the group precipitated a severe mental and emotional collapse.

Context

• Substance abuse can lead to significant health issues, including liver damage, cardiovascular problems, and neurological impairments, which can exacerbate mental health struggles.
• Alcohol can disrupt the brain's ability to form new memories, a condition known as blackout. This occurs because alcohol affects the hippocampus, a region of the brain involved in memory formation.
• Artists sometimes believe that substances enhance creativity, which might lead to increased use as they strive to maintain or boost their artistic output.
• Inability to perform or contribute can lead to financial losses for both the individual and the band, affecting album sales, concert revenues, and future opportunities.
• Being in the public eye can intensify personal struggles, as failures and challenges are often magnified by media attention.

The author's journey toward sobriety was marked by numerous challenges encountered throughout the process.

Tolhurst maintains that despite the lengthy and arduous journey to recovery for someone in his position, anyone prepared to undertake the strenuous efforts required for healing can indeed recover. Lol Tolhurst describes his path to sobriety, which started when he checked into a program to cleanse his body of toxins at a medical facility known as Lister Hospital after a distressing incident at a recording studio in London. He narrates his belief in his ability to manage his alcohol consumption, to the extent that he consented to allow two London officers, who were surveilling for a rapist, to utilize his flat for stakeouts, while he continued to indulge in alcohol daily, oblivious to their surveillance. He also remembers the many attempts to attain sobriety, each marked by a firm belief that the next round of studio work would bring about a significant change. His daughter's passing deepened his grief and escalated his reliance on narcotics, ultimately leading to his detention by law enforcement. This low point brought about the crucial understanding that confronting his problems, instead of avoiding them, was necessary. He ultimately made the decision to get help and enrolled in a treatment program.

Context

• Developing self-awareness is crucial in recognizing triggers and patterns that lead to substance abuse, which is essential for long-term recovery.
• Detoxification in a medical facility like Lister Hospital typically involves medical supervision to safely manage withdrawal symptoms and cleanse the body of substances.
• Allowing officers to use his flat for stakeouts while continuing to drink suggests a disconnect from reality and a lack of concern for personal privacy or safety, highlighting the extent of his denial.
• Working in a studio often involves collaboration with other musicians and producers, who may also be using substances. This environment can make it challenging for someone trying to achieve sobriety, as there may be social pressure to conform.
• The loss of a child is one of the most profound and devastating experiences a person can endure, often leading to intense emotional pain. This grief can sometimes drive individuals to seek solace in substances as a way to numb their feelings or escape reality.
• Emotional events, such as the loss of a loved one, can exacerbate substance use. Understanding and processing these emotions are vital components of recovery.
• Programs may incorporate various therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), motivational interviewing, and 12-step facilitation.

The author set out on a journey to discover purpose and direction in life after his time with the band.

The narrative delves into the writer's search for meaning and a new path after leaving The Cure. He shares his journey across the globe and the reflective pursuit that led to revelations, allowing him to forge a life of greatly increased fulfillment.

The author's time in California was marked by efforts to transform his identity.

Tolhurst maintains that his decision to move to the southern part of California was influenced in part by his desire to start anew in a different place. He often reminisced about his journeys to California as a member of The Cure, and while he held those times dear, his aspiration to relocate there stemmed from a profound yearning to forge a fresh persona, one that was separate from the turmoil and fame linked to his former role in the group. Having devoted a significant portion of his life to embodying "Lol" from The Cure, he started to question his personal identity, pondering his true self beyond the stage name. He describes his pain at the loss of his marriage and the separation from his son as he moved from one friend's home to another before falling in love again.

Context

• The climate and natural beauty of Southern California, with its beaches and mountains, often inspire a sense of renewal and can contribute to a person's desire to start fresh.
• Being part of a famous band can create a public persona that may not align with one's private self, leading to internal conflict and a desire for reinvention.
• Playing a specific role for an extended period can lead to a blurring of lines between the character and the real person, causing confusion about one's true identity.
• The process of moving frequently, as described, can create instability, making it challenging to establish a sense of home or routine, which is crucial for emotional recovery.
• The geographical and cultural shift from the UK to California can symbolize a broader search for personal freedom and a break from past constraints, which many artists pursue in their careers.

The author's path toward personal and spiritual growth was characterized by a search for forgiveness.

The author candidly shares his personal quest for self-discovery, which included acknowledging his mistakes to those he had harmed and seeking their forgiveness, as well as soliciting support. Even after attaining sobriety, he realized that his genuine path to recovery would only commence after his period of treatment in the rehabilitation center. He narrates his pivotal experience in Death Valley in 1995, which was instrumental in letting go of the resentment and negative emotions he held after leaving The Cure, subsequently leading to a recognition of his own role in the events that transpired. His therapeutic journey enabled him to release a significant amount of pent-up emotions, extend forgiveness universally, and embark on a fresh phase of his existence. His conviction that he could recover never wavered, even during the toughest phase of his existence.

Context

• This journey can be part of a broader spiritual or emotional healing process, often involving introspection and a commitment to change.
• Letting go of pent-up emotions is crucial for mental health. Techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or expressive writing can aid in releasing negative emotions and fostering a sense of peace.
• Establishing a strong support network of friends, family, or peers in recovery is essential for maintaining sobriety and emotional health after treatment.
• The isolation and vastness of Death Valley can provide a unique environment for deep personal reflection, allowing individuals to process emotions without external distractions.
• This recognition is a sign of emotional maturity, as it requires introspection, honesty, and the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about oneself.
• Therapy often enhances self-awareness, allowing individuals to understand the root causes of their emotions and behaviors.
• He may have pursued new professional opportunities or roles that aligned with his transformed outlook, contributing to his growth and fulfillment.
• Practices such as meditation or therapy can help individuals stay focused on their recovery goals and maintain a positive outlook.

The author ultimately mended his relationship with the band and rejoined their circle of artistic collaboration.

The author recounts the process of repairing his once-tense relationship with Robert Smith, a journey that culminated in being asked to perform alongside them during the "Reflections" tour.

The author experienced a profound revival in live performance during the "Reflections" tour.

The author reflects on the "Reflections" tour, recalling it as a time of profound emotional release, where he revisited his stage appearances from twenty-five years earlier. As time passed, he gained wisdom and maturity, and the exhilaration and sense of freedom that came with performing alongside his long-standing colleagues resurfaced powerfully, reaffirming the enduring and intact connections that remained strong among them. He shares the deeply moving moment when he was filled with emotion, standing adjacent to the stage at a renowned Sydney location, with tears forming in his eyes as he looked forward to rejoining his former bandmates for the final segment of the performance, symbolizing significant personal recovery. He sincerely remembers the affection he had for his companions and their music at that time, along with the liberation that came with being able to absolve everyone of everything. He also shares that the lengthy performance seemed to fly by, a time characterized by a profound connection with his music and close relationships, providing a deeply satisfying experience which he hadn't expected to experience again.

Context

• "Three Imaginary Boys," "Seventeen Seconds," and "Faith."
• The performances were held in iconic venues, adding to the emotional weight and significance of the events for both the band and the audience.
• Such tours are common for bands with long histories, allowing them to celebrate their legacy and reconnect with their original fan base.
• Long-time fans often appreciate seeing original members perform together, which can enhance the energy and reception of the performance.
• The passage of time can allow for healing and forgiveness, which might have helped to reinforce and renew the connections among the author and his colleagues.
• The renowned Sydney location likely refers to the Sydney Opera House, a prestigious venue known for hosting significant cultural events.
• The performance was not just a musical event but also a personal milestone for Tolhurst, representing his journey through recovery and personal growth.
• The moment can symbolize personal growth, indicating that the author has evolved from past experiences and emerged stronger, with a deeper understanding of himself and his relationships.
• The author, Lol Tolhurst, was a founding member of The Cure, a band known for its influential role in the post-punk and new wave movements, which adds significance to his reunion with former bandmates.
• Liberation through absolution can lead to an emotional release, freeing the individual from the burden of resentment or regret. This can enhance one's ability to connect deeply with others and with their own creative expression.
• If previous performances were fraught with difficulties or challenges, a smooth and enjoyable performance can feel surprisingly brief in comparison, highlighting the contrast with past experiences.
• Revisiting past work allows artists to reflect on their personal and artistic growth, offering a sense of closure or new understanding of their earlier creations.
• Live performances often serve as a form of emotional catharsis for musicians, providing a space to process past experiences and emotions, which can lead to unexpected personal revelations.

The writer's newfound sense of direction and the act of composing this book contributed to his recovery process.

Tolhurst emphasizes that he penned the book with a dual purpose: to document the evolution of The Cure and to share his own path towards recovery and comprehension. He recounts his journey as a therapeutic one, through which he released distressing recollections and emotions, ultimately achieving tranquility within his own being and in his interactions with the broader environment. He views writing the book as an opportunity for self-examination, reflecting on past mistakes, understanding the fundamental cause of his harmful behavior, and a way to repair the damage he had done to the one he held dearest - himself. He illustrates through his own journey from addiction to sobriety that with commitment and the appropriate assistance, anyone can attain forgiveness by addressing their personal issues.

Context

• Writing a memoir can serve as a therapeutic exercise, allowing authors to process their experiences, gain insights, and find closure by organizing their thoughts and emotions into a coherent narrative.
• Engaging in creative processes like writing can activate different areas of the brain, potentially leading to new insights and emotional release.
• The process of addressing personal issues and understanding past actions can lead to self-forgiveness, which is essential for emotional healing and moving forward.
• Addiction is a complex condition characterized by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequences. Recovery often involves a combination of medical treatment, therapy, and support groups, emphasizing the importance of addressing underlying psychological issues.