{"id":90032,"date":"2023-01-15T11:28:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-15T15:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=90032"},"modified":"2023-01-27T15:29:24","modified_gmt":"2023-01-27T19:29:24","slug":"how-to-be-a-better-parent-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-a-better-parent-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be a Better Parent: 3 Tips You Should Follow"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you want to be a better parent? Why is self-compassion<\/a> important in parenting?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Showing self-compassion is<\/a> crucial for parents. According to Kristin Neff in her book Self-Compassion<\/em>, practicing self-love<\/a> sets an example for your children who will model your behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn how to be a better parent<\/a> through self-compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Practice Self-Compassion to Be a Better Parent<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Neff says that when parents demonstrate self-compassion, not only do they improve their interactions with their children, they also teach<\/em> their children to be self-compassionate by modeling the behavior. She argues that parents should teach their children self-compassion to help them navigate unavoidable parts of life, including pain, imperfection, and failure. Neff offers three tips for how to be a better parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tip 1: Be Kind to Yourself <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Neff says that being gentle with yourself when you make mistakes in front of your child teaches them that parents are also humans who make mistakes, and that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow from. When you have a parenting failure\u2014for example, screaming at your child for doing something infuriating\u2014you can demonstrate kindness toward yourself by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Taking a moment to acknowledge and be gentle with yourself about why you experienced the failure (your child threw her Cheerios with milk on the floor, leaving you with a mess to clean up).<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
    1. Apologizing to your child for your outburst (\u201cHoney, I\u2019m sorry I yelled at you. I was upset that you threw your cereal on the floor, but I could have told you that it\u2019s not okay to make a mess that someone else has to clean up without yelling at you. I love you\u201d). <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      (Shortform note: Parenting experts say you can model kindness for your children not just by being gentle with yourself in the face of your errors, but by extending kindness towards others<\/a>. For example, you could pay for the person in line behind you at the coffee shop, smile and hold the door as you exit and enter stores, pick up litter, or bring food to neighbors who are having a hard time.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Tip 2: Don\u2019t Criticize Yourself in Front of Your Child <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Neff says that criticizing yourself in front of your child (\u201cI\u2019m so stupid!\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t believe I gained five pounds\u2014I\u2019m disgusting!\u201d) communicates to them that tearing yourself down in the face of your perceived failings is normal, acceptable behavior. In contrast, being gentle with yourself about your limitations in front of your child will encourage them to be similarly kind towards themselves when they feel insufficient and experience setbacks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      For example, if you realize that your sister\u2019s birthday party is tonight and you forgot to bake the cake, rather than say: \u201cI forgot to make Aunt Linda\u2019s cake, I can\u2019t believe how dumb I am!\u201d try: \u201cShoot! I forgot to make a cake for your aunt\u2019s birthday party tonight. I guess we\u2019ll have to get a cake from the store\u2014maybe you and I can pick out a themed cake that she\u2019ll like!\u201d This communicates to your child that to err is human\u2014and not fatal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      (Shortform note: Experts say that not only shouldn\u2019t you criticize yourself in front of your children, you also avoid talking negatively and disrespectfully about your partner and others<\/a>. Calling your partners or others names and speaking abusively to them communicates to your child that this behavior is acceptable. You can help children understand how this behavior is unhelpful by a) refraining from doing it and b) talking with them about how talking negatively to someone makes them feel.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Tip 3: Don\u2019t Criticize or Shame Your Child When Correcting Them <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Neff says that when parents routinely criticize their children for making mistakes, those children are more likely to be critical of themselves and experience anxiety and depression<\/a> as adults. You can support your child\u2019s sense of self-worth<\/a> and help them understand the importance of self-compassion by offering corrections that make them feel understood rather than attacked, which also makes them more likely to respond positively to your correction. To do this, you should: <\/p>\n\n\n\n