PDF Summary:A Little Less Broken, by Marian Schembari

In this deeply personal narrative, Marian Schembari recounts her lifelong journey of feeling like an outsider due to her undiagnosed autism. She vividly describes her struggles with social isolation, sensory overload, and frequent meltdowns misinterpreted as simply bad behavior. Schembari shares the exhaustion of constantly pretending to be "normal" and her eventual acceptance of her neurodivergent identity.

A Little Less Broken charts the author's path to self-discovery, from her first inklings of being "highly sensitive" to her eventual autism diagnosis. Schembari highlights the transformational power of seeking understanding from online communities and rebuilding family bonds—and cultivating profound self-compassion, rather than striving endlessly to change herself.

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Context

• The mental effort required to constantly monitor and adjust one's behavior can lead to significant energy depletion, leaving less energy for other activities and personal interests.
• Persistent exhaustion can reduce productivity and focus, leading to difficulties in meeting job expectations, which may result in missed opportunities for advancement or job loss.
• Society often has unspoken rules and expectations about behavior, communication, and interaction. These norms can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals to navigate, leading to stress and anxiety when trying to conform.
• Traditional educational systems often do not accommodate different learning styles, which can disadvantage neurodivergent students and hinder their academic and personal growth.

The Author's Journey To Accepting Neurodivergence

This section shifts focus to the author's journey toward accepting her neurodivergence. Schembari highlights the revelatory moments that led to her autism diagnosis, the initial struggle with feeling like an "impostor," and the transformative impact of embracing her autistic identity.

Realizing Autism Through Others' Experiences

This segment of the story explores Schembari's gradual realization that she might also be a part of the neurodiverse population, a revelation sparked by her connection and profound empathy with people who have received an autism diagnosis. The writer reveals that these exchanges provided a reflection through which she could scrutinize her own existence, leading to a deeper understanding of her personal identity.

She encountered the idea that characterized a person with acute perceptiveness and instantly recognized herself in it.

Schembari narrates her first brush with the notion of increased sensitivity and her initial skepticism regarding its legitimacy. During her journey of engaging with the life experiences of Highly Sensitive Persons, she discovers a profound resonance with their stories, characterized by a strong reaction to sensory stimuli, an increased awareness of emotions, and a sense of being overwhelmed by the complexities of social settings. This realization, while not offering a complete solution, imbues Schembari with a hopeful perspective that her difficulties can be pinpointed without suggesting any inherent flaw in her core identity. Women on the autism spectrum often identify with the concept of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), which offers an early structure for comprehending their unique experiences before they become aware of their traits associated with autism.

Context

• HSPs may benefit from strategies such as setting boundaries, creating quiet spaces, and practicing mindfulness to manage overwhelming situations.
• Discovering a community or literature that acknowledges and validates sensitivity can help individuals overcome initial doubts about its legitimacy.
• It is estimated that 15-20% of the population are HSPs, indicating that it is a common trait rather than an anomaly.
• Research has shown that HSPs have more active mirror neurons, which are responsible for empathy and understanding others' emotions. This neurological basis contributes to their heightened emotional awareness.
• They are often more attuned to social cues and subtleties, which can lead to overthinking or misinterpreting interactions, adding to the complexity of social settings.
• The term "Highly Sensitive Person" was popularized by psychologist Elaine Aron in the 1990s. It describes individuals who have heightened sensitivity to external stimuli, a deeper cognitive processing of physical, social, and emotional information, and a greater emotional reactivity.
• In many cultures, sensitivity is often misunderstood or undervalued, leading to misconceptions that it is a weakness or flaw. However, sensitivity can also be associated with positive traits such as empathy, creativity, and attention to detail.
• Identifying as an HSP can provide a framework for understanding and managing sensory and emotional sensitivities. This can be particularly helpful for women on the autism spectrum who may not have received a formal diagnosis.

Seeking professional evaluation to confirm her suspicions.

