{"id":90002,"date":"2023-01-23T16:19:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-23T20:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=90002"},"modified":"2023-01-27T15:29:42","modified_gmt":"2023-01-27T19:29:42","slug":"the-human-connection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-human-connection\/","title":{"rendered":"The Human Connection: What We All Have in Common"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is the center point of the human connection? What do all humans have in common?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Self-Compassion<\/a><\/em>, Kristin Neff says that engaging in self-compassion means being aware that the pain you feel is the same pain others feel during hard times. Recognizing suffering as a connection point bonds you to all human beings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn what connects human beings on a grounded level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Suffering Is the Universal Human Connection Point<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Our common humanity is the most important point of the human connection because it transcends all other group distinctions and can\u2019t be reduced<\/strong>. In other words, our shared humanity is bigger than race, class, and gender lines; political and religious affiliations; and football, foosball, and hockey teams. She says it\u2019s critical to see your self-worth and sense of belonging<\/a> as rooted in common humanity because it\u2019s the single, all-encompassing category from which you can never be cast out. You can get kicked off the foosball team, but you\u2019ll always be part of humanity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Human behavior experts say the danger of being part of a group is that your desire to belong to it can become your central identity<\/a>. When the group gives you a greater sense of purpose<\/a> than anything else, you may start looking for ways to set yourself apart from people who aren\u2019t in it. In doing this, you lose your ability to see or benefit from gifts and support of people outside the group that could be helpful to you.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neff says that central to connecting with others<\/a> is acknowledging a) your imperfections and b) that these imperfections are one small part of a larger, multifaceted picture of characteristics and circumstances that make you who you are\u2014as opposed to all-defining characteristics that make you bad or unworthy. When you view your flaws as part of a larger whole and things to learn and grow from, you can be less critical of them and acknowledge that you\u2019re doing the best you can with the circumstances at hand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In <\/em>The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown says it takes courage to show your flaws to the world<\/a>. To do so, you have to learn to accept your imperfections rather than see them as something to be ashamed of. The more you can recognize your vulnerabilities as gifts that make you unique, not limitations you need to hide, the more you\u2019ll be able to accept your whole self.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you don\u2019t see this connection and focus on your misery or lack of self-worth, it\u2019s difficult to see anything outside of your experience, which can leave you feeling disconnected<\/a>, isolated, and alone. This problem is particularly pronounced for individuals consumed with self-loathing or unhappiness\u2014for example, people who feel deep shame or inadequacy, and perfectionists. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Some people have another take on Neff\u2019s view that suffering is a means of connecting to people, arguing that God intentionally brings you suffering for the explicit purpose of helping others<\/a>. Under this view, when you\u2019re in pain, you\u2019re more able to connect with and provide encouragement to others who are also in pain because God has provided comfort to you in your time of suffering. When you have the strength to allow others to see your weakness, you show them the grace and strength God has shown you in your suffering\u2014and that he extends that grace and strength to them, as well.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neff points out two things that worsen the problem of focusing too much on our individual troubles and not enough on our common humanity: <\/p>\n\n\n\n