PDF Summary:Built Through Courage, by Dave Hollis

Do you ever feel stuck—like you’re just going through the motions instead of doing something really meaningful? Have you recently experienced upheaval in your life and don’t know what to do now? In Built Through Courage, motivational speaker, CEO, and former Disney executive Dave Hollis offers a solution to these common problems. According to Hollis, the key to living a happy and fulfilled life is achieving your unique purpose—a specific role you’re meant to fill.

In this guide, we’ll explore what purpose is, how to identify yours, and how to achieve it. We’ll compare Hollis’s ideas to those of other self-help authors like Tony Robbins, Mark Manson, and Greg McKeown, and we’ll examine the neuroscience behind Hollis’s ideas.

(continued)...

For example, imagine you want to leave an unfulfilling job to pursue your purpose. If some of your friends and family members have left their jobs to pursue more fulfilling career paths, you’re more likely to change careers as well.

Hardy refers to the media as particularly influential because it’s ubiquitous in the modern world. He recommends making your environment more positive by limiting your media consumption—especially that of the news, which is relentless and often relies on anxiety-inducing sensationalism to grab people’s attention.

Hollis offers two other, more detailed strategies for understanding your current circumstances:

Strategy #1: Step Outside Your Daily Routine

Hollis says that to understand your current circumstances, you must step away from the distractions and responsibilities of daily life. This gives you space to see your habitual behaviors and thoughts more clearly and consider whether they align with your purpose.

For example, imagine you get an iced coffee every morning on your way to work. The routine is so familiar that you don’t really think about it. When you’re filing your taxes, you break out of that routine. You look at your receipts and realize you’ve been spending a lot of money on coffee. Even though you enjoy coffee, this spending doesn’t align with your ideals and overall purpose. Stepping back from your routine lets you recognize this and change your behavior.

(Shortform note: While Hollis recommends voluntarily stepping away from the distractions and responsibilities of your daily life, one survey suggests that being forced to step back and reflect can also help you understand your current circumstances. The survey reveals that during the Covid-19 pandemic, 4.3 million workers changed careers. Many of them did so because quarantining gave them the opportunity to reflect on their current circumstances, and they realized they weren’t living in a way that made them happy and fulfilled.)

Stepping away from the distractions and responsibilities of fast-paced daily life is difficult and requires dedication. Hollis suggests scheduling regular times to reflect in an isolated, quiet area. Over time, it’ll be easier to recognize whether your habitual behaviors and thoughts are aligned with your purpose.

How to Self-Reflect

While scheduling time for self-reflection is important, some research suggests that the way you reflect once you’re in a quiet environment is also crucial. For instance, some studies suggest that people who self-reflect by asking “why” questions—like “Why do I feel like this?”—show less self-awareness. This is because our beliefs and behaviors are often influenced by subconscious thoughts, feelings, and motivations. We don’t have conscious access to this information, so we make up answers to “why” questions that feel accurate but rarely are. This can hurt our efforts to achieve our purposes since we don’t understand our circumstances accurately.

Asking “what” questions instead—like “What situations make me feel like this?”—can help you stay objective when self-reflecting because your brain has the necessary information to answer that question accurately. Thus, you can understand your current circumstances accurately and determine whether or not they’ll help you achieve your purpose.

Continuing our earlier example, if you reflected on your current circumstances by asking yourself, “Why do I never have any extra money?” you may come up with answers like “I spend it on necessities” or “I’m not good at managing money.” These answers don’t give you an accurate image of your circumstances and could lead you to feel discouraged about your financial situation. However, if you ask “What have I been spending money on?” you’re more likely to realize that coffee is a big, unnecessary expense and direct that money elsewhere.

Strategy #2: Be Honest With Yourself

Another strategy for understanding your circumstances is being honest with yourself. Hollis says people may be uncomfortable with or ashamed of the beliefs and actions that brought them to their current states. Or, they might know that accurately analyzing their circumstances will make it clear they need to change their behavior, and they don’t want to leave their comfort zone. This means they’ll be tempted to not be honest about the ways their actions and circumstances are harming their goal of achieving their purpose.

Hollis emphasizes the importance of being honest despite these feelings. If you aren’t willing to be honest or make necessary changes, you can’t achieve your purpose. For example, let’s say you know that your Instagram habits distract you from your goals and purpose, but you enjoy using the app so much that you’re not willing to limit the amount of time you spend on it. You might strive to fulfill your purpose in other ways, but you’ll always be distracted by Instagram.