Compelled by a growing curiosity about the potential for an autism spectrum diagnosis, Schembari embarks on a quest to find a qualified professional to perform an assessment. She describes her frustrating experiences with various healthcare professionals and therapists who lacked the expertise to identify autism in adults, especially in cases where the signs were subtle. This underscores the institutional obstacles encountered by individuals with autism, especially women, in their pursuit of diagnosis and assistance. Schembari's resolve leads her to a specialist who concentrates on diagnosing grown women with autism, sparking a hopeful anticipation for a confirmation that could offer her a sense of legitimacy. This section underscores the importance of seeking guidance from professionals who possess a deep understanding of the nuanced ways in which autism presents itself in frequently overlooked communities and across various gender identities.

Context

• A diagnosis can help individuals access specific therapies, support groups, and accommodations that can significantly improve quality of life and personal well-being.
• Societal stereotypes and expectations about gender can influence the perception of symptoms, leading to biases in how behaviors are interpreted by healthcare providers.
• There is less research focused on autism in women, resulting in fewer resources and support systems tailored to their specific needs.
• The concept of "camouflaging" is common among women with autism, where they consciously or unconsciously mimic neurotypical behaviors to fit in, which can complicate diagnosis.
• Cultural factors can influence how autism is expressed and perceived, leading to variations in diagnosis rates and experiences across different ethnic and cultural groups.

Upon receiving an autism diagnosis, she experienced a sense of isolation.

Schembari acknowledges her struggle with feelings that question her authenticity, even though the validation of her autism diagnosis provided her with comfort and affirmation. The internal struggle faced by Marian Schembari stemmed from the pervasive myths surrounding the anticipated looks and actions of those on the autism spectrum, as well as the deep-seated embarrassment she endured for a considerable time. This section delves into the complex emotions of people who have been diagnosed with autism, particularly those who have spent many years unaware of their condition. This tension intensifies when external opinions heighten her fear of being seen as wrongfully adopting an identity linked to autism or claiming a persona she has no legitimate claim to.

Context

• The period following a diagnosis can be overwhelming as individuals adjust to new self-perceptions and possibly altered life plans, which can feel isolating.
• This refers to the internalization of negative societal beliefs about disabilities, which can lead to self-doubt and questioning of one's own experiences and identity.
• Common stereotypes suggest that autistic individuals all exhibit similar behaviors or traits, such as lacking empathy or having savant abilities, which can lead to misunderstandings about the diversity within the autism spectrum.
• There may be a fear of being misunderstood or judged by others who might not believe the diagnosis is legitimate due to preconceived notions about autism.
• The struggle for identity validation is common, as individuals seek acceptance from both themselves and their communities, often facing skepticism.

She embraces her identity, which includes being on the autism spectrum.

This section of the summary underscores the profound transformation she underwent in embracing her identity as an individual with autism. The writer narrates the transformative journey of perceiving her own distinct neurological makeup not as a flaw but as a foundation for empowerment and embracing her true self.

Nurturing a mindset of kindness towards oneself.

Schembari narrates a pivotal shift in her self-perception after embracing a diagnosis that confirmed her as an individual on the autism spectrum. She evolves from a state of persistent self-criticism over imagined imperfections to cultivating a sense of kindness towards herself. Acknowledging her heightened sensitivity, difficulties in social interactions, and unique way of communicating, she comes to terms with her past behaviors, which stemmed from a lack of understanding and embracing her true self. In this segment of the narrative, the emphasis is placed on the significance of self-compassion during the process of adapting to life's intricacies while being autistic, transitioning from an unyielding quest for personal betterment to accepting one's authentic self with gentleness.

Context

• Heightened sensitivity to sensory input is common in autism. This can include sensitivity to lights, sounds, or textures, which can affect daily life and interactions. Understanding this can lead to better self-care strategies.
• Moving from self-criticism to self-kindness often involves a journey of personal growth, where individuals learn to accept their unique traits and strengths, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
• Building a network of understanding friends, family, and professionals can provide essential support and validation, reinforcing the practice of self-compassion.
• Accepting oneself can lead to reduced stress and improved emotional regulation. It allows individuals to focus on personal growth without the burden of unrealistic expectations.

She found solace in changing her surroundings instead of succumbing to the compulsion to repair them.

Schembari shares that being diagnosed with autism allowed her to lessen the self-imposed pressure to fit in, opting to modify her environment instead. She has adapted to her work environment by using headphones that block out sound and politely declining invitations to events that could be overly exciting. This transformation highlights the author's growing awareness of her own needs and boundaries, which allows her to create a lifestyle that is in sync with her neurodivergent identity. Schembari finds that by casting off the burden of compulsory conformity, she can engage more authentically in the elements of life that bring her joy and fulfillment.

