How can you raise kids to be self-confident, independent, and well-adjusted? What life skills and attitudes should every parent instill in their child? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There isn\u2019t just one right way to parent a child. Every family has different goals and situations, so what\u2019s best for one family isn\u2019t always best for another. However, there are some things every child should learn to grow up into a successful and well-adjusted adult. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
With this in mind, here are a few pieces of parenting advice for raising successful and well-adjusted children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Most parents have similar long-term goals for their children: They want them to be happy, independent, confident, and creative. But it\u2019s easy to forget about these goals in the short term and shift your focus to whether or not the child is being \u201cgood\u201d (doing what you want them to do) or \u201cbad\u201d (doing something else) at any given moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Moreover, mainstream parenting advice focuses almost exclusively on discipline: how to use rewards to encourage good behavior and punishments to discourage bad behavior. Even seemingly the best progressive parenting advice (for example, doling out attention, affection, and praise when you catch your child behaving well<\/a> or putting a misbehaving child in a time-out<\/a>) still buys into an overall parenting framework built around rewards and punishments. <\/strong>This framework is outdated, and it may even be damaging your children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to raise a successful child, discipline isn\u2019t the only thing you must inculcate. You need to teach your child skills that will help them succeed in life and form healthy relationships<\/a> with others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Parents and teachers typically try to build children\u2019s self-confidence by praising their abilities, but this can be harmful. Praising their ability sends the message that adults value ability and can determine a child\u2019s ability from his or her performance. This is a fixed mindset<\/a><\/em>. Here\u2019s how it plays out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Researchers gave early adolescent students ten problems to solve, then praised their performance in two different ways: some students were praised for their ability (\u201cYou must be smart at this\u201d), while another group was praised for their effort (\u201cIt looks like you worked really hard\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Praising students for their abilities pushed them into a fixed mindset. When offered another difficult task that they could learn from, they rejected it, not wanting to show any cracks in their talent by failing. However, the students who were praised for their effort (a growth-minded approach) wanted to take on the new challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Researchers then gave all the students new problems, on which they didn\u2019t do well. The children praised for their ability began feeling like failures\u2014they\u2019d been told that their earlier success meant they were smart so now they felt stupid. Their performance steadily declined. In contrast, the students who were praised for their effort tried harder and their performance continued to improve. What\u2019s more, when asked to write a report on the experience, almost 40 percent of the children praised for their ability lied about their performance. Telling children they were smart hurt their performance and turned them into liars. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So, if you want to raise a confident child<\/a>, the most important piece of parenting advice you should take on board is to praise your child for effort: Praise your child for what they\u2019ve achieved through good study strategies, practice, effort, and persistence<\/strong>. Show interest in how<\/em> they succeeded or improved, and by how much, rather than on the result or performance itself. For instance, you might comment, \u201cThat was much better than last time\u2014your practice is really paying off,\u201d or, \u201cIt\u2019s great how you kept trying different tricks to remember all those facts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \r\nTITLE: Mindset Another fundamental life skill every parent should teach their child is how to effectively regulate their emotions. Children with high emotional intelligence are better able to cope with difficult emotions<\/a> because they understand that feelings are temporary. They are also more adept at recognizing the complexity of their own and other people\u2019s emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n From an early age, your child needs to understand two lessons about emotions: that emotions come and go, and that they don\u2019t define who they are\u2014feelings are states, not traits. It is also important to introduce the idea that feelings are complex and that it\u2019s possible to feel many things at once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Explain to your child that emotions are like the weather: There\u2019s no doubt that the clouds and the rain are real, but you also know that they won\u2019t last forever. When your child is consumed by difficult emotions, it can be hard for them to imagine ever feeling better. If they can\u2019t visualize it in the future, remind them of a recent time\u2014maybe earlier that day\u2014when they were happy or felt differently about the very thing that has upset them now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Use everyday opportunities to illustrate how different feelings can coexist. If they are upset that their friend canceled a playdate for this weekend, acknowledge that they are feeling disappointed<\/a>, and help them to recognize that another part of her probably feels excited about their plans to reschedule the following weekend, and still another part of them is probably thinking about what they are going to play during recess