In a world where we can connect instantly with anyone across the globe, why do so many people feel profoundly alone? The answer lies deep in our evolutionary history—humans didn’t just develop a preference for companionship, we evolved an actual biological need for connection that’s as fundamental to our survival as food or shelter.
From the neurochemical rewards our brains provide when we connect with others to the physical pain we experience during social rejection, our bodies treat isolation as a genuine threat to survival. This article examines both the evolutionary foundations of human connection and the role it plays in happiness. Continue reading for insights from US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, neuroscientist John Cacioppo, psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky, and more.
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Why Humans Need Connection to Survive
US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy writes in his book Together that the prevalence of loneliness across such diverse populations suggests that our need for social connection transcends cultural boundaries and demographic differences. This raises a crucial question: Why does social disconnection affect humans so deeply and consistently? According to Murthy, the answer lies in our evolutionary history, where deep connections with others have been essential for survival.
(Shortform note: While Murthy emphasizes our evolutionary need for connection, cultural factors also shape people’s experiences of loneliness. Research suggests that collectivist societies like Japan experience loneliness differently than individualist cultures like the US. In collectivist cultures, loneliness often stems from not meeting group obligations, while in individualist cultures, loneliness comes from lacking personal relationships.)
The Role of Social Connection in Human Evolution
Murthy argues that social connection has been key to human evolution. Drawing on the work of neuroscientist John Cacioppo, Murthy explains that humans’ evolutionary advantage was not only due to our physical advantages but also our ability to communicate and collaborate. The study of early human settlements has revealed evidence of sophisticated cooperation. For example, archaeological findings at Göbekli Tepe in Turkey show that hunter-gatherers collaborated to build massive stone monuments around 9,500 BCE that would have required coordinated effort, shared resources, and specialized skills.
(Shortform note: John Cacioppo was a pioneer in the field of social neuroscience. In Loneliness (2008), co-authored with William Patrick, Cacioppo likened loneliness to hunger, describing it as a biological signal for an unmet need—social connection—that’s crucial for human survival. While he highlighted the biological importance of connection, more recent research clarifies how our social nature accelerated our development compared to other species: According to the concept of the cultural “ratchet effect,” humans are unique in our ability to preserve and build upon previous generations’ innovations rather than starting from scratch.)
This evolutionary advantage continues today: Our ability to collaborate, share knowledge across generations, and build on collective wisdom drives innovation, allowing us to solve complex challenges and fueling technological and cultural progress.
(Shortform note: If humans evolved for cooperation, why do we wage war? While humans developed the capacity for exceptional in-group cooperation, we later developed between-group aggression to adapt to challenges. Archaeological evidence shows warfare emerged about 10,000 years ago in sedentary societies, driven by resource scarcity and power imbalances between groups. This evolutionary history explains why we excel at collaboration yet can mobilize these same social skills for collective violence when competing for limited resources.)
Born to Connect
According to Murthy, our reliance on social cooperation isn’t just historical—it’s embedded in our biology. From birth, humans display innate connection-seeking behaviors that reflect our inherently social nature. Babies cry to signal distress, make eye contact to establish bonds, and become calm when hearing familiar voices—all behaviors that prompt caregivers to stay close and provide protection. Meanwhile, adults instinctively feel powerful protective urges toward infants and young children.
(Shortform note: While Murthy correctly identifies connection-seeking behaviors as evolutionarily advantageous, it’s worth noting that these behaviors exist on a spectrum across human development. Not all babies display the same level of social engagement. Research on temperament shows that some infants are naturally more socially responsive than others. Additionally, neurodivergence can affect typical social development patterns: Babies later diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder show reduced eye contact and social responsiveness from an early age.)
These early bonds shape brain development, creating neural pathways that influence all future relationships: A baby who consistently receives comfort learns that others can be trusted and develops better relationship skills as an adult. Murthy points to the universal pattern of attachment across cultures as evidence that our need for connection is hardwired.