The Benefits of Being Honest With Yourself

Some psychologists say being honest with yourself has several benefits beyond helping you to change harmful behaviors and achieve your purpose. Remembering these benefits and how they can improve your life can motivate you to overcome any discomfort or shame around being honest with yourself:

Being honest increases your courage. When you’re honest with yourself about your abilities and struggles, you can approach life more confidently and courageously because you know exactly what you can handle. If someone tells you that you can’t achieve something that you know you can, you can ignore them and move boldly forward regardless of their opinions.

Being honest improves your relationships. When you’re honest with yourself about who you are and what you want, you can share your true self with others. This makes your relationships healthier, as strong, authentic bonds are built on mutual trust and honesty—not on hiding who you are from those close to you.

Now that we’ve covered the importance of understanding your current circumstances, we’ll talk about the next step: believing you can change those circumstances.

Step #2: Believe You Can Change Your Circumstances

As discussed, many people don’t fulfill their purpose because they don’t recognize their own potential for change. Thus, an important step to changing your life and fulfilling your purpose is believing you can do so.

(Shortform note: In The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz further explains why it’s essential to believe that change is possible: If you believe you can’t do something, you’ll subconsciously search for confirmation of this belief. He notes that you can even subconsciously confirm it yourself by working less hard or less carefully. In contrast, if you do believe in yourself, you’ll search for confirmation of your abilities, which can make you subconsciously work harder or more carefully.)

Hollis offers a few tips for cultivating the belief that you can change your circumstances:

Tip #1: Use Imagination

Imagination is an important tool for believing change is possible. It lets you picture different opportunities and paths forward rather than simply accepting your current path. In turn, realizing you can make those potential lives a reality encourages you to change.

For instance, Hollis had the opportunity to leave Disney and help his then-wife run her self-help and lifestyle company—a change that aligned well with his purpose of helping others and his goal to be more present for his family. After working at Disney for so many years, though, he struggled to even consider this new path. It seemed illogical to leave a well-paying, respected job that guaranteed a steady future. However, by letting himself imagine what his life would look like if he left, Hollis realized how much happier and more fulfilling that alternative path would be. That encouraged him to depart Disney to pursue his purpose.

(Shortform note: Some psychologists add that imagining many alternative scenarios is better than imagining one. Having varied options can help you make better-informed decisions about the changes you want to make and how to make them. If you only imagine one scenario, you risk choosing that path simply because it’s there, much like mindlessly accepting your current path. The more options you consider, the lower this risk is, as comparing several options forces you to carefully consider which path would make you happiest and most fulfilled. This may not always be necessary, though, as Hollis only mentions imagining one scenario—helping his wife run her self-help and lifestyle company—and he was still happy with his decision to leave Disney.)

To start this process, imagine dying without any regrets, Hollis says. What would your life look like? What would you have done? Imagining the happiness and fulfillment of a life without regrets provides a big-picture idea of how you want to live and gives you the courage to make changes in the present so you can realize your imagined scenario.

(Shortform note: While Hollis recommends focusing on your future, some psychology experts instead suggest reflecting on your past—specifically, past regrets. Considering why you regret those situations reveals your values and which behaviors violate them. Knowing this can help you change your future behavior to honor your values and avoid repeating mistakes.)

Tip #2: Challenge Restrictive Beliefs

Challenging your restrictive beliefs is another important part of believing that change is possible. Restrictive beliefs are negative things you believe about yourself that stop you from changing or achieving your purpose. They usually stem from your upbringing, the roles that affect your sense of identity, and your past experiences. These are the main elements that influence your behavior and sense of self, Hollis says, which in turn affect your decisions.

For example, if you were frequently left in charge of your younger siblings growing up, you might develop the restrictive belief that you have to be responsible for other people and that your role is the “caretaker.” This belief stops you from pursuing your own interests and goals since you’re focused on looking after others. If you want to achieve your purpose and feel happy and fulfilled, you must challenge your restrictive belief and give yourself permission to focus on yourself instead of (or in addition to) focusing on other people.

(Shortform note: In Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins says that particularly complex experiences are most likely to dictate your restrictive beliefs. Your brain simplifies and generalizes these experiences, losing nuance and resulting in a false or restrictive negative belief. Continuing our example, you did have to be responsible when you were supervising your siblings, but that doesn’t mean you always have to be responsible for others to the detriment of your goal. Generalizing your responsibility—taking your role of caretaker for your siblings and applying it to more people—turns a truth into a restrictive belief.)

To overcome your restrictive beliefs, analyze where they came from, Hollis suggests. Often, these beliefs stem from untrustworthy sources—people who don’t understand or support your values and goals and instead try to impose their own values and goals on you. Recognizing that these sources are untrustworthy makes it easier to dismiss restrictive beliefs.

