{"id":95874,"date":"2023-03-17T11:12:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-17T15:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=95874"},"modified":"2023-03-20T13:52:16","modified_gmt":"2023-03-20T17:52:16","slug":"importance-of-being-polite","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/importance-of-being-polite\/","title":{"rendered":"The Importance of Being Polite for Better  Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What&#8217;s the importance of being polite? How does being polite improve the quality of communication? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors of <em>The School of Life <\/em>claim that many of us have come to associate being polite with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-being-condescending\/\">being condescending<\/a>. However, they say the importance of politeness has been lost due to this inaccurate view. Communicating with politeness, they say, can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-your-relationships-2\/\">improve your relationships<\/a> in many ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to learn about the importance of being polite in communication, according to the authors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-importance-of-being-polite\">The Importance of Being Polite<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Today, we view politeness as synonymous with inauthenticity and snobbishness. But <em>The School of Life<\/em> authors argue that this view is incorrect and that if more people understood the importance of being polite\u2014rather than being frank, which they contrast it against\u2014it would help us all get along better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Is Politeness?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>For the authors, politeness consists of these behaviors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Avoiding blunt speech because this can be hurtful<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Respecting that others have different opinions and preferences and asking for those<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Offering validation and kind words because humans can be emotionally fragile<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Giving everyday kindness through small gestures<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Not taking impulsive, decisive action toward others because we may be wrong<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Can Politeness and Diplomacy Ever Be Harmful?&nbsp;<\/strong><br><br>Perhaps a better description of the importance of being polite should include performing the above behaviors <em>at the right times<\/em>. In certain contexts, the polite behaviors the authors describe can be harmful.&nbsp;<br><br>For example, one writer notes that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/national\/health-science\/politeness-can-sometimes-hurt-more-than-it-helps\/2018\/03\/09\/a9d6b5e0-fc76-11e7-a46b-a3614530bd87_story.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">some doctors are excessively polite when delivering bad news to patients<\/a>, which may confuse patients or fail to convey the severity of a health problem. In that case, blunt speech would be kinder. Similarly, <a href=\"https:\/\/medium.com\/mind-cafe\/being-over-polite-is-dangerously-bad-for-you-here-are-6-reasons-and-ways-to-stop-now-1c0f4e4a4743\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">constantly asking for others\u2019 opinions<\/a> rather than presenting your own can keep you from making choices, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/national\/health-science\/politeness-can-sometimes-hurt-more-than-it-helps\/2018\/03\/09\/a9d6b5e0-fc76-11e7-a46b-a3614530bd87_story.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">kindness and courteousness can blind people to oppression<\/a>.&nbsp;<br><br>Finally, if you overthink your <em>every<\/em> decision out of fear of being wrong, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-is-analysis-paralysis-5223790\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">you might develop \u201canalysis paralysis,\u201d<\/a> or extreme confusion and a sense of overwhelm. This could prevent you from taking necessary action against someone else. Performed at the wrong times, politeness <em>can<\/em> be inauthentic or snobbish\u2014or worse, destructive.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Is Diplomacy?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors also suggest practicing greater diplomacy, which they define as pursuing a goal without upsetting others. Similar to the importance of being polite, there are several reasons why being a diplomat is important for communication, claim the authors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Respect others\u2019 basic needs and humanity.<\/strong> People become defensive when they feel you don\u2019t understand or respect them. A diplomat knows they must demonstrate that they can take the other person\u2019s perspective if they need something from them.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Don\u2019t come across as superior. <\/strong>A diplomat knows that no one likes receiving advice from people who believe themselves to be beyond needing advice. So they couch advice in expressions of how much they struggle with this issue themselves.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Prioritize the relationship over truth-telling. <\/strong>A diplomat knows that sometimes you have to tell small untruths in service of the overall relationship.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Don\u2019t take negative reactions personally. <\/strong>Diplomats know that an angry reaction probably comes from fear or hurt. They don\u2019t press an issue when the other person is angry; they\u2019ll bring it up later when the other person will be more amenable to talking about it.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Comparing Diplomatic Tactics to the Key Qualities of Diplomats<\/strong><br><br>The authors explain the importance of being polite and diplomatic, listing diplomatic tactics that everyone should adopt above, but what qualities are needed in actual diplomats? The ideal characteristics of diplomats differ from the diplomatic traits the authors describe here, but there\u2019s arguably overlap between the two. Let\u2019s look at some of the <a href=\"http:\/\/culturalrelations.org\/the-top-10-qualities-of-a-successful-21st-century-diplomat\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">desired traits of a diplomat<\/a> and how they stack up against what the authors recommend.<br><br><strong>Intercultural communication: <\/strong>Diplomats must be familiar with the culture and history of their host country. It\u2019s important that the diplomat understands and respects the local population and is able to show this. This trait is similar to respecting others\u2019 basic needs and humanity: Only when people feel understood\u2014either culturally or personally\u2014will they open up.&nbsp;<br><br><strong>Professionalism: <\/strong>In this context, professionalism is defined as being analytical and composed: Diplomats must recognize that the issues they\u2019re dealing with are complex and that they should always take time to understand them and respond calmly and humbly during interactions. This is comparable to avoiding coming across as superior: Diplomats never assume they know better than others and thus never sound like they\u2019re talking down at them.<br><br><strong>Teamwork: <\/strong>Diplomats must be skilled team players, able to establish good relationships and trust within a team. While this doesn\u2019t necessarily correspond to fibbing in service of preserving a relationship, a team player probably will have to occasionally tell a white lie to a teammate to maintain the team\u2019s overall well-being.&nbsp;<br><br><strong>Resilience: <\/strong>Diplomats must be able to bounce back from setbacks. A big part of being resilient is not taking things personally. When diplomats understand that others\u2019 negative emotions are rarely about them, they can resiliently re-approach someone once they\u2019ve calmed down.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What&#8217;s the importance of being polite? How does being polite improve the quality of communication? The authors of The School of Life claim that many of us have come to associate being polite with being condescending. However, they say the importance of politeness has been lost due to this inaccurate view. Communicating with politeness, they say, can improve your relationships in many ways. Read on to learn about the importance of being polite in communication, according to the authors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":43527,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[941],"class_list":["post-95874","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-the-school-of-life","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Importance of Being Polite for Better Communication - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What&#039;s the importance of being polite? Learn how being polite and diplomatic can improve the quality of our interactions and relationships.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/importance-of-being-polite\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Importance of Being Polite for Better Communication\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What&#039;s the importance of being polite? 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