The Only Limiting Beliefs List You Need for Self-Improvement

Do you believe that medical guidelines apply equally to everyone, or that success requires perfection? These common assumptions—along with the belief that we can predict outcomes, that health is finite, and that our flaws disqualify us from achievement—are actually limiting beliefs that can damage both your physical and mental well-being.

These false beliefs keep us trapped in rigid thinking patterns that prevent us from making mindful health decisions and reaching our full potential. But you can break free from their constraints and develop a more flexible, empowering approach to your health and success. Keep reading for a limiting beliefs list that, when defeated, can transform your life.

Belief #1: Rules and Labels Are Absolute

To begin this limiting beliefs list, The Mindful Body by Ellen J. Langer states that mindlessly adhering to rules and labels can be very damaging to your health. Often, we interpret rules in healthcare (and other aspects of life) as if they’re set in stone, forgetting that they were created by people who are just as fallible as anyone. Additionally, many rules that affect our health were created for a specific subset of people at a different time. They don’t allow for variation among individuals or differences over time. 

When you mindlessly follow medical rules, you may not get the care you need because your situation isn’t the same as that of the people the rule was based on. Instead, you need to assess your health mindfully, stay open to multiple possibilities, and consider any diagnosis or treatment in the context of your specific circumstances.

For instance, consider the common medical rule that short-acting blood pressure medication should be taken first thing in the morning. This guideline was established based on studies showing that most people’s blood pressure naturally rises in the early morning hours. However, suppose you work night shifts as a nurse. In that case, your circadian rhythm would likely be reversed—your “morning” blood pressure spike might actually occur in the late afternoon when you wake up for work.

Mindlessly adhering to the standard “take your medicine in the morning” rule could mean your blood pressure is poorly controlled during your active hours. Your medication could be wearing off precisely when you need it most—during the stressful late-night hours when you’re caring for patients. Solving this issue might take finding a different doctor who looks beyond the standard guidelines and considers your unique schedule. It might also require doing more individual research before talking to your doctor about adjusting the timing of your medication.

Belief #2: You Can Predict the Future

According to Langer, another false belief that limits our ability to lead healthy lives is that we can predict what will happen. We tend to believe that there’s a right and a wrong path to take and that we can control outcomes if we make the right choice. However, this is a misconception—we can only respond to the results of our choices and judge them through hindsight. 

(Shortform note: In The Biggest Bluff, Maria Konnikova explains why we have a hard time understanding that outcomes are outside of our control. She says it’s because our brains aren’t wired to handle probabilities. We evolved to learn from our experiences and recognize patterns, like associating the rustle of leaves with the likelihood that a predator is near. Because of this, we make decisions based on gut feelings, and we assume that the small sample size of our experiences reflects the larger distribution of possibilities. Additionally, we struggle with percentages—people tend to interpret an 85% likelihood to mean that an outcome is certain, but Konnikova writes that 15% chances happen more often than we think.)

Instead of trying to control outcomes through your choices, focus on what you actually can control—how you respond after you’ve made a health decision. You can’t predict the future, but you can mindfully accept uncertainty, acknowledging that there are many possible outcomes that you can’t force or avoid. Decide that you’ll make the best of whatever happens as a result of your choices. Choosing to see and accept myriad possibilities in any situation frees you from the fear of making the wrong choice and a sense of regret, thus benefiting your mental health. At the same time, it empowers you by showing that you do have control over your perspective. 

(Shortform note: The attitude that Langer suggests adopting towards things we can and can’t control mirrors the teachings of ancient Stoic philosophers. For instance, the Roman Stoic Epictetus writes that the only things we can control are our thoughts, responses, and voluntary actions. We aren’t disturbed by events themselves, but rather by our reactions to them, which we have agency over. We should treat everything else—the future, the past, outcomes of our decisions, and so on—with a viewpoint of detachment. Focusing on the things we can control rather than things we can’t leads to a sense of tranquility and liberation.)

Belief #3: Health Is a Limited Resource

Finally, Langer states that many people think of health as a limited resource, which keeps them in a fixed mindset that hinders their improvement. This is due to a pervasive scarcity mindset—the belief that there’s only a certain amount of every quality and resource available. In this belief system, you may have a fixed idea of how much of each quality or resource you and other people are allotted. For instance, you may believe that you have an inherently low athletic ability, but a higher-than-average allotment of math skills.

