{"id":89089,"date":"2023-01-21T10:53:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-21T14:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=89089"},"modified":"2023-01-27T11:16:19","modified_gmt":"2023-01-27T15:16:19","slug":"inner-dialogue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/inner-dialogue\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Cope With Negative Inner Dialogue"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Is your inner dialogue too loud and negative? Do you often judge and scold yourself for not living up to some made-up standards? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all have moments when our inner dialogue spirals into a negative tirade, judging, blaming, and putting us down. One way you can counter self-accusations is to distance yourself by using second-person pronouns. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s how to cope with negative inner dialogue by using the pronoun-replacing strategy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Avoid Using the \u201cI\u201d Pronoun in Your Self-Talk<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One way to adopt a new perspective is to shift the pronouns your internal voice uses. Kross claims that the pronouns you use in your inner dialogue affect the power of your inner critic. <\/strong>People who address themselves using the first-person pronoun \u201cI\u201d experience more negative emotions than people who address themselves using different pronouns. Pronouns other than \u201cI,\u201d such as \u201che,\u201d \u201cshe,\u201d \u201cthey,\u201d and \u201cyou,\u201d give you distance from your current situation, preventing you from losing yourself in negative emotions that fuel your negative self-talk<\/a>. When you use these other pronouns, your brain\u2019s threat response is less activated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Kross\u2019s suggestion that you shift the pronouns in your self-talk suggests that you have some degree of control over what your internal voice says and how it says it. However, as previously noted, some experts claim that we can\u2019t control which thoughts arise in our minds<\/a>. This suggests that you can\u2019t prevent your internal voice from using the negative \u201cI\u201d  pronoun when the voice first arises. Therefore, think of Kross\u2019s pronoun-replacing strategy as one you employ after<\/em> your inner critic says something negative using the \u201cI\u201d pronoun.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Combining Kross\u2019s Pronoun-Replacing Strategy With His Other Strategies<\/strong>

Although Kross doesn\u2019t say so in his book, it may work well to combine his pronoun-replacing strategy with his other perspective-adopting strategies. Since each strategy targets your inner in a slightly different way, combining them may increase your ability to quiet your inner critic<\/a>. To try this, avoid using first-person pronouns when using Kross\u2019s first three perspective-adopting strategies. We\u2019ll illustrate how to do so using this scenario: You did poorly on your job\u2019s first performance review.

– Use second-person pronouns to think of your problem as a project. <\/strong>Tell yourself, \u201cYou have a number of areas of growth, and making progress on these will both strengthen your skills and<\/em> impress your superiors.\u201d

– Use third-person pronouns to compare your present to the past. <\/strong>Tell yourself, \u201cIn her previous job, she also had a rocky start. She improved her skills in that job, so she can improve her skills in this one, too.\u201d

– Use second-person pronouns to imagine how you\u2019ll feel in the future. <\/strong>Tell yourself, \u201cThe embarrassment of receiving a negative review will eventually pass, and then you\u2019ll be able to focus on making improvements based on your boss\u2019s advice.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is your inner dialogue too loud and negative? Do you often judge and scold yourself for not living up to some made-up standards? We all have moments when our inner dialogue spirals into a negative tirade, judging, blaming, and putting us down. One way you can counter self-accusations is to distance yourself by using second-person pronouns. Here’s how to cope with negative inner dialogue by using the pronoun-replacing strategy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":59953,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[852],"class_list":["post-89089","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","tag-chatter","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Cope With Negative Inner Dialogue - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all have moments when our inner dialogue spirals into a negative tirade. 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