{"id":95860,"date":"2023-03-20T09:57:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-20T13:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=95860"},"modified":"2023-03-20T13:52:23","modified_gmt":"2023-03-20T17:52:23","slug":"the-school-of-life-book","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-school-of-life-book\/","title":{"rendered":"The School of Life: Book Overview & Key Takeaways"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What’s The School of Life<\/em> book about? What is emotional intelligence and why is it so important? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’ve ever wondered why we make the same bad choices over and over, the authors of the book The School of Life<\/em> have an answer: because we lack emotional intelligence. They say, since we’re not taught how to understand<\/a> and cope with emotions, this leads us to make poor decisions<\/a> and to be miserable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read on to learn more about the book The School of Life: An Emotional Education<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The School of Life<\/em>: Book Overview<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In their book The School of Life, <\/em>writers from The School of Life offer methods to improve our emotional intelligence in several spheres of life. They argue that we\u2019re not taught emotional intelligence\u2014an understanding of our and others\u2019 feelings\u2014in the same way that we\u2019re taught subjects like science and history, and that this is to our great detriment. Without emotional intelligence, we bumble through life, making poor choices based on misunderstood feelings that hurt us and others. However, by taking their advice on how to be more intelligent about yourself, your relationships, your romantic partnerships, and your work, you can make smarter decisions and lead a better life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The School of Life<\/a> is an educational organization that offers books, courses, and psychotherapy to support personal growth<\/a>. It was founded by the philosopher Alain De Botton, who wrote the introduction to this book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We Lack Emotional Intelligence<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The authors of The School of Life<\/em> book write that as a society, we place huge stock in formal education. But we don\u2019t educate our children or ourselves about how to deal with disappointment, anger, loss, and other difficult emotions<\/a>. In other words, we don\u2019t teach emotional intelligence<\/a>.<\/strong> Instead, we believe people should simply follow their intuition when navigating emotional situations and that doing this will lead to the best outcomes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, instead of teaching adolescents how to navigate conflicts with their friends, we allow them to do what seems intuitively best to them\u2014which might be yelling or talking about their friend behind their back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Consequences of a Lack of Emotional Intelligence<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Our lack of emotional intelligence<\/a> means that we repeatedly make the same bad decisions in our personal lives, relationships, and work lives<\/strong>, write the authors. Because we don\u2019t understand ourselves, our emotional needs, or the emotions of others, we come up with poor solutions to our emotional problems. In fact, often, the solutions we devise to our problems only exacerbate them, leaving us miserable without knowing why. Our general happiness, friendships, relationships, and work eventually suffer because of this lack of self-understanding. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotional Intelligence About Yourself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Understanding ourselves is extremely difficult, write the authors. This is in part because our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs are constantly changing<\/strong>. There are no fixed points from which we can observe our psyches. We don\u2019t even have a fixed identity, argue the authors: This is also always in flux. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The idea that we don\u2019t have a fixed identity and that we\u2019re constantly changing is firmly rooted in Buddhist philosophy. Buddhists label this idea \u201cnon-self,\u201d and they contend that \u201cwe\u201d are really just a collection of changing physical processes, feelings, perceptions, responses, and consciousness<\/a>. They believe that clinging to any single view of ourselves makes us suffer because that view of ourselves will inevitably change (identifying with youth is an obvious example of this\u2014when we inevitably age, we suffer). So Buddhists diverge from the authors on how to deal with this flux: They suggest embracing the non-self, while the authors feel you should still try<\/em> to know yourself better<\/a>, even though it\u2019s hard.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another reason it\u2019s hard to understand ourselves is that we\u2019re strongly shaped by genetics and childhood experiences, but we don\u2019t know to what extent these inform our present thoughts, feelings, and reactions<\/strong>. For example, you may have a reflexive disgusted reaction to seeing someone eating fish but not realize this is because your parents hated fish and told you it was disgusting growing up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Methods of Gaining Emotional Intelligence About Yourself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard to understand yourself<\/a>, but not impossible. In their book The School of Life<\/em>, the authors describe some ways to increase your emotional intelligence<\/a> about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acknowledge How Little Control You Have Over Your Mind<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

The first step toward self-understanding is acknowledging that you\u2019re not fully in control of your behaviors and that much of your personality and beliefs are shaped by outside forces from the past<\/strong>, as previously discussed. When you accept this fact, you don\u2019t have to blame yourself for all your undesirable behaviors. You can also respond to challenges or conflicts with more equanimity and less self-righteousness: You see that you may be having a bad reaction due to a childhood experience and can accept that you might be in the wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

See Others as Equally Hurt and Damaged<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

A big reason we don\u2019t like to introspect is that we\u2019re afraid we\u2019ll find abnormally bad thoughts and beliefs in our psyches. However, the authors contend that most of what we think and feel isn\u2019t unique to us<\/strong>. Therefore, one method of gaining emotional intelligence is to simply understand that everyone is just as hurt, strange, and confused as we are. This will let us explore and acknowledge our own strangeness without shame and therefore cope with it better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotional Intelligence About Others<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Now that you know more about how to understand yourself<\/a>, let\u2019s turn to how you can be more emotionally intelligent in your interactions with others. The School of Life<\/em> provides several ways of doing this, and in this overview, we’ll describe three of the book’s methods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communicate With Politeness and Diplomacy<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Communicate with politeness and diplomacy to improve the quality of your interactions<\/strong>. For the authors, politeness consists of these behaviors:<\/p>\n\n\n\n