(Shortform note: Scarcity mindsets are harmful because they keep us focused on things we don’t have. According to psychology experts, obsessing over what we lack can make it hard to stay in the present moment, retain information, and regulate impulses. These challenges leave us unable to see possible solutions for our problems. Remaining in this headspace can lead to poor mental health, relationship issues, and high-risk behaviors. To break from a scarcity mindset, consider keeping a gratitude journal to reorient your thoughts toward things you do have. Additionally, try to cultivate relationships with people who encourage a more positive outlook, rather than those who share your negative thought patterns.) 

Langer argues that this scarcity mindset exists to create an artificial hierarchy—it’s in the best interest of those with the majority of a resource to stay at the top. However, the standards used to measure personal qualities and achievements aren’t absolute or objective. They’re always determined by people and are therefore inherently changeable and flawed. Once you realize this, more possibilities open up for you. You see that resources and qualities aren’t fixed, and you can do a lot to change your circumstances.  

Belief #4: What We’re Seeing Is All There Is

Most of us, don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, aren’t critical of what we perceive and learn. We trust what our culture, society, and teachers tell us, innocently and without reservation. We believe that what we’re seeing is all there is—we think we live in “the real world” and never realize that it’s only a mirage. This is the most common way to live, the naguals say. We’re handed a flawed belief system, and we accept it as-is, limiting ourselves unnecessarily

Living in the mirage is torture, the Toltecs say, because our belief in its reality leaves us no escape—we take the picture we’re handed of what the “correct” way to live is and hold ourselves to it. We copy the behaviors, beliefs, and emotions we believe to be “right,” burying our true selves under so many layers of conformity that we forget who we are or what we want. Furthermore, we live in fear that others will see us living “incorrectly” and punish us for it—and we validate that fear by attacking those around us who misbehave.

(Shortform note: Eckhart Tolle argues that the mirage doesn’t just harm us as individuals: It’s also actively destroying our social and physical environments. The values we’re taught to hold, he argues, are insane to the point of self-destruction: Society’s obsession with productivity and profit leads us to abuse and slaughter our own people and jeopardize the livability of our planet. If we want to survive, he says, we must collectively evolve beyond the materialistic values that are driving us apart. Instead, we must put people first.)

According to the Toltec, our belief in the mirage contains two primary flaws. First, we believe we’re imperfect. Second, we believe we’re separate individuals. These two self-limiting beliefs, the Toltec say, lie at the root of our suffering. Let’s look at each belief in detail.

Belief #5: Humans Must Constantly Improve

According to Ruiz, much of our unhappiness arises from the self-limiting belief that we must always be improving ourselves: that it’s wrong to believe we’re good enough as we are. 

When you live in the mirage of “the real world,” the Toltec say, you struggle with self-criticism and self-doubt because you think they’re your fault. You’re focused on the many ways in which you fail to live up to the standard of expectations set by your culture—the ways in which you’re “good” and “bad.” You feel you have much to be ashamed or embarrassed about: Perhaps you didn’t get married early enough, your career isn’t as successful as it “should” be, or you don’t own a house. Whatever your hangups, you’re stuck in the gap between what you should be and what you are. You’re focused, primarily, on what you aren’t.

Further, the authors say, when we’re unsatisfied, we assume it’s because there’s something wrong with us or someone around us, rather than with the expectations we’ve agreed to subject ourselves to. As a result, we project into the world all the cultural and societal messages that are hurting us. Perhaps we mock others for being fat, or homeless, or unsuccessful. Or we blame those around us for our own struggles, failures, and unhappiness.

(Shortform note: In other words, when we suffer, we look for someone to blame—but according to the Buddha, suffering is a universal fact of life. According to him, all that exists has both desires and fears—every creature has resources to acquire and dangers to avoid, and that’s nobody’s fault. Fear and desire serve a necessary purpose; they’re neither inherently good nor bad, and experiencing them isn’t a sign that there’s something wrong with you.)

Belief #6: Humans Are Separate Individuals

The second flaw that our belief in the mirage causes, according to the Toltec, is that we fundamentally misunderstand our place in the world: We think of ourselves as individual, physical beings, and deny that we’re part of a greater system. We identify with our “personal” bodies, thoughts, and emotions. The truth, according to the Toltec, is none of those things: You aren’t your body or your mind; you’re the force of intent that moves it. That force moves every living thing—plants, animals, even bacteria. In humans, the authors explain, it’s the source of your love and your desire for connection with others. That connection, and the exchange of love which facilitates it, is our shared purpose.

(Shortform note: The Toltec aren’t the only ones who say it’s unhealthy to think of ourselves as individuals. In Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach translates the words of Buddha, who said that our suffering arises from the belief that we, as “individuals,” are separate from the world around us. According to him, there is no “self;” instead, we’re part of a universal presence of awareness and love. Lao Tzu, in his book Tao Te Ching, essentially agrees: All that exists, he says, is part of the Tao—the universe, “reality,” or source of all things, and to make distinctions is therefore pointless.)

Belief #7: Flawed People Can’t Be Successful

According to The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, this belief likely originates from some experience of rejection that you felt you were to blame for, or from being criticized often. Perhaps you came to believe you were at fault for your parents’ divorce, or you had a parent who was relentlessly hypercritical of you. You may have come to accept these perceived failings or flaws as an innate part of your identity. 

When you believe you’re fundamentally flawed, and you start to achieve success in life, this creates a situation where you’re trying to hold conflicting beliefs. This puts you in a state of cognitive dissonance, which psychology tells us is uncomfortable to maintain, so you’ll feel compelled to resolve that discomfort. To resolve it, you may engage subconsciously in this line of reasoning:

• I can’t be both flawed and successful.
• Therefore one of those can’t be true.
• But I am flawed (this belief is deeply rooted).
• So, therefore I mustn’t be successful.
• Hence, I must keep myself from success (self-sabotage).

Belief #8: Success Would Be a Betrayal

This belief is formed by a mismatch between your type or degree of success and what has been expected of you. Many parents have preconceived ideas about a career path for their children. If your parents were both highly educated professionals, for example, they may have pushed you to excel in academics, in hopes that you’d follow in their footsteps. If you were drawn to pursue a career in the entertainment industry, no matter how successful you are in that field, you may feel like you’ve let your parents down. Hendricks explains that when you achieve success in a way that diverges from the expectations of others, it can feel uncomfortable, as if you’re betraying your loved ones. You may feel like you’re leaving your family behind or crushing their hopes. The guilt that results may cause you to self-sabotage to ensure that doesn’t happen.

(Shortform note: Class consciousness can also contribute to a strong sense of betraying our roots. Karl Marx described the working class identity as being defined specifically in opposition to the wealthy elite. While we’re undoubtedly familiar with envy and admiration of the wealthy by the poorer classes, there’s also a long history of hatred of the rich. Many working class people are raised with negative views of wealth and wealthy people, along with a pride in their working-class identity. This could also create a situation where, for people from such backgrounds, any degree of material wealth could feel like a betrayal of your “roots.”)

Belief #9: Your Success Will Hurt Others

Hendricks identifies a few ways in which we could imagine that our success would have a negative impact on others. If you hold this type of false belief, you may feel guilty when you have great achievements, and your self-sabotage will be a means of protecting those you believe are being harmed by your success. One variant of this is a belief that you were a burden, likely on your parents. If you fundamentally believe you’ve been a burden in your life, you’ll believe that your own success will only further burden others, because anything you produce is an extension of you. 

Another variant of this is a belief that your success is casting a shadow on someone else. Hendricks points out that this one is common among children who were gifted, and thus consistently outperformed others, for example their siblings or classmates. Often such children are made to feel badly about it, by their parents, teachers, or resentful siblings or peers.  

If you’ve experienced this, you may have an underlying fear of resentment from others if you outperform them, so your success makes you feel guilty, and you feel like you need to “tone it down” so you’re not in the spotlight. Hendricks points out that this could mean limiting your degree of success through sabotage, or not actually being able to enjoy success if you achieve it.

Belief #10: Success Ends in Great Ruins 

This false belief, Hendricks suggests, may stem from stories we’ve been told about someone who was destroyed by their own success. Think about any family stories you may have heard that associate success with something negative, for example, a relative who won the lottery and was ruined by it, or an ancestor who experienced a tragic fall from grace. Consider whether you may be reenacting any such story unconsciously. If this is the case, Hendricks proposes that you remind yourself that it’s not your story, and intentionally create a new story for yourself. This will involve envisioning your state of fulfillment, which we’ll discuss in the next section 

(Shortform note: Hendricks mentions family stories here, but it may not be all that common for families to have stories of specific ancestors like this. What is common and pervasive, though, are our cultural stories. The kinds of stories he describes are commonly occurring tropes in movies and television—for example, movies where having or pursuing wealth ruins someone, or those centered on a “rich villain” character.)  

Explore Assertive Communication Further

To learn more about different types of limiting beliefs related to success, health, and humanity, read Shortform’s guides to the books referenced in this article:

• The Mindful Body
• The Biggest Bluff
• The Alter Ego Effect
• The Four Agreements
• Radical Acceptance
• The Big Leap