{"id":99973,"date":"2023-04-16T10:59:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-16T14:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=99973"},"modified":"2023-04-24T15:40:26","modified_gmt":"2023-04-24T19:40:26","slug":"supportive-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/supportive-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"The Importance of Supportive Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why are supportive relationships important? How can you build a strong support network you can rely on in times of need? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all need support, care, and companionship to remain mentally healthy. This need stems from our evolutionary roots: Belonging to a group was essential for survival when humans were primarily hunter-gatherers, so the desire for companionship is genetically wired into our brains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn about the importance of supportive relationships and how to develop a strong support network. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Create a Support System<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Supportive relationships reduce stress, increase happiness, and can provide a source of motivation to live a healthy lifestyle<\/a>. It\u2019s especially important to build a whole system <\/em>of supportive relationships<\/strong>. Many people rely on their spouses to provide the care, companionship, and support they need. While your spouse is an important source of support, forcing them to hold all<\/em> the responsibility is unfair and could damage both of your mental health by increasing their stress and exhaustion, leaving you unsupported. Having a wide support system spreads this responsibility among many people while also increasing the odds that someone will be available to help you whenever you need support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Relying on a single person (such as your spouse) for support likely increases stress by using much of their time and energy<\/a>, making it difficult for them to relax. Ironically, this stress can actually decrease their ability to recognize when you need support<\/a>. As Michelle Obama says, having a variety of people for support alleviates this stress. In addition, people need different kinds of support<\/a>, from a friend\u2019s empathy to a therapist\u2019s advice. The more people in your support system, the more likely it is that someone can meet your specific needs.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Michelle Obama says a support system requires two main things: intentionality and acceptance. (Shortform note: Obama discusses both friendships and spousal relationships in her book. Her advice for both is largely the same, so we\u2019ve consolidated the information into a single section.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice Intentionality<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Intentionality is vital to creating a support system<\/a> and maintaining relationships.<\/strong> Obama says relationships are a process of building trust<\/a>, reaching out, supporting each other, and celebrating each other\u2019s personhood. You must commit to creating relationships and must care enough to put in effort. This includes interacting with strangers, getting people\u2019s contact information, and scheduling time to interact with and learn about others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In Emotional Intelligence 2.0<\/em><\/a>,<\/em> Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves agree that intentionality is an essential element in creating and maintaining relationships. They add a few specific areas to be intentional about<\/em><\/a>: <\/em>1) Be open about yourself. 2) Be clear about your actions and intentions, and be mindful of your communication style. 3) Be respectful by treating others well and showing appreciation for them. Being intentional about these areas increases trust, reduces misunderstandings, and makes people feel more comfortable around you.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice Acceptance<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Obama notes that acceptance helps you overcome conflict, <\/strong>an essential part of maintaining relationships and celebrating other people\u2019s personhood. <\/strong>No two people are the same, so conflict will appear in all relationships. Whether it\u2019s as minor as different methods of folding laundry or as major as conflicting worldviews, you must support the other person despite your disagreements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acceptance is important because the core of a person doesn\u2019t change,<\/strong> Obama explains.  People are molded by their personal history. The way they were raised, their life experiences, and the examples of intimacy and relationships they\u2019ve had all affect the way they behave and approach relationships. Since people\u2019s personalities and worldviews solidify through these decades of experiences, they\u2019re not going to change just because they entered a relationship with you and added one new experience. They may adjust their behavior and compromise, but entering a relationship expecting them to change fundamentally will lead to heartache and further conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Obama says learning about other people\u2019s pasts can help you practice acceptance<\/strong> and celebrate their personhood. If you recognize how the other person\u2019s history affects their actions, you\u2019ll understand them better and be better suited to adapt and compromise in a healthy way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Understanding and Balancing Conflicting Rules of Engagement<\/strong>

Obama describes the way that we\u2019re molded and influenced by our experiences growing up. The customs and worldviews that we develop from childhood are called rules of engagement<\/a>. These are unspoken familial rules that dictate how we\u2019re allowed to behave. We learn these rules through trial and error: When we engage in a certain behavior and receive negative reactions, the brain prohibits the behavior. Common family rules include discouraging talk about feelings or difficult topics, requiring members to act in certain ways because of their age or sex, and enforcing that worth comes from success.

Every family has different rules of engagement, and it causes interpersonal conflict when people\u2019s rules clash<\/a>. For example, if you grew up not talking about difficult situations, your husband wanting to discuss them feels threatening. If you grew up with a healthy communication dynamic, your friend might seem cold and standoffish because she doesn\u2019t open up emotionally. Expecting people to change their rules of engagement entirely will only result in more conflict, as these rules are so deeply ingrained that they can\u2019t easily change. Thus, it\u2019s important to accept and understand both your own and other people\u2019s rules to reduce conflict.

While Obama stresses that people can\u2019t change the core of who they are, she also points out that they can learn to compromise or adjust their behavior. This applies to people\u2019s rules of engagement as well. Once you\u2019ve identified the ways your and another person\u2019s rules conflict, you can foster a stronger relationship and practice better communication. Be open with your loved ones about your experiences and why you behave the way you do. At the same time, push yourself<\/a> to go beyond your comfort zone\u2014for example, be open even when it\u2019s uncomfortable, or remain calm even when you\u2019re upset. Over time, you can become comfortable with healthier rules of engagement that better serve your relationship.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why are supportive relationships important? How can you build a strong support network you can rely on in times of need? We all need support, care, and companionship to remain mentally healthy. This need stems from our evolutionary roots: Belonging to a group was essential for survival when humans were primarily hunter-gatherers, so the desire for companionship is genetically wired into our brains. Keep reading to learn about the importance of supportive relationships and how to develop a strong support network.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":80872,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[982],"class_list":["post-99973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-the-light-we-carry","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Importance of Supportive Relationships - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all need supportive and caring relationships to remain mentally healthy. 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