Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad: Book Overview
Have you ever faced a life-altering challenge that left you feeling lost and uncertain? How do you rebuild your life and find purpose after surviving a devastating illness?
In Suleika Jaouad's Between Two Kingdoms book, she takes readers on an emotional journey through her battle with cancer and her quest for healing. This powerful memoir explores the physical and emotional toll of illness, the struggle to reclaim identity, and the search for meaning in the aftermath of survival.
Read on to discover how Jaouad's cross-country road trip becomes a transformative experience, helping her navigate the space between sickness and health.
Overview of Between Two Kingdoms
Between Two Kingdoms book by Suleika Jaouad is the captivating account of the author's arduous battle with leukemia, grueling treatments, and profound emotional journey to rediscover her identity after confronting mortality. Through Jaouad's candid narrative, readers witness the vulnerability of illness and the healing power of human connection.
From her diagnosis at age 22 to her cross-country road trip, the author reflects on life's fragility, the complex emotions accompanying disease, and a newly formed appreciation for the present moment. Jaouad's path toward renewed purpose takes her across a vast network of shared hardship and resilience, chronicling unexpected friendships and lessons on navigating setbacks with grace.
Jaouad's Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment
At just 22 years old, Suleika Jaouad received a life-altering diagnosis of a rare and aggressive form of leukemia. This news came after a period of mysterious health issues, including oral lesions and persistent fatigue. The diagnosis brought a mix of relief and shock, along with intense confusion. Jaouad learned that her condition stemmed from myelodysplastic syndrome, an ailment typically affecting older individuals and often linked to exposure to toxic substances.
With her bone marrow failing, Jaouad faced a daunting 35% chance of survival and the necessity of a bone marrow transplant. Fortunately, her brother Adam was found to be an ideal donor match, offering a glimmer of hope in an otherwise bleak situation. Dr. Holland, her physician, prepared Jaouad for the challenging treatment ahead. She was warned about potential high fevers, inflammation of mucous membranes, and the possible need for tube feeding and continuous morphine to manage pain.
Jaouad's treatment journey was far from smooth. She endured excruciating ulcers requiring a fentanyl patch and battled infections from catheter use. The sterile confines of the hospital's organ transplant unit left her feeling isolated and disconnected. To cope with the chaos and suffering, Jaouad clung to a rigid schedule and persisted with her professional tasks as much as possible, even while undergoing intensive cancer therapy.
The Road to Recovery
Following her bone marrow transplant, Jaouad faced a multitude of challenges. Frequent hospitalizations became necessary due to severe infections and intestinal inflammation resulting from her treatments. The emotional toll extended beyond Jaouad herself, with her brother experiencing anxiety while balancing his academic responsibilities during the transplant process.
Jaouad's recovery was marked by small but significant milestones. She progressed from relying on feeding tubes to being able to eat crackers. She observed her body's gradual acceptance of the new bone marrow. The 100th day post-transplant marked a major turning point in her journey. Throughout this process, Jaouad learned to embrace these small victories while acknowledging the potential for long-term limitations from cancer recovery.
Her experience highlighted the importance of resilience and accepting life's imperfections, even when full recovery isn't guaranteed. Jaouad came to understand that healing often involves substantial psychological and emotional impacts that stem from illness, a realization that would shape her perspective moving forward.
The Emotional Toll of Illness
Jaouad's cancer diagnosis profoundly altered her existence and self-perception. She found herself on a tumultuous emotional journey characterized by grief, fear, anger, and profound sadness. Even simple activities like walking around a local produce market became challenging efforts, highlighting the significant disruption to her everyday life.
Feelings of responsibility and remorse weighed heavily on Jaouad as she recognized that her illness impacted not only herself but also her loved ones. She often struggled with the desire to present herself as healthy to protect her family and friends from worry, even though this led to her own suffering.
As Jaouad came to terms with her changed reality, she grappled with a whirlwind of emotions. The uncertainty of life after cancer loomed large, and she found herself burdened by grief while awaiting medical evaluation results. The possibility of her disease returning was a constant concern. Restoring her well-being seemed like an intimidating and distant goal, with doubts clouding her ability to imagine a life filled with her dreams and the chance to resume a normal routine.
Navigating Relationships and Identity
Jaouad's relationships with loved ones grew tense during her illness. She felt abandoned when her university friends failed to maintain contact, and she found it challenging to manage the reactions within her social network. At times, she pretended to be asleep to avoid the stares of those who seemed fixated on her adversity. This experience underscored the contrast between her own lived experiences and others' perceptions of her situation.
Accepting and integrating her illness into her identity proved to be a formidable task for Jaouad. She had to reconcile herself to the enduring changes in her life and adjust to the continual effects of her ordeal. For a year, she endured deep emotional turmoil, characterized by feelings of shame, isolation, and a heightened sense of her mortality.
Despite such hardship, Jaouad eventually found a path forward. She discovered solace in fostering new connections, engaging in creative expression, and connecting with others facing similar challenges. Writing became a therapeutic exercise that helped her preserve her identity and assert control over the challenging situations she faced.
Seeking Purpose Beyond Survival
After her battle with cancer, Jaouad set out on an important journey to redefine herself and seek a life filled with purpose that transcended her illness. She was determined to ensure that her identity was defined by more than just her health challenges.
