{"id":97312,"date":"2023-03-28T14:58:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-28T18:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=97312"},"modified":"2023-04-04T11:28:59","modified_gmt":"2023-04-04T15:28:59","slug":"loving-attitude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/loving-attitude\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is a Loving Attitude & Why Is It Important in Life?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is a loving attitude? Why is the ability to love others so important? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you have a loving attitude, it means you have the ability to selflessly give love to others. According to psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman, the ability to love is a vital human need and is necessary for personal development and growth in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read on to learn about the importance of a loving attitude and how to have one, according to Kaufman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Need to Love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In Transcend<\/em>, Scott Barry Kaufman identifies the ability to love as an important aspect of growth. Though this may seem like it should fall under our need for connectedness, Kaufman makes an important distinction: the need to feel<\/em> loved is vital to our security, but the ability to give<\/em> love is vital to our growth. The need to feel loved is a somewhat selfish desire that depends on others to give you what you lack. The ability to love others entails having a selfless, loving attitude toward the world that helps you grow and live a more fulfilling life<\/a><\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Develop a Loving Attitude in Life?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Kaufman claims that the ability to love is conducive to growth for several reasons. First, people who have a more loving attitude toward others are less likely to need <\/em>love from others while simultaneously being more likely to maintain healthy, strong connections. In other words, the more loving you are, the more love you\u2019ll receive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another reason having a loving attitude is so beneficial to growth is that it helps you maintain your connections to others (answering that basic need) without losing your sense of agency<\/a> or identity (maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem). If you\u2019re too caught up in your need for others to love you, you may lose your sense of self\u2014you may be so focused on being a good partner or friend or maintaining love that you lose sight of your own needs and wants. But if you\u2019re more focused on giving love, you can maintain healthy, mutually beneficial relationships<\/a> in which both sides grow as individuals while also strengthening their connection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love as Dependency <\/strong>

In The Road Less Traveled<\/em><\/a>, M. Scott Peck provides further insight into what makes a healthy, loving relationship and how the need to be loved can hinder individual growth. First, Peck dispels the myth that love is about dependency<\/a>. Genuine love, according to Peck, involves choice<\/a>\u2014it\u2019s not about needing someone; it\u2019s about not needing them but choosing to love them.

The belief that without love you can\u2019t feel whole can be extremely harmful. Peck refers to this overwhelming need for love as a passive dependent personality<\/a> disorder<\/em>, which he says leaves you unable to give love to yourself or others. 

Common characteristics of passive dependent personality include the insatiable need for love, the inability to be alone, a lack of genuine intimacy, and a lack of identity. These traits, as Kaufman would likely point out, are all symptomatic of a feeling of deficiency. Like Kaufman, Peck argues that such dependency can hinder growth. He says that dependency hinders spiritual <\/em>growth because the dependent person is only worried about their own needs rather than building a genuine, lasting relationship. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Why a Secure Attachment Style Matters<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To develop a loving attitude, it’s important to understand how your attachment style<\/a> can affect your views on giving and receiving<\/a> love. When you\u2019re an infant, you develop a secure attachment to your caregiver when you can rely on them to respond to your needs. As you grow older and develop more relationships, your emotional attachment style is also influenced by other attachment figures like romantic partners, close friends, siblings, or other family members. If you feel the people close to you have been sensitive to your wants and needs throughout your life, you\u2019re likely to be a more trusting person and feel you\u2019re worthy of love and support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Develop a Secure Attachment Style<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Kaufman acknowledges that your attachment style stems from childhood experiences and often extends into adulthood, but that doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re stuck with one particular attachment style for life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first thing to do if you wish to develop a more loving attitude and secure attachment style<\/a> is to recognize your current attachment style and how it\u2019s affecting your relationships<\/a>. Take a long look at yourself and determine how you feel about yourself and how worthy you think you are of love. Then, examine your current relationships and the people closest to you<\/a>. People tend to attract others with similar attachment styles<\/a>, so if you notice most of your friends seem to have an anxious attachment<\/a> style, there\u2019s a good chance you do too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you\u2019ve determined your attachment style, here are some things you can do to make it more secure:<\/p>\n\n\n\n