{"id":89993,"date":"2023-01-25T16:08:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-25T20:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=89993"},"modified":"2023-01-27T15:29:46","modified_gmt":"2023-01-27T19:29:46","slug":"definition-of-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/definition-of-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"The Definition of Self-Compassion: 3 Elements of Self-Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is the definition of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-compassionate-to-yourself\/\">self-compassion<\/a>? Why is self-compassion so important?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>Self-Compassion<\/em>, Kristin Neff says that many people are too hard on themselves and need to boost their self-worth. She explains that people need to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/practicing-self-compassion\/\">practice self-compassion<\/a> to do so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let&#8217;s look at Neff&#8217;s definition of self-compassion so you can appreciate yourself more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Is Self-Compassion?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Neff says that the definition of self-compassion is a mindset and practice in which you show yourself the same care for your own failures and pain that you\u2019d <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-show-someone-you-care\/\">show someone you care<\/a> about deeply. Self-compassion centers on three practices:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-go-easy-on-yourself\/\">Be kind to yourself<\/a> when you\u2019re suffering\u2014not critical and judgemental of yourself.<\/li><li>Recognize that suffering is a universal human experience that connects you to others.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Mindfully acknowledge your suffering as-is. In other words, don\u2019t exaggerate or diminish your pain.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-happiness\"><em>The Art of Happiness<\/em><\/a>, the Dalai Lama offers a more in-depth understanding of the role of suffering in life, arguing that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-happiness\/part-4-1#to-free-yourself-from-suffering-accept-your-suffering\">accepting suffering is the first crucial step toward eliminating it<\/a>. You must confront the hard truth that life<em> is<\/em> suffering to free yourself from its root causes of ignorance, craving, and hatred. And when you accept that there\u2019s no escape from suffering, you won\u2019t add to your pain by holding onto the delusion that you shouldn\u2019t experience it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Neff says that when you change how you relate to your suffering by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/compassion-for-yourself\/\">practicing self-compassion<\/a>, you create a calm, safe space to reflect on it honestly and in the broader context of others\u2019 challenging experiences. This allows you to:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Address your challenges more thoughtfully than if you had simply reacted to them from a place of heightened emotion.<\/li><li>Open up to and connect with others\u2019 experiences of suffering, which tunes you into your connection to others and the broader human experience.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Look for and appreciate positive things about yourself and the world around you.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-gifts-of-imperfection-archive-v1\"><em>The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown argues that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-gifts-of-imperfection-archive-v1\/chapter-4\">one reason people struggle to confront their imperfections is that they want to control how others perceive them<\/a>. She asserts that perfectionists try to hide their flaws by projecting an image that everything\u2019s perfect. But this is a dangerous road because failure is an inevitable part of life. When you experience it, you may find ways to hide it from others, but you can never hide it from yourself. The result is that you\u2019ll shame and judge yourself for not living up to your impossible standards, bringing yourself greater misery.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-self-compassion-and-self-appreciation\"><strong>Self-Compassion and Self-Appreciation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Neff says that a complement to showing compassion in the face of your failings and suffering is showing appreciation for the good in your life. As is true with recognizing and tending to your pain, when you acknowledge and embrace your positive qualities and joy you tap into a universal connection between you and other people. In contrast, when you downplay or dismiss your goodness, you create a divide that shuts you off from humanity.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Neff says you can show appreciation for yourself by setting an intention to notice your positive qualities. If feelings of discomfort or embarrassment arise as you do this, remind yourself that everyone has positive qualities and celebrating them offers you a point of connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Showing yourself appreciation doesn\u2019t <a href=\"https:\/\/willowandsage.com\/25-ways-to-show-yourself-gratitude\/\">have to be an outward display centering on engaging others<\/a>\u2014there are many ways to appreciate yourself all by yourself. For example, give yourself a hug! Do something kind for yourself like buy a book you\u2019ve wanted to read or sing along to your favorite album. You can also <a href=\"https:\/\/medium.com\/@kristinvantilburg\/7-important-ways-you-can-develop-a-self-appreciation-mindset-221c6412a4d8\">remind yourself of all the things you\u2019ve accomplished<\/a> by keeping a list of big and small things you\u2019re proud of, for example, of nice things you do to help others, an award you won for bowling, or recognition you got at work for a great report.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Neff says that people often have difficulty showing appreciation for the parts of their lives that are good due to fears. For one, they may fear that if they talk about good things in their life, something bad will inevitably happen and bring everything crashing down. Or they might worry that if they acknowledge their goodness and successes to others, people will get jealous and not want to be around them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Neff doesn\u2019t explicitly say how to address these fears, but experts offer several steps to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/anxiety\/fear-of-success#strategies\">address fears hampering your success<\/a>. Figure out your fear\u2019s origins, make a list of ways it\u2019s sabotaging you, visualize the possible positives and negatives that may come when you succeed, and determine how you\u2019ll deal with those things.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is the definition of self-compassion? Why is self-compassion so important? In Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff says that many people are too hard on themselves and need to boost their self-worth. She explains that people need to practice self-compassion to do so. Let&#8217;s look at Neff&#8217;s definition of self-compassion so you can appreciate yourself more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":89866,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[877],"class_list":["post-89993","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-self-compassion","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Definition of Self-Compassion: 3 Elements of Self-Love - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Many people today don&#039;t have enough compassion for themselves. 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