today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Try using the acronym SIFT to help your child integrate different emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1)<\/strong> Sensations <\/strong>include hunger and tiredness as well as the many ways that emotions affect the body. For example, your child can learn that butterflies in her stomach mean that she\u2019s nervous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2) Images<\/strong> include images from memories and from your child\u2019s imagination and dreams, all of which can affect how she\u2019s interpreting and reacting to the present. For example, if your child remembers the image of her being picked last for teams during recess, she\u2019s inclined to feel left out among her peers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3) Feelings <\/strong>and emotions can be symptomatic of an experience, but they can also influence your experience. For example, if you hit traffic on the way to your picnic and it puts you in a sour mood, you\u2019re more likely to get annoyed at the noise from the children playing nearby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4) Thoughts<\/strong> include the things you think about, your self-talk, and how you narrate your experiences. When your child becomes more aware of her thoughts, she doesn\u2019t have to remain a victim of them\u2014instead, she can direct them in a positive direction and reject negativity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \nTITLE: The Whole-Brain Child In addition to confidence and emotional regulation, children need training and feedback to understand how to navigate human society. According to clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson, if you don\u2019t teach your child how to harmoniously coexist in the wider human society, you\u2019re, in effect, outsourcing the training to society. \u201cHere\u2019s my kid\u2014society, please teach him the right rules.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The problem is that society doesn\u2019t care about your child nearly as much as you do.<\/strong> If you<\/em> dislike your own child at times, imagine how other people will react. Other people will swiftly judge and punish your child mercilessly, with nowhere near the tolerance and patience that you have for your child. Here are examples of how a poorly socialized child will be rejected by society:<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are your child\u2019s best shot at teaching society\u2019s rules. Society doesn\u2019t have the patience to teach your child\u2014there are many other well-adjusted, functioning people to spend time on. A bad kid will simply be rejected and left behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And this problem can get worse throughout a child\u2019s life. An early poor social experience can set up a vicious cycle of chronic maladjustment<\/strong>\u2014a maladjusted child will act poorly; she will receive negative feedback<\/a> from the world, often without understanding why; she will withdraw and feel rejected, causing anxiety, depression, and resentment. This further receives negative feedback from the world. This can last for a lifetime. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Shielding your child from corrective feedback<\/a> is in effect crippling them in the long run. And early exposure matters\u2014a child not taught to behave properly by age 4 will have lasting social difficulties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jordan Peterson gives the following parenting advice for raising socially adjusted kids:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \r\nTITLE: 12 Rules for Life If you\u2019re a typical parent, you want your children to succeed and live happily and harmoniously with others. To make this happen, you need to teach your child not only how to behave\u2014a mistake many parents make\u2014but also how to regulate their emotions, how to persevere through difficulties, and how to navigate the wider human society. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you enjoyed our article about parenting advice, check out the following suggestions for further reading: <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Unconditional Parenting<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n In Unconditional Parenting,<\/em> author and lecturer Alfie Kohn argues that we should throw away the standard parenting rulebook and replace it with a new approach built on unconditional support, acceptance, and understanding. He explains what kids really need from their parents, why using rewards and punishments doesn\u2019t work (and can even backfire) in the long term, and what you can do to make your kids feel loved and valued for who they are rather than what they do.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTeaching Confidence<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\r\nAUTHOR: Carol S. Dweck
\r\nTIME: 42
\r\nREADS: 33.1
\r\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/mindset-cover.jpg
\r\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: mindset-the-new-psychology-of-success-summary-carol-dweck
\r\nAMZN_ID: B000FCKPHG
\r\n<\/p>\n\n\n\nTeaching Emotional Regulation <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Lesson 1: Feelings Are Temporary<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Lesson 2: Emotions Are Complex<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\nAUTHOR: Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
\nTIME: 35
\nREADS: 83.9
\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/the-whole-brain-child-cover.png
\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: the-whole-brain-child-summary-daniel-j-siegel-and-tina-payne-bryson
\nAMZN_ID: XYZ
\n<\/p>\n\n\n\nTeaching Socialization<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\r\nAUTHOR: Jordan Peterson
\r\nTIME: 31
\r\nREADS: 78
\r\nIMG_URL: https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/12rules_cover.jpg
\r\nBOOK_SUMMARYURL: 12-rules-for-life-summary-jordan-peterson
\r\nAMZN_ID: B01FPGY5T0
\r\n<\/p>\n\n\n\nFinal Words<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n