{"id":99387,"date":"2023-04-22T10:35:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-22T14:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=99387"},"modified":"2023-04-24T15:40:39","modified_gmt":"2023-04-24T19:40:39","slug":"conquering-your-fears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/conquering-your-fears\/","title":{"rendered":"Conquering Your Fears: The 3 Steps to Success"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How does fear stop you from achieving your goals<\/a>? What can you do to stop your fears from controlling your life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear is the main factor that prevents people from going after their dreams and reaching their full potential. When you face and conquer your fears<\/a>, you’ll grow more confident in yourself and in your ability to handle any curveballs life throws at you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s how fear prevents you from living life to the fullest and some tips for conquering your fears once and for all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Overcoming Fear<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to nurturing and sharing your unique personhood with the world.<\/strong> Fear stops people from taking action or living up to their potential for positive change. This is because fear is a reaction to the potential of loss, and people don\u2019t want to lose what they already have by striving for something better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Michelle Obama experienced this fear when her husband Barack Obama told her he wanted to run for president. Her husband believed he\u2019d be a wonderful president, but she didn\u2019t want to lose the stable life they\u2019d built in Chicago or risk the entire country disrespecting them. If she hadn\u2019t overcome this fear, it could\u2019ve prevented the Obamas from nurturing and sharing their personhoods and creating change on a national scale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In The War of Art<\/em><\/a>,<\/em> Steven Pressfield agrees that fear, particularly the fear of loss, is an obstacle to nurturing personhood. However, Pressfield adds another source of fear: success. We fear success because once we\u2019ve succeeded, we\u2019re expected to maintain that success, and we\u2019re afraid of that pressure. This fear can stop us from nurturing our personhood since doing so helps us live up to our potential\u2014a form of success. Fear of success<\/a> might have contributed to Obama\u2019s fear about her husband running for president: She was afraid of being judged, and people would\u2019ve likely judged them more harshly if they succeeded initially only to fail later.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Work through fear instead of succumbing to it, <\/strong>Obama advises. When you overcome your fears<\/a>, you increase your competence\u2014your ability to handle difficult situations. This helps you approach the future confidently, knowing you can handle whatever situations might arise. This was the case for Obama, who says she\u2019s more confident in herself and her ability to handle whatever life throws at her after overcoming her fear and agreeing to her husband\u2019s presidential campaign.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conquering Your Fears Through Confidence<\/strong>

Obama says that you can increase your confidence that you can handle difficult situations by facing your fears<\/a>. Some experts believe that having this confidence is not just a result of facing your fears but is also important to doing so in the first place<\/a>. Confidence that you can handle difficult situations makes it easier to face your fears, since you know you\u2019ll manage if your fear comes true. Thus, while overcoming her fear of her husband running for president, Obama likely had more confidence in her ability to adapt<\/a> and withstand judgment than she initially felt.

Build this confidence by considering what would happen if your fear came true and how you\u2019d handle it. For instance, if Linda\u2019s afraid of crashing her car, she could think about how she\u2019d handle the repairs and injuries that might result from a crash. Knowing she could handle the situation, even if it would be unpleasant, increases her confidence and helps her overcome her fear.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Here, we\u2019ve organized Michelle Obama\u2019s strategies for working through fear into three steps:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step #1: Accept Fear<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The first step of working through fear is accepting that fear is an inescapable part of life.<\/strong> Fear is impossible to avoid because every person can lose something, <\/em>whether it\u2019s money, a friend, or even their life. It\u2019s impossible to eradicate fear, and trying to do so will cause frustration and make it difficult to nurture your personhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Experts agree that it\u2019s harmful to try to eradicate your fear, adding that fear grows stronger when it\u2019s ignored<\/a>. Fear is a notification: It tells you there\u2019s an issue you must address. When you ignore this notification, those issues can worsen. For example, if you suppress fear about a relationship, you won\u2019t fix the problems that are harming the relationship and causing your fear, and the relationship might crumble further. Also, suppressing fear uses a lot of energy and can cause physical issues like high blood pressure<\/a>. Eventually, you\u2019ll be too tired to suppress the fear and it\u2019ll overwhelm you.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step #2: Define Fear<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The second step of working through fear is defining your fears. <\/strong>This helps you identify which fears are stopping you from taking on new challenges that nurture your personhood. According to Obama, there are two types of fear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Protective fear<\/strong>\u2014which Obama calls rational fear\u2014shields you from real threats. This kind of fear is necessary and helpful. For example, the fear of getting hit by a car keeps us from walking in the street. You should listen to this kind of fear to avoid dangerous situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Restrictive fear<\/strong>\u2014which Obama calls irrational fear\u2014prevents you from growing and having new, positive experiences. Rather than being helpful, this kind of fear magnifies minor threats until you\u2019re paralyzed. For example, a fear of rejection stops you from having meaningful relationships<\/a>. You must overcome this kind of fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Psychologists agree that protective fears should be listened to and restrictive fears should be faced. However, they add that whether a fear is protective or restrictive can change depending on the context<\/a>, as certain threats become more or less likely. For example, the fear of a bear attack while camping is rational because you\u2019re in a location where bears live. That same fear is irrational in a city because the odds of a bear being in the city are low. This implies that you may have to redefine your fears several times as your circumstances change.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Define Fear<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

