{"id":92797,"date":"2023-02-24T14:17:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-24T18:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=92797"},"modified":"2023-02-27T12:29:42","modified_gmt":"2023-02-27T16:29:42","slug":"empathic-listening-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/empathic-listening-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"Empathic Listening Skills: The 3 Keys to Better Listening"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/empathic-listening-covey-7-habits\/\">empathic listening<\/a> skills? How can you listen with empathy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Empathy requires you to give the other person your undivided attention. In <em>4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication<\/em>, Bento C. Leal recommends three practices to develop your empathic listening skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn how to engage in conversations by listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-listen-with-empathy\"><strong>Listen With Empathy<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Empathic listening skills have<strong> <\/strong>three components: giving the other person your undivided attention, gaining an <em>accurate<\/em> understanding of their perspective, and making them feel heard and understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Leal explains that if you\u2019re unable to listen to another person with empathy, it\u2019s impossible to gain an accurate and complete understanding of their perspective. <strong>This prevents you from being able to respond to them appropriately (a key element of Ability #3)<\/strong> and reach a satisfactory end to the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we fail to listen to another person empathetically, we\u2019re likely to engage in communication practices that damage our relationship, such as:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Interrupting the other person or finishing their sentences because we think we know what they\u2019re going to say<\/li><li>Providing unsolicited advice when the other person actually needs support<\/li><li>Responding in a way that diminishes the other person\u2019s feelings or experiences<\/li><li>Responding to a minor point rather than the main idea and going off-topic<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Perspectives on Empathic Listening<\/strong><br><br>The concept of empathic listening was largely popularized by Stephen Covey\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-7-habits-of-highly-effective-people\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>in which, like Leal, Covey argues that empathic listening is the highest and most effective form of listening. Covey also agrees that the purpose of empathic listening is to truly understand people and make them feel \u201cheard\u201d before responding to what they have to say.<br><br>However, Covey goes more in-depth in his discussion of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/effective-listening\/\">effective listening<\/a> than Leal. He elaborates that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.berkeleywellbeing.com\/empathic-listening.html#:~:text=What%20Does%20Stephen%20Covey%20Say%20About%20Empathic%20Listening%3F\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">there are four phases of listening that come <em>before<\/em> empathic listening<\/a><em>. <\/em>The negative outcomes of poor listening that Leal discusses seem to align with certain listening \u201cphases\u201d that Covey discusses:<br><br><strong>1) Ignoring the other person: <\/strong>simply thinking about other things and tuning the other person out. This could result in you interrupting the other person or providing unsolicited advice because you mistakenly <em>think<\/em> you know what\u2019s going on.<br><br><strong>2) Pretending to listen: <\/strong>nodding along as if you\u2019re listening, but your mind\u2019s elsewhere. This stage of listening could arguably lead to you diminishing the other person\u2019s feelings. If you\u2019re only pretending to listen to someone who\u2019s expressing sensitive emotions, you\u2019re unlikely to respond with the support that they need from you.<br><br><strong>3) Selectively listening: <\/strong>listening to bits and pieces that catch your attention but not the big picture. This stage of listening could arguably lead to directing the conversation off topic or providing unsolicited advice. If you\u2019re only listening to the pieces of information you find interesting, you\u2019re unlikely to grasp the context of the discussion and respond appropriately.<br><br><strong>4) Attentively listening: <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a> to what the other person is saying, but simply repeating their words back to them without processing and reflecting on them. This could lead you to either respond in a way that diminishes the other person\u2019s experience or direct the conversation off topic by focusing on a minor point rather than the big picture.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Leal recommends three main practices to avoid the negative outcomes of poor listening and instead listen to others with empathy:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Practice #1: Clear Your Mind of Thoughts<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Leal explains that the biggest issue that prevents us from giving our undivided <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/focusing-on-others\/\">attention to others<\/a> is getting distracted by our own thoughts. As a result, <strong>the first practice in listening with empathy is to clear your mind of everything except for what the other person is saying<\/strong>. This means ignoring thought impulses like what you\u2019re going to do after work, whether the other person is right or wrong, or how you\u2019re going to respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: While Leal recommends practicing empathic listening by clearing your mind of thoughts and focusing solely on the other person, <a href=\"https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/blog\/how-adults-with-adhd-can-become-better-listeners#2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">this advice may be difficult for people with disorders like ADHD to apply<\/a>. These individuals often experience disruptive thoughts and struggle to stay focused on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/focus-on-one-thing\/\">one thing at a time<\/a>. Experts provide a few additional recommendations for these individuals that will make Leal\u2019s advice easier to follow. For example, if you\u2019re struggling to clear your mind of impulsive thoughts, visualize the details of what the other person\u2019s saying\u2014create a movie in your mind. This will help you stay engaged. You can also take notes if it\u2019s appropriate or practical.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Practice #2: Focus on Their Words and Body Language<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Next, you must pay close attention to the other person\u2019s choice of words, tone of voice, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a> so you can gain the most complete understanding of their perspective. Leal explains that<strong> these signals reveal their true <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and feelings<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, if someone says that they\u2019re \u201cinfatuated\u201d with their new partner, it doesn\u2019t just mean that they \u201clike\u201d them\u2014it means that they\u2019re experiencing a short-term obsession and have probably been thinking about them nonstop. Similarly, if someone says that they\u2019re \u201cinfatuated\u201d with their new partner in a nervous tone of voice while knitting their eyebrows, this indicates that they\u2019re probably concerned about their infatuation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Practice #3: State Your Understanding<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019ve gained a complete and accurate understanding of the other person, express and clarify that understanding by vocalizing it, Leal states. To do this, <strong>rephrase and summarize the other person\u2019s words and feelings and share your interpretation with them<\/strong>. It\u2019s important to mimic their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/unconscious-communication\/\">tone and body language<\/a> while doing this\u2014for example, if they seem upset, use a serious tone while responding. This will ensure that you\u2019re being sensitive to the emotions they\u2019re experiencing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To illustrate this, consider the previous example of your friend expressing concern over their infatuation in a new relationship. With a concerned tone, you can say something like, \u201cIt sounds like you\u2019re feeling a bit concerned about how this intense new relationship is affecting you.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are empathic listening skills? How can you listen with empathy? Empathy requires you to give the other person your undivided attention. In 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication, Bento C. Leal recommends three practices to develop your empathic listening skills. Keep reading to learn how to engage in conversations by listening.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":23330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,20],"tags":[909],"class_list":["post-92797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-ethics","tag-4-essential-keys-to-effective-communication","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Empathic Listening Skills: The 3 Keys to Better Listening - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A core part of any conversation is listening. 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