{"id":91914,"date":"2023-02-07T13:35:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-07T17:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=91914"},"modified":"2023-02-10T15:59:17","modified_gmt":"2023-02-10T19:59:17","slug":"the-advice-trap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-advice-trap\/","title":{"rendered":"The Advice Trap by Michael Stanier: Book Overview"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is <em>The Advice Trap<\/em> about? Why does Michael Bungay Stanier say giving advice isn&#8217;t the best form of leadership?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, coaching expert Michael Bungay Stanier explains that advice-giving can lead to more problems than solutions. He encourages you, instead, to adopt a coaching style of leadership and learn to approach difficult conversations with questions instead of suggestions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on for a brief overview of <em>The Advice Trap<\/em> by Michael Bungay Stanier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-advice-trap-book-overview\"><em>The Advice Trap <\/em>Book Overview<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, leadership coach Michael Bungay Stanier argues that managers should refrain from giving advice when they&#8217;re called on to help solve problems, and instead should <strong>approach problems with a question-driven management style<\/strong>. By adopting this style of leadership\u2014a coaching style\u2014you can improve your performance as well as that of your team and your organization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stanier is one of the foremost experts in coaching and the founder of Box of Crayons, a company dedicated to leadership training and development. Published in 2020, <em>The Advice Trap<\/em> is considered a companion to his previous bestselling book, <em>The Coaching Habit<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Problem With Advice-Giving<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, Stanier defines advice as<em> suggestions of what another person should do<\/em>, and he notes that in the workplace, many situations seem like they can be solved with an advice-driven approach. Such an approach may sound like, &#8220;You should try\u2014&#8221; or &#8220;Have you thought about doing\u2014&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, he argues that <strong>advice-giving can create several problems,<\/strong> including <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/unproductive-at-work\/\">unproductive work<\/a> environments, lack of team confidence, and overburdened managers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Advice-giving can be problematic for two reasons: 1) It can lead to inaccurate solutions and 2) It can generate negative emotions that hinder <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/workplace-productivity\/\">workplace productivity<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>We might <em>think<\/em> we know what the problem is when, in reality, we\u2019re addressing an irrelevant issue.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Bad advice-giving habits can lead to both receivers and givers feeling demoralized.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Stanier says that instead of giving advice, we should ask questions. <\/strong>By learning to think like a coach, we can keep our advice-giving tendencies on a leash and let our curiosity lead the way, which will result in more productive solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Understanding the Advice Habit<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, breaking the advice habit is difficult because advice-giving can feel natural and beneficial in the moment\u2014in many situations, it might feel like the most effective approach, even when it\u2019s not. He presents three common beliefs that drive compulsive advice-giving:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1) Offering advice gives you value:<\/strong> You might feel driven to offer advice because you think that\u2019s why you\u2019re here\u2014it\u2019s your job to have the answers.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: From an evolutionary perspective, researchers say <a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2011\/06\/the-only-thing-that-really-mat#:~:text=Our%20core%20emotional%20need%20is,is%20primal%20and%20survival%2Dbased.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">that the need to feel valued is a central drive that triggers our survival instincts<\/a> and is intertwined with our sense of identity. When our status is threatened, our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-the-fight-or-flight-response\/\">fight-or-flight response<\/a> is triggered, resulting in us channeling our energies into restoring our value through means such as giving advice.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2) Everything will fall apart if you don\u2019t save the day: <\/strong>When people come to you with an issue, your first instinct is to rescue them. You give advice to save others from their situation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to Break the Advice Habit<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, Stanier says the first step in breaking the advice habit is to figure out what awakens it. In other words, in what situations do you find yourself giving advice the most?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Identify Your Triggers<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Different people and different situations can set off your urge to give advice<\/strong>\u2014it varies from person to person. Triggers can often be a certain situation or a person that activates one of the beliefs mentioned above\u2014that we, for example, must save the day or provide value.