{"id":96999,"date":"2023-03-26T12:56:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-26T16:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=96999"},"modified":"2026-01-21T17:18:24","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T21:18:24","slug":"how-to-talk-to-people-at-parties","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-talk-to-people-at-parties\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk to People at Parties & Make Connections"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you shy around strangers? How do you talk to people at parties?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At a function where you don’t know people, it can be uncomfortable<\/a> to strike up a conversation. But with Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering<\/em>, hosts will learn how to get guests to step out of their comfort zone to connect with people on a deeper level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to know how to talk to people at parties, continue reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Being Comfortable Around Others<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Want to know how to talk to people at parties without it being awkward? When we gather\u2014whether at a party or conference\u2014most of us put on a show<\/a>: We present ourselves as strong and confident, and we hide our vulnerabilities. Parker argues that this is a missed opportunity to talk to people and connect with them<\/a>. If your guests tell stories that reveal their vulnerability, other guests will feel more empathetic toward them. As a result, they\u2019ll all feel more authentically connected to each other. At the very least, this authentic connection will make for a more memorable gathering; at its best, a deeper connection can allow for greater cooperation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In The Power of Vulnerability<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown elaborates on why vulnerability isn\u2019t<\/em> a sign of weakness and why being vulnerable<\/a> increases the probability of authentic connection. Brown explains that although vulnerability requires sharing shame and emotion, it\u2019s a sign of strength<\/a>: It requires bravery to share something intimate with someone when you don\u2019t know how they\u2019ll perceive you. Brown adds that vulnerability enhances your connection with others because it builds trust<\/a>: It\u2019s nearly impossible to trust someone if you don\u2019t know their motives, personality, or feelings\u2014so to develop trust (and an authentic connection) with someone, you must be willing to be vulnerable.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parker shares several techniques for encouraging your guests to open up and be vulnerable when the gathering calls for vulnerability. Pre-gathering, consider inviting people who don\u2019t know each other<\/strong>. People often feel more comfortable sharing intimate details with people in whom they\u2019re not invested, as they don\u2019t feel pressured to maintain a particular image. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: People may feel more comfortable divulging intimate details to strangers if you present it as an experiment, as psychologist Arthur Aron famously did. He asked strangers to ask each other 36 questions<\/a> that demanded gradually increasing levels of vulnerability. Two of his subjects married each other, and several other couples who\u2019ve asked each other those questions have also fallen in love.)    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parker recommends that you set the stage <\/strong>during the gathering. Begin the gathering by clearly explaining to your guests why you\u2019re asking them to be vulnerable. Then, ask for stories<\/strong>. Specify that you want to hear not about their accomplishments but about something more authentic, such as life-defining experiences. If your guests know each other, request stories that nobody else in the room knows. Once people start sharing, share your story early<\/strong>, and make sure it\u2019s slightly more intimate than those you want your guests to share. Your guests will cue off your example and share stories that are slightly less intimate than yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Encourage Vulnerability at Work<\/strong>

In Dare to Lead<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown presents an alternate method for encouraging vulnerability<\/a> when leading a business gathering. Set the stage by acknowledging the uncertainty or risk of the situation. Speak openly about your emotions, but don\u2019t overshare personal information in an effort to draw sympathy\u2014this is manipulative and may backfire rather than provide the outcome you want. Then, instead of asking for stories, provide a space for your team members to discuss the situation. This space for discussion is essential: If you ask for your team\u2019s input without<\/em> letting them discuss the situation\u2014such as by shooting down ideas you don\u2019t agree with\u2014they won\u2019t trust you and so won\u2019t express their concerns for fear of being criticized. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Finally, don\u2019t pressure your guests too much<\/strong>. As a host, you should encourage (but not demand) your guests to share; at one gathering, Parker created a rule that whoever shared last had to sing. However, some people won\u2019t feel comfortable being extremely vulnerable in a group no matter what you do\u2014and that\u2019s OK. So choose a theme that invites interpretation; this will allow such people to be vulnerable within boundaries they\u2019re comfortable with. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Better Engage With Vulnerability<\/strong>

No matter how open to interpretation the theme is, you (as a guest) may still<\/em> be uncomfortable engaging with vulnerability. If so, Daring Greatly<\/em><\/a> author Bren\u00e9 Brown suggests that you notice the defense mechanism you use<\/a> to avoid vulnerability, and see if you can work through it. 

Brown recommends three possible solutions<\/a>. If you notice that you experience happiness during the gathering but then immediately feel fear, express gratitude for that happiness\u2014doing so will remind you that there is enough happiness to go around and you don\u2019t need to be scared of losing it. If you think your story needs to be perfect before you share it, permit yourself to have it be bad. And if you try to avoid<\/em> sharing\u2014such as by deliberately deciding to go last, despite your fear of potential punishment (like the singing<\/a> at Parker\u2019s gathering)\u2014practice mindfulness<\/a> and strive to be present so that you can engage with both your own and your guests\u2019 vulnerability.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you shy around strangers? How do you talk to people at parties? At a function where you don’t know people, it can be uncomfortable to strike up a conversation. But with Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering, hosts will learn how to get guests to step out of their comfort zone to connect with people on a deeper level. If you want to know how to talk to people at parties, continue reading.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":80881,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,7],"tags":[956],"class_list":["post-96999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-lifestyle","tag-the-art-of-gathering","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Talk to People at Parties & Make Connections - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Parties are great places to meet new people and form lasting relationships. 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