To define fear, Obama says to explore the object of your fear to understand how dangerous it actually is<\/strong>. The better you understand your fears, the better you\u2019ll be able to recognize when those fears are stopping you from nurturing your personhood. You\u2019ll understand whether your fear is protective or restrictive, which makes it less powerful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if Kelly has a phobia of thunder, she believes thunder is a threat. As a result, she might refuse to leave the house during storms. This can greatly limit her activities and make her feel isolated. By learning about thunder, Kelly can realize it\u2019s only noise and can\u2019t hurt her. She can identify her fear as restrictive and feel less afraid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflect on Your Fear<\/strong>

To explore your fear successfully, focus on taking deep, even breaths when you feel afraid instead of focusing on the fear. The goal isn\u2019t to alleviate or dismiss the fear, but to shift your attention away from it enough that you can think clearly<\/a>. Once in this calmer state, think about where the fear came from, when you first felt it, and what information it\u2019s trying to convey. As Obama says, this can make your fear less powerful. This is because knowing more about your fear means you can plan how to protect yourself<\/a>, making you feel more secure and less afraid. This applies whether the threat is real or not\u2014Kelly felt less afraid after realizing she wasn\u2019t actually in danger, but someone who is in danger can also feel less afraid after making a plan to protect themselves.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Step #3: Face Restrictive Fears<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The final step of working through fear is facing your restrictive fears. <\/strong>Obama explains that defining a fear as restrictive makes it less powerful but doesn\u2019t help you overcome the fear entirely. To do that, you must nurture your personhood by facing your fears. In our example, knowing that thunder is only noise reduces Kelly\u2019s fear, but unless she can leave the house during a storm, the fear still controls her. To overcome her fear, Kelly must go outside when it\u2019s thundering\u2014and going outside will arguably allow her to connect with others<\/a>, thus nurturing and sharing her personhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Psychologists agree that people need to face the objects of their fears to overcome them. This is because a big part of overcoming fear<\/a> is rewiring your neural pathways, teaching yourself<\/a> that your fear isn\u2019t likely to come true. To do that, you need to experience<\/em> that fear not coming true<\/a>: Your brain needs concrete information from personal experience to rewire your pathways, they imply. Thus, if Kelly never goes outside when it\u2019s thundering, she doesn\u2019t give her brain concrete evidence that it\u2019s safe to do so, and she won\u2019t overcome her fear.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How does fear stop you from achieving your goals? What can you do to stop your fears from controlling your life? Fear is the main factor that prevents people from going after their dreams and reaching their full potential. When you face and conquer your fears, you’ll grow more confident in yourself and in your ability to handle any curveballs life throws at you. Here’s how fear prevents you from living life to the fullest and some tips for conquering your fears once and for all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":1120,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[982],"class_list":["post-99387","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-light-we-carry","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nConquering Your Fears: The 3 Steps to Success - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Fear stops people from taking action and living up to their full potential. 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