To document her journey and connect with others battling cancer, Jaouad initiated an online journal. This effort was part of her larger goal to infuse her fight for life with meaning and create an identity that went beyond her illness. She aspired to do more than merely survive; her desire was to lead a life brimming with purpose and thrilling experiences.
However, Jaouad found it challenging to imagine a life for herself that extended past her battle against cancer. Even after completing her treatments, the residual marks from her previous port served as constant reminders of the battles she had faced. She grappled with her health's unpredictable behavior, pondering over feelings of defeat and a future that appeared to lack clear direction. As she assessed her capabilities and considered various paths like furthering her education and career goals, she simultaneously struggled to reconcile her life with that of her healthy counterparts.
A Journey of Self-Discovery
To confront her uncertainties and fears, Jaouad embarked on an extensive trek across the nation. This solo journey represented not only a literal movement from place to place but also a profound search for fresh insights and the ability to navigate through life's uncertainties. She sought to inhabit a transitional realm that fostered development, change, and progress, where she could slowly reveal her authentic identity and watch her aspirations take shape.
Throughout her travels, Jaouad reflected on her past, reconciled with her experiences, and considered the future path of her life. Her perspective was transformed by the diverse places and individuals she encountered. The journey by car solidified as an unforgettable experience of self-discovery, during which she sought out not just new environments but also delved into the depths of her psyche, leading to a profound sense of self-acceptance and inner peace.
Connecting Through Shared Experiences
Throughout her journey, Jaouad established connections with a diverse group of people, including those contending with health challenges, individuals who had triumphed over their adversities, and those facing different types of hardships. She found solace and strength from a community that extended beyond her close companions, including supportive individuals she met online, connections forged in healthcare environments, and people she got to know through shared contacts.
Connecting with fellow cancer fighters like Ned and Johnny helped create a sense of community that lessened the isolation often felt during illness. These interactions offered Jaouad solace and a foundation for shared understanding. She also forged a profound connection through letters with a man known as Lil' GQ, who was facing the death penalty in Texas. Their unforeseen bond was built on the common ground of their unique life challenges.
Profound Connections and Shared Stories
Jaouad's travels led her to develop deep connections with individuals she met along the way. One particularly touching story was that of Katherine, who faced her own health challenges while dealing with the intense sorrow of her son's suicide. Through Katherine's journey, Jaouad learned to navigate deep sorrow and gained valuable insights.
The shared act of storytelling emerged as a key theme, particularly when facing one's mortality. Jaouad realized the importance of being remembered for her authentic identity instead of the events associated with her life's conclusion. Katherine's story provided her with a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in grieving and the importance of customs in reconciling with loss.
Facing Loss and Providing Support
Jaouad often reflected on the distressing reality of having to say goodbye to many friends, including Melissa, who had been a constant source of support during her battles with chemotherapy. Together, they had discovered comfort and resilience through the hospital's unofficial network of support, which, when paired with creative collaborations, equipped them to manage their illness.
Jaouad's dedication to providing assistance was clear from her actions in aiding Bret to access facilities such as the Hope Lodge and keeping track of the progress in treatment of fellow patients, despite the emotional burden it placed on her. These endeavors, marked by deep discussions aimed at comforting and supporting families in mourning, represented a persistent battle against the forecast of a reduced lifespan.
The author's battle was heightened by the constant vigilance required to detect symptoms of sickness, a responsibility common among survivors of comparable tribulations. This was made even more challenging by the psychological impact of her dearest companions' health battles, including those endured by Max.
A Transformative Road Trip
Jaouad's cross-country journey became a profound rite of passage as she learned to embrace uncertainty and find home within herself. The trip, which spanned approximately fifteen thousand miles, traversed thirty-three states, and involved encounters with over twenty individuals, signified her pursuit of autonomy and the restoration of her personal identity.
As she traveled, Jaouad grappled with defining "home," especially when traditional anchors like a job, family connections, or owning a house were missing. The journey, initiated by the need to return a vehicle and meet with her medical team in New York City as she neared the critical milestone of 100 days post-treatment, ultimately marked a transformative moment in her life.
During her travels, Jaouad composed letters to those who had supported her during her illness and suggested face-to-face meetings. She meticulously plotted her course on maps spread across her dining table, symbolizing her resolve to connect her existence before and after her illness. She acknowledged the vital role this journey played in her recovery, likening this phase to a substantial time of self-exploration and the quest for independence.
Embracing Uncertainty and Finding Inner Peace
In the tranquil, snow-blanketed expanses of Montana, Jaouad occasionally sensed a solitude that seemed to encompass the entire world. Yet these surroundings also sparked a fresh determination and readiness to welcome the unexpected. The journey, replete with obstacles and the joy discovered in awe-inspiring landscapes, aided her in integrating her illness into her evolving sense of self.
The guidance she received, especially from Rich who philosophized about travel as a tripartite experience of preparation, reality, and memory, profoundly impacted her. He urged her to stay present, which became a valuable lesson throughout her travels.
Throughout her journey, Jaouad reflected on her past, reconciled with her experiences, and considered the future path of her life. Her perspective was transformed by the diverse places and individuals she encountered. The road trip solidified as an unforgettable journey of self-discovery, during which she sought out not just new environments but also delved into the depths of her psyche, leading to a profound sense of self-acceptance and inner peace.