How to Make Peace With the Past: 8 Practical Steps

Are you struggling to let go of past hurts? Do you find yourself wondering how to make peace with the past and move forward?

In her book Forgiving What You Can't Forget, Lysa TerKeurst explores the complex journey of forgiveness. She offers practical steps on how to make peace with the past and find healing from deep-seated pain.

Keep reading to discover actionable strategies that can help you release resentment and embrace a more peaceful future.

Practical Steps to Make Peace With the Past

Understand the Complexity of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn't a one-time event but a multi-faceted process. It's a crucial step in learning how to make peace with the past and move forward. When you choose to forgive, you're acknowledging what happened and committing to work through your feelings. This doesn't mean negative emotions will disappear instantly. You may still experience resentment, doubt, broken trust, or anxiety. That's okay – healing takes time and patience, and it starts with a decision to forgive, followed by ongoing emotional management.

Often, our reluctance to forgive stems from deep-seated beliefs and past injuries. You might find reasons to hold onto your grievances, especially when it's challenging to reconcile your pain with spiritual guidance. Memories of past incidents can trigger strong emotions, making it feel like the distressing event is happening all over again. By embarking on this journey, you're allowing yourself to explore how the injustice has affected your life.

Let Go of the Need for Fairness

Our natural desire for justice can conflict with forgiveness. When you feel you've been treated unfairly, it's normal to react with bitterness and resentment. Authentic forgiveness requires trusting in a higher power's justice, even if it means never seeing the offender face consequences.

Choosing forgiveness over revenge means relinquishing control and trusting in a higher power to administer justice. It's more than just an emotional decision – it's a conscious choice to let go of the desire to control the situation. Remember, offering forgiveness as freely as you've been forgiven demonstrates strength, not weakness. It empowers you to release the heavy burden of harboring bitterness.

Explore Your Personal History

Understanding the deep-seated origins of your capacity to forgive can be transformative. Unresolved childhood trauma and grief can significantly influence your ability to forgive. Early experiences shape the narrative you construct about life, affecting how you engage with others.

For example, if you experienced abandonment, abuse, or betrayal in childhood, you might have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms like avoidance or a strong need for control. Unmet emotional needs in your formative years can create distorted beliefs about relationships, making it harder to forge strong connections and offer forgiveness.

To move forward, it's crucial to separate factual occurrences from harmful inferences you've made. Recognize that certain triggers can evoke emotional responses, even after you've extended forgiveness. This doesn't mean you haven't truly forgiven; it just signifies the enduring impact of traumatic experiences.

Practice Self-Awareness

Keeping a diary and engaging in candid discussions can promote self-awareness, which is crucial for cultivating forgiveness. Try asking yourself questions about your physical and emotional reactions. Do you step back, take a sudden deep breath, or feel your heart rate quicken when thinking about past hurts? These physical responses can suggest unresolved emotional turmoil.

Share your feelings with a trusted confidant or write them down. The goal is to acknowledge these emotions without becoming obsessed, enabling you to move beyond them. Integrating your emotions within a spiritual framework can be helpful. Through prayer and scripture examination, you can view your struggles in a way that aligns with a higher purpose.

Set Clear Boundaries

Setting distinct personal boundaries is essential in your journey towards forgiveness. These boundaries act as safeguards, enabling you to offer compassion while preventing further harm to your emotional well-being. It's important to articulate your needs clearly and confidently.

Sometimes, setting boundaries might mean silencing or unfollowing online profiles that trigger adverse feelings. When facing unacceptable conduct, it's crucial to set definite limits on what you consider trustworthy. Remember, your well-being shouldn't be sacrificed in the pursuit of forgiveness. Saying no when necessary isn't an unfavorable dismissal – it's essential for maintaining your mental health and ensuring mutual respect.

Incorporate Forgiveness Into Daily Life

Try to view forgiveness as an ongoing process. Acknowledge your own flaws and need for forgiveness – this can lead to a more compassionate attitude when extending forgiveness to others. Make each interaction an opportunity to foster harmony and unity. By cultivating fresh perspectives and habits that promote healing, you can turn pain into a chance for personal growth and stronger connections with those around you.

Accept What CanNot Be Changed

Certain forms of grief and distress can leave a lasting mark on your emotional and mental state. When damage seems enduring, extending forgiveness can be immensely challenging. You might find yourself reliving the pain repeatedly, as memories encapsulate both the joy of past experiences and the anguish of their loss.

Accepting the unchangeability of past harms is an agonizing yet necessary step towards peace. Each time you remember previous injustices, you risk getting trapped in a troubling cycle of re-experiencing the anguish. Choosing to forgive, even though past actions cannot be altered, requires understanding the intricate challenges associated with profound, transformative distress.

Focus on Your Own Healing

Instead of being preoccupied with insisting on your viewpoints, focus on pursuing your own healing. Forgiveness doesn't mean erasing memories or rectifying wrongs. You can transform your emotional landscape by choosing to remember both the sorrow and joy from previous life events. This blend of beauty with sorrow can free you from the clutches of resentment and direct your focus toward healing rather than pursuing retaliation.

Try leveraging your sorrow to broaden your capacity for empathy. Understanding the grief of others can aid in reconciling with your own experiences of loss. By nurturing your emotional health, you can transform feelings of bitterness into understanding, allowing previously inflexible areas within your heart to grow and evolve.

Navigate Relationships Wisely

Remember, opting to forgive someone doesn't obligate you to rebuild trust or restore the relationship. Forgiveness is a deeply personal process, often influenced by your own religious convictions and dedication to pursue a course of understanding and empathy. Recognize when it's necessary to bring certain associations to a close to maintain a forgiving yet protected heart.

Set clear limits to prevent further damage while extending grace. Assess the impact of someone's actions on your well-being to determine whether continuing a relationship with them is beneficial or harmful. Granting forgiveness can sometimes serve as a route to personal liberation, regardless of whether the person at fault has acknowledged or shown regret for their behavior.

By following these practical steps, you can begin to let go of past hurts and move forward. Remember, making peace with the past is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this process of healing and growth.