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Acknowledge Your Bad Behaviors<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The next step is to notice what actions accompany your instinct to give advice. In other words, identify what you do when you start giving advice. For example, you might interrupt others as soon as you come up with an idea, dismiss <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/fear-of-criticism-2\/\">other people&#8217;s opinions<\/a>, or try to control the direction of a conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Be Aware of the Rewards and Costs<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>To combat the temptations of advice-giving, Stanier suggests<strong> identifying the personal short-term rewards you seek and the long-term costs that follow<\/strong> to remind yourself of the drawbacks of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-prevent-burnout\/\">giving too much<\/a> advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Envision Your Future Self<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>In the final step, Stanier writes that <strong>you can maintain your motivation for adopting coaching habits by consciously recognizing the positive changes they&#8217;ll bring to your life. <\/strong>Committing to better advice habits will help shape you into a more empathetic, thoughtful, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-humility-is-important-in-leadership\/\">humble leader<\/a>. You\u2019ll learn to be deliberate in what advice you give, empower others to take problem-solving initiative, and support them in making their own choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Think Like a Coach<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that we\u2019ve learned the drawbacks of wielding advice, what habits should we develop instead? In <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, Stanier says the key to <strong>thinking like a coach<\/strong> is to shift our focus away from ourselves and onto others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To be a good coach, you should:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Be supportive&nbsp;<\/li><li>Ask questions<\/li><li>Focus on the main challenge<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Below, we&#8217;ll go into further detail about Stanier explains question-driven coaching. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Importance of Asking Questions<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Stanier identifies being curious as a coach\u2019s defining trait<\/strong>\u2014to pause, take a back seat, and ask questions, as opposed to jumping to give advice. Once you help others lower their defenses, you can have an open and productive discussion led by questions instead of commands. Asking questions helps you remain focused and your team members feel supported.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stanier offers several tips on how to effectively ask questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Just start asking.<\/strong> Don&#8217;t waste time introducing or justifying your question, just ask the question to get the conversation started. However, only ask one at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Experts agree with Stanier\u2019s recommendation of asking a single question at a time, reasoning that <a href=\"http:\/\/jackmalcolm.com\/2011\/07\/do-you-ask-too-many-questions\/#:~:text=Asking%20too%20many%20questions%20can,a%20means%20to%20an%20end.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">asking too many questions at once can make a conversation feel like an interrogation.<\/a> Even if you\u2019re just trying to understand the situation, firing off multiple questions before waiting for an answer can overwhelm the other person, preventing them from giving deep and thoughtful answers.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Ask \u201cWhat\u201d questions.<\/strong> Asking questions like \u201cWhat methods have you used?\u201d sound more open and non-accusatory compared to \u201cwhy\u201d questions that might put people on the defensive like \u201cWhy did you do it like that?\u201d Avoid rhetorical questions like \u201cHave you thought about\u2014,\u201d which are only advice in disguise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Embrace silences.<\/strong> Don\u2019t try to fill every break in the conversation. If you pause and actively listen to their answers, you can understand the situation better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Validate their answers.<\/strong> Help others feel heard and understood with phrases like \u201cThat makes sense,\u201d or \u201cI see how that can feel frustrating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Turning Habits Into Lifestyle<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Advice Trap<\/em>, Stanier encourages you to<strong> make coaching a part of your lifestyle<\/strong>\u2014whether you\u2019re communicating in a face-to-face meeting or chatting informally over text message. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Stanier, a good coach is <strong>generous in both their silence and their words<\/strong>. When you\u2019re not speaking, he suggests you embrace long pauses as opportunities to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-listen-actively\/\">practice active listening<\/a>. When you are speaking, try to express your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and feelings<\/a> more, especially when giving out praise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is The Advice Trap about? Why does Michael Bungay Stanier say giving advice isn&#8217;t the best form of leadership? In The Advice Trap, coaching expert Michael Bungay Stanier explains that advice-giving can lead to more problems than solutions. He encourages you, instead, to adopt a coaching style of leadership and learn to approach difficult conversations with questions instead of suggestions. Read on for a brief overview of The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":11983,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,34,14],"tags":[896],"class_list":["post-91914","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-communication","category-management","tag-the-advice-trap","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Advice Trap by Michael Stanier: Book Overview - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Want an overview of The Advice Trap book? 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