Practical Tips

• Try adopting a plant or starting a small indoor garden to introduce a living element that evolves and grows, offering a sense of renewal and change. Caring for plants can provide a sense of accomplishment and a distraction from the need to address every flaw in your surroundings.
• Develop a set of personalized affirmations that focus on self-acceptance and the strengths of being different. Repeat these affirmations during times of social stress or when you feel the urge to conform. An example of an affirmation might be, "My differences give me a unique perspective that is valuable and needed."
• Invest in a set of high-quality, noise-canceling earbuds that are comfortable for long-term wear and have a transparency mode for safety.
• Develop a polite refusal script tailored to your communication style. Having a go-to phrase or two that feels natural and respectful can make it easier to say no without feeling guilty. You might say, "I'm honored by your invitation, but I'm focusing on low-key activities right now for my well-being."
• You can start a personal awareness journal to track your feelings and boundaries each day. By writing down instances when you felt your boundaries were pushed or your needs weren't met, you can begin to see patterns and better understand where you need to set firmer limits. For example, if you notice you often feel drained after spending time with a particular friend, you might decide to limit interactions or communicate your need for more supportive conversations.
• You can tailor your work environment to better suit your neurodivergent needs by using noise-canceling headphones to minimize auditory distractions or setting up a private workspace if you're sensitive to social interruptions. This could help you maintain focus and productivity in a way that aligns with your unique cognitive processes.
• Create a personal "Authenticity Challenge" for a month where each week you focus on a different area of your life to express your true self, such as fashion, hobbies, or social interactions. By setting specific goals, like wearing an outfit that reflects your personal style despite current trends or sharing a unique interest with friends, you'll practice and reinforce authentic engagement in various aspects of life.
• Create a joy inventory by listing activities that make you happy and schedule at least one into your daily routine. This helps you ensure that each day includes elements that bring you joy. For example, if playing the guitar uplifts you, block out 20 minutes each day for practice.

Building relationships with individuals on the autism spectrum and their supporters.

Schembari shares her experience of how establishing connections with individuals who share her autism spectrum diagnosis, as well as with empathetic supporters, has deeply validated and recognized the truths of her existence. She discovers solace and camaraderie in virtual groups dedicated to mutual aid, allowing her to express her difficulties and gain inspiration from peers who have encountered comparable hardships. This segment emphasizes the value of discovering a nurturing group that fosters a feeling of inclusion and mitigates the solitude commonly experienced by individuals on the autism spectrum. Schembari discovers a sense of fellowship among others with autism, a connection that validates her own experiences and helps her tackle the profound shame that arises from extended periods of feeling isolated and out of place.

Context

• These communities often operate on principles of mutual aid, where members support each other through shared resources, advice, and emotional support, fostering a sense of empowerment and resilience.
• They offer accessibility and anonymity, allowing individuals to participate without geographical or social barriers. This can be particularly beneficial for those who may find in-person interactions challenging.
• Regular interaction with a nurturing group can lead to improved mental health outcomes, such as reduced anxiety and depression, by providing a sense of belonging.
• Within these communities, there is often a shared language and understanding of experiences, such as sensory sensitivities or social anxieties, which can be difficult to convey to those without similar experiences.
• Building relationships with others who have similar life experiences can enhance self-esteem and provide emotional support, which is vital for overcoming feelings of shame.

Finding Acceptance and Belonging In Unexpected Places

This section explores the theme of finding acceptance and belonging in unexpected places. Schembari recounts how her involvement in online groups that concentrated on various neurological conditions provided her with validation and a feeling of fellowship, but she also faced doubt and criticism when she candidly shared her personal experiences. Finally, Schembari shares her journey to rebuild family bonds through open communication and understanding.

Discovering Community in Online Autism Groups and Forums

Schembari shares that her engagement with the online group for individuals with autism offered crucial encouragement and validation. In these communities, primarily made up of people who received an autism diagnosis later in life, Schembari found a supportive atmosphere that allowed her to connect with others who understood her ongoing struggles with concealing her authentic identity and dealing with social apprehension, which in turn lessened her feelings of isolation.