(Shortform note: Neuroplasticity research suggests that while our earliest relationships establish crucial neural foundations for future social connections, these patterns aren’t permanently fixed. Studies demonstrate that therapeutic interventions like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) can rewire neural pathways formed during childhood. This evidence challenges rigid interpretations of attachment theory—which proposes that our early caregiver relationships create lifelong templates for how we connect with others—by showing that our brains remain changeable throughout life, allowing us to develop new relationship patterns even after adverse childhood experiences.)
The Physiological Reward of Connection
Murthy writes that our bodies have built-in biological systems that encourage social bonds through pleasurable sensations. When we have positive interactions with others, our brains release oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin—chemicals that create feelings of pleasure and well-being. This natural reward system makes social connection and cooperation feel good, motivating us to build and maintain relationships.
(Shortform note: Research reveals oxytocin isn’t just a pleasure trigger, but also acts as a social filter helping us navigate different contexts and types of relationships. Oxytocin’s effects depend heavily on environmental cues. In positive contexts, such as interactions with family or friends, it fosters approach behaviors and emotional connection. Conversely, in negative scenarios, such as bullying or competitive encounters, it can amplify avoidance or defensive responses. This sophisticated system allowed our ancestors to form essential social bonds while remaining vigilant against potential threats.)
On the flip side, our brains process social rejection in the same areas that register physical pain. When we feel lonely or excluded, our bodies produce stress hormones and inflammatory responses similar to those triggered by physical threats. This shared neural circuitry creates a powerful drive to reconnect with others, as our biology treats social isolation as a danger to our survival—a mechanism that evolved to protect us by ensuring we maintain the connections necessary for safety and well-being.(Shortform note: The shared neural circuitry between physical and social pain opens opportunities for treating disconnection with established pain management approaches. Research shows acetaminophen alleviates the brain’s response to social rejection, suggesting that treatments developed for physical pain could help address social suffering.)
Social Connections and Happiness
In The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky focuses less on the evolutionary importance of social connections and highlights the importance of social connections in your pursuit of happiness, recommending three relationship-strengthening strategies:
- Be kind: Allocate specific times in your week for altruistic acts or deepening your compassion through understanding and empathizing with others.
- Nurture your relationships: Set aside quality time with loved ones, express affection openly, manage conflicts constructively, and show genuine interest in others.
- Forgive, and move forward: Reflect on personal growth from past hurts, understand the perspectives of those who’ve wronged you, and engage in rituals that symbolize letting go.
Lyubomirsky says that these three strategies enhance your long-term happiness by helping you cultivate deep, authentic bonds; make space for positive emotions in your life; and resist hedonic adaptation. Let’s explore each of these outcomes in detail.
#1: Deep, Authentic Bonds
Lyubomirsky explains that practicing compassion and kindness builds trust—which encourages you and your friends to be authentic, compassionate, and generous with one another.
Additionally, Lyubomirsky argues that nurturing diverse friendships, romantic partnerships, and family ties deepens your sense of belonging and bolsters your network of support and emotional comfort.
Finally, Lyubomirsky says that forgiving others, whether it involves reconciliation or not, fosters empathy and understanding, paving the way for genuine bonds.
#2: Space for More Positive Emotions in Your Life
According to Lyubomirsky, letting go of past hurts creates space for positive emotions by alleviating negative emotions such as resentment, anger, depression, and anxiety.
Further, Lyubomirsky explains that engaging in acts of kindness diverts your attention from personal troubles, allowing you to focus on gratitude for your good fortune.
#3: Resistance to Hedonic Adaptation
Engaging in meaningful relationships can reaffirm your value and boost your self-esteem. Lyubomirsky argues that these benefits provide resistance against hedonic adaptation and ensure a more stable source of happiness—when you feel sure of yourself, you’re less inclined to take part in the social comparison that drives you to quickly lose satisfaction with what you have.
Learn More About the Importance of Social Connection
To better understand the role of social connection and its broader context, check out Shortform’s guides to the books we’ve referenced in this article:
