Ruth Wariner's Stepfather Lane: Abuse Confronted

Have you ever wondered what it's like to grow up in a polygamous community? How does a child cope with abuse from a trusted family member?

In her memoir The Sound of Gravel, Ruth Wariner recounts her harrowing experiences growing up in a polygamous sect. The book delves into Ruth Wariner's stepfather Lane and the abuse she and her siblings endured at his hands.

Read on to discover how Ruth found the strength to confront her abuser and ultimately escape to build a better life for herself and her siblings.

Ruth Wariner's Harrowing Experience With Lane

A Childhood Marred by Abuse

Growing up in the LeBaron community, a polygamous sect founded by her ancestor, Ruth Wariner's childhood was far from ordinary. The community's strict adherence to plural marriage and religious practices shaped her early years. However, it was Ruth Wariner's stepfather, Lane, who would leave the deepest scars on her young life, setting the stage for a tumultuous relationship that would define her struggle with abuse.

Lane, who became Ruth's stepfather after her father's death, was a prominent figure in the Firstborn Church. While he was supposed to be a spiritual leader and protector, he instead became a source of trauma for Ruth and her siblings.

The Pattern of Abuse

Lane's inappropriate behavior towards Ruth began early on. He would manipulate situations to bring her uncomfortably close to him, such as arranging her in an intimate way in the car or suggesting she sit on his lap. These actions made Ruth feel uneasy and violated.

Despite Ruth's attempts to put an end to the mistreatment, the abuse continued. Lane would offer assurances and rewards for her silence, further complicating Ruth's feelings about the situation. The church leadership's interference provided only temporary relief, as Lane was asked to leave the community for a short period.

The Ripple Effect of Abuse

As Ruth grappled with her own experiences, she made a horrifying discovery: her siblings were also victims of Lane's abuse. Her stepsister's desire to flee the community sparked Ruth's suspicion that Maria might also be suffering at Lane's hands. These fears were confirmed when Sally and Cynthia shared their own instances of abuse.

Even Ruth's brother, Luke, voiced concerns about Lane's disturbing behavior, indicating a pervasive pattern of abuse within the family. This realization deepened Ruth's resolve to protect her siblings and escape the constraints of the colony.

Confronting the Truth

Ruth considered presenting evidence of the mistreatment to her mother, hoping it would convince her to leave Lane. However, her reluctance stemmed from previously unfulfilled commitments. Despite Ruth's attempts to persuade her mother, she persisted in giving Lane another chance, disregarding Ruth's clearly articulated concerns and evident distress.

This lack of support from her mother only strengthened Ruth's determination to take matters into her own hands. She made the brave decision to escape the colony with her siblings, driven by an urgent need to protect them from further harm.

The Daring Escape

Ruth's escape plan was set in motion with a sense of urgency. She and her siblings were ready to leave immediately, packing quickly and departing from school without warning. Ruth assumed the role of guardian, carefully instructing her brother Luke to remain silent about the abuse as they secretly arranged their escape.

The journey to safety was fraught with danger, particularly as they crossed the border between Mexico and the United States. Ruth and her companions faced a nerve-wracking moment when they encountered what they believed to be a horse during their travels. As border patrol scrutinized their camper, anxiety escalated, but they ultimately received permission to proceed.

Life After Escape

After their daring escape, Ruth found herself in the challenging position of caregiver and provider for her younger siblings. The family faced significant financial difficulties, relying on government assistance for food, medical insurance, and monetary help.

Despite these struggles, Ruth worked tirelessly to improve their living situation, obtaining electricity and fixing outdated appliances. She took on the responsibility of meal preparation, household management, and attending to her siblings' essential needs, often at the expense of her own well-being.

The Path to Healing

The emotional trauma Ruth and her siblings endured required extensive healing. Ruth's journey to recovery involved self-reflection, therapeutic sessions, spiritual supplications, and contemplative practices. This process prepared her for a healthier future and the possibility of building her own loving, stable family.

As an adult, Ruth worked diligently to repair relationships and offer support to her siblings as they navigated their own lives. Despite their harrowing history, the siblings have rebuilt their lives, each finding their own path to stability and happiness.

Ruth's story is a testament to the power of resilience and the strength of familial bonds in the face of abuse and adversity. Her confrontation with Lane and subsequent escape not only saved her but also protected her siblings from further harm, paving the way for a brighter future for them all.