For example, you may have the restrictive belief that becoming a teacher is a boring, low-status, poorly paid career path. If you analyze the source of this belief, you can realize that it stems from your parents, who value high-paying, competitive business careers. This doesn’t align with your own ideals of pursuing your passion, helping others, and sharing knowledge, making your parents an untrustworthy source.

(Shortform note: Hollis’s recommendation here is arguably a form of Socratic questioning: asking yourself questions about your beliefs to dig into their possible roots and validity (or lack thereof). As well as asking where the belief came from, you might ask what proof there is (or isn’t) to support the belief, whether it’s based on rational evidence or pure emotion, what assumptions support the belief, and how those assumptions might be flawed. Your answers may reveal that the belief is false, built on faulty assumptions, and purely restrictive, making it easier to dismiss.)

Tip #3: Change Your Perspective

Changing your perspective can also help you believe that you can change your life and achieve your purpose. Hollis says your experiences shape you: The type of significance you put on an experience affects your behavior and sense of self. If you put positive significance on experiences—viewing them as a source of strength or motivation, for instance—you’re more likely to grow as a person and achieve your purpose. This is in contrast to putting negative significance on experiences—for example, viewing them as a source of weakness or pain—which defines you by those events and makes it difficult to move past them.

To focus on the positives of past situations, consider how they helped you grow, rather than focusing on how they hurt you, Hollis says. This shift in focus can help you feel empowered to grow and change, instead of trapped by your experiences.

For example, if you get fired from a job and focus on feeling angry, embarrassed, and inadequate, you’ll keep feeling those emotions every time you think about working, which will discourage you from applying to other jobs. If you instead focus on the lessons you learned—for example, you’re not suited to an office job—you’ll feel empowered to use that knowledge to find a job that suits you better, allowing you to move on from losing the first job.

Stoicism and Changing Your Perspective

Hollis’s philosophy on changing your perspective is arguably an example of Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophy. According to Ryan Holiday in The Obstacle is the Way, Stoics believe that no event is good or bad, and it’s the way we interpret these events that determine whether they have a positive or negative effect on our lives. Stoics also believe you can choose to find a positive side of any event, which lets you interpret the event positively. Thus, a large part of Stoic philosophy involves changing your perspective, as Hollis recommends.

While Hollis discusses changing your perspective on past experiences, Holiday notes that viewing present situations positively can also empower you: You’re more likely to persevere through a difficult situation when you see it as an opportunity rather than a problem you can’t solve. You feel more empowered because you’re focusing on your ability to bring a positive opportunity out of a negative situation. In turn, this belief in your ability helps you move past the negative situation and grow as a person.

Step #3: Change Your Circumstances

Once you understand your current circumstances and believe that change is possible, the next step is to actually change—to take actions that help you achieve your purpose. Hollis points out, however, that you can only have one priority at a time. If you focus on one specific goal, you’re more likely to achieve that goal than if you split your attention among several. This will help ensure that all your actions are focused solely on achieving your purpose.

(Shortform note: In Essentialism, Greg McKeown says that many of us waste time on minor, nonessential things that distract us from the truly important things in our lives. McKeown discusses this in the context of activities, but the same idea applies to goals: We tend to accumulate them over time without much thought. This creates a packed schedule that doesn’t help you achieve your main goal: your purpose. Some of these activities or goals may be good and enjoyable, but they don’t ultimately serve you and must be dropped. For example, you may enjoy going dancing every night, but if doing so causes you to be exhausted and struggle at work, you should reduce the amount of time you spend dancing.)

There are two main barriers to focusing on your purpose and changing your circumstances to achieve it: fear and expectations.

Barrier #1: Fear

Fear is the biggest barrier to changing your circumstances, Hollis says. Fear paralyzes you, preventing you from fulfilling your purpose. This happens because humans have a natural tendency to imagine and fixate on the worst possible future scenarios, which traps you in your fear. For instance, Hollis experienced this when going through his divorce. He was so afraid of losing his family and his sense of identity as a husband that he struggled to prepare himself for single life.

(Shortform note: You become increasingly trapped by a fear when you actively try to avoid it, some psychologists suggest. When you avoid a fear, you reinforce the idea that it’s a threat that must be avoided and give yourself a psychological reward for that avoidance (the reward being a feeling of relief at not having to deal with your fear). This encourages you to keep avoiding it. However, ignoring a problem doesn’t fix it. Often, the problem worsens, increasing your fear and making it harder to achieve your purpose. For Hollis, avoiding his fears didn’t stop the divorce; it only made him feel blindsided whenever he was forced to acknowledge it—for example, when he had to make child custody arrangements. Hollis could only begin healing after overcoming his fears.)

