{"id":935,"date":"2025-12-05T13:16:37","date_gmt":"2025-12-05T17:16:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=935"},"modified":"2025-12-12T14:33:42","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T18:33:42","slug":"what-happens-when-you-fall-in-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-happens-when-you-fall-in-love\/","title":{"rendered":"What Happens When You Fall in Love? (+ How Love Evolves)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ever wonder why that intoxicating rush of new love eventually mellows into something quieter? The euphoria of falling in love typically lasts up to two years before reality intrudes with responsibilities, habits, and competing needs. Understanding how love changes over time helps you navigate the transition from romance to lasting partnership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This article explores the joys and inevitable evolution of new relationships, drawing on insights from relationship expert Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages<\/a><\/em>. You’ll learn why the initial spark fades, what happens in your brain during different stages of love, and how to maintain connection when the honeymoon period ends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Originally Published: September 9, 2019<\/em>
Last Updated: December 5, 2025<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Joys of a New Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What happens when you’re falling in love? According to Chapman, when you\u2019re falling in love, the feeling is all-consuming. You feel like you\u2019ve become one with another person, you obsess over the object of your affection, and you think about them constantly. You want to stay in that warm and exciting space with them, and you go out of your way to do things for them and support them. You do this so they know you\u2019re falling for them and want them to be in your life. You feel like you\u2019ve found the perfect person and that your infatuation will last forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, the euphoria of first falling in love will decline in all relationships, even the best ones. When that initial burst of love begins to fade, you and your partner change back into the people you were before the relationship. The loss of that \u201clove high\u201d may leave some people feeling like they\u2019ve failed or that the relationship isn\u2019t meant to be. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Chapman explains that maintaining a loving relationship is vastly different from falling in love<\/strong>. Now, you must find a way to be you<\/em> within the long-term relationship. Your focus tends to turn from your partner\u2019s happiness to your own, and your measure for it stems from your expectations of what a loving relationship should look like. This reality can leave you and your partner feeling unloved when those expectations aren\u2019t met. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Love Affects the Brain<\/strong>

Research suggests that feelings of love are driven by physiological changes in the brain<\/a>. Experts identify three stages of romantic love<\/a>: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust and attraction combined characterize what Chapman describes as \u201cfalling in love,\u201d while attachment corresponds to the long-term, loving relationship that comes afterward.

Lust, or sexual desire<\/strong>, takes place largely in the amygdala and is driven by the hormones testosterone and estrogen. It motivates us to seek out sexual partners so we can reproduce.

Attraction <\/strong>relies on the brain\u2019s reward pathways and is driven by hormones like dopamine, as well as stress hormones like noradrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol. Additionally, levels of serotonin (associated with mood regulation and social behaviors) decline during the attraction stage. 

This cocktail of reward and stress chemicals, plus the reduction in serotonin, is responsible for both the euphoria and the obsessive feelings of love that Chapman describes: Your relationship with the other person makes you feel great, but you also experience stress when they\u2019re absent or at the thought of losing them. This reduces the functioning of the prefrontal cortex<\/a> (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making<\/a>) and can lead to irrational behavior. 

Finally, we move into the attachment <\/strong>stage, where the brain releases chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin that promote deep, loving bonds. This is when the euphoria fades and is replaced by contentment and a desire for commitment. Chapman\u2019s ideas provide guidance for smoothly transitioning into and maintaining this attachment phase after the lust and attraction have faded.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

When Love Becomes Real<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The euphoria that happens when you fall in love will fade. The feeling of being in love usually only lasts up to two years.<\/strong> Outside of the falling-in-love<\/em> bubble lives responsibilities and basic human behaviors. If we can understand why love changes when the first blush of bliss fades, we can maintain a loving relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The intrusion of base realities can quickly drain our energy and admiration for a loved one. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n