{"id":89990,"date":"2023-01-26T15:50:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-26T19:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=89990"},"modified":"2023-01-27T15:29:48","modified_gmt":"2023-01-27T19:29:48","slug":"self-compassion-book","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-compassion-book\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Compassion: Book Overview (Kristin Neff)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is the book Self-Compassion<\/a><\/em> about? What are the main takeaways of the book?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Self-Compassion<\/em>, Kristin Neff examines the benefits of self-compassion<\/a> and the obstacles you have to overcome to embrace it. She also explains how self-compassion can improve your relationship<\/a> with others, making you a better partner and parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read below for a brief overview of the Self-Compassion<\/em> book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Self-Compassion<\/em><\/strong> by Kristin Neff<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In her book Self-Compassion<\/em><\/a>, Kristin Neff argues that when you respond to your failings and pain with kindness and comfort, you can manage the most challenging situations life throws at you. This entails understanding that you\u2014like all people\u2014make mistakes and suffer, are intrinsically worthy of care and comfort, and are connected to others through your suffering. These practices allow you to see beyond your immediate misery or crisis and recognize that others suffer, just as you do, and they make you less likely to feel isolated and get stuck in a negative space. (Neff doesn\u2019t explicitly define \u201csuffering,\u201d but uses the word to describe emotional pain<\/a> associated with being imperfect, making mistakes, failing, and criticizing and judging yourself for those things.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Psychotherapists both agree with and dissent slightly from Neff\u2019s argument, saying that wallowing in your self-pity can be a positive thing<\/a>, making you feel more comfortable around others who do the same. You can productively wallow in your despair by allowing your feeling of misery to exist without judging it. It also helps to not worry about getting stuck in it, since emotional pain usually only lasts several minutes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Neff is an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and a pioneer in self-compassion research, whose tenets are rooted in  Buddhist psychology. She\u2019s the co-founder of the nonprofit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, co-developer of the Mindful Self-Compassion training and workbook, and author of Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive<\/em><\/a>. Self-Compassion <\/em>was her first book, published in 2015.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Is Self-Compassion?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Neff says that self-compassion is<\/a> a mindset and practice in which you show yourself the same care for your own failures and pain that you\u2019d show someone you care<\/a> about deeply. Self-compassion centers on three practices:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Be kind to yourself<\/a> when you\u2019re suffering\u2014not critical and judgemental of yourself.<\/li>
  2. Recognize that suffering is a universal human experience that connects you to others. <\/li>
  3. Mindfully acknowledge your suffering as-is. In other words, don\u2019t exaggerate or diminish your pain. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Neff says that when you change how you relate to your suffering by practicing self-compassion<\/a>, you create a calm, safe space to reflect on it honestly and in the broader context of others\u2019 challenging experiences. This allows you to: <\/p>\n\n\n\n