Hollis recommends the following methods for overcoming fear:

Method #1: Write Down Your Fears

Writing down your fears is a valuable tool for overcoming them. It’s difficult to address fears because they often reside in the subconscious, Hollis says. Writing these fears down forces them into the conscious mind and makes them easier to analyze and overcome. Once these fears are in the conscious mind, you may realize that many of them are less frightening than you thought and that some aren’t frightening at all.

How to Write Down Your Fears

Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, agrees that writing down your fears helps you analyze and overcome them, but he recommends a more detailed and structured writing process than Hollis. While Hollis suggests just writing a list of your fears, Ferriss recommends answering the following questions:

• What are you afraid of?

• How could you prevent those fears from coming true?

• How could you fix things if your fears do come true?

• What would be the benefits of facing your fears?

• What would be the cost of not facing your fears?

Being more detailed when writing about your fears may help you understand them better, as you force more information about said fears into your conscious mind for analysis. In addition, considering the cost of inaction can increase your motivation to face your fears, as it shows you when the risk of not facing your fears is greater than the risk of facing them.

Method #2: Make Plans

Hollis also recommends making plans to overcome fear. You can use your fear to plan for the future by imagining how you’d deal with the worst-case scenario. This exercise increases your confidence in your ability to handle the worst-case scenario and thus decreases your fear. For example, if you’re afraid of losing your job, you can brush up on your resume and start looking into companies you might like to work for if that happens.

(Shortform note: Making plans can help you overcome fear because it’s a form of proactive coping, a psychological study suggests. Specifically, the study examined how 200 people dealt with stressors in their everyday lives. The researchers found that people who anticipated and planned for stressful events handled them with more resilience and less emotional turmoil.)

Barrier #2: Expectations

The second major barrier to changing your circumstances to achieve your purpose is the expectations people have for you, Hollis says. You’re so focused on fulfilling expectations others have put on you that you can’t work to achieve your purpose.

(Shortform note: Some people are more vulnerable to being trapped by expectations, according to Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. She says there are four kinds of people: Those who are motivated by internal (your own needs and wants) and external (other people’s needs and wants) expectations, those who are motivated by one or the other, and those who aren’t motivated by either. If you’re motivated primarily by external expectations, you’re arguably most vulnerable, as you’ll struggle to recognize or fulfill your own needs and wants, which can make it difficult to identify and achieve your purpose. Counter this tendency by finding an accountability partner to impose an external expectation that you’ll fulfill your own needs, wants, and purpose.)

Expectations trap you in fear, Hollis adds. You’re afraid to disappoint others by dismissing their advice or living in a way they don’t approve of. Thus, you prioritize these expectations above your own desires and purpose, leading you to feel unhappy and unfulfilled. The expectations become a restrictive belief: You feel that you can’t fulfill your purpose because you must fulfill what others expect of you instead.

(Shortform note: To a certain extent, being afraid to disappoint others is necessary to maintaining a healthy society: If you don’t want to disappoint others, you’re less likely to break laws that keep society functioning, according to some psychologists. However, this fear becomes unhealthy when you attach your sense of well-being to other people’s opinions—you can’t feel good about yourself unless other people approve of you. One of the main steps to overcoming this fear is realizing that other people’s feelings are their business and you have no control over whether they approve of you. The only thing you can control is whether you approve of your decisions.)

Overcome expectations by challenging your restrictive beliefs surrounding them and committing to living according to your values rather than others’. Analyzing the source of your beliefs, as we discussed in Step 2, can help you recognize when other people’s expectations are unfair, unhealthy, and negatively influencing your behavior. You can then overcome these beliefs to refocus on living in a way that makes you happy, aligns with your goals and values, and drives you toward your purpose.

(Shortform note: When you start pursuing your purpose, it’s arguably important to begin challenging your restrictive beliefs and eschewing others’ expectations immediately to avoid making expectation-driven behaviors a habit. Repeatedly doing something strengthens your neural pathways around that behavior, making you more likely to automatically engage in it in the future. It’ll be much easier to quit people-pleasing if you challenge this behavior before it becomes strongly habitual. You could also use this habit-building mechanism to your advantage—by repeatedly behaving in a way that truly aligns with your values and purpose, you’ll strengthen a different, fulfilling neural pathway and make purposeful behavior a habit instead.)