{"id":92837,"date":"2023-02-27T18:54:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-27T22:54:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=92837"},"modified":"2026-01-21T14:07:54","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T18:07:54","slug":"boundary-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing With Boundary Issues: Tips From a Therapist"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do people often overstep your personal boundaries? How do you effectively establish and appropriately communicate your boundaries?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Setting boundaries can be tricky, but it&#8217;s essential for respectful and harmonious relationships. It can be especially challenging to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/when-to-say-no\/\">set boundaries<\/a> with loved ones and at work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab provides strategies for dealing with common boundary issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-setting-boundaries-with-loved-ones\"><strong>Setting Boundaries With Loved Ones<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Tawwab, it\u2019s normal to experience boundary issues with your loved ones. Because your loved ones have probably known you for quite a while, they\u2019ve likely become attached to routine ways of interacting with you. When you try to change these longstanding routines, loved ones often struggle to adjust, as they may fear that your new boundaries will create distance in the relationship. As a result of this uneasiness, it may take them some time to adjust to your new boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To help give your loved ones the time they need to adjust their expectations, <strong>begin <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/personal\/how-to-communicate-boundaries\/\">communicating your boundaries<\/a> as far in advance as possible <\/strong>rather than waiting until a boundary violation happens, especially if you know an important occasion is coming up.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In particular, this can be helpful when <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/personal\/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries\/\">setting boundaries<\/a> around holiday travel. If you decide not to attend a family gathering, let everyone know as soon as you can. By communicating this information early on, you give your family time and space to come to terms with things. On the other hand, the longer you wait to express your boundaries, the more time your family will have to get excited to see you, which will deepen their disappointment if you cancel at the last minute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-set-boundaries-around-supporting-friends\"><strong>Set Boundaries Around Supporting Friends<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Tawwab, a common pattern in friendships is that one person ends up providing more emotional support than they\u2019re comfortable with. Naturally, people complain to their friends about relationships, family, and work, but sometimes, friends can get carried away and unload too many emotions on one another.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It\u2019s especially important to set boundaries when a friend is struggling with something that\u2019s particularly upsetting for you to engage with. When you\u2019re personally affected by the discussion of a specific subject, it can be difficult to provide support without exhausting yourself or becoming upset. For instance, if you\u2019re the child of an alcoholic, it may be distressing for you to revisit those memories when offering support to a friend struggling with alcohol abuse.&nbsp; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/nonviolent-communication\/chapters-7-8#when-empathy-hurts\">In these situations, it\u2019s best to acknowledge that you\u2019re not able to offer the support that your friend needs<\/a>. That way, they\u2019ll be able to look elsewhere for the support they need, and you\u2019ll be able to continue the friendship without draining yourself.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If a friend is asking for more support than you can give, it\u2019s best for the relationship if you speak up immediately. While setting boundaries with friends can lead to feelings of guilt, in the long run, the relationship will be better off for it. By speaking up and setting boundaries, you enable the other person to be a better friend to you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you experience guilt after setting boundaries with friends, it\u2019s important to remember that you\u2019ve not only done what\u2019s best for the relationship, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/you-might-feel-bad-after-standing-up-for-yourself-but-youve-done-a-good-thing\/\">you\u2019ve also done what\u2019s best for you<\/a>. By setting boundaries, you avoid pouring out too much energy supporting friends. And, when you have more energy, you\u2019ll be able to function better, both for yourself and in your relationships.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Setting Boundaries at Work<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Tawwab argues that <strong>it\u2019s especially important to explicitly state your boundaries in the workplace<\/strong> because your coworkers may not always know you intimately\u2014coworkers whom you aren\u2019t close to won\u2019t know how you\u2019d like to be treated until you tell them. Just like with loved ones, it\u2019s best to communicate explicitly with your coworkers regardless of how close your relationships with them are. Give your coworkers the chance to respect you by communicating your boundaries in the office the same as you would in other relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Some authors believe that setting boundaries in the workplace can help you avoid burnout. These authors argue that <a href=\"https:\/\/time.com\/6212149\/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work-quiet-quitting\/\">the best way to improve your job satisfaction is to set boundaries and advocate for yourself in your workplace<\/a>. At many companies, boundary-setting is appreciated, as managers appreciate hearing feedback that helps them manage more effectively.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not every workplace conflict can be solved by boundary-setting. If your workplace includes toxic behaviors such as sexual harassment or wage theft, and those behaviors continue even after you communicate your boundaries, you may need to take other actions. Specifically, Tawwab advises that you document misbehavior, reach out to human resources and management (if they\u2019re sympathetic), and consider finding a new job if necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you\u2019re faced with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/toxic-behavior-in-the-workplace\/\">toxic behavior at work<\/a> that can\u2019t be solved by setting boundaries, there are other actions you can take to defend yourself. Specifically, if you believe you\u2019re being discriminated against at work, you can file a claim with a government agency such as the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eeoc.gov\/\">(EEOC)<\/a>. Agencies such as the EEOC exist to ensure that workers are treated fairly and can help you access workplace protections and legal recourse if necessary.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do people often overstep your personal boundaries? How do you effectively establish and appropriately communicate your boundaries? Setting boundaries can be tricky, but it&#8217;s essential for respectful and harmonious relationships. It can be especially challenging to set boundaries with loved ones and at work. Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab provides strategies for dealing with common boundary issues.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":88187,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,30],"tags":[912],"class_list":["post-92837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-work","tag-set-boundaries-find-peace","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Dealing With Boundary Issues: Tips From a Therapist - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do people often overstep your personal boundaries? Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab provides strategies for dealing with common boundary issues.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dealing With Boundary Issues: Tips From a Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do people often overstep your personal boundaries? Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab provides strategies for dealing with common boundary issues.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-02-27T22:54:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-01-21T18:07:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/women-fighting-arguing-pointing-finger-blaming.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"630\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Dealing With Boundary Issues: Tips From a Therapist\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-02-27T22:54:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-01-21T18:07:54+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/\"},\"wordCount\":896,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/women-fighting-arguing-pointing-finger-blaming.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Set Boundaries Find Peace\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\",\"Work\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/\",\"name\":\"Dealing With Boundary Issues: Tips From a Therapist - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/boundary-issues\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/women-fighting-arguing-pointing-finger-blaming.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-02-27T22:54:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-01-21T18:07:54+00:00\",\"description\":\"Do people often overstep your personal boundaries? 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