The journey that spans an entire lifetime is filled with unforeseen obstacles and deeds, and is invariably shared with others.

During her exploration of virtual groups for individuals with autism, Schembari finds that her persistent challenges and consistent concealment of her true self echo the experiences shared by numerous others. Drawing insight from the stories of other females with autism who have encountered social isolation and constant demands to adhere to societal expectations validates her own journey and helps dispel the deep-seated belief that she was inherently flawed or impaired. This section of the narrative emphasizes the profound impact that finding a community that acknowledges the nuanced expressions of autism as they present in women can have, challenging prevalent misconceptions and stereotypes that often lead to a sense of isolation and doubt.

Context

• While virtual groups offer many benefits, they can also present challenges such as miscommunication due to lack of non-verbal cues, or the potential for online harassment, which requires careful moderation and support.
• Autism often presents differently in women compared to men, leading to underdiagnosis or misdiagnosis. Women may develop coping mechanisms that mask their symptoms, making it harder for them to receive appropriate support.
• Hearing others' stories can empower individuals by providing new perspectives and coping strategies, fostering a sense of belonging and acceptance.
• Online communities provide a platform for individuals to connect with others who share similar experiences, offering support and validation. These spaces can be crucial for those who feel marginalized or misunderstood in their offline lives.

Individuals who receive an autism diagnosis at a later stage in life offer support and affirmation.

Schembari discovers profound validation and a feeling of community with online collectives of people who also received a diagnosis of being on the autism spectrum during their adult years. These individuals, who have faced a lengthy past of misdiagnoses and personal uncertainty, offer encouragement and motivation to her as she accepts her new understanding of herself and confronts the challenges that come with being an individual with autism. The passage highlights the significance of reciprocal support among people with autism, providing a base of understanding and strength often hard to find in a world that often neglects the distinct needs of those with neurodiversity.

Context

• These groups often include resources and information about autism, helping members stay informed and empowered about their condition.
• Adults diagnosed with autism later in life often experience a sense of relief and clarity, as they can finally understand past experiences and behaviors that were previously confusing or misunderstood.
• Older or more experienced individuals within the community can serve as role models or mentors, providing guidance and hope for those newly diagnosed.
• Neurodiversity is a perspective that recognizes neurological differences, such as autism, as natural variations of the human genome. This view promotes acceptance and understanding, contrasting with traditional views that often pathologize these differences.

Publicly Sharing Her Story and Facing Criticism

The author shared her own experiences in a narrative form, with the intention of raising awareness and comprehension regarding females with autism. However, the author reveals the diverse responses to her frankness, with some showing gratitude for her honesty, while others challenged her claim to an identity they believed she had no legitimate claim to.

Her experiences of neglect and various challenges were influenced by her position on the milder side of the autism spectrum.

The author reveals the dismissive attitudes and gatekeeping she encountered from some readers after publicly sharing her story. Some individuals, particularly those who are parents of children with autism and who place a strong emphasis on conforming to societal standards, argued that Schembari's depiction as "high-functioning" undermined the authenticity of her connection to the autism community. The writer makes it clear that such responses highlight deep-seated misconceptions about autism and the limited understanding of its diverse expressions. This segment of the narrative challenges the harmful notion that labels individuals on the autism spectrum based on their perceived level of ability.

Context

• Many people mistakenly believe that those on the milder end of the spectrum do not face significant challenges, which can lead to a lack of support and understanding.
• Gatekeeping refers to the practice of setting arbitrary boundaries around who is considered a legitimate member of a community. In the context of autism, this can mean excluding those who don't fit a narrow definition of what it means to be autistic.
• Personal stories from individuals across the spectrum are crucial for broadening understanding and challenging stereotypes, highlighting the unique experiences and needs of each person.
• Labels like "high-functioning" or "low-functioning" can contribute to stigma and misunderstanding. They may lead to assumptions about an individual's capabilities and needs, potentially affecting access to support and resources.

The book promotes acknowledging those who accept their place on the autism spectrum and affirms the validity of this self-recognition.

