{"id":92196,"date":"2023-02-11T15:05:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-11T19:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=92196"},"modified":"2023-02-17T15:30:57","modified_gmt":"2023-02-17T19:30:57","slug":"how-to-address-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-address-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Address Conflict: The 2 Ways to Resolve Disputes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you uncomfortable with conflict? How should you address conflict?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Not many people enjoy getting into conflict, but unfortunately, you can&#8217;t always run away from it. Shonda Rhimes&#8217;s book <em>Year of Yes<\/em> gives techniques for addressing conflict so that you can assert your boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn how to address conflict the right way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-get-comfortable-with-conflict\"><strong>Get Comfortable With Conflict<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Before her transformative year, Rhimes would <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-conflict-in-relationships\/\">avoid conflict<\/a> with others. During the year, she learned that conflict wouldn\u2019t bring about the end of the world, that she could assert her boundaries by saying \u201cno,\u201d and that learning how to address conflict could bring her a measure of peace and confidence in herself. Ultimately, these realizations led to more honest and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/authenticity-in-relationships\/\">authentic relationships<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. <strong>Assert Your Boundaries<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Rhimes began to practice asserting her boundaries with people in her life. The more she practiced, the more comfortable she became with saying \u201cno\u201d when needed. She gained more trust in her instincts about what her boundaries were and when to assert them. Before she committed to boundary-setting, Rhimes had felt obligated to say \u201cyes\u201d to every favor asked of her, and the lack of boundaries ran her ragged and took a toll on her finances. But once she adopted the practice of saying \u201cno,\u201d she felt this sense of obligation lessen.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It is widely accepted among mental health professionals that personal and professional boundaries are beneficial for your mental health and enable you to have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/building-healthy-relationships\/\">healthy relationships<\/a> with others. Without them, you can lose track of your needs and preferences and, as a result, you may <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/modern-sex\/202109\/start-setting-boundaries-confidence#:~:text=communicate%20what%20your%20boundaries,Compromising%20your%20boundaries%20is%20one\">feel exhausted and resentful while attending to other people\u2019s needs and preferences over your own.<\/a> With boundaries, you allow the other person to know where your lines are. In doing so, you give them the choice to respect your boundaries or not, which can tell you a lot about them and the relationship you share.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Key Takeaways<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>When you embrace everything that scares you, you don\u2019t necessarily erase all your boundaries, but instead, you learn to<strong> listen to your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negative-inner-voice\/\">inner voice<\/a> and your intuition and say \u201cno\u201d when you need to.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>When you\u2019re clear with your boundaries, you make it clear to others what they should expect, which allows everyone to proceed with confidence.<\/strong> There are many ways to assert your boundaries\u2014Rhimes recommends saying things like, \u201cI\u2019m going to be unable to do that\u201d or \u201cthat is not going to work for me.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: One of the early steps in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/when-to-say-no\/\">establishing boundaries<\/a> with others is to <a href=\"https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/relationships\/the-importance-of-personal-boundaries#What-is-a-boundary,-and-why-are-boundaries-important?\">affirm for yourself that your needs and preferences are just as important as theirs<\/a>. But first, you must get in touch with what your needs and preferences are by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/listening-to-your-inner-voice\/\">listening to your inner voice<\/a>. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-success-principles\"><em>The Success Principles<\/em><\/a>, Jack Canfield discusses three ways your inner voice speaks to you: <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-success-principles\/principle-47#tapping-into-your-intuition\">through your emotions, your thoughts, and feelings in your body<\/a>. To hear your inner voice more clearly, he recommends practicing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eckhart-tolle-meditation-mindfulness\/\">meditation<\/a> and also asking yourself questions as if you were speaking to another person.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. <strong>Embrace Difficult Conversations<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In the process of getting more comfortable with saying \u201cno,\u201d Rhimes realized that she was capable of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/having-difficult-conversations\/\">having difficult conversations<\/a> of all sorts, like confronting people\u2019s passive-aggressive behavior or confessing mistakes she had made. The more willing Rhimes was to have difficult discussions, the more she could see that having conflict with others in her life was ok and even fruitful. She started sticking up for herself more and not letting others treat her poorly. She grew more courageous about being honest with people and spoke her mind aloud more often. Difficult conversations became something to lean into rather than avoid because they often revealed a truth, which set her free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Key Takeaways<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Difficult conversations aren\u2019t always going to end the way you hope they will, but it is worth the risk<\/strong>. When you start embracing conflict and difficult conversations, some people might turn away from you: those who cannot tolerate conflict, accept the truth, or respect your boundaries. Despite this potential loss, you stand to gain much more\u2014genuine authenticity in your relationships and more confidence in your ability to stick up for yourself and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/jordan-peterson-tell-the-truth-rule-8\/\">tell the truth<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: As Rhimes describes, avoiding conflict is not a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-makes-a-good-business-strategy\/\">good strategy<\/a> if you want healthy, authentic relationships. But what happens on the other side of the spectrum\u2014when we continuously spark and perpetuate conflict with others? In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-anatomy-of-peace\"><em>The Anatomy of Peace<\/em><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-anatomy-of-peace-by-the-arbinger-institute\/\">the Arbinger Institute<\/a> explains that if conflict features heavily in your life, it\u2019s important to acknowledge the role that you\u2019re playing in its creation. If you desire more harmonious relationships, you may have to <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-anatomy-of-peace\/part-1#your-mindset-fuels-your-conflicts\">change your mindset and behavior to work <em>with<\/em> people rather than <em>against<\/em> them<\/a>.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you uncomfortable with conflict? How should you address conflict? Not many people enjoy getting into conflict, but unfortunately, you can&#8217;t always run away from it. Shonda Rhimes&#8217;s book Year of Yes gives techniques for addressing conflict so that you can assert your boundaries. Continue reading to learn how to address conflict the right way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":88187,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,30],"tags":[899],"class_list":["post-92196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-work","tag-year-of-yes","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Address Conflict: The 2 Ways to Resolve Disputes - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You can&#039;t go through life avoiding conflict. 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