Schembari advocates for the recognition of the autism spectrum and the validity of self-identifying one's condition, based on her own experiences with doubt. This section underscores the importance of recognizing and valuing the varied personal backgrounds among the group of people who have autism, challenging the narrow stereotypes that perpetuate exclusion and prejudice. Schembari underscores the importance of self-diagnosis as a crucial means for self-awareness and empowerment, particularly when diagnostic services and support are not readily available to underserved communities. Schembari calls for increased acknowledgment and integration of individuals with autism by identifying the limitations of current diagnostic standards.

Context

• Self-identification refers to individuals recognizing traits in themselves that align with autism spectrum characteristics, often through personal research and reflection, especially when formal diagnosis is inaccessible.
• Historically, many neurodivergent conditions were misunderstood or misdiagnosed, and self-diagnosis has been a way for individuals to reclaim their narratives.
• Promoting workplace diversity by encouraging employers to adopt inclusive hiring practices and provide accommodations can help individuals with autism thrive professionally. This includes training for employers and colleagues to better understand and support neurodiverse employees.
• The process often relies on subjective assessments by clinicians, which can vary widely and affect the consistency and accuracy of diagnoses.

Rebuilding Family Bonds Through Open Communication and Understanding

This subsection explores how Schembari works towards repairing family relationships after it becomes known that she is on the autism spectrum. The author highlights the significance of open communication and her mother's genuine efforts to understand and support her neurodiversity.

The writer, upon being diagnosed with autism, ultimately gained overdue recognition and additional support from her mother.

Schembari recounts how her mother evolved from grappling with accepting her daughter's autism to genuinely apologizing and showing a true readiness to offer assistance and understand more profoundly. This conversation, which took place several years after Schembari learned of her condition, signifies a pivotal moment in their relationship, as her mother begins to educate herself about autism and to correct earlier misunderstandings. This segment of the narrative emphasizes the potential for familial restoration and growth when they acknowledge and wholeheartedly accept the complexities linked to being on the autism spectrum.

Context

• The process of diagnosing autism typically involves a comprehensive evaluation by a team of specialists, including psychologists, neurologists, and speech therapists.
• Older generations might have different perspectives on mental health and developmental disorders, which can influence their initial reactions and acceptance.
• An apology can be a powerful tool for healing and rebuilding trust. It acknowledges past mistakes and opens the door for improved communication and understanding.
• Support can also involve planning for the future, considering aspects like independent living, employment, and ongoing care needs.
• Autism can affect communication styles, which might have contributed to misunderstandings between Schembari and her mother. Overcoming these barriers can lead to improved relationships.
• The process of correcting misunderstandings is often emotional, involving grief, acceptance, and a redefinition of expectations and relationships.

The author's path to welcoming familial acceptance.

Schembari shares her journey toward healing and appreciation, acknowledging the backing of her relatives following a period where she felt isolated and not comprehended. She highlights the emotional hurdles involved in rebuilding trust and forging new connections, all while coming to terms with a more comprehensive perception of her identity as an individual on the autism spectrum. Marian Schembari's narratives motivate those on the autism spectrum, underscoring the importance of open communication and the willingness to exchange perspectives in creating a welcoming space where all individuals feel valued.

Context

• Overcoming emotional challenges may require patience and resilience, as rebuilding trust and understanding within family relationships can be a gradual process.
• Encouraging open dialogue and perspective exchange within families can lead to greater empathy and understanding, helping to create an inclusive environment where differences are respected and valued.
• The journey to feeling understood often involves advocacy and education, both self-directed and within the community, to bridge gaps in understanding and foster empathy.
• Coming to terms with one's identity, especially in the context of neurodiversity, can be a significant emotional journey. Acceptance from family can play a crucial role in this process, providing a foundation of support and understanding.
• Her narratives can inspire individuals on the spectrum to advocate for themselves, emphasizing the importance of self-expression and personal agency.
• Effective communication is a foundational element in rebuilding trust, especially after periods of isolation or misunderstanding, as it encourages transparency and honesty.
• Perspective-taking involves understanding and considering others' viewpoints, which can lead to more empathetic and effective communication, especially in diverse groups.
• Actively celebrating and acknowledging the diverse backgrounds and contributions of individuals can enhance their sense of belonging and value.